5.
Looking up at the small brick house in front of him Eli Berry took a deep breath before he started down the path. When he had left the house to pick up some groceries he hadn't planned on coming here, he hadn't planned on doing anything other than shopping but somehow, thirty minutes later this is where he found himself.
Knocking on the door Eli player nervously with his car keys, it took a few minutes but eventually he heard the shuffling of feet before the door swung open, revealing Shelby dressed in a fitted black, pant-suit.
"E … Eli," Shelby stammered, as she found herself face-to-face with Rachel's father for the first time in sixteen years.
"Shelby. Hello," Eli breathed. "I hope you don't mind me just turning up here but I need to speak to you about Rachel, it's important."
Shelby could hear the fear in his voice and she felt herself start to panic. "Is she alright?"
"No," Eli stuttered, shaking his head as he tried to stop the tears from falling.
Opening the door wider, she motioned for him to follow her inside, wordlessly she led him through to the small lounge. "Can I get you something to drink?"
"No thank-you," Eli answered waiting until she sat down opposite him.
"What are you doing here Eli?" Shelby asked, getting straight to the point.
Eli looked down at the floor before he started to speak. "When Richard and I first heard that Rachel had contacted you we were concerned, understandably so but then we saw how excited she was, Rachel was convinced that it was what she wanted so we knew we had to support her. And Rachel is a sensible girl so we knew we could trust her to make her own decisions."
"I-"
"And then when she told us that you didn't want a relationship with her we still left it alone and did the only thing we could; we loved her and supported her through her disappointment," Eli explained.
Shelby bit her bottom lip. "I didn't mean to hurt her."
"I know, but you did. Rachel might make out that she's tough but deep down she's just as insecure as every other sixteen year old, if not more so. You see the thing about Rachel is she dreams high, which Richard and I think is amazing but it also means that she gets her dreams shattered easily," Eli told her with a sad smile.
"When I dreamt about meeting my little-girl I dreamt about her being this baby that would still need me in her life. But she wasn't, she was an adult that didn't need me anymore," Shelby whispered.
Eli looked around the flat, his eyes settling on a picture of Rachel that he could tell had been taken at Regionals.
Shelby followed his gaze until she too found herself staring at the picture. "There was this photographer taking pictures at Regionals, he came to show me the ones of Vocal Adrenaline a few days later but the only one I wanted, the only one that had any place in my home was that one," Shelby admitted.
"You're wrong you know," Eli told her, breaking Shelby free from her daze.
Shelby frowned. "Wrong about what?"
"Rachel not needing you, she needs you now more than ever," Eli informed her, knowing that Rachel needed all of the love and support she could get right now.
"I'm not sure I can be what she needs," Shelby admitted, hating the fact that she had let her daughter down so badly.
Eli played nervously with his car keys before finally speaking again. "She's sick Shelby. Rachel's sick and … she … I know … she needs you, even if she won't admit it."
"Sick?" Shelby repeated, her voice low and questioning as she tried to come to terms with the words every parent dreaded ever hearing. "How sick?"
"It's er-"
Shelby could see the absolute heartache in Eli's eyes and that told her what she needed to know, that this wasn't a simple virus or cold they were talking about. "Eli?"
"It's cancer. A brain tumour … the doctors say that it's aggressive and virtually untreatable but Richard he's not giving up, he wants Rae to be part of a clinical trial in New York," Eli explained, watching as a look of horror flashed across Shelby's face.
"And what does Rachel want?" Shelby asked, reading between the lines of what Eli wasn't saying.
Shifting uncomfortably in the chair Eli looked up at the picture of Rachel before turning his attention back to Shelby, it was amazing how alike they looked. "I don't know. It's like she is using all the strength she had to pretend everything is alright, she's even gone to school today."
"Is that sensible?" Shelby wondered.
"It's what she needs to do, and as her parents we need to support whatever she decides and just be ready to pick up the pieces when the inevitable breakdown comes," Eli answered her.
Shelby nodded. "That's exactly why you and Richard are what she needs, not me. You know her, you know what she needs and what makes her happy. I'm just some woman that carried her for nine months and then sixteen years later came back into her life only to break her heart."
"Do you really believe that?" Eli questioned.
"I-"
"You know every night until Regionals she would go to sleep listening to that tape that you gave her, and for her I think it's like you were there, like she was finally getting the bedtime lullaby she always wanted," Eli whispered.
Standing up Shelby walked over to where the picture of Rachel sat. "I want to be everything she needs, but what if I'm not enough. Rachel she's so … amazing, she's like this little fireball of energy that just enchants everyone even if they don't realise it. She deserves someone who can be what she needs and I don't know if that's me."
"Then figure it out soon, because time isn't really on our side right now," Eli reminded her, his voice sounding angry for the first time since he had turned up on her doorstep.
Shelby nodded. "I do want to be her Mom."
"Then what's stopping you?" Eli asked as he stood up, handing Shelby back his cup he made to leave before turning to face her one last time. "If you decide that you're ready to be there for her then you know where to find us."
And with that he left, leaving Shelby alone with nothing put the picture of Rachel and the ghosts of broken dreams. Looking down at the image of her daughter forever frozen in time she realised that it was time to stop mourning the past and look to the future. The baby she had dreamt about might have been gone but Rachel was still here, and she needed her mother.
"It's time to step up to the plate," Shelby whispered to the emptiness as she gently blew a kiss at the picture of her daughter before heading out of the front door. Hoping that a walk would help her to figure out where to go from here.
GLEE - GLEE - GLEE
Pulling up outside of her house Puck watched as Rachel continued to stare out of the window. She had barely said two words the since he had helped her out of the girl's bathroom and the silence was starting to unsettle him. Because if there was on thing Berry wasn't it was quiet.
"What happened in the bathroom?" Puck asked.
"Nothing," Rachel sighed.
Puck could tell that she was keeping something from him. "Because if Santana said or did anything to upset then I will-"
"She didn't do anything," Rachel insisted.
"We so have Nationals in the bag with that performance," Puck declared, trying to change tact to get Rachel to open up to him.
Rachel looked towards her house where she could see her dad pacing nervously in front of the window. "I should go. My dads are waiting."
"Do you need a lift tomorrow?" Puck asked.
Shrugging her shoulders Rachel climbed down from his truck. "I don't know yet. I'll text you. And Noah … thank-you for today."
"Anytime Berry," Puck smiled, as he berated himself for turning into such a big-girls-blouse around her, but there was something about Rachel Berry that brought out the protective side in him.
Walking through the front door Rachel was immediately greeted by the concerned faces of her fathers.
"How was school?" Eli asked.
"How are you feeling Star?" Richard asked at the same time.
Laughing gently to herself Rachel shook her head as she made her way into her father's study before slumping down on the beanbag that they had brought for her when she was four-years-old and loved nothing more than to sit there and listen to music as they worked.
"I feel good Daddy," she smiled, looking up at her father. "And Abba, school was great, Noah and I totally hit our performance out the park," she smiled proudly.
"Just like we knew you would," Richard said as he and Eli sat down on the large couch opposite her.
Richard looked down at his daughter and for the first time since the shattering diagnosis that had rocked their world he could see a fierce determination in her eyes. Looking towards his husband he smiled tentatively waiting for Rachel to make the first move, the last thing they wanted to do was push her.
"I've come to a decision-"
Moving forward so that he was literally on the edge of his seat Eli held on tightly to his husband's hand. He wanted nothing more than to leap forward and embrace his little-girl and let her know they were there for her no matter what, but he didn't want to overwhelm her.
"I'm ready to go to New York," Rachel announced.
"You mean-"
Rachel nodded. "Bring it."
"You're going to do the clinical trial?" Richard asked.
"Not only am I going to do the clinical trial but I'm going to beat this thing, I don't care what the odds say nothing is going to stand between me and my dreams," Rachel insisted.
Seeing the pure joy on her dad's faces Rachel knew that Santana was right, that even if she knew the out come would be the same, that the cancer would win, she needed to do this, her fathers needed her to do this.
Standing up Richard practically ran for the phone. "I'm going to ring Sloane Kettering now, I already had your scans sent across they were just waiting for conformation."
As she watched her dad spring into action Rachel knew that she was doing the right thing, in the space of a few minutes her father had gone from lost and confused to a man with a mission; it may have been mission impossible but it gave him something to fight towards.
"There's just one condition," Rachel began, stopping her father in his tracks.
"Anything you say Star. We'll do anything you want," Eli vowed, his eyes bright with unshed tears.
Pulling her knees up to her chest Rachel leaned her head on top of them before turning to face her dad. "I need a few days to sort things out, I need to talk to a few people and I need to let everyone know why I won't be at Nationals."
"This isn't goodbye Star," Eli tried to assure her.
"I know," Rachel whispered. "But we don't know what's going to happen so I need to do this, I need to be prepared for whatever could happen. It doesn't mean I'm giving up, because I'm not … it just means I'm prepared."
Holding the phone close to him Richard nodded. "Take as long as you need. New York can wait a few days."
Watching her father head out of the study to make the phone call Rachel pulled herself to her feet before moving over and sitting next to her father. "Is it alright to be scared?"
"It's more than alright, it's perfectly normal," Eli reassured her.
"Good," Rachel nodded. "Because I'm really quite scared about what lies ahead. Just a few weeks ago I thought placing second at Regionals was the worst thing that could happen but now I know there's so much more to lose."
Running his hand through her hair Eli pulled his daughter close to him so that her head was resting on his lap. "I'm going to be by your side every step of the way Baby-Girl."
"I know Abba." Rachel smiled tiredly.
"We love you more than life itself. you're our world Star," Eli cried, resting his hand gently on her head.
Closing her eyes Rachel allowed herself to feel comforted by his touch, just like she always was as a child. "I know Abba. And that's why I know I'm going to be alright, because I have you and daddy and you've taught me that I can do whatever I put my mind too, and I'm going to beat this, just you wait and see."
GLEE - GLEE - GLEE
Playing nervously with the ivory keys of the piano Rachel gently played the familiar chords of Over The Rainbow as she waited for everyone to arrive for Glee practice. Her father's had spoken to Principal Figgins and explained the situation to him, he had agreed that Rachel could come in for Glee club only to speak to her team members and Mr. Schuester, then he had wished her the best and offered to pray for her.
Now four hours later she found herself sat in the familiar choir room that usually brought her so much comfort, not today though, not with the task she knew lie ahead.
Puck and Santana were the first to enter, immediately Puck made his way over to her.
"Hey," he smiled.
Rachel returned the smile, not trusting herself to speak, so instead she just reached out and took hold of his hand.
Puck was about to say something in return when they were interrupted by the rest of the Glee club and Mr. Schuester as everyone loudly bundled into the choir room.
"Rachel," Mr. Schuester frowned. "Is everything alright only I didn't see you in Spanish class this afternoon," he pointed out.
Rachel shook her head. "No. I was … I need to talk to you all, there's something I need to say."
"Okay," Mr. Schuester agreed, sensing the urgency in her voice.
The rest of the Glee club seemed to sense that something was happening between their star singer and coach as they all found an empty seat and sat down, more silent than Rachel could ever remember them being.
Shakily Rachel stood up from her seat and turned to address her team mates. "I … I know I've been acting a little strange lately-"
"Nothing new there," Kurt joked.
"Shut it," Puck growled, letting the other boy know that any more smart comments would not be tolerated.
Rachel ignored Kurt's comment and took a deep breath, trying to find the strength she needed to continue. "And there is a reason behind it. It's also the same reason that I won't be able to sing with you at Nationals."
"What?" Mercedes practically screeched. "Is this just some Diva fit to get us to chose your selection, because we had already decided that we were going to go with it."
"It's not about that," Rachel assured them.
Tina linked her hand with Arties. "Then what is it? Is it because we're not good enough? Because you weren't the only one that was upset by placing second at Regionals, we were all affected by it."
"If I could sing with you at Nationals I would, there is nowhere else I would rather be but-"
Santana could see that Rachel was struggling to find the words she needed to explain her situation to everyone, a part of her was tempted to just say what the brunette couldn't but she also knew that Rachel needed to do this herself.
The room was so silent that Rachel could hear the seconds ticking by. "I can't be with you at Nationals because I won't be able to perform. Next week I leave for New York-"
"You got an early scholarship?" Quinn asked.
"Will everyone just stop interrupting and let her speak," Santana snapped.
Stunned by the young Latino's outburst everyone nodded and turned to face Rachel again. "Sorry," they muttered.
"It's not a scholarship. I have … I have a malignant, highly aggressive brain tumour, it's so aggressive that the survival rate after five years is virtually zero and most people are lucky to get six to twelve months," Rachel babbled, knowing that if she stuck to the facts she might be able to make it through this in one piece.
Mr. Schuester stepped forward and placed his hand on Rachel's shoulder. "Rachel I … I don't know what to say."
"I don't need you to say anything," Rachel smiled sadly.
"I-"
Rachel shook her head. "I'm going to fight this, I know what the doctors are saying but I'm not ready to give up yet. That's why I'm going to New York, I'm going to take part in a clinical trial that is offering the best results yet."
The rest of the Glee club sat there in a stunned silence, for the first time not knowing what to say or do. Finally it was Brittany that broke the silence as she jumped out of her seat and wrapped her arms around the brunette.
"We don't want you to die Rachel," Brittany cried.
"Thanks," Rachel smiled.
Standing up from his chair Puck stepped forward and whispered in her ear. "Are you alright?"
"I'm not feeling so good," Rachel admitted, her head swimming.
"Let's get you home," Puck insisted.
Rachel turned to face the people that despite their differences she still considered them all to be her friends. "I'm really sorry I won't be able to be there. But I know you're going to be amazing."
Standing up Kurt took a step towards his one time nemesis as he held his hand out for her to shake, a silent mutual respect passing between them. "We'll bring that trophy home for you."
"We're all winners anyway," Rachel reassured them. "Be it a new friend, a new respect for our peers, a new love or just discovering the power of music we've all won something this year and that's what matters, that's all that matters," Rachel cried.
Kurt nodded. "And there's always next years Nationals."
"Bring it," Rachel laughed through her tears as she allowed Puck to lead her out of Glee club for what she really hoped would not be the last time, as he led her away from everything she knew and towards an uncertain future.