Sorry for the delay but my muse decided to take a holiday, but here is part 6 and one of the hardest chapters I've ever written. I just couldn't seem to get it right for ages. I will try and have the next chapter of Sweet Child up by the weekend, it's halfway there.
6.
The familiar sound of Madonna's voice filled the room as Rachel opened her suitcase up and started to pile in what she thought she would need. But she was packing blind here, I mean it wasn't like she had experience of packing for life saving brain surgery, no, this was a first for her.
"Star?" Eli questioned as he entered his daughter's room.
"I'm alright Abba," Rachel smiled, answering the question she knew would be next.
Slowly Eli sat down next to her, picking up the small gold locket that sat on top of a pile of clothes. "I remember when we brought you this."
"My fifth birthday," Rachel nodded.
"You refused to take it off for months afterwards, it wasn't until your ballet recital that we actually managed to persuade you to take it off," Eli remembered.
Rachel nodded as she let the gold chain fall through her fingers. "I don't know if I can do this," she silently admitted.
"How about we just take it one step at a time?" Eli suggested.
"One step at a time," Rachel repeated.
Eli nodded, walking over to her bookcase he picked up the miniature snow globe that sat nestled in between her sheet music. Picking it up he shook it in the palm of his head watching as the snow settled over Broadway. Richard had brought the novelty gift for Rachel on the family's first visit to New York for the young girl's sixth birthday.
"First step, New York City," Rachel breathed, taking the small snow globe from him and placing it in her suitcase.
"Star-" Eli began, his voice trailing off as he pondered how to approach the subject of Shelby with Rachel.
Rachel looked up at her father, her chocolate brown eyes wide and questioning. "Yes?"
"It doesn't matter," Eli lied, not wanting to burden her anymore when she already had so much to deal with.
Frowning Rachel leaned her head on her father's shoulder. "It obviously matters to you. What is it Abba?"
"I just … I love you Star, never forgot that," Eli cried, not ashamed to cry.
"I know," Rachel reassured him.
Looking up at the clock Eli ran his hand through Rachel's hair. "Noah should be here any minute now."
"I'm not sure if I can face Glee, it feels too much like I'd be going to say goodbye and I promised myself; no goodbyes," Rachel reminded him.
"Then don't think of it as goodbye, this of it more like a see you later," Eli suggested.
"See you later," Rachel repeated, her lips curling up into a small smile.
Eli nodded. "Because we're coming back. All of us."
"You're the best," Rachel laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling herself up onto his lap.
Entering the room Richard laughed as he sat down next to his husband and daughter. "One of the two best I hope?"
"Of course," Rachel agreed, pulling her father into her as she heard a loud knock on the door.
"That's probably Noah," Eli guessed as Rachel shifted herself from his lap to Richard's allowing him to get up and open the door.
Slowly making his way down the stairs Eli expected to find the tall boy with a Mohawk on the other side of the door, what he hadn't expected to find was a pale and shaking Shelby Corcoran.
"Sh … Shelby," Eli stammered out, not knowing what else to say.
Folding her hands across her chest Shelby faced him. "She's my daughter."
"I know," Eli agreed, puzzled by the vagueness of her comment. "Have you been drinking?" he asked, as he spotted the way her hands were shaking and the almost, glazed look in her eyes.
"No," Shelby assured him, her voice hollow.
Eli silently led her indoors and into the study. "What are you doing here Shelby."
"I can't stop thinking about what you said," Shelby admitted as she looked up at the study wall, her gaze shifting from picture to picture of Rachel. "Ever since you told me about the … about her … about … I can't get it out of my head, I just want to take her in my arms, hold her and make it all okay but I can't. Instead I just feel like I'm letting her down again," she cried.
"I get that really I do but until you pull yourself together I can't let you near her," Eli explained.
Shelby looked up at him, her eyes wide with shock. "But I'm her mother."
"Exactly, and Rachel needs people around her that can be strong and support her, she doesn't need people falling apart, she needs us all to be the adults and we need to let her be the child," Eli elaborated, needing Shelby to know that he wasn't cutting her out completely but that he needed to put Rachel's needs first.
"Right. Rachel first. Rachel comes first," Shelby muttered, her voice sounding alien even to her.
Eli walked over to where Shelby stood. "Are you sure you're alright?"
"I'm fine it's just … for the past sixteen years all I've had to worry is about me and now I can't think of anything but the beautiful young lady that I helped create and the thought of her dying before I have the chance to tell her I love her, and how letting her go - twice - was the two worst decisions I ever made, and how it hurts. It physically hurts," Shelby sobbed, her voice catching in her throat.
Moving to stand next to her Eli looked up at the picture that she was focused on, it was of Rachel on her second birthday, the young girl was wearing nothing but a tiara and happy birthday sash as she smiled for the camera.
"We leave for New York tomorrow, Rachel has agreed to enter the clinical trial," Eli told her.
"Will it work?" Shelby needed to know.
Eli took a deep breath before answering. "There is no known cure but it could give us an extra five years with her, maybe more. I know that sounds selfish but she's my baby girl and I'm not ready to let go, whatever it takes, however much it costs we'll do it."
"I'm not going anywhere Abba," Rachel whispered, leaning against the doorframe.
Looking up at the doorway Shelby felt her heart stop as she found herself staring into the familiar chocolate brown orbs of her daughter.
"Star-"
"What is she doing here?" Rachel asked, cutting off her father.
Eli took a step towards her. "She wanted to see how you were."
"Why? I mean she made it perfectly clear that there was no place in her life for me, I mean if she couldn't handle having a teenage daughter she's hardly going to cope with having a sick teenage daughter now is she?" Rachel spat, her words directed towards her father as if she was trying to forget that Shelby was actually there, in her house.
"I should go," Shelby suggested moving to head towards the door.
Reaching out Eli grabbed her arm. "That's not the answer."
"Let her go," Rachel spat. "After all it's what she does best, every memory I have of my mother is her walking away from me, why change that now?"
"Rachel … I …"
"You're what? You're sorry? Me too, sorry that I ever wasted any time thinking that I wasn't good enough for you, that perhaps if I was more beautiful like Quinn or talented like Jesse then you might stick around," Rachel raved, her voice getting higher and higher.
Entering the study Richard looked from his husband, to Shelby then too his daughter before turning back to his husband. "What's going on in here?"
When no one answered him Richard took a step further into the room as four pairs of brown eyes all stood looking between each other, neither wanting to be the first to break the silence.
Standing in the doorway Rachel looked ready to run, her arms folded across her chest in a self-protective manner as her eyes darted between her fathers and Shelby. Her mind was reeling with unwanted emotions, she had only just been managing to keep it together without the added complication of her mother reappearing in her life.
Watching his daughter struggle to contain her emotions Richard wanted nothing more than to be able to take her away from it all. To a world that was full of music and laughter and cancer didn't exist, not even in people's nightmares. Blinking slowly he tilted his head upwards, catching site of the large portrait of the three of them that hung above the fireplace. Smiling to himself he prayed that they would find their way back to that as he took in the carefree smiles that all of them were wearing.
In the furthest corner of the room Eli let go of Shelby's arm, he knew that he couldn't make her stay, but he also knew that if she walked out on her daughter now it really would be for the last time. Rachel might have the biggest and most forgiving heart of anyone he knew but even she had a limit. Letting his arm drop to his side he watched as Shelby took a step backwards, almost as if she was shrinking away from Rachel's piercing glare. He wanted to say something to break the silence but there were no words, instead he stood back and prayed for his family.
Taking a step back Shelby found herself unable to move any further as she backed into the wall. Folding her arms across her chest she tried to stop herself from shaking as she looked down at the floor, unable to face the disappointment and pain she knew she would see in the young girls eyes. Tapping her toes on the floor she closed her eyes and did the only thing that she could, she started to hum.
Snapping her head upwards Rachel took a sharp intake of breath as she recognised the familiar tune that was starting to fill the room.
"Seriously? You really think that you can sing your way out of this?" Rachel asked, finally breaking the silence.
Shelby stopped humming and finally looked up. "It's what I do when I'm nervous … and scared."
"You're scared?" Rachel laughed bitterly. "You're not the one with an actual ticking time bomb in your head."
"Star-"
Rachel shook her head. "You had your chance, you got to go to New York, you got to at least chase your dream. So don't expect me to feel sorry for you."
"That isn't what I meant," Shelby whispered.
"I-"
As she listened to her daughter's voice falter Shelby finally found the strength she needed to step up and be a mother. "I'm sorry that I'm not enough for you. I'm sorry that I let my own insecurities stop me being the mother you needed but it was never about you, so please don't ever think that you weren't enough for me because you're more than enough. Any mother would be proud and honoured to have you, I was just so scared that I would never be good enough for you."
"Please, don't-"
Stepping forward once more Shelby rested her hands on either side of Rachel's face, as brown eyes met brown. "I thought nothing could ever hurt me like losing my dreams. But knowing I would never be a star wasn't anywhere near as painful as hearing that you're star could burn out before it's time."
Taking her mother's hands in hers Rachel let go of them before making her way over to the beanbag and letting herself collapse down into it. Whilst across the room Eli took his husband's hand in his as he led him out of the study, knowing that Rachel and Shelby needed time alone to talk through their issues.
"Did you ever think about what it would mean for me when you sent Jesse to seduce me?" Rachel asked.
Shelby sat down on the edge of the couch so she was just inches away from her daughter. "I didn't send him to seduce you."
"Befriend, seduce, what difference does it make? You still both set out to deceive me," Rachel reminded her.
"No I didn't think about what it would mean for you" Shelby admitted. "After seeing you sing at Sectionals all I could think about was what I needed, and I needed to have you in my life."
Rachel bit her bottom lip. "He broke my heart, I thought he really cared about me but all the time all he cared about was pleasing you."
"I can't erase the past, and I am so sorry for everything that happened I never meant to hurt you and walking away was the second biggest mistake of my life," Shelby admitted.
"What was the first one?" Rachel asked.
Leaning forward Shelby smiled softly. "Agreeing to not be a part of your life and signing away my rights."
"I leave for New York tomorrow," Rachel whispered.
Shelby nodded. "Your father told me."
"Not quite how I envisioned making my grand entrance to life in the Big Apple but if it gives me a future," Rachel admitted.
"Your father told me that the trial has had excellent results," Shelby said, not knowing what the right thing to say in this situation was.
Rachel nervously glanced towards the door to make sure her father's weren't lurking within earshot before she reached out with her leg and kicked the door shut. "That's what they need to believe."
"And what do you believe?" Shelby asked, reading between the lines.
"That I'm going to die, it might not be in six weeks, or maybe not even in six months but it'll be before six years. I've read the numbers, I've heard what the doctors have said, this isn't something that people survive and miracles only happen on TV. But my dads they need to believe and that's ok, I'll smile and take the treatment because once I'm gone there the ones that are going to be left to face the world alone," Rachel whispered sadly.
Shelby could feel the tears pooling in her eyes. "You don't know that."
"Yes I do, and I need you too know it too, because despite what my fathers think this is the beginning of the end, and I need someone to understand that," Rachel pleaded.
"I thought you were going to fight this, isn't that what going to New York is all about? Not giving up," Shelby asked, not ready to face the truth that Rachel was presenting her with.
Looking up at her mother Rachel smiled, a bittersweet smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I know it might seem like it but this isn't me giving up, I'm prepared to fight for whatever extra time I can get but I know how this is going to end … I just don't know when."
"But you're only sixteen, you have your whole life ahead of you," Shelby cried.
"You think cancer cares about that?" Rachel asked rhetorically.
Moving herself down onto the floor Shelby reached her arms out. "Can I … do you mind if I just … can I hold you?"
"Ok," Rachel stuttered.
Perching on the edge of the beanbag Shelby held Rachel in her arms, at first it was awkward and uncoordinated but then something changed and the tiny form of her daughter seemed to melt perfectly into her arms. "I'm going to be there, for however much longer I get to have you in my life I'm going to be there."
"I really need to believe that right now," Rachel cried, her tears almost silent as she leaned further into her mother.
"I know you have no reason to trust me so I'll just have to prove it to you," Shelby vowed as she felt Rachel relax in her arms.
Closing her eyes she felt the soft breaths of her daughter as her small form seemed to lose what little energy she had left. For the second time that day music seemed to be the only way that Shelby could properly express herself. Running her hands through Rachel's thick locks she sung a lullaby to her only child and prayed to whoever was listening not to take her from them.
"Ooh child things are gonna be easier. Ooh child things will be brighter. Some day yeah we'll put it together and we'll get it all done. Some day when your head is much lighter. Some day yeah we'll walk in the rays of the beautiful sun. Some day when the world is much brighter …"
GLEE - GLEE - GLEE
Looking across at the small girl that sat in the passenger seat Puck couldn't help but worry as he took in the red rim of her eyes.
"Is everything alright Berry?" Puck asked.
Rachel nodded. "Yes. It's just been a bit of an emotionally draining day."
"We could turn around and go back if you're not feeling up to it?" Puck offered, even though he knew that whole Glee club was waiting for them he also knew that Rachel's health had to come first.
"I want to do this, it's going to be at least a few months before I get to see everyone again," Rachel smiled, trying her hardest to reassure him that she was up to this.
Reluctantly Puck nodded as he parked the car in front of the school. "If you're sure?"
"I am, now stop being such a girl," Rachel teased, winking at him as he climbed out of the truck and made his way around to her side to open the door for her.
"I'm nothing but a gentleman," Puck retorted.
Climbing down out of the truck Rachel threw him an amused glance as she followed him into the school building. "Where are we going?"
"You'll see," Puck smirked as he led her towards the darkened auditorium.
Slowly so that she didn't trip over anything Rachel followed Puck towards the best seats in the auditorium. "Noah. What's going on?" she asked, her brows wrinkled in confusion.
"Just shut up and take a seat," Puck laughed as he gently pushed her down into the chair.
"Where are you going?" Rachel asked as she watched him walk away.
Stopping in the aisle Puck turned to face her. "Berry for once in your life just shut and let someone else take control," he ordered with a wink, letting her know that he was only joking.
"Ok," Rachel agreed as she lifted up her hand and pretended to zip her lips closed.
"Good," Puck laughed as he headed up the stairs and onto the stage before disappearing behind the curtain.
Looking around her Rachel was starting to get unnerved by the silence and darkness of the auditorium before she felt another presence beside her, looking across she was shocked to see Mrs. Pillsbury sit down next to her. She was about to say something when she heard a loud click and the a spot light lit up the middle of the stage.
Mr. Schuester appeared standing right in the small illuminated circle. "This year has been one of the greatest of my teaching career as I've watched all of you grow and become a close-knit team before my very eyes, and whether or not they know it or you know it you're the heart of that Rachel, which is why you're Glee club team mates and friends wanted to do something to wish you good luck in New York."
The light moved so that it was on Mike. "We'll miss your amazing voice and unique personality, but we know that when this is over and you've kicked cancer's ass you'll be back here-"
"Taking all of the solos and annoying everyone with your need to be the centre of attention," Kurt smiled as the light moved to him, his eyes bright with unshed tears. "Until then I'll just have to carry the high-F on my own."
The auditorium went dark again until the light flickered back on this time revealing Santana and Brittany. "It'll be quiet without you," Santana said.
"You're weird," Brittany added. "But I like weird and I'll miss you, so hurry up and come back so that I can teach you how much fun it is to dance like nobody is watching."
"I hated you before I joined Glee club," Quinn admitted, as it became her turn in the spotlight. "But then I realised I only hated you because I didn't know you. You offered me support and understanding when no one else did and for that I will forever be thankful."
Mercedes stepped into the spotlight as Quinn stepped back. "When I hear you sing it makes me want to be the best I can, so thank-you for making me a better singer."
"Years ago a car accident took away my ability to walk, but it didn't stop me from dancing, because dreams are what you make them and I know that one day I will be first in line for the opening of your Broadway debut," Artie said as he wheeled into the centre of the stage.
"When you said that being a part of something special makes you special you were right, we're all special because we've got each other, we've got Glee and you're a big part of that so hurry up and come back to us," Tina said as she walked backwards and the stage was one again plunged into darkness.
A tall figure cast a shadow through the centre of the spotlight as Finn's tall frame become illuminated. "You made me realise that it doesn't matter what other people think and that it's alright to be different as long as you're being true to yourself."
As everyone lined up in the darkness of the stage one lone figure stepped forward as the spotlight shifted to the right revealing a single Mohawk. "This time last year I wouldn't have thought twice about throwing a slushy in your face. But now I'm not ashamed to call you my friend, and I don't care who knows it because I'm a badass. And I know that you are too because you're going to beat this cancer and prove everyone wrong. Because you don't give up, you didn't give up on me and you didn't give up on Glee and because of that, because of you we are all stood here today, just weeks away from McKinley High's first National competition in almost twenty years."
"And we know that you'll be right up there singing with us," Puck smiled as the whole stage lit up, thrusting all of them into the spotlight as the opening chords of a familiar song filled the auditorium.
"When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high and don't be afraid of the dark," Tina and Artie sang, their voices flowing together in perfect harmony.
Stepping forward Mike and Matt took their turn to sing. "At the end of the storm is a golden sky and the sweet silver song of the lark."
"Walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain though your dreams be tossed and blown," Brittany and Santana continued, their voices in perfect harmony.
"Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart and you'll never walk alone, you'll never walk alone," Finn sang, pausing at the end to swallow past the lump in his throat.
Stepping forward Kurt wiped at the tears that fell down his face. "When you walk through a storm hold your head up high and don't be afraid of the dark."
"At the end of the storm is a golden sky and the sweet silver song of the lark," Mercedes sung, her voice full of more emotion than ever before.
Walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain though your dreams be tossed and blown," Quinn sang as she smiled sadly, her eyes bright with unshed tears.
"Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart and you'll never walk alone, you'll never walk alone," Puck sang his voice soft and full of hope.
Eleven Glee club members and their teacher walked towards the front of the stage, united in their grief but full of hope as they all joined together, their voices a perfect melody as they brought the song to a close. "You'll never walk alone."
"You'll never walk alone," Rachel sang along with them from her seat as she felt Mrs. Pillsbury place a comforting hand on her shoulder.
A watery smile sparkled across her face as the events of the day all played together in here mind, like an old musical as she realised that even though she was about to face the biggest challenge of her life, and her future was uncertain at least she wouldn't have to face it alone.