A/N:

Hi, trying to catch up on finishing up some old stories of mine. I had completely forgotten about this one (so sorry readers I have so many WIPs going at the moment, sometimes it is just really hard to keep them all alive at once and some drift into the background for a while, a way long while in this case, it's my fault really, I can never keep storyideas to myself, I always just blurt them out there on fanfiction, and then they sit and wait for me to come back, and I am sorry you had to as well on this story), so I remembered all about it today as someone new (thank you AutumnRoseSummerLily) started following it.

I know what I came up with is short, but I hope it does not disappoint.

I'm Really Not Okay

Chapter 4: Stop Start

It takes weeks for Kurt to start talking, for Kurt to feel able to start to talk.

That afternoon all Blaine and Tina accomplish is for Kurt to actually leave his bedroom, so the three of them can take a walk, fresh air, and Kurt, after, takes more sleep, claims it like he is afraid it will be stolen from him otherwise.

So Tina and Blaine end up sitting on the carpet in Kurt's bedroom, sipping hot chocolate.

"We need to talk about this, Blaine. He is a mess," Tina says as soft as she can muster.

All Blaine can think, all Blaine can say is, "I am scared to ask."

"Imagine how scared he must be then. All alone inside his head."

And Tina did not mean to make Blaine cry, … but she has.

"Blaine, I didn't mean it was your fault."

"I know," he blubbers through tears, "But … but what if it is? His dad said it happened years ago, when he felt all alone. What am I doing wrong? Am I making him feel this way?"

Tina is hugging him as soon as she has coaxed the mug out of his hands and put it down, "Blaine." But he won't stop sobbing. "Blaine!" she tries a little more forcefully. "Tell me again what you know already. Okay? But downstairs, I don't want to wake him."

Blaine allows, reluctantly, for Tina to take him downstairs.

When they are seated on the couch, emptied out cocoa mugs put away in the kitchen sink beforehand, Tina takes Blaine's hands in her own, and waits for him to meet her eyes, "Tell me again what you know so far, okay? I mean I heard you on the phone but, I'm sorry, but you did not make much sense between all the crying and the half-swallowed words. I'm so sorry I have to ask you to tell me again."

Blaine nods, breaths deep once before he starts, "It's okay. So, ... some days ago Kurt came in here from the kitchen, he had just meant to make us some sandwiches, and he was … he was bleeding from a deep cut on his left forearm. All he would tell me was he had not meant to do it. He kept saying it over and over. Burt and I later found the knife he must have … have used, blood-smeared, on the kitchen floor."

"You're sure he did it on purpose?" Tina asks, simply trying to understand.

"I am not sure of anything, Tina. It's what makes this so hard," Blaine lets out a frustrated sigh.

"What happened then?"

"Kurt would not come out of bed for two whole days, and I just stayed, holding him. And ... and Burt told me a doctor once found scars she thought were self-inflicted on Kurt's arms, when he was in middle school. That's why I called you."

Tina nods, "Okay, yeah, we went to the same school, but I have to be honest Blaine, Kurt and I, we never exchanged more than a few words, we were both …, well I was shy, Kurt had always been decidedly himself, proud of being himself too. My point, we were both loners, for entirely different reasons, but I did not really get to know him until Glee at McKinley."

Blaine nods, eyes wet with tears not quite yet there, "You can't help me."

"I didn't say that."

"But how if you did not know him either at the time?"

"I still saw him almost every day in the halls, at his locker. For the most part he seemed the same, indifferent to most others, determined to hold on to himself. And I don't know if it means anything, but … our last year in middle school, in the last months, he suddenly seemed …different. He looked even thinner than he does already, and tired … all the time. Maybe, I don't know, I thought maybe that was the time, you know, he first … he first felt like he, he had no choice but to, to …."

"Hurt himself," Blaine finishes for her.

"Yes," Tina replies sadly. "I hope this helps."

"I hope so too, thank you."

"Really, Blaine, no need. I am just glad I spent a lot of time people watching in middle school. Maybe it was after all good for something."

"I hope so," Blaine answers head already moving on to what to do with this new information as he thanks Tina once more while leading her to the front door and exchanging goodbyes together with a plea not to tell anyone, apart from Mike who, Tina had told Blaine already, had earlier overheard part of their phone conversation.