A/N: This is a weird one, I know, this whole story I mean. It keeps just blubbering out of me, and I am helpless but to write. I dearly hope it is still, if nothing else, an interestingly weird read. I'm feeling crushed and weird and down and unreasonably emotional, and so so sorry if I make no sense. It is actually my natural state of mind, or so it feels after decades of confusion and pain, not making sense I mean, hardly ever to myself either. Emotional pain sucks. Headfucked in the worst way feeling rant over.
I'm Really Not Okay
Chapter 6: Sea
Mike had not even been supposed to know. And no one knew about Mike, not even Tina.
So that is the first thing Mike tells Blaine when he approaches him 17 days later, with Kurt still barely holding on to himself it seems, "Blaine, you cannot tell Tina."
16 of those 17 days Blaine has spent nights holding Kurt, and then there had been that one night he had not been allowed, the night his parents had insisted Blaine come with them to visit his grandmother, and stay there "Just that one night, Blaine. He can do without you for one night."
And not two hours into the evening Blaine had gotten a phone call from Burt, as worn out as Blaine has ever heard him.
Blaine can still hear him now "Blaine? He has locked himself in his room, and he refuses to talk to me, even so much as through the door, please can I put you on speaker and you try? Please? I don't know what to do, Blaine."
And so Blaine had, locked himself in one of his grandmother's bathrooms, the one upstairs, and talked and talked and talked for over 23 minutes until Kurt had actually unlocked his bedroom door and taken the phone from his father and asked Blaine to, "Can you, Blaine, can you come? Please? I need you. I need you so much." And Blaine had felt sick to his stomach with worry and that ache in his chest, blunt and hard, that only ever comes when he knows he cannot give Kurt what he needs.
It had not been a restful night, Blaine spending every minute he could of it on the phone to Kurt, both exhausted by sunrise, and the whole of Blaine's family cross with him, Burt thankful for Blaine's love for his son, and for Blaine's selflessness.
So the first thing Blaine blurts out hearing Mike's words today is, "I cannot lie to Kurt."
"I want to come with you after school actually and talk to him, and Tina can't know, because … because she does not know about … about what I want to talk to Kurt about."
Blaine has no idea how to answer to any of this, 'If he might help Kurt …,' remains the only thought running over and over through his head as he begins to nod, swallowing hard once and bringing out hesitantly, "Okay."
Kurt had not been at school today, again, so Blaine and Mike drive over to the Hummels' directly after their last class, skipping Glee, both unable to take Mr. Schue or Rachel today.
Blaine can feel Mike growing more and more nervous the closer they get to the house.
Mike is practically vibrating in his seat when Blaine shuts the motor off in the drive-way.
"Mike?"
"It's fine. I'm … I'm fine."
"You can tell me, you know that, right?"
"The thing is, Blaine, the thing is … I really can't."
Blaine wants to puke with nerves as soon as Kurt's bedroom door closes behind Mike and Kurt.
"I can't tell you, Blaine. I'm here for Kurt. Please trust me? And please don't think I don't trust you, but this is … it's all so much for me to go back to, … I don't know if, if I could talk about ... go through it twice, again, without, without ending up doing something stupid and being a total wrack myself, so, … Blaine, I just really need to talk to Kurt, alone." And with those words Mike had gotten out of the car, walked up to the front door and asked Burt to please let him speak with Kurt.
Burt, desperate to help his son had, with a deep sigh, agreed.
Blaine had followed Mike up the stairs, and this is how he ended up right here, alone, standing outside Kurt's closed bedroom door, listening for voices, hearing nothing but the heavy pounding of his own heart in his ears.