CHAPTER 30.
HARRY'S P.O.V:
As Caroline left, I just stared. At nothing. My brain was filled with a billion thoughts running through my mind. Never did I expect her to give me such a problem. It was quite selfish but in a way I understood why she was doing it. It kind of reminded me of the F.R.I.E.N.D.S episode where Ross had to not hang out with Rachel anymore. In this situation, I'm Ross, Rose is Rachel and Caroline is Emily.
I cringed as I remembered everything Caroline told me, how she got countless hate and horrible comparisons. I couldn't help but throw my anger by slamming my fist on the kitchen table, I groaned in pain and frustration as I ran my sweaty hands through my curls. I sighed in annoyance as I felt all this pressure suddenly coming on to me. In a way, I feel it's my fault. For getting attached with both of them and I realised I did have to let one go.
I stormed back into my bedroom, ducking under the covers just in my boxer shorts. I snuggled my head in, trying to get my mind off things. As I extended my hand out, I had the various bracelets still attached to my wrist. Most were random but one was a matching bracelet with Rose and another one was a bracelet that Caroline has too to share our relationship. Her one is a navy and my one is black, lots of my fans noticed it straight away and attacked her. This was the negative side of our relationship, although we got along so well, the criticism really did challenge it. It was still around the early evening, around 7 pm and I just finished dinner but I didn't feel like moving, like doing anything. I honestly didn't know how to choose. I didn't want to.
I heard laughter and squeals as the door opened and I noticed a lot of rustling of plastic bags and items tumbling on the kitchen table. I realised it was Louis and Zayn as they just went out to do some weekly grocery shopping and bought some things for the tour bus. I heard footsteps approaching my room and as it opened and the light peeped in, I closed my eyes instantly, trying to pretend that I was asleep
"Harry!" Louis shouted. "Oh shit, he's sleeping... shhh." He murmured softly.
"What? It's only like 7:30, why is he sleeping" Zayn chuckled.
"He's probably just drenched out from the rehearsals, give him some rest time.. Shooo, let's get out.." whispered Louis.
I heard them shuffle out and as they closed the door and leaned my back and faced the ceiling, tears slowly coming out. And from that, I closed my eyes, hoping maybe for a few hours I could just be isolated from everything and not think about it all, and it was a long time I have ever cried myself to sleep.
The next day.
"Harry, why?" A voice stuttered I was unaware who it was; all I could see was black. Pitch darkness surrounding me, I scanned around frightened that there was no one around.
"Whose there, show yourself..." I shouted. I couldn't help but notice that none of the bracelets were on my wrists anymore, none. I was dressed in just a pair of sweat pants and a vintage band shirt. I was cold.
"You hurt me..." a feminine voice whimpered.
"Who are you..." I asked. Out of nowhere, there was a figure that appeared. And I knew who it was exactly. She was bursting in tears, stripped to just a white dress and her hair all messy. I noticed her face was smothered with stained tears and leaking mascara, my heart broke when I saw her. She stared at the ground, fiddling with the bracelet that was attached on her wrist. She looked at me, with tear-filled eyes and threw it at me.
"I will never forgive you, you mean nothing to me." She said as she chucked the bracelet at my face, I caught it and crumpled in my hand.
"No, come backkkk!" I shouted, running after her, I grabbed her to stop her.
"You were my best friend Harry..." Rosalie murmured as she shrugged off and ran. Far away.
"PWOA" I sighed out as I sat up immediately.
My heart was beating tremendously as my sheets suddenly felt like they've been heated up in an oven. My chest was sticky and my forehead was sweating, I wiped it all off and placed my feet amongst the soft carpet. I sighed as I ran my hair through my rough hair, it was approximately 5 am and we had to be up by 7 so what's the biggy. Thank god it was just a dream, but I didn't get why I had it. I walked to the bathroom and washed up and put on some sweatpants and my favourite purple jumper and a beanie and silently left the apartment. I went in my car and turned my engine on, I didn't know where I was going but it was better than my apartment. Before I got in, I checked my iPhone and I noticed I got several messages.
Louis Tomlinson: I know your sleeping but if you are awake and check your phone, I bought some things for you it's in the top cupboard.
Gemma Styles: Hey, I won't be able to make it to any of your concerts grrrr blame uni! :(
Caroline xx: I'm sorry but what I did was something I needed to do, tell me whenever you are ready x
Rosey Bear: Harold! I know you're really busy with tours and I haven't talked to you in ages, I just want to wish you the best of luck. You have my support! :)
I bit my lip and I didn't bother replying to any of them. I threw my phone in the passenger seat and zoomed off, didn't care where I was going. I needed to clear my mind. I drove around for a good 15 minutes and decided to stop at a nearby park that was absolutely deserted. Not to mention, the weather was freezing. I parked the car nearby and got out and put on a warm scarf, walking to a nearby coffee shop to buy. It was surprising that it opened at this time as I went to a nearby bench and sat there. It was nice; no-one seemed awake besides a few cars zooming past. I snuggled in my scarf and sighed, slowly sipping the hot coffee. The breeze softly caressing my face, it finally gave me an opportunity to think clearly.
The two options, both are very important ladies in my life. Caroline, she was my girlfriend and I love her, we get along, we have many good times and not to mention she is hot. But the downside is that is the criticism, the different values and opinions for the future. Then there was Rosalie, my best friend. Someone I can always count for, whose independent but needs me when it's necessary, we have so much in common and I can tell her anything. The con is that we can't be anything more; I don't know what I'm feeling for her. It's very on and off and it's just not constant which doubts that I can sustain a friendship if I have some variable feelings amongst her. And I get these mixed signals and I'm just scared I'll take the fall and she won't be there to catch me.
I just sat there, plugged my earphones in and let my mind take off. About an hour later I realised it was 6:30 and I went back in the car to get back to the apartment, hoping no would notice that I was gone. I didn't feel in such a happy mood today, I just felt so gloomy and not bothered. I came back and parked my car and made my way up the elevators. I unlocked the door and to my unfortunate luck, Louis was sitting on the kitchen bench sipping on tea.
"Mate, where've you been?" he asked with concern on his face.
"Nowhere..." I snarled. He was taken aback by my behaviour but I couldn't fake how I felt, I was just so upset.
"Yeah because you've disappeared for an hour... are you ok?" he said as he turned his body towards me.
"I...I...I'm fine...o...ok?" I whimpered, I strolled past him and shut my bedroom door and sighed. I could feel the tension between us already, and it was my fault. But I wasn't ready to tell anyone, I wasn't sure if I could even tell anyone. I slid my back along the door and took my phone out.
I went immediately into my photo album and went through it. There were so many pictures of me and Caroline, kissing and hugging as I beamed a gigantic smile on my face. But as I slid across, a photo of me and Rose at Christmas, one of my favourite photos of us. We were both grinning and putting the thumbs up with our Santas hat, we both looked so happy. I felt my heart drop and I went all the way back to the beginning.
Why couldn't it be this simple?
Why couldn't I just make up my mind already?
Knock Knock Knock.
"Go away.. please.." I shouted.
"Harry, please. I know you're not ok. I can't just stand there and do nothing.." Louis whimpered.
"I...I...need time"
"Can you just tell me what's up, you know I am there for you." I felt my eyes still stinging from tears. But I needed someone, to tell me whatever decision I make is fine, that they won't judge me. I slowly stood up and opened the door, Louis looked completely sadden as he saw my state. He wrapped his arms around me as I covered my eyes to stop crying.
"Mate, Mate, sit down..." Louis directed as he patted the bed sheets. I walked sheepishly and sat down, not knowing what to say. "Ok, what is up? Relationship? Family? Stress?"
"People..." I murmured. He looked at me eyebrows raised, waiting for me to tell him more. But I couldn't hold it in, I needed to tell him.
"Ok.. well, last night Caroline came over." I sighed and fiddled with my fingers. "She...said...something... a decision I had to make."
"What decision was it?" Louis asked curiously.
"Do you promise you won't tell Eleanor or Zayn or anyone until I've decided?" He nodded and did a half smile. "She told me to choose. If I were to keep a relationship with her I had to remove any connections with Rose, so I can't hang out or talk with her. But if I want to still be friends with Rose, me and Caroline are over. We won't be friends after and no friendly exes bullcrap, and I don't know what to choose. I feel wrong that I have to choose, because they're both so important to me and I'm just...confused." I sighed as I ran my hand through my hair, trying not to break down. Louis looked at me, completely shocked at what I told him, his fist was slightly clenching as he stared at the ground.
"I...I obviously can't make a decision for you. Because this concerns you and I think that whatever decision you make, you'll end up losing someone you care about. But something you have to consider is who will hurt less? I promise I won't tell anyone but if you want me to pass a question onwards, you can count on me. But in my honesty, Caroline shouldn't be putting you in this position if she cared about you but I do feel pity at how she's been treated. Just think that whatever decision you make should be based on your happiness and not others, it may hurt but at least you'll be happy..." Louis sighed. "Can't there be a negotiation?" he asked.
"No, she was straight forward. There's nothing I can do to change it but I'm just, I...I don't find myself the type of guy who would hurt someone close to me. Yeah sure I objectified girls before but I grew up, I ... I learnt to be more appreciative of my life and I just don't feel right to choose someone."
"You will have problems like this, but remember that in.. let's say, 10 years time, do you really think that you're not going to talk to one of them again? I guarantee when time takes its toll, it'll be back to normal. Just focus on your happiness, push away someone that you think would hurt less and doesn't have such a massive impact on your life. Push someone who will forgive you in a split second, push someone who understands you. Although that is quite rude, you have to think that in the future that person will eventually have to contact you. It's not as though you're never ever going to see them again..." Louis replied, staring at empty places.
He was right. I believe maybe in the future I will see that person again. And I needed to push away someone who understands me and who will get less angry at my decision. Louis stood up and fixed his fringe as he told us that we had to leave to go to the car to get to the rehearsals. I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up, wiping my face and reducing the redness and puffiness in my eyes. I took a breather and looked at the mirror.
I will move on from this and whatever decision I make will make me happy.
I think.
ROSALIE'S P.O.V:
"Rose, what you got going there..." Jeremy asked curiously, peaking his head in to look at my portfolio.
"Just some random ideas for the season.." I murmured as I delicately coloured in the dress.
"It looks great, oh and Miss Speake wants to speak with you after class. I don't know why but she seemed thrilled."
"Oh...ok yeah sure." I said as I continued doing my designs.
We were doing some inspiration designs for the Spring line and I was so excited. I've just applied for an internship with TopShop and I did an interview recently but they haven't got back to me yet. I was really nervous because this means so much to me and I can only but dream to get a permanent job there. I've been quite busy these past few days, all I've been doing is working working working. The people I socialise these days is just Jeremy, Amy and Eleanor. Harry's been quite busy as per usual, we haven't texted or talked since we were both just so preoccupied I guess. I don't really mind, yeah I miss him like crazy but I think this is both to an advantage for us so I can really focus since my parents contacted me saying that they're concern that I wasn't concentrating and working like I'm supposed to.
The clock striked 3 as all the students slowly went out of the classes, packing up countless art books and coloured pens as the sound of heels and boots tapping amongst the timber floor.
"Rose, please stay back for a few minutes." Miss Speake ordered.
"I'll wait at the front, we'll go for our usual drinks after." Jeremy whispered and winked as he left the room. I walked awkwardly to Miss as I sat on a table. She looked at me with such joy and clapped her hands excitedly.
"Rose, have you been looking at any articles about you...or...?"
"Nope, I try to avoid it and I'm not into reading articles about myself or others.." I sighed, confused why she was asking me this.
"GOOD! Because, the internship you applied for in TopShop, they were so happy and accepted you straight away. Plus a couple of good words from me and a few other staff, they have taken you on board and you are starting in about 2 weeks. You're going to miss out on some classes at college but it should equal when you go. There's a letter and everything regarding it and we're so happy that you got in because I know how much this meant to you!" she replied gleefully.
I stood there. My heart beating and my mouth beaming into a massive grin. I couldn't help but squeal and jump up and down as I ran to hug Miss Speake. She looked a bit shocked at my gesture but couldn't help chuckling.
"Oh. My.. Thank you miss. I can't believe it, I'm so excited!" I screamed.
"I'm so proud of you! At such a young age, this is a fantastic opportunity." She replied.
"Thank you, this is such an awesome surprise. I'm so happy!" I smiled.
"GOOD! Because they mentioned your acceptance in an article and thank god you didn't read it or it'll ruin it.."
"What article?"
"Um... oh...nothing, just don't go googling yourself ok? It'll distract you and everything.." she said firmly, I nodded as she dismissed me. I couldn't help but do an Irish jig down the hallway and dance to my heart's content. I didn't care; nothing could stop me from being happy at this moment.
A relief went off my shoulders because this means a lot, this will provide so many more opportunities down the line and that's more than I can ask for. And for once I am proud of myself, I worked my butt off and to get this means the world to me. I called up my mum, forgetting it was about 4 am over there but I didn't care I needed to tell someone. As I screamed and shouted through the phone, my mum was so happy. My dad was nearly falling into tears and they promised to come to London whenever they have a holiday break from their job.
"Congratulations babe, you truly deserve it." Jeremy smirked.
"How'd you know?!"
"Well, it isn't hard to hear when you're screaming off your lungs. Haha, but I'm so proud babe" he said as he reached into a hug and kissed me lightly on the cheek. I couldn't help it but I was speechless, literally. I texted Eleanor straight away and I contemplated if I should text Harry. I looked at Jeremy and looked back at my phone as I click Harry's contact number. There was just a picture of him, smiling in his adorable beanie but I hesitated. I didn't know why but I did.
"If you want to text him, you can. I ain't stopping you." Jeremy murmured, staring off at the distance as he tightened his grip around my hand.
"I...I... feel like I'm bothering him." I sighed.
These past few days, no this past week I got no contact from him whatsoever. No replies, nothing. He tweets on his twitter, not like I stalk him but it comes off my news feed. If he does reply, it's usually a few word such as : ok, or I'm busy, sorry! Or cool LOL. It frustrates me because I feel like he's trying to push me away and I feel like I'm annoying him every time I text him. I can restrain myself of course, but it hurts. It's like he's abandoned, it's not like I don't see pictures of him and Caroline exiting restaurants and night clubs, trust me there are people who literally shove it in my face. But I feel like maybe my feelings for him weren't mutual, maybe this was a chance for me to get over him. To prevent myself from hurting him and Caroline.
Maybe this was a chance for me to move on.
Authors Note: Ridiculously SHORT chapter, and a really bad one in fact. Assignments are coming in crazy but next chapter should be longer AND better. xx