Chapter 34:
ROSALIE'S P.O.V:

The sun lingered across my skin, shining in my eyes as the alarm beeped at the same time. It was around 7:30 am and I had no motivation to get out of bed whatsoever. It's a Monday. I hate Mondays. I snuggled into my thick, soft blanket and curled my head down. My body was wrapped into a body of warmness and I didn't want to move. I honestly suck at getting out of bed; because when the moment I take my legs out its freezing so I place them back in my blanket. Just as I started to get ready and out of bed, somehow, my stupid brain brought up Harry. I hardly got any sleep at night as I twisted and turned contemplating several scenarios of: What if I did that? Should I have told him? Should I get over him?

This was continuingly played throughout my mind the entire evening and it bugged me so much. I felt protected when Zayn came over to comfort me and I'm more than happy that I had someone who would come and tell me it's alright. Although I was hurting inside; it doesn't hurt for someone to be there for you. It makes you feel like it isn't the end of the world and that you're not lonely. You never are.

I got changed into a pair of high waisted burgundy tailored pants and tucked in a thin woolly sweater. I decided to wear a comfy black cape/trench coat which kept me toasty warm. I added a belt and decided to wear a pair of casual heels and collar necklace. I did my hair and curled it to give it the everyday wave look and applied minimal makeup. I washed up and picked up my bags as well as my books and folders and made my way downstairs. I could hear Amy making breakfast and cringed because she didn't know anything about what happened with Harry. After Zayn came over I dozed off and even skipped dinner and would pretend i was sleeping when she came into my room. This was how much I wanted to avoid this issue, and I'm not a great person at lying.

"Morning sunshine!" Amy beamed as she noticed me going to the dining table.
"Morning love.." I mumbled as I packed up fruits and water into my handbag.
"You alright Rose?"
"Y...Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
"Rose. Although I've only met you officially for about a lot of months.. I live with you too. So I think it's quite easy for me to point out where you're lying or not because you are a terrible liar.." Amy chuckled.
"Oh... right...damn.." I smiled half-heartedly.
"Seriously though, what's up? I heard some cries in your bed last night but I didn't want to disturb you.."
"Just... problems with a friend.."
"And who may that friend be?"
"Someone..."
"Let's see.. I'm presuming it's a guy. Correct?" I nodded as she answered. "Let's see, does he have green eyes and curly brown hair?"
"Bingo."
"What happened?"
"Well let's just say... the worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging and you have to act like you don't care at all.." I whimpered as I walked to the fridge.
"... He left you?"

Those words that escaped from Amy's mouth made me cringe immediately. That it finally hit me and that someone finally said "he left you". And he did. And that broke me. He. Left. Me. I stared at the empty fridge which perfectly described how I was feeling inside. And I hated that I was so vulnerable and I never knew I was this dependent on him. I hate myself for that... for being so vulnerable towards him.

"Something like that.." I muttered as I poured myself a glass of orange juice.
"He said he doesn't have feelings or what? I'm not getting this babe." Amy said with a concerned tone.
"He didn't want to see me anymore. As friends, he just didn't want to be my friend so he can be in his relationship with Caroline." I sat down
"You got to be kidding me..."
"Nope. No joking, and I'm actually not as surprised. He's been avoiding me for a while.."
"But. I thought...like... what" Amy muttered as she wandered in the distance.

"I just... after he left me I finally realised how much he meant to me and how much I really did love him and I hate myself that I was too late and I didn't do anything about it. I'm not a big fan of corny, over the top romantic dramas but I feel like I'm in one right now. It's hard enough to deal with all this weird attention from the fans and I just wished it would be easier for him to be with me..." I replied, my mouth feeling dry.

"I thought he liked you though. I've met him a couple of times and I honestly thought that he had a crush on you Rose. You could just see it in his eyes, the way he was so passionate about you and how caring and protective he was. I really did think you both had feelings but you kept denying as well as he did.."
"Are you trying to say our denial brought us apart?"
"Potentionally."

It was as though my brain started saying; Bingo, that's exactly why. And I finally understood that maybe both of denials brought us apart. But it couldn't be just that, we had a friendship and how did he end that over our friendship? Amy gave me a massive bear hug which in a way cheered me up. She gives the best hugs. She left to go work as I made myself coffee so I can actually survive today's lessons. It was around 8:40 and I took the bus to my collage. It was freezing as I stepped out the door and a chill went down my spine. I plugged in my ear phones and pressed the shuffle button.

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you, I promise you I will.

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been.

The lyrics flowed into my brain as each word; each syllable had a strong reference to what was going on. I stared outside the window as I felt images and events went through my brain. I miss him, and ugh I'm never this attached to someone. Ever. I just miss talking to him nearly every day and just generally laughing with him. He always made me laugh. We were both so sarcastic and cheeky and when I'm with him, he brings out the best in me. But to myself, I'll promise I will wait for him.

I went off at my stopped and walked a few metres to collage. I noticed Jeremy sitting on the usual steps with 2 green tea lattes which I have told him recently how much I was craving.

"Rose! Hey love." Jeremy grinned as he gave me a one-armed hug.
"Hi Jer, how are you?" I smiled.
"I'm alright, been a bit tough lately in the relationship region... you?"
"Amen sister, tell me all about it" I smiled.

We sat in the spot where the sun was exposed and snuggled closely together whilst Jeremy rambled on about his troubles with his current boyfriend. It was apparent that he feels that his boyfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him and how he feels that he is the embarrassment. Jeremy was highly annoyed and I could notice the pain in his eyes when he kept saying he was the embarrassment.

"Jeremy, isn't this telling you something? Why be with a person when they're embarrassed to be around you. It's right to find someone who loves you for who you are and aren't afraid to be around you. I've never met him before and I have no right to judge but from what you're telling me you deserve someone who loves you for you. Who wouldn't? You're the bomb-diggity." I grinned and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I love you Rose." Jeremy sighed as he wrapped his arm around me. How come when I can give people advice but I can never listen to my own?
"Love you too Jer."
"Anyway; enough about me. What's up with you? How's Harry?" Jeremy winked as he grinned mischievously. I winced in pain.
"Uh... about that..."
"What?!"
"Me and him? No more.." I mumbled,

I'm sick of having to tell people. I don't want to talk about it but in a way I just wanted it out in the open around the people I trust because I know it'll make me feel better. I'm not the type of person who can keep emotions bottled up forever; at least once I have to let it out. Jeremy placed the coffee cup away from his rose-pink lips and stared directly at me although he was covered in his Raybans. He faced his entire attention and waited for me to answer but for some reason it was so much hard to tell Jeremy. It wasn't that it was him, it was just I felt so vulnerable in a public place.

"Oh my god.. what happened.."
"Long story short I guess.. Harry came over and me being a gigantic idiot was so happy and giddy about it. He was quiet and stuff then we were talking for a bit then he just told me he couldn't see me. I-I...I didn't know how to react, I thought he was kidding and basically Caroline told him if he were to keep his relationship he couldn't see me. But I don't think I'm a threat to their relationship in the first place.. right?! And we fought... we shouted.. I don't even know how that happened but it did then I got so caught up I kicked him out but I felt like it was the right thing to do. And now I've lost him..."

Jeremy sat there soaking in all the information as I looked out the distance, trying to think of things that would prevent me from crying. I do not want to cause a stupid scene at college or everyone would come and ask me whats wrong then they'll make me cry more because it'll make me feel more overwhelmed and everything. Jeremy looked at me as I did to him and he gave me a massive hug. It wasn't the usual hugs he gives but a tight bear hug that felt so reassuring and comforting. In a way it made me want to cry even more as I bursted out in tears on his shoulders.

"Rose... it's okay you don't have to bottle it up.."
"Jer, I just... I don't know how I'm meant to feel. I'm so angry and upset yet I can't be that to him..." I muffled as I layed my head on his shoulder.
"Shhhh Rose, babe.. tell me do you still love him?"
"... Yes."
"Do you want to get over him? Do you want to stop feeling the way you do?"

I thought that for a few seconds as my mouth suddenly felt dry. I didn't know if I still wanted to feel how I felt. How can I love someone who left me.. who I was just a stupid second choice. I'm not here to be the shadow or to wait for someone to love me, I need someone who'll love me for me and who'll accept me for who I am. He is an international pop star.. I'm just some random, ordinary girl who's even struggling to get my dream job. He's got the money, the looks, the talent, the girls, everything he has and more. And I'm ... just... me.

I'm honestly sick of caring about people who don't care about me. I've done this my entire life. I still care about the ones that walk out, even though I shouldn't, because they've hurt me so bad, but I can't help it. I never realised how much I cared about him. I have never cared about someone as much as I care about him. He means a lot to me.. and all I wished was for him to realize that.

"Yes.." I replied slowly.

People like me don't belong with people like him anyway.

HARRY'S P.O.V:

I woke up suddenly as I felt my alarm beeping through my ear. I groan and winced as I took a couple of minutes to finally get up. I walked into the bathroom and looked at the mess I looked like. I had scruffy hair with droopy eyes. My face looked dirty and my clothes were wrinkled and stained. I washed myself up and grabbed my phone as I realised I got a 2 miss calls from Caroline, 1 from my mum and 1 from Louis. I got changed into a simple black jumper and a pair of training pants as there were no rehearsals today.. thank god.

Before the tour kicks off, our management thought it'll be appropriate for us to take a 2 day holiday back to our home town and see our family and our close friends then head back to London then rehearse then travel around the UK for the tour. Louis suggested it because he was incredibly home sick and wanted to see his family in a way of motivating him to go do the tour. I haven't even packed up my stuff but I was going to leave tomorrow morning back to Holmes Chapel and stay at my mum's place for a while. I needed to see them. Louis and the other boys are leaving this afternoon with Niall's family coming to London instead.

I opened my bedroom door and walked down as I was greeted by all of the 4 boys who were eating breakfast and watching tv, or on the laptop. Louis was dressed in pj pants and a striped shirt with Liam in the same but a grey top. Zayn was in a pair of jeans and a sweater with Niall in a hoodie jacket and a pair of chinos. They looked at me as I felt the awkwardness still lingering between us.

"Morning!" Louis grinned as he took another spoonful of cereal.
"Would you like to eat anything?" Liam asked.
"Um... I'll just get cereal.." I answered as I walked to the kitchen area.

I poured a small bowl of cornflakes and milk as I grabbed a spoon and sat down at the dining table away from the boys. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to them, I just needed space alone. I grabbed a newspaper and scanned through, not surprised there was another article about me and Caroline. I turned the page immediately and started eating my cornflakes, staring off in the distance.

"Hey Harry..." Zayn suddenly appeared as he sat himself down clenching his first together.
"Hey Zayn" I half-smiled.
"Sorry again about yesterday... I still feel terrible."
"It's alright, I feel like shit too.."
"It'll be better soon Harry.. Trust me.."
"Thanks Zayn.." I smiled as we grabbed hands and gave each other a man-like hug.

Zayn left to go back to his apartment as Liam and Niall went as well. They all exited with a half smile as Louis was the only one left in the apartment. Louis walked towards me and sat himself down as he analysed my eating. It bothered me a bit because I was moody and he just sat there... staring at me.

"Yes.. Louis?" I asked.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Been better.."
"Are you going to stick with your decision?"

I stared off not knowing what to say. I mean I've done what I done and I can't immediately just take it back. Although I feel like utter crap; I just know that in the end I'll be a lot more happy and one-minded of what girl I want to be with. As much as I hated to say this, I have to stop missing Rose; I need to get over her.

"Yep."
"Can I ask you something serious then.."
"Go ahead."
"Me and the boys... we were talking before and I think... I mean if you want; we can stop hanging out with her.."
"That's not what I want."
"I...I though y'know, I don't want to hurt you... we don't want to offend you..."
"It won't offend me, It'll hurt me a tad but I can handle it.."
"Are you sure?"

I looked at Louis as I placed my spoon down in my bowl and sighed. I needed to get myself back on track.

"Louis. Just because I 'chose' Caroline, does not mean that I don't care for Rose any less. She's still human, I'm still human and i have no means to hurt her anymore from what I have done. Her and my relationships are completely different to say from you and her or with El. She deserves to keep her friends and I can see you and Zayn and El having a close friendship and I have no means to destroy that. I destroyed mine and I know for sure Eleanor won't like it if she was made not to see her. If you're going to Rose; go ahead.. just maybe not bring it up to me.. you know?"

"Oh.. Thanks mate.. for being understanding.."
"It's fine..."
"I'm really sorry too..."
"Not a problem."
"I'm going to finalise my packing. See you later?"
"Yep sure, I gotta do some packing myself anyway."

Louis walked into his bedroom and closed the door and I finished my cereal. I walked back into my bedroom and grabbed a suitcase out of my wardrobe and threw in a jacket and a pair of pyjamas and other small things since I was only staying over the weekend. As I packed in the last few pieces of my essentials I heard my phone vibrate. I completely forget to call back to the people that I was missed but I honestly didn't care to be honest. I picked up the phone and noticed it was from my sister..

Gemma Styles;
Hey bro! I'm coming down this weekend too so see you there. Bring Rose too! Haha only kidding, tell her I said hi! X

I cringed in pain and embarrassment... what are my parents going to think about me? They're going to be so disappointed... espiecally my mum. My sister would be quite annoyed but I love my mum and I can't put up to what I did. But I have to consider it takes one step at a time.

I can do this.

I will get over her.