Kommandant Gertrude

Gertrude looked up from her typing to see Major Wolfgang Karp standing there staring down at her with a wolfish grin on his face. "Hello Gertrude, how are you today?" She cringed at the gall he had to address her so familiarly. He had spent the last month trying to weasel his way into her good graces and she had repeatedly rebuffed him with little success. Everywhere she turned, there he was. She knew his unit was scheduled to take an easterly trip within the next couple of weeks and he saw her as his ticket to stay in country.

She sat back in her chair and took stock of the man. Karp was a good name for him, an ornamental oily fish. Apparently, he thought his looks were all that and then some. He was a man who relied entirely on his appearance and charm to get by in the world. Too bad, in her opinion he was severely lacking on both counts. She had reviewed his personnel file and the man did not have any accomplishments to his name. His rank was due entirely to his connections and riding on the coat tails of better officers' achievements. She could not understand how he obtained an Iron Cross. She suspected the black market. That could be the only answer. Now the rouge was actively seeking to use her to further his ambitions.

Her brother was usually a good judge of character. She wondered why he could not see the man for what he was. Klink had more gumption and spine than this croaking toad. Did he want to get rid of her that bad that he would push her off onto this….creature?

She had tried everything in her arsenal to discourage Karp but he was relentless in his pursuit. Either he could not recognize a hint or, more likely, he did not care what she thought. This man sought a promotion and comfortable job. Her happiness did not play into his plans.

"Major Karp," Gertrude replied. "I do not think you are on the General's agenda for today."

His smile broadened as he reached down and took her hand. Gertrude wondered if she smacked him in the head with her typewriter, would that be enough to wipe the smirk off his face. Probably not, she decided.

"I came here to see you, not your brother," he said raising her hand to his lips. It was like stepping on a garden snail in her bare feet. I shiver of disgust vibrated through her body. Gertrude snatched her hand away and unconsciously rubbed the spot where his mouth had touched her.

"I am busy," she replied as she turned back to her typing.

He walked around the desk to where she sat and placed his hands on her shoulders. Leaning down he whispered in her ear, "Too busy to see me?"

"Major please," she said as she vainly tried to shrug his hands away. "This is an office and not a bordello." She could feel his hot humid breath on the back of her neck and silently wished she had worn her hair down today. He thought he was being sexy. She thought he was being obnoxious.

"Perhaps I should speak with the General first," he purred into her ear.

"I think I could fit you in next month," replied Gertrude.

"No need," Karp said as he moved to stand upright. "I am sure once he hears what I have to say, he will not mind the interruption."

Gertrude's jaw dropped open and her mind raced to come up with a suitable retort that would put him in his place but before her mind could form a proper response, Karp had whisked himself around the desk and into the General's office. She looked down at her hands and saw they were shaking. She buried them in her lap in an effort to still them. Entwining and twisting her fingers, she tried to think her way out of the situation. She had been unspeakably rude to the man yet he was now, she suspected, speaking to her brother about marriage.

The door opened and her brother walked out of the office with Karp. Both were smiling and laughing with Albert's arms slung in a brotherly manner over Karp's shoulders.

"We need to celebrate your good fortune Gertrude. After I come back from Stalag XIII, we will announce your engagement," Albert said while patting his soon-to-be brother-in-law on the back. Neither had thought to consult her on the matter. She thought of all the men her brother had tried to get her to marry, every bullet she had dodged; only to be saddled with this creature was more than she could stand. Still, he had said Stalag XIII. If she could present Karp in such a fashion it would put Hogan's operation in jeopardy, then he might find a way to get rid of the man. Hogan if you can get me out of his mess, I promise no more pranks. I will put more money in the collection place. I will be nicer to Klink. Anything you want, just get rid of this imbecile for me.

She grasped at the glimmer of hope and a smile formed on her lips. "Oh, if only Wilhelm could see me now. Ah, but he lost out to the better man. I hope he takes the news well."

"Someone else is interested in marriage?" Karp said looking to the General for conformation.

Albert face was impassive as he looked at Gertrude. She could not imagine what he was thinking. After a long pause he said, "I think it would be good for the two of you to accompany me to Stalag XIII. After all, once you are married I will have to find another secretary. So come with me on this last trip for old time's sake. You can say your good-byes to Klink in person."

"Of course General," Karp said with a little apprehension in his voice.

"Good, then it is settled. We leave in three days," Albert said as he walked back into his office and closed the door.

"So there is another who has sought your hand in marriage?"

"Yes, Wilhelm adores me. Of course, he is an Oberst and not a Major but I am sure you do not have anything to worry about. I cannot wait for you to meet him."

"Yes, I can't wait either…." Karp said distractedly.

Three days later Gertrude found herself riding in the backseat with Karp, while her brother rode up front. She had begun her nonstop assault on his manhood two days ago, reducing him to a nodding puppet. Unfortunately, he did not seem to mind the emasculation and went along with whatever Gertrude threw at him. Becoming increasingly frustrated, she silently prayed Hogan would be her salvation.

As they pulled into camp, she saw Klink as he ran up to the staff car. Klink must be really flustered by our visit if he has forgotten his cover, Gertrude observed. I hope Albert does not dress him down in front of us for being out of uniform.

As she stepped from the vehicle, she surprised herself by being truly pleased to see Klink. She mentally compared Klink and Karp. While both men took extraordinary pride in their appearance, Klink did not go overboard. His style was very fastidious. Though the uniform was old due to the war shortages, it was well tailored and maintained. If not for its faded appearance, something he had no control over, you would think it was new. Karp on the other hand was a peacock. He insisted on wearing a dress uniform for this meeting. He looked more at home at a Hollywood party than as an officer of the Third Reich. Gertrude felt her cheeks grow hot at his exuberant display and hoped Klink would refrain from making a comment.

"Good day Klink," she said as she exited the car.

"Welcome Frau Linkmeyer, it's a pleasure to see you again," Klink said shaking her hand as he would do with a man and wearing a nervous smile on his face.

He must be still nervous over our last encounter. Perhaps afraid I will make so sort of scene. I wish Albert were not here so I could ease his mind but any act of kindness or friendship I give him will be pounced on by my brother.

"Thank you. Klink, I would like to introduce you to my fiancé," she said as he turned to the popinjay that had just come to stand beside her. "Major Wolfgang Karp, this is Oberst Wilhelm Klink, Kommandant."

"Herr Kommandant," Karp replied while giving Klink a half-hearted salute.

She watched as Klink's face lit up with joy. At least someone is happy, she thought tersely.

"Any fiancé of Gertrude is a fiancé of mine. I mean any friend of mine," he corrected nervously.

Karp took her arm and began to lead her towards the Kommandantur. She shot Klink a help me look over her shoulder, which was completely lost on Klink. She scanned the compound for Hogan. Failing to see any of the prisoners, she reasoned everyone was on barracks confinement. Most likely, due to the construction she observed outside the wire.

Both she and Karp sat in front of Klink's desk, while Klink obtained a third chair for the General. She also noticed that Karp took care not to look at her but to look around at Klink's office with clear avarice in his eyes. He is blatant about his desire for Klink's command. This is something I can use to prompt Hogan assistance. She would have to proceed very carefully and not overplay her hand. She had primed her brother over the last few days in this direction. A single misstep now could ruin everything.

Klink poured them all a glass of brandy and did the required toast to the Führer. She almost gaged on the amber liquid.

"So what do you think of these two Klink?" the General asked innocuously but it did not fool Gertrude. Her brother was on a fishing trip. If Klink showed any partiality, Albert would jump on it like a bulldog on a bone. She found Karp was looking at her and wondered if he suspicious. Gertrude held her breath, waiting with uncertainty.

"Ha ha ha, all the world loves a lover," Klink replied with obvious delight written on his face.

"I realize this must be difficult for you. Gertrude has told me you two were…friends," replied Karp in measured tones. Gertrude wondered if she had played up the relationship too much.

"Well that's the way it goes, one can't win them all," replied a jovial Klink.

"I have a feeling Klink will recover," the General said with a knowing smile.

"I cannot tell you how relieved…pleased, ah pleased I am," Klink said in an attempt to get his foot out of his mouth.

"Thank you Wilhelm. We will announce our engagement in a day or two. Right Wolfgang? Right," she answered not giving him the time to respond. Karp just smiled and nodded. Gertrude wondered if either her brother or Klink could see Karp for what he was.

"You know General Burkhalter, I have had what I consider a brilliant idea," Klink said rising from his chair.

"That's hard to believe," replied the General.

"Allow me the honor of giving the happy couple their engagement party."

Gertrude smiled, pleased at Klink's show of generosity towards her. She had expected him to host a party at the news of her engagement but not one where she would receive an invitation.

"Klink, how sweet of you," she gushed.

"That's very generous of you Klink," Karp replied in a monotone voice.

"It's nothing, nothing at all," replied Klink.

"It is when it comes out of the camp budget," complained the General.

"We accept Albert," Gertrude said with a low warning in her voice. When it came to self-extravagance, Albert had no equal. Yet he demanded severe austerity from his subordinates. Turning back to Klink, she smile and continued, "With pleasure."

"Yes, thank you," Karp replied without any enthusiasm.

She watched as Klink became excited over making plans for the party. "We will have the Guest Quarters decorated. Uhmm, one of our prisoners is an excellent chef…."

Wonderful, she thought. Her experience told her whenever any of Hogan's men were on a party detail; he was always there to supervise. She had been wondering how she was going to make contact with him without raising suspicion.

"Alright," Albert broke in, "I think it is settled. Gertrude, I have some private matters to discuss with Klink. Why don't you take Wolfgang on a little tour of the Stalag?"

Gertrude and Karp got up and walked to the door. She had never seen Klink so giddy before. She thought it was too bad it would not last. After Albert told him of their plans for Wolfgang, she knew his good mood would lie in tatters. Of course, Klink would immediately run to Hogan for help. She secretly smiled. Their engagement was already on its way to being broken.

"Klink," she said in a flirty manner as she exited the office, unable to contain her happiness. Soon, she told herself, this nightmare would be just a bad memory.

Next: Guard Tower? What Guard Flipping Tower?

A/n:

In the both the German and American military, it is a regulation a solider must wear his cover when he is outside. The American POWs, who lose their cover during the bailout/capture, are excused from this regulation. This of course begs the question as to why Hogan wears his cover inside as US regulations state cover can only worn inside when a solider is under arms.

Gertrude says something in German to Klink. As I have no idea what it is she has said, I have substituted "Klink, how sweet are you," which seems to convey the general attitude of her response.