Oh Albert!
Gertrude sat at the dining room table in the VIP Quarters with a pencil and a tablet of paper trying to figure out how to implement her plan to put guards in the barracks. There were just too many barracks. With only eighty guards, the task was monumental. Gertrude shook her head in wonder. She did not know how Klink did it. With a thousand prisoners, there should be twice the number of guards and support staff. She saw the camp meager supplies did not meet the demands of its staff. No wonder the guards were deserting. Under these conditions, who could blame them?
She was beginning to believe the task was unworkable, even in the short term. Eighty men for sixty-five POW barracks, even Klink would be able to grasp the infeasibility of her idea. She looked at her figures again. Currently there were twenty men on duty at a time. Four were walking the outer perimeter of the camp. One in each of the six guard towers. Two staffed the front gate. Four patrolled inside the camp with an additional one stationed outside the Kommandantur, one with the work detail outside the fence, one at the motor pool and one at the cooler. Each pulled a six-hour shift, rotating positions every two hours with twelve hours off before their next shift. Then there were the men on CQ, KP, work details and those who filled in while the others on duty ate their meals. She estimated a usual shift would entail twenty-five guards. That would leave a handful of men who were on furlough, sick call or in the stockade.
She chewed the end of the pencil in thought. To have guards in the barracks twenty-four hours a day would be unworkable. Nevertheless, if I only had them inside the barracks and restricted the men from entering the barracks during the day, I might get this by Albert as long as I did not allow Klink to disclose exactly how under staffed he is.
She looked down at the roster of men and felt a certain pang of guilt. Anyone coming to the camp would know, without ever laying eyes on the Kommandant, what kind of man he was. He was a colonel leading a company of men and a small one at that. Yet he had the foresight to move the guard towers. Perhaps on a sub conscious level, he knew there was something off with Hogan. One of the few times the man was right and she was forced to make him look like a baboon. Between tight lips, she exhaled in frustration and promised herself she would find a way to make it up to him.
A knock at the door interrupted her reflections. Pushing back from the table, she crossed the room to answer the door. Standing on the stoop was the ever-cheerful Sergeant Schultz.
"Good afternoon, Frau Linkmeyer," the round Sergeant said while giving her a jovial look. "I was asked to inform you the Kommandant, General and Major Karp will be eating in the officer's mess. Do you wish to join them or should I bring your lunch here?"
"Could you bring it Schultz? I am working on a problem and I'd like to continue without interruption."
"As you wish. Today they're serving …" he started.
"Excuse me Sergeant but is that singing I hear?"
"Oh yes, it is the prisoners. Today is wash day," Schultz said as if that explained everything.
"I would like to see who is singing."
Schultz shifted nervously with had a pained looked on his face, "Would it not be better if I just told them to stop?"
"No, now please take me to them now."
The large man sighed but complied. As they turned the corner of the north side of the showers, Gertrude saw four men washing their clothes. One was a young man, tall, thin with dark wavy hair. He was singing lead, while the other three men harmonized. Well, Gertrude supposed, in some circles what they were doing could be considered harmonizing.
"When der Führer say, "We is da master race, we heil (pffft), heil (pffft), right in the Führer's face!
Not to love da Führer is a great disgrace, so we heil (pffft), heil (pffft), right in the Führer's face!
When Herr Goebbels says, "We own the world and space," we heil (pffft), heil (pffft), right in Herr Goebbel's face!
When Herr Goring says, "They'll never bomb this place," we heil (pffft), heil (pffft), right in Herr Goring's face!
Are we not the supermen? Aryan pure supermen. (Ja we are the supermen, super duper supermen!) Is this Nutsy land so good? Would you leave it if you could? (Ja this Nusty land is good. We would leave it if we could.)
We bring the world to order, Heil Hitler's world to order. Everyone of foreign race will love the Führer's face! We bring to the world dis order.
When der Führer say, "We is da master race, we heil (pffft), heil (pffft), right in the Führer's face!
Not to love da Führer is a great disgrace, so we heil (pffft), heil (pffft), right in the Führer's face!"
"Oh the boys are being naughty. I will tell them to stop," Schultz said apolitically.
"Who is the man leading the song?"
"That is Sergeant Olsen."
"And the other men?"
"Privates Addison and Broughton and Sergeant Baker. You're not going to report them are you? They're good boys. They don't mean any harm."
Gertrude stepped closer to the men. The young men stopped singing and turned to look at her.
"You have a very nice quartet Sergeant Olsen."
"Danke, Frau Linkmeyer," Olsen replied with a lopsided grin.
"Good range of voice. I could hear you from the VIP quarters. Unfortunately, I do not believe my brother shares my love of music. Perhaps it would be wise to lower the volume a little."
"Not a problem," Olsen replied with a chuckle and a wink.
Gertrude returned his smile, "If only I was twenty years younger, several pounds lighter and we were not at war."
A hearty good-natured laugh erupted from Olsen. Gertrude turned away and walked several steps before Schultz found his voice.
"Thank you Frau Linkmeyer," Schultz replied with relief written all over his face.
Looking up at Schultz Gertrude replied, "Have you eaten yet Sergeant?"
"I have not had the opportunity."
"Good, then when you fetch my lunch, bring enough back for the two of us. I would like it if you would do me the honor of dining with me."
"Oh yes, Frau Linkmeyer," Schultz replied with unbridled glee as he hurried off towards the officer's mess.
Gertrude continued to walk back to her quarters, softy humming Olsen's song.
HHHHHH
Gertrude stood beside her brother on the porch of the Kommandantur, watching as the prisoners lined up for roll call. Once assembled, Klink stepped forward with Karp to address the assembled men. His tone bespoke his opinion on the subject matter.
"Gentlemen, I have an announcement. After consultation with our new adjutant, Major Karp, I have decided not to move the guard towers at this time."
A general roar of happiness rose up from the ranks of the prisoners. Gertrude watched as a smirk crossed Hogan's face.
"However, there is a need for tighter security so I have made another decision. Again, after consultation with Major Karp, and others…" Klink turned and shot Gertrude a half wounded and half-angry look before turning his attention back to the assembled men. "There will be a guard in every barracks at Stalag 13 on twenty-four hour duty."
Gertrude watched as Hogan's smile turned to a grimace. The once happy prisoners now shouted in anger. She was slightly amazed to note the little Frenchman was the loudest of all.
Hogan stepped forward to lodge his complaint. "Kommandant, that is a violation of the Geneva War Convention."
"Hogan, the Geneva Convention says nothing about it but thank-you for bringing it to my attention," replied an irritated Klink. "The new security system will begin today at 1600 hours with the changing of the guard. That's all. Dis-missed!"
Klink turned and without a glance at her or the General, stomped into the Kommandantur. She noticed the guards were looking at her with a combination of disbelief and resigned acceptance. Her heart went out to them. She had put forth a less radical plan but Albert had seized on the idea and demanded the barracks have a guard whether or not the prisoners were inside. He had always been cheap and the non-coms were the cheapest labor around. The guards' pay is the same no matter how many hours they work. Because of her desire to rid herself of Karp, the whole camp was going to suffer. She felt nauseated and hoped between herself and Hogan; they could end this nonsense quickly.
HHHHHH
The next day, Gertrude decided to work with Klink in his office rather than having to look at the tired faces of the guards. After all, Karp showed no interest in the overwhelming amount paperwork that had to be finished daily. Klink had put up a strenuous objection but since her brother was still present in camp, he had little option. She found she enjoyed working shoulder to shoulder with Klink. Running of the prison camp was more interesting than she thought. She could not believe the number of details that went into the daily operation of the camp, though some were mind numbing with the tedious attention they required.
She also noted Klink was a skilled bookkeeper and was about to compliment him when Hogan burst into the room. Without a hello, kiss his foot or a salute, Hogan launched himself into his litany of complaints, with the guards in the barracks at the top of the list.
"Why do you object to the new guard system, Colonel?" answered Gertrude.
"It doesn't make sense and it's degrading."
"You are prisoners of war."
"Yes, I noticed that too," replied Klink. Turning to Gertrude, he voiced his old complaint. "I still think the guard towers should be moved."
"Wolfgang is against it and so and so am I."
"I'm still the Kommandant here," Klink said slapping the desk in frustration.
"And General Burkhalter is also against it."
"He didn't say anything about it to me," Klink mumbled to himself.
"He will, once Frau Linkmeyer tells him what to say," interjected Hogan.
Gertrude, taken aback by his outright impudence, slapped the top of the desk. Her tone made it clear she was issuing Hogan a warning regarding his blatant disrespect. "Hogan…"
"Jawohl Herr Kommandant. Sorry, I can't seem to keep you two straight."
Klink unknowingly mimicked Gertrude when he slapped the top of the desk and replied, "HOGAN! You're dis-missed!"
Hogan left without any further comment but Gertrude thought she detected a gleam of an idea reflected in the American's eye. She found she was right when Hogan showed up in the office again to rail against the new guard system. It was not too long before she found herself not only arguing with Hogan but Klink as well.
"And my Wolfgang says attempted escapes are expensive."
"Ha, your Wolfgang has become quite the expert."
"I know how to economize," replied Hogan, stoking the fire. "From now on you manage our escape plans. That way we cut out the middle man,"
Gertrude was not amused by Hogan's flippancy and was about to tell him so when she was interrupted by a knock at the door,
"Come in," ordered Klink.
Schultz opened the door and stepped into the office. Saluting he said, "Reporting for duty, Herr Kommandant."
"Schultz, I thought I assigned you to work with Major Karp."
"I was Herr Kommandant until Fräulein Richter arrived. Then the Major told me he does not need me in the afternoon."
Coming to his feet, Klink sputtered, "What is this about?"
Seizing the opportunity, Gertrude jumped out of her chair and almost collided with Klink. She affected a shocked and dismayed look. "She is alone with him?"
"Yes Gnädige Frau."
"We will find out right away what this is about," Klink said.
"Hold it," replied Hogan. "I'm sure it's perfectly innocent."
"Ja, two people alone in the afternoon with a bottle of champagne, doesn't mean anything." Schultz said while giving Hogan a knowing nudge.
"That's my girl," cried Klink.
"That's my fiancé," replied Gertrude as both she and Klink moved towards the door. Before either of them could reach it, the little French Chef burst into the office.
"Excuse me Mon Colonel," LeBeau began.
"LeBeau…" Hogan began.
"First he orders lunch for one," LeBeau says, counting off on his fingers. "Then he orders lunch for two. Then he dismisses me before I even get a chance to serve the dessert." Turning to Gertrude, LeBeau continued. "I realize Fräulein Richter is beautiful but food is food," he said as he turned and stormed out of the room.
"Perfectly innocent, huh?" Klink said to Hogan as everyone tried to leave the room at the same time.
Gertrude almost felt sorry for Karp. Hogan had out done himself in setting the Major up. Nevertheless, she reasoned, ultimately it was Karp's own fault. He liked pretty girls too much for him to pass up such a tempting morsel. Therefore, while Hogan provided the fuel, the Major lit the match for his own doom.
Upon entering the quarters and finding Karp had compromised himself, Gertrude played the wrong woman to the hilt, sobbing all the way to Albert's arms. Within twenty-four hours, Karp was on the Berlin Express headed east, the camp had returned to normal and Gertrude was able to get some much-needed sleep.
Next: Versie
A/n:
The number of guards and the mention of guards deserting was from "The Kommandant Dies at Dawn."
*Thanks Dust!*
Military unit break down: Squad is nine to twelve men lead by a sergeant or a staff sergeant. A Platoon is two to four squads (18 to 48 men) lead by a lieutenant with a NCO. Three to five platoons form a company, commanded by a captain (54 to 192 men). [Artillery units are batteries and armored or air cavalry units are troops]. A Battalion is four to six companies (216 to one 1,152), commanded by a lieutenant colonel. [An armored or air cavalry unit of equivalent size is called a squadron.] A Brigade, commanded by a Colonel, is two to five Battalions (3,000 to 5,760 men). Corps are commanded by a lieutenant general and is usually 50,000 plus soldiers. These figures and designations are for the US Army but can be used as a general guideline when dealing with ranks and structure of other armies. Command is also somewhat fluid as command can be one-step up or down, depending on the individual or military need at the time. As you can see, Klink is filling the role assigned to a captain. Anyone familiar with the military would immediately know where Klink stood with the High Command and what his abilities were.
I came up with the ratio of guards to prisoners by using Skorpa prisoner of war camp in Norway for captured German military and civilians as a model. It had five hundred prisoners and eighty guards. Its Commandant held the rank of captain.
Spike Jones and His City Slickers sang "Der Führer's Face" in 1942. It was a hit but when Disney included the song in their 1943 award winning Donald Duck short, it became one of the most popular songs during the war. You can find the song and the cartoon on Youtube.