A/N: Another chapter posted at 4 in the morning. Why am I still awake at this hour, you might ask? Film marathon. Why was I making a film marathon? Because I've spent all weekend with no sign of internet (the guys from the internet provider blamed it on the god-awful weather that's been up lately) and got completely bored (makes you put your life into perspective when losing all internet access nearly gives you a panic attack - just how dependant are we on technology?)
That said, the chapter has been ready for posting since Saturday afternoon but circumstances wouldn't let me post it. Well, here it goes.
-
17 June 1997
Once again, as it was tradition at the end of each school-year, Hogsmeade station filled with Hogwarts students and their respective possessions, all ready to make their way back home. The big difference that year was that – noticeably – over a third of the students (the ones that hadn't dropped from the school already) wouldn't be doing so through the Hogwarts Express as it was usual – the crowd of concerned parents was, once again, present, some missing work just for the purpose of taking their children home themselves by means of apparition, portkeys and floo.
"Dumb o' 'em if yeh ask me," Hagrid commented as he stood with Sirius at the platform. "Bloody train's as safe as Hogwarts. It's covered with almost the same wards as the school's ever since the track itself was built, it is! Couldn' be safer, tha' train."
It was true all precautions had been taken with the train just as they'd been taken with Hogwarts itself. And as annoyed as he often felt with how whiny those overprotective parents could be, he couldn't really blame them for not wanting to risk anything with their kids… Maybe if he wasn't so closely involved with Hogwarts, he'd be on their side of the equation. "If it makes them feel better, let them do what they want. It's their life," Sirius replied, shrugging, before looking up at the half-giant. "Got any special assignment from the Order this summer, Hagrid? Providing you're allowed to share, that is."
The other man shook his head. "Just guardin' the school as usual," he stated. "I'm teachin' Grawpy how to do the job too – bloke his size comes handy for somethin' like it."
Even as he had to bite his lower lip not to laugh at the mental picture of Hagrid's massive half-brother, Sirius didn't doubt it at all – he was pretty sure a fifteen feet tall giant guarding the gates could smash any invader with one of his feet into the consistence of pie filling without a blink of an eye…
Before he could make any sort of reply to Hagrid, he heard a tapping sound coming from somewhere near him and looked up only to see Mia inside the train through one of its windows, pointing at her watch as she stood on the aisle in order to remind him it was time for him to board the train.
As if he'd forgotten the two of them were on Hogwarts Express duty that day, he thought… He was actually looking forward to it – joke was on Mad-Eye if he'd just forced that assignment on them as payback for Mia constantly telling him off for trying to run Harry's life with his overbearing protection routines.
Despite them both knowing the former auror meant well in his own messed up way, the overbearing part was often pushed too far, especially when he'd suggested they placed a full-time surveillance charm on their godson – a charm that only worked if its target had been previously fed a weakening potion to lower their own magic's natural resistance and was only used by aurors to keep an eye on convicts that had been conditionally freed from Azkaban. Safe to say Mia hadn't been happy about someone suggesting that her godson was treated the same way as some creep would be, even if it was for 'his own protection'.
Still, as Mad-Eye's courtesy payback or not, with the present circumstances of the war it was understandable that, even though the train was heavily warded, the idea of letting a few dozens of teenagers ride on the train only guarded by two adults – one a wizard (the train conductor) and another a squib (the food-trolley lady) – hadn't seemed so appealing for the Order, especially when one of said teenagers was the 'Chosen-One'.
Sirius was awakened from his thoughts by the sound of train whistle calling everyone inside and saw Mia wasn't standing at the window anymore. He turned to Hagrid for a moment, who didn't seem to have noticed his thoughtful state, having been busy urging the students into the train. "Well, Hagrid, I supposed I'd better go. The wife's waiting – wouldn't want to piss her off."
Hagrid chuckled. "'lright, then. Have a nice journey, yeh two."
"Will do," he replied, before making his way to one of the train's entrances and climbing into it.
Inside, the aisle wasn't as cluttered with people searching for compartments as he recalled it to be back when he was the student, which was certainly justified by the fact that less students were travelling in that train.
At the opposite side of the carriage, he spotted a flash of red hair entering a compartment, followed by Izzy, who waved at him from a distance before stepping into the same compartment with Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom in a tow. Harry didn't seem to be with them, which would be natural since he wasn't supposed to be seen anywhere near Ginny (whom he identified as the flash of red he'd seen) these days – he'd probably be sitting with Ron and Hermione that time.
The train started moving in a matter of seconds and finding Mia wasn't very hard after that as he quickly spotted her sitting alone by the window inside the last compartment before the train's steam locomotive.
He opened the sliding door just enough to poke his head inside and grin at her as she raised her eyes from the periodical she was reading at the moment. "Mind if I sit here, Madam?"
His wife's eyes were defiant. "I don't know… my husband might not like the idea of me sitting alone with some random bloke. He's pretty possessive."
Sirius's grin widened as he opened the door further and stepped in, closing it behind him. "So dump him and let's run away together," he suggested.
She gave him a considering look. "Tempting," she observed. "He can be sort of an idiot sometimes. Makes me wonder why I even fell for him."
"Oi," Sirius complained at the same time he took a few steps further and sat opposite his wife. "I resent that. Your husband happens to be a great catch. Nice bloke, easy in the eyes, great kisser… even better at other stuff," he stated.
She raised her eyebrows. "Hum, and how would you know that, Mr. Stranger-who-just-walked-into-my-compartment-and-asked-me-to-run-away-with-him?" she asked teasingly.
He grinned. "Word on the street, of course," he said.
"Is that so?" she asked sceptically, her eyes returning to her issue of 'History Heritage' as her lips curved slightly. "You know, for a moment there I wondered if you were planning to skiv on this Hogwarts Express duty and dump it all on me."
"Do a bunk on you just to miss the pleasure of your company?" he asked sweetly. "I would never. Plus, I wouldn't want to miss this opportunity to ride on the Hogwarts express again." Sirius shifted, taking a lounging position along the seats on his side of the compartment. "You know, I don't think I'd realized how much I missed being in this stupid old train until now. Well-worth the eight-hour journey."
Mia sighed, closing the magazine and putting it down on the empty seat by her side for a moment, looking out the window to see the same landscapes she recalled seeing so many times when she was a student herself. "Feels rather nostalgic, doesn't it?"
He nodded. "Yeah. It's ridiculous: I haven't ridden in this train in… what? Twenty years? Yet, it looks exactly the same. Some things just never change, do they?" There, he could almost close his eyes and forget the mess the world was in at the moment: the war, the losses, the imminent dark.
His wife smiled faintly. "They really don't. And that would be nineteen years. Since you've last ridden in this train, I mean. Well, unless you were here in the meanwhile and I haven't heard about it."
He shook his head. "No, not since the end of our seventh year. Nineteen years… Merlin, that's how long we've been out of school?" he asked in amazement and disbelief. "Seems like it was yesterday."
She smiled. "It does, doesn't it? Time passes in a heartbeat."
He nodded solemnly. Nineteen years, twelve of which he'd spent locked away… It felt time had passed quickly now but he remember perfectly enough that at Azkaban each second had seemed like a minute and each minute like an hour. Now, thank Merlin, those years seemed to be part of another life even though he knew they weren't… Forget it, he told himself. Going there wouldn't do him any good. "You've taken the Hogwarts Express after that, haven't you? After we graduated."
She nodded. "The first year I worked here at the school. And the one after that too. Remus came too that year as well – it was when…"
"… I was on the run, wasn't it?" he asked in a sombre tone, doing the math himself. "A Dementor entered the train searching for me, ended up hovering all over Harry. Remus mentioned it once in one of our monthly get-togethers. Before his furry little problem kicked in, that is."
By 'monthly get-togethers' Sirius actually meant the nights he would spend helping their friend through his werewolf transformations – Tonks had been the first one to use that expression to refer those nights, actually, and it had sort of become a private joke. She'd always take a night shift at the auror department to entertain herself and her husband would be off for his monthly get-together with his best-mate. It worked out pretty well in an odd sort of way.
"That's right," Mia told him, concerning the Dementor's appearance that time almost four years before. "Dumbledore was furious about it, of course, because many students were affected aside from Harry." She sighed. "He was one of the worst, for obvious reasons – he even fainted because it got so close to him. But Izzy didn't do very well, either – she was in the compartment next-door to his. She looked even paler than Ginny and, well, Ginny had pretty awful things to remember from what had happened at the Chamber of Secrets."
Sirius frowned and sat straight on his seat in alarm. "Izzy had something that awful to remember too?"
Mia shook her head. "It wasn't quite what she remembered, Sirius. It was what she figured out," she explained.
Her husband gave her a clueless look. "What she figured out?"
"You don't need to have horrible memories for the Dementors to make you feel like you'll never be happy again," she stated quietly. "Izzy felt that like everyone else did – the difference was that she realized then that you'd felt the same every minute of every day when you were at… at Azkaban. It was just then that she realized how bad it really was."
"Oh," Sirius heard himself mumble before silence filled the room for several seconds.
He'd never considered that… not really. He hadn't known he was a father until he'd been set free and, by then, his daughter had seemed just perfectly delighted with having him around. The thought of what she might have thought about his incarceration before then hadn't really occurred to him…
"I… I didn't think…" he confessed, pausing again and imagining just how scared his daughter would have been, faced with the Dementor's aura – she would have been… what? Eleven by then? "They didn't hover that close at… well, there. Not usually," he told his wife as his brains started working again. "There were plenty of them but they rarely got any closer than a hundred feet from prisoners. It… it's bad but not as bad as she would have felt with one in the compartment next-door."
Mia nodded, her face expressionless. "That's what I told her but she was just… a mess, you know? It was the shock. She knew it was bad – I'd told her and Harry about it by the time I was told there would be Dementors guarding Hogwarts. I didn't want them to be completely off-guard. But hearing it is a whole different thing from feeling it."
Sirius nodded heavily in return. "Merlin, there were just a bunch of kids here in the train. Bloody faceless bastards just couldn't leave'em alone, could they?" he said though his teeth, his tone lethal.
His wife looked down as she spoke. "Dumbledore said they were attracted by Harry's… well, Harry's bad experiences." She paused and shook her head – she didn't want to talk about it anymore. "It was a long time ago, Sirius – they were shaken up for a while but it passed. Remus taught Harry the Patronus charm and Izzy just did all she could to stay away from Dementors. Everything turned out fine. I shouldn't have mentioned it in the first place, Sirius. I know it's not easy for you to remember how it was like with them…"
"No, it's fine," he said, his tone back to normal, receiving a doubtful look in return. "Really, it is. Now it is. Like you said, it was a long time ago, love." He sighed. "It's not the best thing in the world to hear it being mentioned but it's not like I can't handle it." He gave her a smile, even if faint, before leaning back against his seat again. That seemed to soften her uncertainty just a little.
His wife looked at him for several seconds. Just looked, her eyes rather intense as she did so, until she finally uttered any words. "You keep amazing me, you know?" Mia confessed softly without really thinking. "Every single day."
Sirius raised his eyebrows at her. "Amaze you about what, love?"
She sighed. "The way you bounced back from… everything you've gone through… Azkaban, the Dementors, being on the run… You deal with it every day and, Merlin, sometimes even joke about it… I don't know how you do it."
He shrugged. "That's just who I am, Mia. Joking is, well, part of me. Between doing that and dwelling in the past in order to deal with it, I knew that joking was the only choice I had that I wouldn't make me waste any more time than I'd already lost. And wasting more time dwelling would just be a really stupid way to start living the life with you, with our family that I'd spent so long waiting for," he told her. "Time and life are the two things you can't ever get back after wasting them."
Mia smiled a little. He'd done it for her, for all of them – she knew it already but hearing it was so much more… powerful. Most people wouldn't have been able to do it – they would have changed so much that essentially they would have become somebody else. That was what she'd feared the most throughout those years waiting, especially the last one with all the articles, all the rumours and all the incidents surrounding Sirius's escape. She'd feared that he wasn't still him anymore. But in the end of all, he was and, Merlin, she loved him even more for it. "You know," she observed casually, "you're a much more rational person than most people give you credit for."
He grinned a little cockily. "That's sort of the point. If I told the world about all my qualities, I'm afraid I'd constantly be harassed by tramps wishing to be Mrs. Black instead of you," he pointed out jokingly. "As I said before, I'm quite the catch."
Mia rolled her eyes, fighting hard not to chuckle – typical Sirius to use that as a teasing theme. And to find such a smooth way to change the conversation's topic. "And as I've told you many times already, not for your modesty, for sure," she pointed out. She reached for the magazine she'd been reading and opened it again, pretending to be more interested in it than in what he was going to say.
"Who needs modesty, love?" he asked, amused at how hard she seemed to be fighting to keep a straight look on her face. "And speaking of modesty… or lack of it, I can't help noticing that this is actually the first time the two of us have had a compartment all to ourselves…"
"Is that right?" she replied, forcing an uninterested tone into her voice.
Sirius nodded. "Very right," he stated. "I always ended up sitting with the guys and you with Lily and Elizabeth. Makes me wonder about all the… hum, compartment-related experiences we missed out on… Shame on us. Remember we always had to sneak into the luggage compartment to…?"
"No," Mia said calmly, her eyes on the magazine as she spoke.
He looked at her, confused. "What do you mean 'no'? We always made up excuses to leave the compartments and would meet at the luggage compartment… there was even this one time before we were together – you know, during that whole we-snog-but-we're-just-friends phase – when I got this huge bump in my head 'cause a trunk fell on me…"
"I wasn't referring to that," Mia clarified. "I meant 'no' as in 'no, just because we have a compartment all to ourselves it doesn't mean we're going to make up in this single journey for all the snogging we didn't have the chance to do back when we were teenagers'."
He narrowed his eyes. "How can you possibly know what I was thinking of suggesting?"
Mia gave him a sceptical look over the magazine. "We've been together since we were seventeen. You honestly think I don't know how that perverted head of yours works? We're in a public place, for Merlin's sake – a student could pop by at any moment and see us all over each other."
Funny how none of the reasons she'd given against them snogging had anything to do with her being personally opposed to it… "That's what locks and blinders are for," he pointed out hopefully.
"There are no locks or blinders in these compartments, Sirius."
He smirked at her as he got up and reached for the wand in his pocket, pointing it at the sliding door. A few rays of light shot from the tip of his wand and suddenly shades appeared, covering every glass surface between them and the train's aisle, at the same time an inexistent lock clicked. "Just look at that – now there are. Must be magic…" he told her in a joking tone. That time, instead of sitting opposite her, he sat right by her side, his arm sliding over her shoulders as he smiled at her charmingly, looking at her sideways.
"You're unbelievable," she told him, shaking her head as she glanced at him just for a moment.
His grin widened and he reached for her ear with his lips. "Yes, I love you too," he whispered.
Because he wasn't looking at her face at the moment, she allowed herself to smile openly that time. "Do you mind? I'm reading a rather interesting article about the newfound discoveries on the Goblin rebellions. Apparently, there's evidence of the house-elves being allied with the Goblins in several battles," she told him flatly, not bothering to hide that fact that she was playing difficult.
"Hum, hum, I'm sure it's bloody fascinating," he told her as his lips moved an inch closer to her mouth and he kissed the side of her jaw.
"It is – I might just include it in my next quiz to the sixth years," she pointed out as it got increasingly difficult to pretend not to be interested in what Sirius was doing with him distracting her like. She mentally cursed her weak self for not being able to resist that man.
Sirius groaned. Merlin, she was good at playing the frigid shrew when she wanted to. "Love, you won't be making any quizzes for another two months and a half. I'd sure theres plenty of time to think of that. later," he told her as he planted a kiss even closer to her mouth. This time, he did feel her shiver over it.
"Now, Sirius, planning ahead always plays off, doesn't…hey!" she complained as he grabbed a hold of her magazine and threw it at the seat opposite them. "I was reading that."
"No, you weren't," he replied, narrowing his eyes. "You were just torturing me. I'm starting to believe you get a kick out of it."
"Maybe I do," she told him defiantly, letting him see her smile that time. She glanced at his lips, three or four inches away from hers and then at his eyes again. Ah, well, she thought, why should I keep resisting? "But I think I'm gonna stop now."
"Well then…" he said, leaning even closer until their lips were so close he felt the heat of her skin caressing his own. But then, just as he noticed Mia was holding her breath expectantly, he tipped his face to the left and teasingly missed her lips by millimetres when he finally kissed her. "Maybe it's my turn to torture you in return?"
"Don't you dare," she warned, catching his face with both of her hands, cupping it firmly. "Just snog me already."
He grinned and grabbed a hold of her forearms, shifting her left hand to his side and the right one to his lips. "Not so nice when you're in the other end of it, is it?" he said after kissing the back of her hand. He placed it on his side too and then he moved his own to the back of her neck, pulling her towards him until their lips actually met that time.
He felt her smiling against his mouth as if she was thinking 'finally' and she rested a hand on his shoulder before letting herself be pulled into a more comfortable position on his lap.
Yet, before they could go any further, the eternal curse of interruption stroke again through a knock on their sliding door. Their lips parted almost immediately but they didn't quite pull away from each other immediately.
"Maybe they'll go away," Sirius whispered hopefully.
"It could be important," she murmured, motioning to get up, only to be pulled back by her husband. "Sirius!"
"If whoever it is goes away, it can't be that important," he pointed out.
But he wasn't so lucky. Another knock came, that one followed by a familiar voice. "Aunt Mia? Sirius? Are you there?"
Harry, Mia concluded. "Just a second," she shouted, that time really sliding down from Sirius's lap and onto the seat. "Go open it," she told him, already brushing her hair with her fingers, trying to cover any mess made midst the snogging.
Annoyed over his godson's lack of sense of opportunity, Sirius stood up and reached for the door, removing the locking charm and sliding it open. Harry was standing on the other side of it, a strange look on his face as he looked at him.
"What were the shades for?" he blurted out.
Damn, he had to ask, Sirius thought. "Er… the morning sun. It was hitting us right on the face – it was annoying your godmother," he lied quickly.
Despite the fact that the sky was solidly covered with grey clouds, Harry made a colossal effort to convince himself his godfather was telling him the truth. Because he really, really, didn't want to think of what other reasons his godparents had to be locked behind a shaded door…
"So…" Sirius started, "is there something you need, kid?"
"Er, I actually wanted to talk to the two of you about something," he mumbled, glancing into the compartment and seeing his godmother quickly flipping through some magazine's pages, trying unsuccessfully to seem occupied – she'd never been any good at acting as far as Harry could remember.
He swallowed hard – what he had to say was important, really important. But, Merlin, did he feel awkward at the moment… He supposed putting it off for a day or two wouldn't harm anyone. "You know what? I could probably leave it for another time if you're busy," he declared, taking a step back. "I'll just go…"
"Oh, no you're not," Sirius told him, grabbing his godson by the arm and pulling him into the compartment. "If you're here, you might as well say what you have to say." The mood between him and Mia was broken, anyway…
"Er… okay," he said, seeing as he didn't really have another choice. Maybe it was for the best he just let that out then. "Can you…" he gestured to the door stiffly "…silence it?"
Harry not wanting to risk anyone listening to their conversation could only mean one thing – it was Voldemort-related, Sirius concluded. Maybe that strange look on his godson's face hadn't just been caused by the embarrassing situation he'd just walked into, after all.
"What is it, Harry?" Mia asked softly as the younger boy sat opposite her in the compartment.
He bit his lip as he looked at her. Any feeling of awkwardness he'd had before was replaced by the nerves of the impending conversation. He'd spent days wondering about how to tell them what he'd already told Ginny – his plans for the following year – and hadn't reached any conclusions worth noting.
He just had no idea where to start. By the beginning, Ginny had told him in the previous night when they'd snuck to the common room just after midnight to spend some time together, away from prying eyes. Yeah right, he thought. He couldn't even tell the beginning apart from the end of it. Wherever he started, he knew what he was about to say would, at the very least, leave his godparents, Mia especially, shaken up.
"Kid, are you alright?" Sirius asked, observing his godson as he sat by his wife's side. "You look a bit pasty there."
"Hum? I'm fine," he said dismissively.
"What's this about, Harry?" Mia inquired uncertainly, looking at him concernedly. "You're starting to worry me. Did you find something new? About Voldemort? Or the Horcruxes?"
He shook his head. "No, no. It's none of that. Well, nothing new, I mean."
"Then what is it?" she insisted.
Harry took a deep breath before speaking. "It's about next year. What I'm going to do then."
"Oh, is this about those rumours that have been going around about the school maybe closing?" his godmother asked, allowing herself to feel relieved for a moment, considering that it might be such a simple matter. "Because those are just rumours. Neither Minerva nor the Ministry have any plans not to have the school open next year."
He shook his head and sighed. There was no other way of saying it – he'd just have to be blunt… "I know the school is opening – but I won't be coming back."
A moment of heavy, uncomfortable silence formed in the compartment just as those words left his mouth. Harry couldn't bring himself to look at their faces, read their thoughts through them, so he just looked out the window, pretending to be paying attention to the moving landscape of the Scottish countryside.
He suddenly wished Ginny was there – everything always felt so much clearer and easier around her. When they'd talked in the previous night and he'd mulled over how he would break the news to his godparents, she'd offered to go with him – it shouldn't be hard to meet him under his invisibility cloak. Yet he had refused. Maybe he was being a pigheaded prat – her words, not his – but it didn't feel right to bring her into it. He had a feeling that the conversation in question was something he should do on his own, even if with her around he was sure the whole thing would have felt a lot less tense to him.
"Hum, Harry?" Sirius started, making his godson finally look away from the window. "What exactly do you mean by 'I won't be coming back'?" He wasn't dumb – he knew what it meant. Still, the implications of that statement went farther than his head could process at the moment. He needed to hear it from Harry and, he was sure, so did Mia. It just took a look at her to see that she was dumbstruck too.
"I… I meant just that," he said hesitantly. "I'm not coming back to Hogwarts next year." What else could he say now?
"Why not?" Mia managed to ask, her voice low and stunned like she was still trying to digest what he'd just said.
Harry let out a breath before speaking. "Because… because I can't just stand it anymore. Being at Hogwarts and doing nothing when people are getting hurt and killed all over the country because of Voldemort's ambition. I just can't."
"You know you're not to blame for what's happening," Sirius told him immediately. "We've told you a million times already. Voldemort was an evil son of a bitch long before you were born. Long before any prophecy about you was made."
His godson nodded. "I know that. I know. Not all Voldemort is doing is my fault – he does most of it because he's mad and thirsty for power. I get your point. But you heard the prophecy: I'm the only one who can stop him. And if I choose not to do anything about it, it will be my fault that people keep dying."
"You're sixteen, Harry!" Mia told him, her tone much louder and edgier than before. "No one can blame you for not doing more than you're already doing."
"I'll be seventeen in less than two months," he told her immediately. "And it doesn't matter how old I am. Dumbledore is dead. Gone. The person Voldemort feared the most is out of the equation now – how long do you think it will take before he makes a big move? Arranges for a full-blown attack and tries to take over the Wizarding World? Maybe even the Muggle one too. It's just a matter of time – now or never. I can't ignore that."
"Don't you think there are plenty of people expecting that already?" Sirius inquired. "Merlin, that's all Mad-Eye talks about at the Order. Imminent attack this, ministry takeover that, spies everywhere… Believe me, we all see that coming and we're all ready to fight, kid."
"And so am I," Harry replied.
"So that's what are you planning to do then, Harry?" Mia asked in disbelief. "To join the front-lines?"
"I am but not in the way you're thinking," he replied. "Dumbledore gave me a mission…"
"A mission? He told you he wanted you to follow a mission for him?" she inquired. Had the man been withholding information from them again? It was unbelievable. Unbelievable! "And he didn't tell us anything?"
He shook his head. "He didn't say it in so many words. But I know that's what he wanted… no, what he knew I had to do. I've got to go out there, follow every clue that leads me closer to the Horcruxes, find them and destroy them."
"The horcruxes?" Sirius asked. "They're the mission Dumbledore had for you? Hunting them down?"
Harry nodded. "It makes sense – he told me about them for a reason. Showed me memories of Voldemort'spast to give me pointers to find the four ones out there – even led me to find out exactly what one was: Nagini, Voldemort's pet snake. He knew none of this will go away if I don't make it go away. For that, I have to find the Horcruxes and have them and then Voldemort destroyed. If I don't, who knows, ten years from now the Wizarding world will be hell on earth." And that, he thought, wasn't a world where he'd want anyone he cared for living. Where he'd want Alex or Mary or even his newfound cousin, Quinn, growing up. "Who knows who of all the people we know will be gone by then?"
"But Harry you can't just…" Mia started.
He shook his head and sighed before looking alternately at Sirius and Mia's eyes. "I know you don't like this plan. And I know you want to change my mind – maybe you'll say something or do something that will succeed. But you've got to know that I'll never be able to look myself in the mirror for the rest of my life if I know I stood idly by as all of this happened, as people died all over. And I'll never… ever forgive either of you if I know you were the ones who made me do it – who made me stay behind like a coward."
His words were like a slap on their faces and Harry regretted using them almost immediately, faced with the pain in their expressions, mainly Mia's. He hated being the one that had caused that… He hated he'd needed to have that conversation in the first place.
Still, that last crushing sentence, as harsh as it was, ended up being the main factor behind making them realize just how important that 'mission' was to their godson. How vital it was that they gave him a nod of approval on it, no matter how much they might hate it. That was what Harry had to do – they'd known it ever since they'd heard about the prophecy. Seeing it right in the horizon though, becoming more and more real was a different thing – much harder to accept than it in theory, logics be damned.
The whole tone of the conversation changed entirely from then on.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that," Harry mumbled, looking down, ashamed.
"Yes, you did, Harry," Mia whispered softly. "You meant it and even though it's hard to swallow, you're right. You are."
"Aunt Mia…"
"We love you," she said before he could say anything else. "We want you to be safe. But that doesn't give us the right to make you miserable by keeping you away from the battles you have to fight in order to live with yourself," she said before chuckling dryly, looking away from him. "I've been telling that to Mad-Eye for weeks and it seems I failed to see it myself." Her eyes met his again. "I'm sorry, Harry."
"No, don't apologise. I was too harsh. I had no right to accuse you…"
"You didn't accuse us of anything, Kid," Sirius let him now. "If I was in your shoes, I would resent us too for the same reasons and you can bet your arse I would have said much worse than that."
Despite his godfather's reassurance, Harry still felt bad from what he'd said. He'd never done anything like that before, lashed at Mia or Sirius. He'd never had a reason to.
"So…" Mia started, trying to sound as calm as she could about it – just because she was willing to go along with Harry's plan, it didn't mean she liked it or even felt okay about it. "When are you planning to start that…hunt?"
"Just after my birthday," he told them. "I'll have the trace on me until then – I won't be of much use until it's gone. I'd thought of leaving right on my birthday but Ginny made me promise I'd stay for Bill and Fleur's wedding at least."
"Ginny knows?" she asked, surprised.
He nodded. "I had the tell her. She wasn't surprised – knew it was coming for a while, actually. She had it all thought out by the time I told her and is already planning to join me just as soon as she turns seventeen too." He sighed and looked them in the eyes. "I understand this is hard for you – letting me just… go on this thing. I do understand. I don't want Ginny anywhere near this mess either. I just want her to be safe – that's why I'm hoping this will all be over by the time she turns seventeen so she won't have to go after me. I suppose that gives me a year or so to deal with it."
"Wait, you're not planning on going on this Horcrux hunt all alone, are you?" Sirius asked him with eyes narrowed. "Because, I'm sorry, Kid, but that's too… mad for us to even try and accept it."
Mia nodded. "Yes, Harry. Horcuxes are dangerous – too dangerous for you to handle all on your own. You need someone by your side – listen, maybe one of us could go with you and…"
"No, no way," he replied immediately. "You've got to stay or at home – I won't be going alone, anyway. Ron and Hermione are coming with me – they all set on it already and I can't change their minds." Honestly, he selfishly didn't really want to either – they'd been in it together from the beginning and deep down he'd always known they would remain that way right up until the end.
"Still even if they're going, we could…" Mia tried again.
"No," he said firmly. "You've got to stay at home. Both of you. For Izzy, Alex, Mary… they need you."
"And you don't?" Sirius asked in return.
"Not as much as they do. Not anymore," Harry replied honestly. "I've been getting ready for this for a long time. Dumbledore taught me all he could to make sure I would succeed and Ron and Hermione have been in it too, ever since our first year. We'll manage together. We always do." Then, hopefully it would all be over. He would have a normal life, finally, as would everyone else.
Silence came again, though that time it wasn't as uncomfortable as it had been before.
It was true, Mia knew. All of it. In a few weeks he would legally be an adult but he hadn't been a child for a long time then, even if she so badly had tried to keep him one for as long as she could. Boys his age should be worrying about what to give their girlfriends for their birthday or whether or not they would have enough NEWTs to follow their career of choice – instead, Harry worried about a dark lord who'd marked him as someone who should be killed when he was a mere baby. He hadn't needed her or Sirius to solve his problems for a while and had taken matters in his own hands various times in what came to threats to himself, his loved ones or even the Wizarding World, almost always with his best friends by his side.
Logically, if there was any group of teenagers ready to face a challenge like that one, it was them. Yet it didn't make it taste a little less sour in Mia's mouth. It was hard letting a child go, especially when the reason why she had to do it was so haunted with danger. But she had to do it anyway.
"When did this happen?" she asked him. "When you become this… grown person and stopped being the little boy who helped his baby sister steal her grandmother's broom to teach her how to fly thinking I wouldn't find out? It seems like it was just a minute ago."
Harry's lips curled at the memories. "I don't know. That must have been a really long minute."
"I wish it had been longer," she whispered. Her eyes felt heavy and not in a sleepy sort of way but in a close-to-tears one. She couldn't break down in front of Harry – he didn't need that. Tears would have to wait – she hated knowing that she'd been crying way too much lately. If only she could invoke hormones as an excuse like she'd been able to six months before when she was carrying Mary…
She felt Sirius's hand touching her arm and knew immediately he was trying to give her some sort of comfort. He'd been quiet for the last few minutes and didn't seem to have any intention of re-entering the conversation anytime soon. He understood that moment was between her and Harry.
Mia stood up, then and opened up her arms to him. Harry understood the gesture and got up too, letting her envelop him in a hug freely. He was practically taller than she was – she'd noticed that already but it still felt odd in comparison to the little boy who felt very proud of himself for finally reaching his godmother's waist height.
"Does this mean you're okay with me not coming back to Hogwarts to chase the Horcruxes?" he asked tentatively.
"No," she replied, letting him pull away from her hold. "It means I hate that you have to go through this. But also that if this is what you need to do, I'll respect it."
"I suppose that's all I can ask for," he offered.
"But you've got to promise me something."
Harry nodded. "Okay."
"Don't take more risks than you really have to," his godmother requested. "I don't want to be one of those people who have to bury a child too soon."
The pure thought sent a shiver down his spine. "I don't want to be one of those people who get buried way too soon."
Mia smiled a little at his response but her eyes were still close to tears. She sat back but Harry remained on his feet and turned to Sirius.
"What about you? Are you okay with this?"
"Not really. But just as long as you come back to tell the story, Kid, I'm not terribly opposed to it," Sirius informed him. "Only don't forget we've still got more than a month before it's time to say farewell. Don't think we won't make sure you're ready before you go. We'll go back to this later."
His godson gave him a nod. "Wouldn't have it any other way," he stated before gesturing towards the sliding door. "I should go… Before hum… Ron and Hermione start arguing again and strangle each other to death," he said lamely. "I sort of need them more than ever now…"
They nodded understandingly and Harry quickly made an exit. By the time he closed the door behind him, Mia was already biting her lower lip as the first tear escaped.
By her side, Sirius only needed a look to know she was about to break down – she needed to vent, to cry and maybe even yell and punch before starting to rationalize. She was more than entitled to it, after all.
It killed her to allow Harry to go on that mission, yet she'd given him the closest thing she had to a blessing because she knew Harry needed it. Because it was the right thing to do. Sirius had never admired his wife more than he did at that moment and, as far as he was concerned, he would do all he could to make it easier on her. "Come here," he said, opening his arms welcomingly at her.
She slid into his arms and he brought her to his lap without a second thought. That time, he didn't kiss her as before – he simply held her close and stroke her hair as she buried her face against his neck and let the tears fall for several minutes.
"I knew it," he heard her murmur against his neck at some point. "I knew from the moment I first held that boy that he would break my heart someday."
He combed her hair with his finger again as he spoke softly. "He hasn't left yet. He won't for another month and a half."
She sobbed and pulled away a little just to look at him with red, swollen eyes. "He will – that's the point. Damn Dumbledore for giving him that insanely dangerous mission. Damn him! I don't want Harry to get hurt. He was my baby – my first baby." She buried her face in his neck again and held back a sob, sick of crying.
"Don't underestimate him, love," Sirius warned her. "The kid survived a killing curse when he was a baby and slew a basilisk at twelve years old with only a sword and a singing bird. When it comes to Harry Potter, the line between possible and impossible becomes very, very thin. You've got to count that as an advantage."
"I know, I know," she said, pulling back again and just resting the side of her head against his shoulder. "I knew this was coming – I knew it would be up to Harry in the end… I just didn't think it would have to be this soon. I don't want him to get hurt."
"He's a strong lad, Mia. If anyone can pull this off, it's him."
He hoped he was right. Merlin knew he did. Not only because he cared for the kid like he was his own or because he was his only connection to his late best mate but also for Mia.
Because, most of all, he really didn't want to find out how badly she would fall apart if anything awful happened to Harry.
A/N2: Well, I think I've made all my ramblings in A/N1, so I'm just going to say I hope you like the chapter. It was very emotional to write...
Feedback is always welcome. Review!