Glenn
Rick doesn't look up as he says, "I killed Shane Walsh."
Daryl and I glance at each other in surprise. Before the silence can grow Daryl says, "You did a good job. No one suspected."
Rick looks up then. "You're not going to say I did a terrible thing?"
"You must have had a good reason," I tell him.
"A dead PK is no loss," Daryl adds.
"I thank you for not judging," Rick says. "As a matter of fact, it was self-defense but it's been eating at me that maybe I could have handled it different. Because the truth is that I wanted him dead."
"It wasn't all his fault. Lori made a mistake, but he took advantage. A month before the games she went to him and asked if there was any way he could get Carl's name taken out of the drawing."
I can tell from Daryl's face that he's thinking the same thing I am. Lori isn't the first woman to beg for her child's life. But it never works. Any interference in the drawing means death no matter who does it.
Rick hesitates. "She said she'd do anything." His voice breaks, and I know what Lori did.
"Walsh told her he could save Carl but it would be dangerous for him. If he got caught, he'd be executed. He said he'd always admired her, that coming to our house was the best part of being assigned to District 11."
I know Rick and Walsh weren't friends but the mayor and the commander of the Peacekeeper garrison have to maintain a working relationship so Walsh was invited to dinner every couple of months.
"You know what happened. And of course he lied. The chance of Carl being chosen was so small he must have thought he'd get away with it." Rick's eyes meet mine. "And then you saved our son. No conditions. Just the greatest act of generosity and sacrifice I've ever known."
"How did you find out what happened?" I ask to get the subject off of me. Plus I really want to know.
"Lori told me."
Why would Lori confess something so hurtful? She should have kept it to herself and lived with the guilt. Maybe Walsh threatened to tell Rick and she thought it would be better coming from her so she could give her side of the story first.
"She's pregnant," Rick says softly.
"You think it's his?" Daryl asks.
"I know it. We haven't been … close lately. Nothing really wrong, just one of the ups and downs of marriage. It started on Carl's birthday a couple of months before the reaping. Of course she was worried, so was I. But I didn't realize she was that desperate. I would have stopped her if I knew what she was going to do. Carl's chances were better than others. His name was only in once. He didn't have to sign up for tessera. It was against all odds that his name was pulled."
Rick sighs. "Anyway, she told me. And I said it would be our baby. But she was four months along and starting to show. Walsh noticed. He knew it was his."
"Peacekeepers aren't allowed to marry or have children," I remind him. "He had to know he couldn't claim the child."
"Walsh's 20 year enlistment was almost up. He thought there was more between them than Lori trying to save Carl. He thought he could take her away and start over."
"He actually told you all that?" Daryl asks.
Rick nods. "He asked to meet me in the clearing. I was suspicious but I couldn't refuse. When he started talking about taking Lori away, I said that wasn't happening. They were only together a few times and Lori already told him it was over. Even before Carl was picked and she knew Walsh lied. But he was unhinged. He pulled his weapon and said he'd be doing his duty by shooting a poacher who broke curfew, even if it was the mayor. He had a sack with a turkey he'd snared. He planned to kill me all along.
"He thought I was no threat, that I couldn't or wouldn't fight back. I jumped him. It was pure luck that the gun went off as I twisted his arm up to his head. I didn't even have to move the body. I ran into the woods. I knew the patrol would hear and get there pretty fast. I unbuttoned my shirt and pants like I put them on in a hurry and circled around so I'd be coming from my house. I checked the body so there'd be a reason for some blood on my clothes. You know the rest."
"Talk about calm under pressure," I say admiringly. "You thought of everything and you didn't get caught."
Daryl is thinking about something else. "What about the turkey? Did you get it?"
Rick stares at him in amazement and then grins. "Yeah. I couldn't leave it there. How would that be explained? We had it for dinner the next night. Ate the evidence."
"Do Lori and Carl know what happened?" I ask.
"Lori does, of course. Not Carl. He never knew what his mother did and we don't want him to. And now we don't want him to know what his father did. I shouldn't have burdened you either but it got so I felt like I had to tell someone."
"Who better than us," Daryl says.
It's true. We've both killed many more than Rick has. He should be all right now, at least until the baby is born. Raising another man's child, especially under these circumstances, may be more difficult than he imagines.
Daryl
Daryl had always respected Rick Grimes and thought he was a good leader for the district but he'd never been sure until now that Rick could commit violence if needed. Not only had he stepped up but he'd covered his ass well enough to fool a Capitol investigator. Daryl was impressed.
Glenn
Things are quiet for a few weeks and then it's time for the Victory Tour. I'd never been out of the district until the games and Daryl hasn't visited other districts since his own tour. We start in 12. The people seem poorer and thinner than 11. Maybe it's because we have better weather and even though the penalty for stealing food is severe, it's easier to get away with enough to keep from starving when you're working in a garden or orchard. But overall our security is tighter and our Peacekeepers harsher.
If the circumstances were different I'd enjoy traveling around Panem, seeing firsthand what each district produces. The outlying districts are fairly friendly because even though their tributes died, I didn't kill them and they're quietly pleased that an underdog won. But the districts close to the Capitol are the homes of the career tributes I knocked out and smothered and they're barely civil. Daryl says it was the same for him.
The feast in the Capitol is disgusting with the vomitorium based on ancient Rome. The people are nice to me – they enjoy the excess and gluttony that goes along with the Victory Tour – but President Snow is as cold as his name. He's icily polite to me and doesn't really look at or acknowledge Daryl in any way. But then it's over and we can go home to District 11 for the harvest celebration.
Daryl
Winter was coming and even in a temperate climate prey would be less plentiful so Daryl wanted one last hunt outside the fence. He got lucky and took down a deer. That didn't happen often. The last time was three years ago. He couldn't haul the carcass back so he dressed it out in the woods and then had to wait until full dark before making for home laden with meat. He was much later than usual and hoped Glenn wasn't too worried. Their house was empty when he arrived so he stashed the meat and headed across to his former house now occupied only by Merle.
Glenn jumped up when he came in. He looked relieved and angry in equal parts. Daryl suspected he was in trouble.
Merle spoke. "I was starting to worry. Glenn started an hour ago."
Daryl explained about the deer.
"That's different, then," Merle said happily. "All is forgiven."
"No, it isn't," Glenn said.
"Sure it is," Merle disagreed. "He got a deer!"
"That's not the issue," Glenn said coolly. He headed for the doorway and paused to look over his shoulder. "Are you coming?"
"Should I?" Daryl asked. "I can stay here if you don't want me around for awhile."
"This isn't over. How can we finish it if you're not there? Come on." Glenn left.
Merle tapped a bowl on the end table beside his chair. "You can leave your balls here," he said with a snicker. "Whipped as you are, you won't be needing them."
Daryl stared him down. "It was a small deer. Probably not enough to share with you."
"Aw, don't be like that. Go home and make nice. Do something tonight to get in a better mood and I'll be over in the morning for venison."
Daryl trudged home. He and Glenn didn't fight much and it never lasted long when they did. There were the usual minor disagreements but they'd been through too much to let pettiness get the best of them. But tonight Daryl was pretty sure he knew what the issue was that Glenn mentioned.
"I understand why you were late," Glenn started in. "And the meat will be great. But if something really had happened to you, I don't even know how to find you. Merle was surprised I didn't know but he said it had to come from you. So my question is, why don't you trust me to know how to get out of the fence?"
"It's not that I don't trust you. I just hadn't thought about telling you." It was the truth but it sounded feeble even to Daryl's ears. "I'll show you next week. I'd do it tomorrow but we shouldn't be out again so soon."
"I promise I won't tell anyone and I won't go out unless it's an emergency."
"I know. I trust you. But it could be dangerous for you to know."
They went to bed then and Daryl was in a better mood the next morning when Merle arrived.
Glenn
On a gloomy day when the chill and damp is keeping most people inside and the PK patrols are few, Daryl and I go for a walk. Beyond the Victors' Village in the opposite direction from town is a huge sandstone bluff with an irregular base curving a quarter mile long. Most of the rock face is sheer and bare but vines and moss grow up a dozen feet from the bottom. Daryl shows me the narrow opening covered by foliage that leads to a passage through the bluff.
"How could the PKs and inspectors miss this? It's hidden, but not if they're looking very closely."
"The Capitol likes folks to do what they're told, no more, no less," Daryl explains. "The PKs check the fence to make sure citizens can't get out and the Capitol sends a team every year to inspect it. And you better believe that fence gets checked and inspected. They look close at the ends where rock meets fence but in between they walk along and don't pay much attention because this is rock and they're here to look at fence."
"Surely someone has thought about it. There would be a big reward for finding it."
"Or maybe they'll get punished for wasting time. PK grunts and Capitol inspectors have some status in the districts but they got no real power. Nobody wants to hear questions or suggestions from them. Makes them sound like they know better than their superiors. Plus they figure if something was there somebody else would have found it by now."
Halfway through the passage it widens to a small cave where Daryl stores weapons and supplies. We go on to the other side. I'm so excited I'm breathless. It feels different looking at the fence from this side. I never felt confined before but I will from now on, knowing how close this is.
We don't stay long and we don't go far. Daryl says it's probably the last time we'll be here until spring. It's harder to hide with less greenery and tracks are more visible on bare ground.
Daryl surprises me on our way back through the cave. Let me just say that prehistoric people had the right idea with caveman sex. And by that I mean men in a cave having sex.
I wonder if a bearskin is better than a sleeping bag.