Chapter Three: What We Owe To Those We Hurt
About two weeks later
"Michael, stop pacing."
Michael feigned innocence and stopped running a hole into the carpet. He turned and faced his wife. Liz was sitting on the bed wringing her hands. Michael's nervousness was making her nervous and jumpy. Her feet were swinging over their bed and her hand on her stomach protectively.
"I'm sorry. I'm just-" Michael stopped, not able to find the words.
Liz took a deep breath and prepared herself for the conversation that was about to take place. "Take your time, Michael. I really want to hear this."
They both looked at each other, almost realizing at the same time that this had to be done. When Michael told Liz about Max, her response had been eerily calm. They discussed briefly and all they had got to was that Liz wasn't afraid. Which worked out well, considering how edgy Michael was.
Michael looked upon his indifferent wife and exploded. "I just don't understand why you can be so calm about this!"
"I've never felt *calm*, Michael. Just because I'm not looking over my shoulder doesn't mean that this doesn't scare me. It does, Michael. Sometimes when I think about Max and Maria, it makes me feel eighteen again," she admitted.
Michael ducked his head slightly and scratched his eyebrow. "I see where you're going with this."
Liz squinted her eyes at her husband. "Do you? Because you seem to be missing a major point here. We aren't eighteen anymore. In those two years, Michael, we changed tremendously and it goes without saying that it wasn't for the better. We did what we did because we felt we had no options left. Looking back on it, yes, it was rash and maybe not thought out enough. But, to me, that was the beauty of it. We finally did something for us and I wouldn't change it for anything."
"I wouldn't either," Michael assured her, rushing over to her side on the bed.
Her brown eyes looked into this. They'd been through so much together so if anything could bring Michael back to Earth, it was her.
"But we are twenty-four years old now and we have a daughter. Michael, we have everything that we ran away for in the first place. We, as adults, have to deal with the consequences of our actions. Maybe in more ways than one. I'm not worried about Max finding us, Michael. I'm more worried about what's going to happen once he does."
"Why? Because I'm not going to let him hurt us again. I won't let that happen," Michael vowed, taking Liz's hands.
"Like we hurt him?" Liz shot back. She wriggled her hands out of his and looked away from him.
"He's done far worse to us," Michael argued, not understanding Liz.
"I know that, dammit! This isn't one of those 'Liz has too much faith in Max' things, I swear. But we did things back then we aren't too proud of-"
"We were eighteen. We all made mistakes."
"But we weren't normal teenagers, Michael! Our mistakes could not be afforded. Max made a mistake by sleeping with Tess and it cost him everything. You and I, Michael, made mistakes in *succession*. You're right that we all made mistakes but no mistake anybody makes is punishable by the actions we committed."
"You make it sound like we killed somebody," Michael mumbled.
A guilt-ridden Liz stood up and looked down at Michael. "Max and Maria think we're dead, Michael. Is it wrong that suddenly I'm realizing that our freedom came with a price? They've been by themselves for the last five years, fighting for their lives. You saw what Isabel's death did to Kyle. How do we know that we didn't do that to them?"
Michael was heavily thinking on her words. As much as he wanted to admit it, she was right. From hindsight, did their actions cross the line into selfish? They could have, in all actuality, just gone to Max and Maria. But the fear of dealing with those consequences was deafening.
"Why didn't we just got into their rooms and tell them, Michael?" she asked him.
Michael reached out and pulled Liz on his lap. She tucked her head under his chin and gazed at their intertwined fingers that rested on her stomach. "You're afraid that they'll hate us," Michael said out loud.
Liz nodded her head. The irony was not lost on either of them.
Liz closed her eyes tightly and thought of the encounter that would occur between she and Max. "They'll wish we were dead."
They were both silent for a moment. "Things can't go back to the way they were."
There were too many friendships to heal. There wasn't enough time in the world.
Liz sniffled and snuggled closer to him. "They never seem like they can," she replied dully.
Michael wrapped his arms around her and hugged her. "I'm afraid that Max will hate me too. As much as I try not to, I can't stop thinking it. It's not about him taking you away from me because I know that that won't happen-"
"Damn straight," Liz intervened with a small giggle. She squeezed Michael's hand because she knew he was only telling a half-truth. Even if that was a very small part of it, Michael's insecurities when it came to Max were timeless.
"But seriously, Liz," and he tugged on her chin so that she was facing him. "We'll get through it."
"Michael," Liz drawled. She leaned forward and kissed him on the lips sweetly. "Tell me something I *don't* know."
"Kyle, are you alright?" Liz asked as she came down the steps the next night. Bella was staying over a friend's house so Liz knew it wasn't her that was causing the noise downstairs. She froze when she heard Kyle's muffled reply followed by the very distinct sound of a glass bottle being placed loudly on the counter.
"Liz, just wait by the stairs alright?" Kyle shouted. Liz couldn't see him but she could hear the tears in his voice.
"Oh, god," Liz gasped when she saw him in the kitchen. Kyle was sprawled out on the floor with tear tracks on his face. Liz's suspicion had been right also. A bottle of vodka sat on the kitchen counter. When Kyle saw her, he got up quickly and wiped his face with the back of his hand.
"I'm fine," he said hastily and went to walk past her.
Liz reached out and grabbed his elbow. "You were drinking, Kyle," she said slowly. She took a good look at Kyle's face and saw that he had dark circles under his eyes. "God, Kyle, did you even sleep last night?"
Kyle jerked away from her grip. "I don't want to talk about it right now," he brushed off.
"Talk about what, Kyle? Tell me what's wrong! Your own father has been trying to talk to you and you keep ignoring him. You're hardly here anymore and when you are, you're just so distant."
He looked away from her concern-filled eyes. "I wasn't drinking. I haven't been drinking."
"I want to believe you," Liz said sadly.
Kyle tried to ignore the hurt that ran through his system at her words. "I've been dealing with some stuff lately."
"By drinking?"
"No!" Kyle exploded. "I told you that-never mind, you aren't going to believe me anyway."
Liz bit her lip. "What's happening to you?" she asked helplessly.
"Can you just not look at me like that, please?" Kyle asked harshly.
"Like what?"
"Like you pity me! Be mad! Be fucking *pissed* off but do not stand there with that look on your face," he demanded. He was almost shaking from the emotion of it all.
"Ok then," Liz soothed almost as if she were talking to a child. "What is it that you've been thinking about? Tell me what's been going on. Please."
Looking away from her, Kyle sat down on the couch.
"I feel like I'm losing you again," she said in an almost-whisper.
"I'm moving out."
Liz stood frozen while Kyle watched her and waited for her to speak. "I love you, Liz. I love living with your family but that's just what it is- *your* family. How can I rebuild my life when I don't have a life of my own?"
"But *now*? With all that's going on?" she squeaked out.
"I'm not going far, Liz."
"How do I know that you won't start drinking again? At least when you're here-"
"You can keep an eye on me? I know that and I don't have an honest answer for you."
"If you think for one second that I'm going to let you slip into your past mistakes, Kyle, you are in for a very rude awakening," Liz said angrily. "I care about you too much to let you do that."
"Then let me make mistakes, Liz. Just have enough faith in me to know that I'll bounce back. Did I ever tell you why you could never contact me those years ago?"
Somehow, Liz had made her way next to Kyle on the worn couch. "No, you didn't," she choked out.
"I hated myself and I feared that if you saw me, you'd hate me too. At that time, I was in a very dark place and a part of me never left it. A part of me is still afraid that I'm a monster."
Both Liz and Kyle were in tears now. "I don't think you're a monster. I never did."
Kyle covered her hand with his and squeezed it. "I know. Liz, I'm not going to leave you again. You understand that, right?"
Liz blinked away tears. "What am I going to tell Bella?"
Kyle's heart lurched. "Liz-"
"No," Liz said softly but her voice was steadily rising. "I don't understand and I don't get it. Why won't you let Michael and I help you? You don't have to do this on your own."
"That's the thing though, Liz. I don't know what I need."
Liz was beginning to see how upset Kyle was getting. It was hard to miss the hitch in his voice that screamed of desperation. The truth was that deep down, Liz was afraid that Kyle would leave her again. So it made no sense to push him away by questioning his decisions.
"Why don't you just say what you really feel, Kyle? It's my hormones, isn't it?" Liz joked forcibly.
Kyle almost laughed at her strained joke but instead was overwhelmed with emotion. If Liz had learned anything from being married to Michael, it was the ability to say exactly that she was thinking at the exact time she thought it. Kyle knew Liz wanted to scream at him but she was going to stay quiet for him. This was what he needed and Liz accepted it for his sake.
Liz noticed Kyle's silence. "You didn't drink tonight, did you?" she asked, feeling guilty for accusing him of it.
"No."
"But you would have if I hadn't come down stairs," Liz stated.
"Yeah. What kind of person does that make me?"
Liz put a supporting arm around Kyle and kissed his cheek. "The kind of person who needs more help than I thought I could give him. The kind of person who maybe needs to help himself more than he realizes."
"Since when did you get so deep, Parker?"
Liz smiled widely at him and leaned in as if telling him a huge secret. "You see, about ten years ago, I was healed by an alien."
Despite the fact that Kyle was emotionally worn out and dreadfully tired, a smile spread across his face none the less.
"Your hormones are driving you insane, Liz. Aliens don't exist," Kyle tossed back.
Liz rolled her eyes. "I think, Kyle, that there's a little bit of alien in all of us."