Chapter Six: Who's To Blame?
Kyle felt the impact of what he had done the minute he stepped into the Guerin household. Before Maria had left, she had agreed to not tell Max. They both knew that he wouldn't believe it unless he saw it. So the plan was to let him find out and they it all play out from there.
As he used his old key to open the door, he casually walked in and knocked on Michael and Liz's bedroom door. "You guys decent in there?" he asked, barely restraining a smile.
"What do you want, Gargoyle?" Michael grunted in reply when he appeared, grumpy as usual at the doorway. "I was sleeping."
"It's twelve o'clock. Tell me how the hell you keep your job," Kyle joked. But instead of scowling at him, Michael frowned and closed the bedroom door.
"Bella's sick."
"But I thought that you hybrids couldn't get sick," Kyle replied in confusion.
"Maybe it's the half-human side," Michael mused. "She doesn't seem deathly ill or anything."
"But you're worried."
Michael gave him an incredulous look. "Of course I'm worried. So I'm taking the day off to keep an eye on her. She's been out like a light."
"Where's Liz?" Kyle asked. He had been hoping to break the news to Liz who would tell Michael. She was much smaller and less scary.
"She insisted on running out to get medicine," Michael grumbled. "I tried to stop her."
"Michael, I need to talk to you about Maria," Kyle rushed out so fast, it sounded like one huge word.
"Did Liz put you up to this?" Michael groaned, looking annoyed.
"What?"
"She's been up my ass about Maria since last night. Liz keeps giving me these *looks* like she's waiting for me to explain it to her or something."
"Explain what?"
"I don't want Maria to found out from us. I always wanted Max to tell her. I can't really put it into words."
"Don't you think she deserves to know?" Kyle implored.
"Of course. I still think she's better off not knowing."
"But the two of you were together for years. Granted, you never wanted to be with her, but it doesn't change what she thought you guys had," Kyle tried to reason with him. He knew what Michael was going to say next. It was obvious that he thought Maria was better off not knowing for a lot of reasons. It wouldn't take long for Maria to realize that Michael never really loved her. And that wasn't exactly a realization that would come with warm fuzzy feelings.
"Well maybe I should stay a memory, you know."
"She knows. Maria came by my new place earlier and she wanted my help to keep Max away from his search. It kind of just slipped, man. I'm sorry."
Kyle looked at his shoes, afraid of Michael's reaction. He knew he would be angry. "I can't believe you told her, Kyle. What if she tells Max?"
Kyle looked up to see that Michael was shaken, almost horrified that Maria knew. His eyes are beginning to show signs of anger, however, and Kyle knew his shock wouldn't last very long. "She won't. He needs to find out for himself. We both know that."
"And what about her? Don't you think we've planned this out-Liz, Valenti, and I! It wasn't time yet!"
"Well maybe you shouldn't have planned this at all!" Kyle found himself shouting at Michael. 'You could have just come clean to Max in the first place instead of making him take a cross-country road trip. Until now, you haven't given a rat's ass about Maria in all of this either."
Michael's jaw was clenched tightly and he regarded Kyle with a glare. "It's what we had to do."
"Well that's what you do best, isn't it Michael? Make decisions for everyone else and as long as it works out for you!" and Kyle regretted the words the minute they escaped his mouth. He believed them and it wasn't until that moment that he realized it. Maria's reaction to the news earlier hadn't been of anger initially but of shock. Had anyone really expected Michael and Liz to be so selfish? To be capable of such a self-absorbed decision? Despite Kyle's better judgment, there was a small part of him that understood her anger. "You know what you actually could have done to avoid all of this? Not *die*!"
Michael bristled under the verbal attack. He knew he deserved all that Kyle was saying but taking it was an entire different matter. "You don't know a damn thing about you're talking about. You left too, remember?"
"That was completely different, dammit! You just don't get it, do you? You left for Bella and Liz and I get that. But what about the rest of us? Maria and Max treated me like shit too, alright. Don't forget that I was right there with the both of you. But we all had to mourn for you-"
"Kyle..," Michael started.
"No. Listen to me. Didn't you think that maybe I had gone through enough with Isabel and my own issues? Did you think for one *second* that maybe what you did would kill me? What would have happened if Max or Maria killed themselves because they just couldn't do it without you guys? Would a 'I'm sorry' make it all better?"
While Michael had no idea why Kyle was getting so worked up and couldn't see past his own anger, neither he or Kyle saw Liz at the door. She had been listening to Kyle's impassioned speech and saw the message Kyle couldn't physically say.
"Kyle," Liz said in a soft hesitant voice. When he turned to her, his eyes wide with anger and pain, she knew she was right. "Tell me you didn't."
He looked away in embarrassment and tried to control his emotions. He knew Liz would be able to sense it and if she got too close, she might see flashes. Kyle couldn't let that happen. "I didn't have anyone left," he whispered raggedly. "I couldn't go back to my father an alcoholic and even if I could….Roswell would've been too painful. I couldn't be normal again and when I thought you guys had died….," and he paused his chest feeling heavy. "My dad never would have known and no one would have found out what really happened. I may have been kidnapped or something creative like that. No would have known about the bottle. Or the pills. No one but me."
Michael and Liz stood with looks of horror on their faces. Kyle had a faraway look on his face. The room was deathly quiet until Liz's sobs came out of her mouth. Before Michael could put an arm around her, she was enveloping Kyle in her arms. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked into his shirt.
Kyle's grip was just as tight as Liz's as he whispered back, "Didn't want you to know."
"I'm so sorry. We didn't even think….."
"I'll be in my room," Michael clipped, anger apparent in his voice, and he marched into his room and slammed the door.
Liz withdrew from Kyle. "What was that?"
"I think he's still mad that I told Maria," Kyle confessed, gauging Liz's reaction.
"Oh," she said sadly. "I was going to tell her."
Kyle gave Liz a very solemn look. "I don't want you think that I'm weak, Liz. I'm not. I just need you to know that. We'll talk later, alright? Find out what stick is shoved up your husband's hairy butt."
Liz had to admit a streak of fear went through at the prospect of leaving Kyle in the room by himself. "You stay here. I'll be back."
When Liz found Michael, he was pacing back and forth, his fists clenched. "We aren't monsters, Liz."
Liz looked down shamefully. "Well we aren't exactly angels either. I mean, did you hear what Kyle just said, Michael?"
"Yeah, Liz, I did. But I don't think we heard the same thing."
"I don't understand why you're angry with me, Michael," Liz said, trying to hide the hurt in her voice.
"Because you're ready to tuck your tail in between your legs and take the blame for this, aren't you? I can see it in your eyes, Liz. We haven't even dealt with Maria and Max yet."
Placing her hands on his biceps, Liz stopped his pacing. His turbulent gray eyes latched onto hers. "What. Are. You. Talking. About?"
"When we talked about the consequences of our actions that night, Liz. I thought we were on the same page."
"We are," Liz stated firmly.
"No, Liz, you're on the page where everything anybody says is somehow our fault. Just now, out there, what Kyle tried to do is not our fault. But you were apologizing to him for both of us-"
"Well what was I supposed to do?" Liz screamed in frustration.
"What are you going to do with Maria and Max are here? All they are going to do is tell us that we were wrong-that our life together is a mistake."
Michael plopped heavily on the bed and Liz followed suit. "I apologized because I love Kyle and the thought that we almost lost him kills me. If for any reason, small or miniscule, I contributed to that makes feel guilty. Michael, I will never apologize for us, for Bella, or for what we have."
"Look, Liz, I don't mean that you don't want this," he began, gesturing to their surroundings.
"I know," Liz said gently. "But we keep hurting everyone. Maybe Max is better off not knowing. I don't want to feel like this is wrong, but I don't have an explanation to give anyone. All I got is that we *ran* and I don't think that's good enough."
When Liz looked at Michael, he looked at her with a expressionless countenance. "It is for me. Always has been. I *care*, Liz, about all the shit we caused. I worry about what's going to happen but I don't care what we could have done. All of this is good enough for me. It never had to be good enough for anyone else."
"Yeah, well, tell that to the angry mob that's going to be knocking down our door any day now," Liz snipped.
"I'm going to. I just hope that I'm not the only one saying it."