Chapter Eight: A Crack in the Dam

((Author's Notes: More at the end of the chapter, but a quick announcement first. I have a Facebook page dedicated to my writings. You can look up JenesisX on FB (my real life account will also pop up; if you'd like to friend me please include a message letting me know you are a reader!). Please stop by and feel free to post a message, and I'd be thrilled if you'd 'like' me. I decided to do that instead of a blog, and will post updates, progress reports and other stuff about my AU pretty much daily. And we can chat, too. J Thanks for checking it out! ~ JenesisX ))

The walls of Tseng's room inside the Junon Harbor medical center had become as familiar to Elena as the back of her own hand by the end of his first week in residence. She began to wonder if she'd start to forget what it was like to be outside and do something other than sit in the chair at his bedside or wander the sterile white halls for a bit of exercise. She knew she could have left for longer than a fifteen minute shower and a quick meal, but every time she did she felt so guilty and full of worry that she hurried back as quickly as she could. Tseng's condition had been upgraded to stable several days before, but still Elena held on to the fear that something would happen the moment she took her eyes off of him.

He was sleeping now, and Elena sat cross-legged on her cot against the far wall, trying to focus on the book in her lap but failing miserably. She sighed as she looked across the room at him, biting her lower lip without realizing it. Tseng had grown increasingly irritable during the periods he was awake, and had repeatedly told her that she ought to leave and get on with her normal assignments. He had even demanded her PHS so he could speak to Reno, but was interrupted when Nurse Becky arrived to give him his pain medication and fell asleep shortly thereafter. Elena was left hurt and confused by his behavior, having thought he appreciated having someone by his side while he recovered. At first, he had indeed seemed to want her there, searching for her the moment he was awake as if her presence was a comfort and often gripping her hand when his pain level was at its worst. But the more alert he became, the more she seemed to bother him, and Elena had no idea why. Was it something she had said or done? Were her attempts to keep him company and make him feel less alone an annoyance? Or was it something deeper?

Sometimes when he looked at her and snapped that she was wasting her time by sitting there, Elena saw such shame and embarrassment in his eyes that she could have wept. Was that it? Was he really such a proud man that having one of his Turks see him in such a condition was deeply humiliating? Or was it the fact that it was she who remained by his side? He had brightened briefly when she'd brought him his belongings from his quarters, but otherwise he spent his time awake staring at the ceiling with haunted eyes, barely willing to acknowledge her presence. Elena desperately wanted to say something, to tell him that there was no shame in being injured and needing help and support, and that she would never think any less of him and was in fact extremely impressed with how well he was doing… but she couldn't make herself speak the words and tried to give him his space. She knew she would have to do something soon, though, as the tension between them was building to the point where it was becoming unbearable. If it was making her so uneasy, it couldn't possibly be good for his recovery. If he needed her to leave in order to cope with his condition, Elena would swallow her pain and do as he wished, and hope he would be all right without someone there to watch over him… but she desperately hoped he was not going to send her away when all she wanted to do was reach out and hold him until he was back on his feet again. And long afterwards as well… She had never had such powerful feelings for anyone before, and seeing him lying there in so much pain only made them stronger. Sometimes the urge to climb in beside him and curl up at his side as he rested was so intense she had to walk away. She could only wonder what he would have thought if he knew what went through her mind…

She shook her head and scolded herself for entertaining such thoughts yet again, realizing that a romance novel was probably the wrong thing to be reading and closing it with disgust. She sighed and was about to flop back on the cot to try and take a nap when she saw Dr. Welsh out in the hall through the glass pane, heading for the doorway. Glad for the distraction and eager for an update on how Tseng was progressing, she rose to her feet and crossed the room to meet him as he entered.

"Hello there!" the doctor said rather loudly after glancing at his sleeping patient, clearly intending to try to rouse him. Now that he was stable and more alert, Dr. Welsh made sure Tseng was awake each time he visited to examine him, even if he was groggy and unable to follow the conversation very well much of the time. In the two days since the doctor had seen him last, however, Elena had noticed that Tseng was far more coherent, and had a feeling he was going to be a lot more interested in the information this time around. He had started asking her questions about his condition and prognosis, and she'd been making excuses and telling him that the doctor would be in to see him again soon. She was relieved that she'd been telling the truth, but had known Dr. Welsh was reliable and kept close tabs on his patients even though he was an extremely busy man. "How are we doing today?" Dr. Welsh asked as he shook Elena's hand, quickly looking over the monitors before gazing down at Tseng again. He still had not moved or shown any signs of awakening.

"He seems all right…" Elena said with a frown, her tone of voice causing the doctor to glance up at her with concern over the tops of his glasses. She paused, then lowered her voice to a whisper. "He's been a little grouchy."

The doctor chuckled quietly and smiled. "Well, I'd certainly expect so! I'd be worried if he wasn't, honestly. You should hear some of the abuse we get from patients who are bedridden and in a lot of pain. Trust me, he's been extremely pleasant. All of the nurses seem to like being assigned to him. And Becky adores both of you."

Elena forced a weak smile, watching as the doctor pulled back the blankets and made sure Tseng's bandaging was clean. He was now wearing one of his shirts, unbuttoned, and a pair of track pants and normal black socks. Tseng frowned at the removal of his warmth, and slowly his eyes fluttered opened. He glared upward for a moment, his expression softening a bit when he realized what was happening. He groaned quietly, blinking against the assault of the harsh lighting before managing to focus his tired eyes.

"Doctor…" he nearly whispered, as if his throat was too dry to make more of a sound. He was not yet allowed anything to drink, but the nurses had finally let Elena give him a few ice cubes when he had really complained about it earlier in the day. It seemed cruel to her, but she assumed there must have been a good reason.

"How is my best patient feeling today?" Dr. Welsh asked him, picking up his chart with a broad smile. Elena cringed at the scowl that instantly crossed Tseng's face.

"Why does everyone insist upon asking me that?" he demanded, clearly annoyed, his accent a bit heavier than usual.

Dr. Welsh met Elena's eyes across the top of the chart, and she lifted an eyebrow as if to say she had warned him. "I'm sorry. I know you're in a lot of pain and not very comfortable kept lying flat on your back like this," the doctor said with sympathy, his eyes full of genuine compassion as he looked down at his patient. "We're doing everything we can to make you comfortable."

"I know… thank you," Tseng said, briefly closing his eyes and looking a bit ashamed of himself for his dark mood. "This is… twice I owe you my life now."

"I'm not so sure about that, actually," Dr. Welsh said, shaking his head. Elena was dying to know the full story behind Tseng's earlier bullet wound, but the doctor's next words were suddenly far more interesting. "I don't think it was me who saved it this time around."

"What… do you mean?"

Elena tilted her head curiously as the doctor studied Tseng, a knowing expression on his face. Tseng looked up at him tiredly, though for just a moment she thought she detected the slightest hint of alarm in his dark eyes.

"There is simply no way you made it all the way back here with a wound of that nature, after an unknown amount of time without any treatment, and didn't bleed to death… unless you had intervention of an unnatural or magical nature," Dr. Welsh said firmly. "Your rate of recovery thus far, too, has been accelerated. It bears all the after effects of a very powerful healing magic or solution. I understand that you were unable to tell me this information at first, but why are you still keeping it from me? What did you use, Tseng? What type of potion or materia was it?"

"I did not use anything."

"You could be jeopardizing your health by lying about it," Dr. Welsh said, a deep concern in his voice. Elena could only stare at Tseng with wide eyes, speechless. His survival and recovery had indeed seemed miraculous, but she had never for a moment considered that there might be something more to it than luck, timing, and modern medicine. Reno and Rude did not seem to suspect, either, at least not that she had heard them mention. The only things they had used on him in the temple were the pitiful contents of the Shin-ra-issued first aid kit, and no one during the flight back to Junon Harbor had used any magic or potions. But suddenly Tseng and his doctor were staring each other down, tension quickly filling the air. Elena was stunned and had no idea what to do, standing at his bedside wordlessly and feeling like even more of a clueless rookie than usual. Neither man blinked for long moments before Tseng finally sighed, briefly closed his eyes, and began to speak very quietly.

"I did not disclose this information… because it has to do with the assignment I was on at the time of my injury, and is highly confidential. I… may have come in contact with… a powerful white magic while on location. But I do not remember anything more."

Elena's mind began to race, and it took all of her will power not to blurt out the many questions she wanted to ask him. How could he have simply 'come in contact with' something of that nature right in the entrance hall of the temple? And after being injured? That made it sound as if the magic had come to him, which was ridiculous and far too convenient. Unless… someone else had been present besides his attacker, someone who had been willing to aid him when he was near death and then left before she and the other Turks arrived. What was Tseng not telling them, and why? As soon as she had the opportunity, she was going go try to find out, because she had a feeling it was extremely important.

Dr. Welsh's eyes were wide with interest behind his thick glasses, and he also looked a bit vindicated that his theory had been proven correct. "I see… A white magic, then? Was this cast upon you, or did-"

"I said I do not remember anything else. And as this is a highly confidential matter, I trust no one else in this room will recall this conversation, either…"

Despite his weak voice, the threat behind Tseng's words was clear. Dr. Welsh instantly closed his mouth and nodded his understanding, having spent several decades working with the Turks and high ranking members of SOLDIER. Elena swallowed nervously as she nodded as well, though part of her was a bit relieved that, for just a moment, the man lying helplessly on his back had been the strong and dangerous leader of the Turks again. There was a moment of awkward silence, but the doctor quickly cleared his throat, consulted the chart in his hands, then continued the visit as if nothing had happened. Elena's mind was still reeling with what she'd just learned, but she did her best to pay attention.

"All of your vital signs have been stable, and there's no indication of any infection so far," Dr. Welsh said, sounding pleased and completely relaxed again. "The wound is going to take some time to heal, however… It was so extensive that I couldn't completely suture and staple it closed. You'll have quite a scar, and it will be very sensitive for a long time. The internal injuries and broken bones are going to take time as well, so unfortunately you'll just have to be patient and still for a while. That's also why you need to remain lying as you are for now."

Elena felt a smile spread across her face, and the tension in her body relaxed as the doctor spoke. It was so good to hear him speak positively of Tseng's chances for recovery, and to know for certain that he was going to be all right. He had a long and painful fight ahead of him, but she was willing to be there the entire time if he wanted her to be. All that mattered was that he was not going to die, and that he would indeed heal from his injuries. She noticed that Tseng looked less relieved, however, his expression still guarded and concerned.

"How long will it be until I can return to duty?" he asked, and Elena fought not to visibly cringe. She'd had a feeling he was going to ask that question… and she'd been dreading it. Dr. Welsh seemed to have been, too, and his pleased expression was instantly replaced by a thoughtful frown. He sighed softly and paused for several moments before speaking again, and when he did so he seemed to be trying to avoid looking at his patient.

"I'm afraid I can't answer that for certain at this point in time," Dr. Welsh said, his usual confident tone hesitant. "But to be completely honest with you… I'm not sure you'll ever reach that point."

"No. That is unacceptable. You know I cannot allow that," Tseng said firmly, though Elena detected an instant panic beneath his tone.

"It's not really a matter of 'allowing' anything," the doctor said with a reluctant frown, shaking his head sadly. "Your body has been through a tremendous amount of trauma and multiple serious injuries, any one of which could have put you out of commission or worse. The combination of them, and the massive blood loss, along with the actual wound itself… You're also not a young man any more. Let me see, you're going to be how old this year…?"

"Don't."

Elena cringed inwardly with guilt, as she had already gathered that information on her own. Apparently it really was something he did not want anyone to know. She wasn't sure why, as he certainly was not old as far as she was concerned, nor did he even look as old as he actually was.

"I just don't feel it's very likely you'll be able to pass the physical to return to duty, much less handle such a strenuous job again… and I'm very sorry to have to tell you that," Dr. Welsh continued. "You ought to feel lucky to be alive, and focus on achieving one small goal at a time. Once you're up and getting around a bit, then perhaps we can talk about this again. Anything is possible, after all!"

"Lucky…" Tseng muttered, closing his eyes as the doctor replaced his chart and sighed under his breath. Elena frowned and glanced at Dr. Welsh, and he shrugged apologetically. She knew it wasn't his fault that he'd had to deliver such bad news, but she was already sick to her stomach with worry. Tseng may have only been showing mild outward signs of frustration and disappointment, but she knew he had to be devastated… and that his emotions on the matter would have an enormous impact on his attitude and recovery.

"All right, then," Dr. Welsh said, looking over the monitors a final time and nodding with satisfaction. "Unless you have any other questions, I've got to go and prepare for surgery. Is there anything else I can do for you today?"

There was a long, awkward pause, during which Tseng did not even open his eyes again. He remained completely still, but Elena knew he had not fallen asleep that quickly. He was no longer heavily sedated, and he hadn't been given his pain medication in several hours. In fact, she expected to his nurse to appear at any moment. Elena bit her bottom lip and looked helplessly at Dr. Welsh, finally forcing a weak smile and reaching out to shake his hand.

"I guess that's it for now. Thank you, Doctor," she said, trying to sound as if nothing was wrong.

Dr. Welsh nodded, threw a final concerned glance in Tseng's direction, then exited the room. His usual quick footsteps seemed just a bit more hurried than usual as he vanished down the hallway. Elena watched him go, swallowing hard as she realized she was now alone with her very unhappy boss and had no idea what to do.

"Are you still awake, sir?" she asked, even though she knew full well that he was. It seemed the easiest way to break the silence, though, and the safest question.

"Yes," he said quietly after a long pause, though he did not bother to open his eyes.

"You… never told us there was someone else in the temple other than the man who hurt you," Elena said, dropping into the chair at his bedside and watching his expression closely.

"It was not important."

"It sure seems like it was if this person saved your life… Do you know who it was? Why were they in there?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Elena ground her teeth, struggling for a moment not to lash out in frustration. He was still her superior, after all, and he was hurting and had just received upsetting news. It wasn't wise or fair to push the issue just then. "All right…"

She watched the clock as fifteen minutes passed in silence. Tseng remained completely still, eyes closed, as if playing dead might make it so. Did his job really mean so much to him that the thought of being unable to return to it was so upsetting to him? When she thought about it, though, what else did he have? She bit her lip to keep the tears from filling her eyes, the very idea that Tseng had nothing else in his life but his position with the Turks too depressing to bear. He was such a good man, and she saw so much hidden just beneath the surface that she longed to uncover. How could he be so alone in the world? It made no sense, and she wished she had the chance to change it.

When she could stand the silence no longer, she reached out and covered his hand with hers, noting that he tensed with surprise. His eyes opened and shifted in her direction, his expression a mixture of exhaustion combined with annoyance and sorrow.

"He can't possible know yet whether or not you'll be able to go back to work," Elena said gently, holding his gaze and trying to convey a confidence she did not feel. "And he doesn't know you. He has no idea how dedicated and stubborn you are. You heard what he said… it's too early to know for sure anyway. So don't let that get you down and make you stop fighting, okay? You've been doing great, and… I'm proud of you."

Tseng held her gaze a moment longer, then quickly turned away and closed his eyes again.

"I'd like to be alone now, please," he said, his tone cold and devoid of emotion. Shocked speechless and recoiling as if she'd been physically struck, Elena hastily withdrew her hand and rose from the chair. She quickly backed away, nearly tripping before turning and retreating to her cot.

She folded her legs beneath her and rested her chin in both hands, squeezing her eyes closed against the pain. She had reached out to comfort him, and he'd sent her away. She knew he was hurting and that it likely wasn't personal, but it still burned her deeply and she fought not to give in to tears. All she wanted to do was comfort and support him, but he simply would not let her. Did he not want her to… or did he simply not know how to accept? As Elena glanced up and watched a young nurse enter the room to give Tseng his next dose of pain medication, he barely stirred. It was as if he had shut down and thrown up defensive walls around himself. And then it hit her.

Elena's stomach came alive with butterflies when she realized there was far more to standing by Tseng as he healed from such severe trauma than just aiding him during his physical recovery. His injury and the long journey back to good health was bound to have a profound impact on his mental health as well, something she had begun to see as his mood slowly soured over the last few days. It was now all too clear that he was suffering emotionally almost as much as he was physically, no matter how hard he'd been trying to hide it and how good he usually was at masking his feelings. Gods, what had she gotten herself into? She'd never even considered that she might have to support him that way as well, and he already did not seem to want her there when he was so incapacitated. But he had no one else, and now more than ever Elena was not going to abandon him no matter how difficult or uncomfortable things became. He would have to order her to leave first, and even then she would probably try to have Reno overrule him as acting head of the department. Tseng was not thinking clearly and was too upset to keep his own best interests in mind. He hid it well, but after spending so much time with him during her training Elena saw it as clear as day. She had no idea how she was going to manage, or if he would ever accept her support, but as she laid back on the cot Elena felt a renewed determination to do everything she could for him.

(( Kinda depressing. I mean, Tseng is going to live and heal up over time, and now the cat is out of the bag that someone cast a very strong white magic healing spell on him (If you read Irony of Fate, you know. Chapter 17. ;). But he is not happy to hear that he may not make it back to work. Poor Elena is taking the brunt of that for trying to help him and got pretty burned at the end, and neither of them really knows how to relate to one another in this situation. Should make things interesting coming up! We'll see what's going on inside Tseng's head next chapter, and what happens when the two of them next attempt to talk. As long as no more stupid storms come and send me back to the dark ages, it should be within a week or so… lol. Thanks again for the reviews and new favs/follows! I love you guys! ~ JenesisX ))