Chapter Fifteen: Revelations and Promises

Tseng was doing everything in his power not to watch her. He tried to pretend she wasn't there, that he was alone in the room with nothing but the monitors and his thoughts for company. He fought to keep his eyes on the yellowed ceiling tiles he'd long since grown to despise. It worked for a few minutes at a time until he began to grit his teeth and ball his hands into fists, and finally his legendary self-control would break.

His eyes shifted to his right once again, finding their way to the corner of the room where Elena sat cross-legged atop her cot. She was balancing a pile of paperwork in her lap, leaning back against the wall. She frowned in concentration as her eyes scanned over the documents, absently playing with the pen she held in her right hand. She appeared completely focused on whatever it was she was reading, unaware of his gaze. Tseng tried to make himself look away before she noticed but failed miserably.

It wasn't working. He had told himself he had to get immediate control over whatever it was he felt for her that went beyond professional, but none of his efforts had changed a thing. The physical attraction could be dealt with, and he could forgive himself for that. She was undeniably beautiful though she was not the traditional image of what was considered alluring or glamorous. That was part of what called to him. Those types of overstated women were always throwing themselves at him, and it disgusted him. They tried too hard, and they used their appearances for their own gains and often had little more to them beneath the skin. And they saw him as nothing more than an attractive body who wielded the power they craved. Elena was different, and that was why he lo-

Oh gods.

Tseng closed his eyes and turned away, suddenly feeling ill as the realization hit him. No. This could not be. How could this be? He wasn't even sure how he knew to recognize the emotion, but suddenly, there it was. He swallowed hard, feeling on the verge of panic as he gripped the sheets of his hospital bed. This was not good. This was a disaster…

His mind suddenly brought him back to several evenings before, the night they had discussed the trial medication he'd begun taking to help speed up his recovery. There was a moment where their eyes met, and time seemed to stand still. Their hands were clasped together, and he could feel the energy between them as she squeezed his with everything she had. And then she'd leaned forward, and he could have sworn she was going to kiss him. Her lips had parted ever so slightly, and his breath caught in his throat. Every instinct he had screamed at him to reach for her… to move forward and press his lips to hers, to show her exactly what he felt for her. But then his brain had kicked in. He'd turned his head away and closed his eyes, fighting to calm his mind and body. He had to have misread her intentions. And even if he hadn't, what the hell did he think he was doing? They could never be… not even for a brief moment in time.

"Ugh, I hate this!" Elena suddenly exclaimed.

Tseng was startled from his troubled thoughts, his eyes snapping open. He turned his head in time to see her roughly toss the stack of paperwork down onto the cot. The pen found its way to the floor a second later, and she sighed wearily as she thumped her head back against the wall. Tseng blinked, amazed at how quickly she'd gone from still and quiet to full of energy and movement. It was as if she was free of so many of the inhibitions and restraints that ruled his life. He was relieved for the distraction, even though looking at her sent a rush of warmth through his body that only a moment of intense concentration forced away.

She finally seemed to feel him watching her, opening her eyes and blushing a lovely shade of pink. A crooked grin crossed her face as she lifted her head. "I guess my secret's out," she said, a bit of embarrassment in her tone. "I don't actually like reading all these boring memos and policy updates, and sometimes? Filing those perfect reports I turn in bores the hell out of me."

Tseng was unable to hold back the quiet chuckle that escaped him. Though he took great pride in the fact that his Turks found him intimidating and watched how they acted around him… aside from Reno, anyway… it pleased him any time Elena let down her guard in his presence. Now if only he could do the same…

"Do you think I enjoy all the paperwork?" he asked, pleased that his voice came out in its usual cool monotone. His dark eyes focused in on her, her answer suddenly deeply important. Gods, if she thought he actually enjoyed such a dry, boring task… Boring. Were women always going to see him that way? He frowned, quickly forcing down the memory before it began to play through his mind like a bad movie he refused to sit through one more time.

"Of course not!" Elena said firmly, tilting her head slightly as she took in his expression. Hers had gone serious, as if she could sense what was on his mind. "You just have a better poker face than most. Than anyone."

Though he was relieved she didn't see him as a mindless slave to his job as so many others did, her answer still unnerved him. Did she really see through his defenses so easily? Was that part of why he- This had to stop! This… was dangerous.

"It is simply part of my job," he said, his tone more defensive than intended. He turned away from her and closed his eyes, his entire body tense. He was suddenly glad for the pain blazing throughout his chest and abdomen, glad it had been a while since his last dose of medication. It took his mind off the things that hurt far more.

"It's more than that with you, though…"

Tseng heard her feet hit the floor as Elena hopped down from the cot, her soft footfalls crossing the tiled floor. He fought not to frown, his heart rate increasing as his hands began to sweat inside his clenched fists. He forced himself to release them, palms down atop the sheets, before she noticed. He listened to the familiar sound of Elena settling into the chair at his bedside, a slight sigh escaping her lips. He could feel her eyes upon him, no doubt trying to get inside his head and decide what to say. And then there was silence.

Perhaps she had taken the hint and decided to back off. That would be good. Very good. Her words had come far too close for his comfort, and Tseng slowly began to relax. He thought he heard her sigh again, finally opening his eyes and turning his head toward her. When he did so, he found her expression unreadable… yet her clear blue eyes were focused on him as if nothing else mattered. He swallowed hard and just managed not to look away again. It made him uncomfortable, but he would not be a coward.

"I spoke with Nurse Becky earlier while you were having your bandages changed," Elena said, her words a bit surprising given the intimate eye contact. Tseng immediately scolded himself for being disappointed. This was what he'd wanted, after all. Less personal. Distance.

"Oh?" he managed to respond after a brief pause.

She nodded. "The home check went well. Your quarters were officially approved by the outpatient staff. So… everything's all set."

"Mm. So all I need to do is…" He raised his right arm and gestured across the room, indicating the ten feet or so between the foot of the bed and the bathroom.

Elena immediately frowned and bit her lower lip. "Yeah. 'All.'"

"It's not that far."

"It is for someone who's just coming up on a month after nearly being killed…."

Her words were nearly whispered, and before she looked down into her lap Tseng swore he saw the beginnings of tears shining in her eyes. He immediately frowned, and his left hand balled into a fist on his far side where she wouldn't be able to see it. The burning in his chest grew worse as his blood pressure rose, and he found it increasingly difficult to draw each breath. He had always hated to see her cry, and knowing that he was the cause cut deeper than the sword that had landed them both in this mess.

"Elena… please don't worry for me," he said, a softness he never allowed himself slipping into his voice. His noted that his accent had grown heavier, but for once he was too focused on other things to be embarrassed. "It really isn't necessary."

Elena glanced up, a bit of surprise on her face as a single tear trailed down her smooth cheek. Tseng fought a sudden, strange urge to reach out and brush it away with his thumb. "Why not?" she asked quietly. "Is it because you think you're superhuman, or because you're just not used to it?"

"Perhaps a bit of both."

Tseng quickly looked away, unable to handle the concern and compassion he saw in her eyes. And she was doing it again… looking right into his soul as if the miles of barricades he'd spent over three and a half decades constructing simply didn't exist. How was he supposed to regain control of his emotions when she so easily got beneath his skin and insisted on caring about him? And with the arrangement they'd made, there would be no putting physical distance between them any time soon… Gods, what had he gotten himself into? It had to be because of all the medication… because of the intense pain and inactivity. Otherwise he would never have grown so weak and allowed this to happen, allowed himself to feel-

"I really wish you wouldn't push yourself so soon," Elena's voice interrupted, trembling ever so slightly. "I know you want to get out of here, and that you miss work and want to help Reno as much as you can, but… if something happens to you, I…"

When she said nothing more, he cautiously turned his head and found her staring at her hands in her lap, slowly shaking her head. She wasn't crying, fighting back the tears with everything she had. She had grown so strong in the last year, and a rush of pride washed over him. Telling Reno that he would personally see to her training had been one of the best decisions he'd ever made, and not just because it had made his second eat his words about her lack of potential; Not only because Elena had turned out to be one of his best Turks…

"I will be fine. I give you my word."

He watched as she slowly lifted her head, her eyes meeting his across the few feet between them. There was a guarded hope within them, and something else buried just beneath the surface that he couldn't read. A jolt ran through him as he steadily met her gaze. He shifted his aching body in order to sit up a bit straighter against the pillows, then slowly offered her his right hand with the palm facing up. As much as the logical part of his brain screamed that he was being a fool, that this was not putting distance between them and controlling whatever nonsense was going on with regards to how he felt for her, he slammed the lid shut on it and kept his hand suspended in the air. It was a struggle to hold it steady, his arm weak and burning with the effort, but he put everything he had into the effort. He would not appear weak to her in this moment.

Elena's eyes left his for a moment, staring down at his hand, then back at his face as if unsure of what to do. He nodded slightly, allowing a slight smile to cross his face. When she finally reached out and placed her small hand in his palm, the warmth he felt from the contact instantly spread throughout his entire body.

"Elena… You have it on my honor that I won't do anything I can't handle. There is no need for you to worry."

Her eyes grew wide, and though his expression didn't change he was further warmed. She knew the weight his words held. He wasn't sure if she knew anything of Wutaiian culture… likely not… but somehow she'd arrived at the proper conclusion that he'd just made her a very serious promise. He felt her fingers curl around his hand and watched as she swallowed nervously, her eyes still locked with his.

"I… all right. Thank you…" she finally managed to say, her voice quiet. She smiled and gently returned his hand to the bed. He hoped she hadn't felt the trembling that had begun to run down his arm, but suspected she must have. When she released her grip Tseng instantly felt cold. He shivered, pulling the blankets up around him.

As he watched her settle back into the chair with a slight smile still gracing her beautiful face, a feeling of contentment settled into the center of his chest. His eyes suddenly felt heavily and he was unable to stifle a yawn. Elena looked much less worried now, and somehow that allowed him to relax as well.

"Go ahead and sleep," Elena said, a softness in her voice that normally would have made him squirm. "I know you've been lying awake over here all afternoon. I'll go and get the book I'm in the middle of and stay right here."

Tseng raised an eyebrow but said nothing, his exhaustion blocking out any reply he might have had. As he started to drift he was vaguely aware of a pair of gentle hands tucking the blankets closer around him.

((Author's Notes: My deepest apologies to all of my loyal readers for how long it took me to update, and also for failing to reply to the reviews for last chapter. As you may know I suffer from chronic health issues, one of which is a complex migraine disorder that is still not being properly managed. I was hit with an episode right after I posted the last chapter, and I was sick to the point of being bedridden for almost the entire month of February. What I managed to post for my other fics were things I'd already had planned and mostly written beforehand, so it kept me from being completely inactive. But unfortunately I didn't have anything prewritten here. I don't usually, but since Internal Warfare was a brand new story in my AU series I'd been preparing to post for months I happened to. Please check it out if you have a chance! The Turks will be featured heavily in it, and Tseng is going to have a big role in the story as well as Reno.

Anyway… I've been feeling passable so far this month, and am trying my best to catch up with everything. I realize this chapter is shorter than my usual, but I wanted to give you all an update and let you know what was happening as soon as I could. Next chapter will get things moving forward again, and hopefully happen within a more reasonable amount of time. I really appreciate your patience and understanding, and I did read and very much love every review I received. Thank you all so very much for your continued support. You guys are the best! Please come and follow me on Facebook for almost daily progress updates and just to chat. The link is in my profile, or you can just search for JenesisX. Thanks! ~ JenesisX ))