There is something about depression that takes over your body and flows through your veins like fiery blood on your death bed. You lose control of one self and completely submit to a force greater than your own; and just like that you no longer know what happiness is. The smallest ounce of human enjoyment is a small cry for you.

Like anything in life, it passes you move on and you find yourself better than you were before, but going through hell, not just a bad day, but actual hell is what makes you the indifference from the quote on quote "beautiful people". Because you know what it's like to be so fucking lost it feels like you can't breathe, like you're lost in your own skin and the universe hates you. But if you don't know pain, you won't know happiness.

So what do you? You just keep swimming.

I don't want to think about another beating, another traumatic experience that seemed like an everyday thing to me. I want to eat, and sleep, and laugh again, and have those stupid feminine sleepovers with Rachel and Mercedes. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see; that confident bitch Kurt Hummel we all knew and loved so much. I was weak, and I had let Blaine subdue me into a smaller version of what I used to be. That was my own fault, and no one else's but. How could I have been so afraid to loose someone else that I happily lost myself in the process? How did I let him take me over? I used to be strong… right? I used to take the shit that was thrown at me, and pick myself up; put back my own puzzle pieces. I guess at one point we all get tired of fighting, and are left with nothing but the damage we have let get done to ourselves. Not physical damage, but emotional. My pride was gone, and when I looked in the mirror I wasn't as disgusted with the bruises or the small amounts of fat here and there…no, I was disgusted that I let myself become taken over, and weakened into what I am now.

They say that when the going gets tough, the tough get going, but that isn't true. When the going gets tough, the weak get going. So that's what I did; I ran and drove and screamed and anything I could do to just get everything out. The pain, the food, the blood, anything, I wanted different skin, I wanted a different mindset; I wanted to break my own self so I could rebuild again. I wanted to go back to when I was 11 and Sebastian was there, always fucking there, and yell at him to leave me the hell alone. I needed to fight for myself, because not another soul was going to fight for me.

That's when I finally realize that I had broken. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and losing everything of importance to me. I'm getting my life back together, and to do that I need to leave, I need to drive off with no destination and no life ahead of me, but I have a fresh new start and I can't be bothered.

I walked into the 80's themed diner and sat in front of the counter looking up to the screen held above my head. Something less interesting then my Shakespeare report was playing and I found myself smiling fondly at it.

"What can I get you doll face?" A country accent snapped me back into reality as I turned to see a happy middle aged woman staring down at me.

"What do you suggest?" I wasn't planning on looking at the menu; I pushed it to the side intertwining my fingers on the counter and looking up to her.

"Well sweetheart, it looks like you need just about everything on the menu. All skin and bones you kids are these days, my mama would stuff food down my throat if I was ever your size."

I laughed loudly at her; looking down at my over grown jacket and sweats. "What is someone like you doing in Ohio anyway?"

Her eyes jolted out of her head, obviously now fully invested in our conversation. "Well do I have a story for you. I'm from Tennessee you know, home of delicious apple pie and fried chicken."

"Ah." I nod.

"Yes, well, not everything was always to fine and dandy down there, I needed the escape from it. Move on from my life and discover a new one. If I was supposed to be there, I would come back, and I never did. First I went to Los Angeles, and it was nice there, the people where divine and the food was oh so good. But it was also too calmed, and I ached for that life of hectic appointment and big buildings, and waiting hours for a taxi."

"New York?" I smiled.

"New effing York honey, and there was nothing holding me back but the budget I held tightly on."

"So why aren't you there now."

"I met the love of my life, and turned 40. I wanted kids, I wanted a house, I wanted to come home and be tired and yell and do everything I saw my mama do. New York is a wonderful place, but Ohio is a home. When you get older will understand that."

"Ohio is a hell hole to me."

"Well that's because you hang on to too much honey, every day you wake up and yesterday is forgotten; memory wiped out."

"It's not that easy,"

She stands and pulls out her notepad. "I don't know your story love. But you deserve happiness; everyone does." Now taking out her pen. "Now what do you want, I can't look at you any longer without wanted to send you to a pie eating contest."

I laugh again; I was doing that a lot today. I open my mouth to answer before my phone goes off to teenage dream and I see a call from Blaine. I don't know how long I just sat there and looked at it; did my ringtone even come this long?

"Going to get that?"

"Um, no. I want 2 cheese burgers with bacon, a bucket of French fries and 2 milkshakes."

"Coming right up gorgeous." She grabbed my menu and made her way to the back.

What do we do, we swim.

So this was just a bit of a filler, I know that it is very short but I mean what can you do?

I just want to point out that KURT'S "ROUGH PATCH" IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING OVER. But it is a step closer, and I think It was needed.

EVERYONE WILL GET THERE SEBASTIAN/BLAINE CONFRONTATION, In time children, in time.

Also I want to apologize for last chapter, I was busy all last weekend and was writing on my phone, then my laptop, them everywhere else, and by Sunday I was like 'just finish it and post it ok/"

I don't know if you noticed but ever title of each chapter has a color, like this one is named yellow, and since Kurt ordered cheeseburgers and cheese is yellow, i titled it yellow. Hidden meaning and ish like that.

I have not decided if you will see seb next chapter or what, but if things go as planned, next chapter will be VERY IMPORTANT. Also i hope to get Burt in this, because obviously a good daddy like him will know when somethings wrong with his son.

I will stop rambling now, follows and reviews are lovely, i read them all, and i appreciate criticism, good writers need that ish anyway right/

Good day, and i will see you next weekend.