I'm moving back to France
I'm moving back to France
I'm moving back to France
The words still lingered in my ear like a loud echo after an all-night rock concert; and I know I had been staring at him for god knows how long now, but I couldn't bring myself to actually create a response.
"w-w-why, I mean, like you just came back," I avoided his I contact and rushed the words out quickly trying to not look completely pathetic but knowing I was failing miserably.
He laughed a bit before responding, "I'll be back eventually, I just, I need to be home for some stuff that's going on right now."
"What stuff?" I looked up hoping it was something easily fixable so he would be back soon.
"Personal stuff, ok; let's drop it." He answered raising his eyebrows and turning toward the kitchen.
I grabbed his arm roughly, or at least I thought it was rough and pulled him back so he was looking me straight in the eye. "I tell you everything Seb, tell me this, especially since you're leaving."
He breathed out before leaning his head back and releasing a groan. "Kurt, I ask you your personal information because it might help you recover, I'm perfectly fine."
"Which leads me to believe you're not perfectly fine." I respond tugging his arm again after feeling him try to walk away.
He looked at me before sighing and standing still. "Fine princess, but whatever the hell happened to me before shouldn't change how you look at me, I am still a complete asshole and badass and I do not need sympathy, deal?"
I nodded in understanding.
He lets out another sigh before continuing. "I got raped too, when I was 14, that's why I moved to Paris,"
"So why are you leaving again?" I asked, confused as to what this statement was leaving to.
He shrugged and dug his now free hands into his pocket. "Too many memories, being around here, it kinda sucks sometimes you know, and I thought taking you to New York would help out with that, but, it's was still the place that horrible shit happened in when I came back, and I just need to get out for a while."
"Sebastian, when do you leave?"
"Tomorrow I guess; bought the tickets on a whim last night so I wouldn't regret it."
You see Sebastian wasn't one to have anything bad happen to him; he was lucky really. He had a super star face, a charismatic attitude, and most importantly; no baggage. When you were with him it was all about the never ending high, you had absolutely nothing in the world to think about. Maybe that's why I somewhat skipped sectionals, maybe that's why I escaped to New York and sent my dad one stupid text, and maybe that's why for the first time ever, I ate and I had one fucking good time. But with all highs; they eventually die out, and all you have left is the bullshit that is cold hard reality.
Sebastian was raped, and that by itself was just fucking horrible, but how the hell do I help? I went through the same shit so many times that I just forgot to remember how I got through it, it's like a pulse now, and my body just does it: doesn't need my permission.
"Seb, I'm like so sorry, and I wish I could help, like anything…"
He laughed again. "Kurt you're way to fucked up to help anyone."
To be honest that one hurt, right inside, just because I thought I was getting better and that should be noticed, but at the same time, I hadn't even gained a full pound yet so I guess in time progression would occur. I reached out to give him this… hug? I guess we'll call it that today. "Sebastian…"
However he quickly swatted my hands away. "See! You pity me, stop that, I can take being here, it's just sometimes I want a break from it ok,"
"What about the Warblers." I ask as my last resort to get him to stay.
"What about them, they made it without me here before, I'm sure they can do it again."
"What do you want me to do, I can get better, I'm trying."
He laughed again and shook his head. "Are you really, I mean I want to be there for you and protect you through anything but I'm not doing it by myself, you have to want it too, and I swear it's like you don't care if you killing yourself."
Honestly, I couldn't make him stay, I couldn't make him be uncomfortable or unhappy, I just really didn't want him to go; because inevitably I would return to Blaine, and no matter what he said, Blaine would be there waiting for me.
I nodded giving up, "Call me when you get back."
"Kurt…"
"Seb I can't promise I'll get better, I can't even promise I'll try, but it didn't matter when you were here, because I wasn't with just `anybody, I was with you."
I was driving again. And I really should stop driving when I'm upset because it never leads to good thing, and now I am parked once again on the emergency lane, breaking my skin with blades that I should have thrown away but of course that just did not occur.
And I shouldn't have done it but it was done now.
From Kurt:
Can I see you? 10:55
And within seconds there was the response of a simple "sure."
Blaine's house looks exactly the same as when I had last seen it, not really in feature, but it had that same 'you know exactly what you're doing to yourself' feeling. I raised my hand to knock on the door which reluctantly opened with the site of Mr. Anderson on his way out.
"Kurt!" He screamed and pulled me into a hug. "I haven't seen you in forever; I swear Blaine's been hiding you!"
I hugged back and smiled brightly at him. He was actually a really nice guy, he was just always busy, and he was almost never there for Blaine. "Good to see you too."
"Well I have a business meeting to go to, um Blaine's upstairs, I'll see you soon hopefully Kurt."
I smiled again and moved over so he could leave to his meeting, which he did quickly and I made my way upstairs and knocked on Blaine's door.
"Come in." He sighed loudly and I opened the door shyly.
"Your dad left, he had a meeting."
He sighed again and moved the popcorn bowl off his lap. "He's going to go cheat on my mother…" He said it casually before moving to stand in front of me, moving a piece of hair off my face. "I told you to stay away."
"You didn't tell me not to come."
He nods before taking a fistful of my hair and harshly connecting our lips. It doesn't stay that way for long; we pull apart to take a breath. "God I missed this." Blaine says before backing up and sitting back on the bed looking me dead in the eyes. "You got skinnier."
He was wrong, I didn't get skinnier, I just didn't wear as many layers, especially with spring coming up there was no need; it would raise questions.
"You want something to eat?" He raised his eye brows and propped himself on his elbows.
"Do you want me to eat something?"
He smiled and shook his head. "No,"
"So you like me skinny?" I had never actually asked him why he never wanted me to eat, I honestly don't see why, it was a legitimate question.
"I like you mine; I mean do you honestly think you can survive without someone telling you what to do?"
"No." It was true in all honesty, I did well when I was with Sebastian because he wanted me to, I did bad when I was with Blaine because that's what he wanted.
"You're submissive Kurt, you'll always come back."
"I know."
He stood once again and centered himself in front of me. "So it's time to show you who's in charge again. Take it off; all of it."
I nodded and obeyed stripping down my clothes down to my boxers.
"Turn around." Which I did.
He ran his fingers over my reseeding hip bones and moved to my back over my spine. He rested his chin on my shoulder and kissed behind my ear. "You're so beautiful you know." He moved his hands down to my sides and squeezed them, hard enough to make me bite my lips to prevent from wincing. "You know what I love the most about you?" He bit down on my shoulder. "You're so good, so innocent."
I shuttered under his touch. "Just fuck me already."
He snatched my arms back behind me, "Oh trust me I will," he pulled down my pants in a haste and twisted me around and rested me on his hips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and looked at him surprised, this was new. "But first, teach me how to make love."
I nodded and put myself on the floor before connecting our lips and removing his button down. "Just, be gentle, and it'll kind of just… click." I whispered and he nodded raising his hands to my face and kissing me somewhat like the way our first kiss went. We moved back to the bed and flopped backwards on it, feet intertwined and clothes being stripped, this was new kind of high, but it settled so low. I didn't feel free, I felt privileged.
He moved over to pull the lube out of his drawer and in time inserted himself into me. It was singly the most intimate moment I had ever had, but for some reason Blaine wasn't who I was thinking about, it was Sebastian.
So what did that mean? Had whatever this was between me and Blaine died out? I want to say yes so bad, but Blaine would always be there whether I wanted him to or not.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked all of a sudden, causing him to stop thrusting his hips.
"For you, yes you're submissive, but you're a person, and if 100 other times I get to beat the shit out of you, just this once, I can actually do what you want."
"I can leave you, you know." I whispered.
He sighed. "I know, but you won't."
I nodded. "Go ahead, why'd you stop?"
He smiled down at me and continued the motion he was doing before. "I love you Kurt,"
"I love you too."
A/N: don't be mad, just don't be ok. I'm getting to fixing that, I'm getting to it,
Next chapter will be all sorts of fuckery, its just gonna be everywhere really, we'll see where it goes.
If you need to know what I am doing btw, if im writing or if im busy; my tumblr name is imsogleeful , if you click on the fics tab, it lets you know when I am writing, and sometimes if you'll like the chap or not, it'll also tell you what day I plan on writing and ish like that.
I want to begin another Klaine story, but if I do then I know this one will get updated less, and the high chance I'll start shipping kadam, we shall see. If it isn't clear I am a Kurt-stan, so you won't see any sebklaine or shiz like that. I could do a mini seblaine though, I can handle that, I can even so blam, I just want Kurt out of it.
Don't know why any of that is important, I just want you to know that if I do start a new story this wont be updated as often so we'll see.
I guess that's all, im back in school now so that's why ive been so busy.
Make sure to follow and review this and all other things that make me smile
Adios-RadHadder