Chapter 4 Muti
Gilbert and Lili had found a Tagesmutter they both liked and who also agreed to let Maria attend two days a week. The child seemed to like being around other children and the caretaker reported that she fussed very little when Gilbert and Lili left. Indeed, Lili seemed more anxious during the four hours they were away; Gilbert had to keep her from calling to make sure Maria wasn't crying or refusing snacks or naps.
"Relax, Liebling," He told her. "The woman knows what she's doing. If things were terrible, she'd call and beg us to take her home!"
"I'll have to leave in a week," Lili fretted. "I really want to spend as much time as possible with her."
"She has to learn to spend time away from both of us, Lili." Gilbert remembered his talk with Ludwig. "And you'll be back in three weeks."
"I'm afraid of confusing her." Lili leaned into Gilbert for a hug. "I don't want her to think I'm abandoning her and then Poof! I'm back."
"She'll figure it out." Gilbert stroked Lili's hair. "You're giving her too much credit for creative thinking at her age." He looked down and smiled at her. "And we have Skype, Lili! You can see and talk to her every night!"
"Of course." Lili nodded against his chest. He could feel her exhale and begin to relax. He pressed her gently against himself.
"We have two hours left before we have to get her, meine Dame," he whispered. "What would make you feel better?"
"I'd like you to hold me so I can hear your heartbeat," she said. They lay down on the bed and as Lili's head rested against Gilbert's chest, he heard her breathing fall into line with his. His eyes closed and he could hear his heart and her breath match. Buh-BUM, Buh-BUM. The rhythm reminded him of the waves on the beach the day they had found Maria. Secretly, he had never really liked the ocean; when he had been the Duchy of Prussia and a vassal of Poland's, Feliks had thought it would be funny to teach him to swim by having him thrown overboard from a boat into the Bay of Danzig. The experience hadn't taught him anything except that the ocean was cold, salty and overwhelming, Poland was an impulsive, arrogant Arschloch, and even nations could feel the panicky helplessness that mortals felt at impending death. But here in the present, he was safe; Lili's breath, his heartbeat, and Maria herself, reminded him that the sea could mean life as well as death.
Lili's last day in Mecklenberg-Vorpommern arrived. Gilbert had gotten a decent price on a used VW from Ludwig, so he drove her, Bruno, and Maria to the train station in Neustrelitz. The little group waited together as Lili bought her tickets and then had the porter take her luggage. Well-mannered Bruno would ride with her in the car. Maria watched the crowds of mortals intently, while Gilbert and Lili pointed out and named objects to her.
It was getting close to the final boarding call. Lili turned to Gilbert and Maria, and he saw the tears in her eyes. "Don't cry, Lili," he urged. "You can skype us when you get home. And remember you'll be back in three weeks!"
"I know, I know." She barely managed to get the words out. Gilbert was getting anxious; she would be back in Vaduz, in her quiet, pretty home, conferring with adult mortals and chatting with Vash, Roderich and Elizabeta about Maria; he would be the one solely responsible for this toddler. Why was she crying?
"Take a deep breath, Lili," he said, remembering to do the same thing himself. She did and then she squatted down and took Maria by the shoulders. He watched her bite her lip and smile, her eyes unusually bright.
"Maria, liebling, Muti is going away for a little bit, but she'll be back. Vati will take good care of you, so you must be a good girl, ja? Remember your manners and play nicely with your friends. Ich liebe dich sehr!"1 She grasped the child's stiff little body to her, and as Gilbert watched her kiss Maria's neck, ears and hair, he felt tears come to his eyes.
Lili stood up on tiptoes and kissed Gilbert. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and weld her to him, make her stay with him and Maria forever. But she broke away too quickly. "Ich liebe dich," she whispered. "I'll miss both of you so much!"
"Mein Gott, Frau!" Gilbert tried to laugh. "This isn't some schmaltzy movie! You'll come back soon enough!" He blinked, lifted his head and tried to look nonchalant. His heart was racing and he dreaded that the slightest sound or move would make the tears spill onto his cheeks.
Lili nodded bravely and she and Bruno turned and climbed onto the train. Maria tried to walk after her, but Gilbert clung to her hand. "Nein, nein, Maria," he whispered. "We stay here." He saw Lili had found a seat near the window and she now waved to them. "Wave to Muti." He squatted down to wrap one arm around the child's straining body and raised her hand with the other.
The train grunted and huffed and the wheels began to turn and edge it along the tracks. Lili kept waving until her window and then car were too far from them."Muti? Muti?" Maria said, her voice rising higher and higher, until Gilbert swore only Bruno could hear it. He had to press her to him to keep her from trying to follow the car. Car after car passed, the train gaining speed and power, until it was gone into the horizon.
Gilbert exhaled. Well, the child hadn't fallen apart or caused a scene, so one crisis had been averted. He scooped her up and put her back in the car seat. The short drive back to the apartment was silent.
Maria went down easily for her nap, and Gilbert caught up on his blog and correspondence. He even journaled about how proud he was at her self-composure at Lili's departure. Then he heard her begin to mumble and shift; he went to her room to wake her up and check if she needed changing. Lili had begun toilet-training her, and he was relieved that the toddler seemed to understand the concept. He changed the child and decided that a snack and a stroll to the park would be a good idea.
Muti sat in her booster seat at the table, staring intently around the kitchen and ignoring the apple and cheese slices before her. "Muti?" she asked.
Gilbert snuck a piece of cheese to Willi. "Muti went on a trip, remember? We took her to the train station this morning." He figured that was the end of it.
"Muti?" Maria stared at him.
"Nein, I'm Vati. Muti went away on the train. Remember 'Tschüß'?" Gilbert mimicked waving.2
Maria squirmed down from her booster seat and started padding around the apartment, looking into each room, crying "Muti?" Willi and Gilbert followed her, Gilbert repeating, "Nein, she's not here." He was getting frustrated and wondering if she was going to be as dense as Otto, the former personification of Mecklenburg-Vorpommern.
Maria stopped and turned. Her lip quivered and Gilbert noted with dread that her amethyst eyes were too shiny. "Mu-u-u-t-i-i-i," she wailed, her face crumpling into folds of pink flesh and tears. Gilbert just stared at her; Ludwig had never wept like this. Even after he had switched him, the boy had kept his mouth in a firm line and only thin trails of tears betrayed his hurt. But this little creature bawled freely, flopping down on the wood floor, moaning as if her heart would break.
Gilbert's first impulse was to flee, but even he realized that would be a terrible thing to do to a child crying for her absent mother. So he sat down next to her and patted her hot, quivering back. "Shh shh shh," he whispered, rubbing her shoulders. "Muti will come back! She said so herself. And Vati's here, Liebling." He noted with relief that her sobbing subsided; Gut, he thought, maybe she understood more than he initially assumed. She gulped and rubbed her eyes. "Gutes Mädchen," he whispered.
"M-U-U-T-T-T-I-I-I!" She screamed, her mouth wide open, revealing a set of sharp white baby teeth. Willi yapped in astonishment. Gilbert clamped his hands over his ears, repelled by the moist pink mouth and red shiny flesh of her wet cheeks. His adorable child had turned into a howling demon. He was tempted to fling her against a wall to shut her up, but he only imagined how that would go over with Lili, Ludwig, Monika and a host of child-loving nations.
"Ruhe!"3 He barked at her. She froze, mouth shut, lower lip trembling. Gilbert liked using the element of surprise in battle and he realized he needed to take advantage of her silence. He hugged the damp, miserable child and stroked her hair, ignoring the snot and tears dribbling on his shoulder. "Shh, shh, shh," he repeated. "I know you're sad that Muti's gone. I'm sad Muti's gone. But Muti will come back. Shh shh shh." He found himself rocking the whimpering child. "Muti," she mumbled, and this time her plaintive whisper broke his heart. "Vati's here, Maria," He cooed, feeling his disgust fade away as the demon became a confused little girl again. His little girl. "Vati's here."
1 German: I love you very much!
2 German: Bye. From the research I've done online, this is a mostly Northern German way of saying "bye." Lili would probably use an Austrian or Swiss German way of saying "bye bye" to Maria, like "pa pa" or "Ciao." Lili might just say "Tschuß" to humor Gilbert and Ludwig.
3 German: Quiet!