Chapter 6 Erstes Weihnachten1
You ever have one of those family holidays where things don't go the way they should? Also, Vash makes his first appearance in the story.
Maria's first Christmas was supposed to be a quiet one with only immediate family in Berlin. At least, that was what Ludwig had told Gilbert when he asked if he could bring Lili. So when he and the child arrived on the morning of the 24th and saw Hannover, Saxony, Saxony-Anhalt, Thuringia and the city-states of Hamburg and Bremen, he felt tricked. He noted with dismay how Maria clung to him, too overwhelmed to recognize Ludwig, Monika or Magda. The only time she let go of him was when Ludwig revealed the Christmas tree with presents for her. Maria sat down with the first box, tore off the wrapping, and pulled out a Noah's Ark from Saxony. Awesome, Gilbert thought as he gritted his teeth, more pieces to lose and step on. He was amused when Maria was more engrossed with the box than the ark or any other presents. Ludwig and Monika tried to distract her with whistles and chirps as they waved new gifts at her, but the toddler preoccupied herself with shaking the box to hear the pieces rattle. At dinner, she fussed and refused to eat any of the goose, sauerkraut with apples, or other dishes Ludwig and Monika had prepared. Later, when the Stollen, Lebkuchen and other sweets were put out, Thuringia offered her some.
"She shouldn't have any dessert when she didn't eat any dinner," Gilbert said. His tone must have been harsher than he had intended, for Magda looked embarrassed and Saxony and Ludwig turned to stare at him.
"But she shouldn't go to bed hungry," she said meekly.
"Why not?" Gilbert said. "She didn't eat the good food Ludwig and Monika spent all that time and effort preparing, so why let her eat all that sugary stuff to keep her from sleeping?"
"It's Christmas time," Saxony grumbled. " A slice of gingerbread and a cookie with milk won't ruin her."
"Gisil, I don't want her spoiled." Gilbert glared at him. The bad mood that had simmered all afternoon was now coming to a boil. "You're not the one who has to worry about whether she goes to sleep tonight, whether she wakes up with an upset stomach, or—"
"I've raised my share of children." The State of Saxony loomed over him. Gisil was Ludwig's height with a little more bulk. He looked down his nose through his spectacles at Gilbert.
That did it. "If I remember," Gilbert said acidly, "You'd show up on Thuringia's doorstep with a dirty naked toddler you found in the woods, shove it at her, and expect her to whip out a teat and nurse the little brat. Some raising, that."
Magda blushed and put the plate with treats on the table and slid away. Gisil narrowed his eyes and Ludwig exhaled heavily and glared at Gilbert. "Peace on earth, goodwill to men, eh Gilbert?" Saxony growled. "I see you're back to your old habits of kicking Magda around."
Gilbert's face reddened. "I'm not the one who kept dumping bastards on her."
"Halte di Klappe, both of you!" Ludwig growled, pushing between the two of them. "Get some coffee, Gisil, and let Gilbert decide what Maria will eat. And you," He turned on Gilbert, his eyes cold with disgust, "have been in a schleichlich mood all day. Apologize to Magda and maybe you and Maria need the same bed time."
Gilbert sprang up and stared into Ludwig's face. "I wasn't insulting her, it was that fat—"
"Me?" Saxony had edged back over with a cup of coffee. "But of course you can't even do that without hurting someone who'd do anything to make your little brat happy."
"Don't you have some Stollen to eat, Gisil, instead of lurking around private conversations?" Gilbert snapped. He could feel the anger fanning itself and racing through his veins. Ludwig started to say something, but then they heard something rattle, a collective gasp, a whistling thud, and a piercing wail. The three male entities turned in the direction of the parlor.
Ludwig's spruce tree, lovingly decorated with antique glass and Dresden ornaments, had fallen to the carpet. Little shards of glass shimmered in the string of lights, and the angel that decorated the tree top lay forlornly less than a meter away from it, her china head cracked. Maria bawled as she scrambled away from the scene of the crime and into Monika's arms.
Gilbert went over to pick her up. He wasn't sure whether he saw reproach or concern in Monika's eyes, but he was too angry and embarrassed to care. As he took the exhausted, frightened child, he wished she didn't exist. Dummes kleines Ärgenis, he thought as he gritted his teeth and automatically patted her back.2 He saw Ludwig cover his face with his large hands, the city states and Saxony-Anhalt try to pull up the tree and blot up the water that had spilled from the stand, and Saxony stare smugly at him. Over the murmurs of concern and rationalizations, he heard his younger brother's voice loom like a distant rumble of thunder.
"The child needs to go to bed."
"Ja," Gilbert grunted. He was only too glad to disappear with the cause of all the tension and trouble. He scanned the parlor and dining room for Thuringia, but didn't see her. He went upstairs to the guest bedroom he shared with Maria and put the child in the new flannel nightgown that was a gift from Austria. She was so tired, she barely fussed as he brushed her teeth and washed her face. Then he put her in her travel bed and tucked her in with her favorite stuffed dog. Maria snuffled and hiccupped as he hummed her favorite lullaby without enthusiasm.
The hiccups stopped and the snuffles turned into regular breathing. Gilbert sighed and flopped back on his bed. Gott Sei Dank he had not brought Willi and Gilbird to create more chaos, he thought. He ran his hands over his face and through his hair; he knew he should go downstairs, find Thuringia and apologize, but he wanted to avoid the whole mess of German states. Intimate family gathering, indeed! He huffed. Lili could have been invited; she wouldn't have taken up too much space and she could have handled Maria's shyness and fussiness a lot better than he did. She would have soothed her and smoothed over his comments about Thuringia and Saxony. And later, in bed, they could have reviewed the evening, gossiped and laughed over the various states' foibles, wished each other Frohe Weihnachten with kisses at midnight….3
He imagined her in Vienna, accompanying Austria and Hungary to the Catholic midnight mass, while Vash went to bed early so he could wake up and attend a morning Protestant service. They had probably eaten a civilized dinner, and afterwards, Roderich had rung his bell, and then they went to the parlor and pretended that the Christkindl had left the gifts they had earlier placed under the tree. Gilbert felt his chest tighten; he missed it, all of it: eating Austria's food, teasing Elizabeta, decorating the tree, seeing Lili's smile as they opened each other's gifts. Next year, he vowed, Maria will spend Christmas in Vienna with us, Ludwig and his politics be damned.
In Vienna, Lili studied the fire crackling in the white marble fireplace. She had decided not to attend the midnight mass with Roderich and Elizabeta, but to sit with Vash instead. He was looking through the book on the Reformation she had given him for Christmas. "So, do you like it?" she asked.
Vash nodded. "The author has some new insights about what happened along the French border." He looked up, raising an eyebrow. "And how about you? Do you like your gifts?"
"Ja, the keepsake box is lovely." Lili looked down at the box he had carved for her. Each side depicted a childhood activity during the four seasons and she had noted with pleasure that the central character seemed to resemble Maria. She couldn't wait to show it to Gilbert.
"So when do I get to see the Fraulein in person?" Vash asked.
Lili paused. "You could come up with me to visit Gilbert," she suggested; Vash's snort affirmed that wasn't such a great idea. "Or maybe he could come to Vaduz with her during the spring and summer and we could cross over to visit you."
"Ludwig would be okay with that?" Vash's tone made her turn and look at him.
"Why wouldn't he? His own brother can go where he pleases for a week of two."
"Well, I can understand not having a problem with Gilbert leaving the country, but what about the child?" Vash studied Lili, his suspicious green eyes glittering in the fire's glow. "I've seen how he treats you at the meetings, Lili."
"He's been better," she muttered. They both knew that that meant he occasionally nodded to her or remembered to include her in his greetings to Vash. "I got a Christmas card!" she added. One with an impersonal salutation and closing she admitted, but she had not received one from Germany last year.
She watched Vash's lips twitch as he turned to study the flames. "He's going to hold that child over you, Lili," he finally said. "You vote against a proposal he favors? Suddenly you won't be allowed into Germany to visit Gilbert and Maria. You turn down a committee assignment? Hmm, Gilbert and his child are no longer allowed to leave the country without his brother's permission. You will all be his pawns."
Lili stared at his brother. She couldn't believe what he was saying, even as a little stab in her heart confirmed it was a real possibility. "Gilbert would never allow Ludwig to rule him like that."
"He's a state now, a clear subordinate to him. So he does have to do what Ludwig tells him to do. And Maria doesn't belong to him; she belongs to the state of Mecklen-whatever, which belongs to the German Federal Republic. Gilbert is simply holding her in trust for Ludwig." Vash's voice softened slightly. "I'm sorry, Lili, but that's the truth."
She studied the box. For winter, Vash had carved a little girl with braids riding a sleigh down a hill with pine trees in the background. The little figure seemed so carefree, enjoying her sport, even as her creator believed that Maria might never be allowed to do the same in the Alps. "Why are you telling me this, Vash?"
"Because I don't want you to get used and hurt, Schwester." He whispered. "I know you and Gilbert and the child think you're her mother, but you're not. And the first time Ludwig forces you all to realize that, you will all suffer more than if you just simply acted as Gilbert's Frauchen who enjoyed playing with the child in his life."4 He turned towards her and shrugged. "Love the child, Lili, but don't pretend she's your daughter."
Lili felt the stab return and twist slowly inside her, spreading a burning pain throughout her chest. She remembered how eager the female entities Hannover and Thuringia had been to meet Maria, all the questions they asked about her habits, development, likes and dislikes. She remembered the longing in their eyes as they watched the child walk with her. Mein Gott, she agonized, I am replaceable.
She studied another side of the box. Now the little girl was riding in a dog cart pulled by a Greater Swiss Mountain Dog. She forced herself to breathe deeply. Ludwig couldn't be angry at her forever; even Gilbert admitted that he would forgive her eventually. All she needed to do was to be honest and trustworthy. And Gilbert would never let her be shut out of Maria's life; she knew that much.
Lili drew herself back up and smiled at Vash. "Thanks for looking out for me, Bruder," she said. She got up, crossed over to kiss him on the cheek, and looked at the clock. It was just about to strike midnight. "Frohe Weihnachten," she smiled. He repeated it and then she went upstairs to bed and a renewed commitment to the two she loved most in the world.
Poor little tired Maria. Poor Gilbert. Poor Lili. Let me know what you think!
1 German: First Christmas
2 German: Stupid little nuisance
3 German: Merry Christmas
4 German: Mistress