A/N: Oh my God it's been so long! I'm so sorry, please forgive me!

"And so now that awesome sub is back and she's teaching us about..."

Kurt stared blankly at his computer where he was skyping with Santana. He wasn't really listening to what his friend was saying and was only nodded and saying 'Oh' from time to time to keep her thinking he was interested. The truth was, he was a little too busy thinking about something.

It was a question, a question that had been bothering him for days. It was what he wondered about at night when he couldn't sleep and when he was studying. Kurt was even thinking about it now when he should be listening to Santana's more he thought about it, the more Kurt knew he needed to ask He knew Santana would give him a straight answer so maybe he could ask her.

"Kurt, are you listening to me?" Santana snapped.

"Tana, do you think I'm sexy?" Kurt asked, feeling more ridiculous than he ever had in his entire life.

Santana's response was not the one he was expecting. She sat for a moment in shock. She was just blinking at Kurt, her mouth slightly open from being interrupted mid-sentence.

Then she was laughing, laughing so hard she fell out of her chair and was on the floor. A few moments later, she dragged herself off of the floor and back onto her chair, wiping tears of laughter out of her eyes and still wheezing slightly.

"Sorry, Special K, it's just... whew. Oh my God my makeup!" she said, as she took her fingers away from her eyes and saw them covered in mascara and eyeliner.

"You could've just said no," Kurt mumbled, feeling self-conscious.

"What?" Santana said, snapping out of her haze of hilarity. "Why would I say you're not sexy?"

Kurt stared at her in disbelief. "Why else would you be laughing?"

"Why would you ask me something so stupid?"

"Why don't we stop talking in questions?" Kurt asked.

"Fine," Santana said, "I just don't get why you'd think you aren't sexy. You totally are."

Kurt shrugged. Maybe Santana couldn't give him a straight answer. She was probably too scared of hurting his feelings. He wished that everyone would stop treating him like he was about to break like a porcelain doll.

"I'm serious. Why would you think you aren't sexy?" Santana asked.

She was worried about Kurt. He may walk around acting like an Ice Queen Bitch, but years of being told that he wasn't worth anything because he's gay had really taken a toll on his self-esteem. She should know, there were days when she would make comments that were just like she would normally do but Kurt would sometimes take the rude remarks to heart, and always making Santana feeling an emotion that wasn't familiar at all to her: guilt.

"The Warblers, well more like only Blaine, decided that we needed to work on our sex appeal because that would help us win regionals or some crap," Kurt explained, rolling his eyes at the stupidity of the entire situation, "so we sang the song 'Animal' for Dalton's sister school which is an all girls school. After the number, Blaine told me that the way I was trying to look sexy made it look more like I had gas pains."

Santana bit her lower lip to try and keep from laughing or smiling, but Kurt still saw her. He sighed and dropped his head in his hands. She composed herself quickly.

"Kurt, you're just sweet and innocent. I'm sure a lot of guys like that," Santana said.

"Yeah sure, a lot of date rapists," Kurt mumbled. "I just don't get it Tana. I tried so hard-"

"Whoa, see right there it your first problem," Santana interrupted loudly, making her friend jump and look like a deer in the headlights.

"What?"

"You tried. Kurt the thing about you is that when you try to be sexy...you fail. It's when you don't try that you drive everyone crazy."

Kurt stared at her in disbelief. "No way. You're just lying to make me feel better."

"Kurt if there's one thing I never do, it's lie to spare someone's feelings. That's why so many people think I'm a bitch."

Kurt still looked doubtful and Santana sighed. Couldn't he just accept a compliment for once?

"How about this: remember last year when you performed Push It in front of the whole school? Before I joined glee club and it was just you, Finchel, Aretha, Wheels, and Stutter?"

Kurt nodded. It was easily one of the most humiliating moments of his life. He'd been against the idea of a sex number but, just like this week with the Warblers, he'd gone along with it because once Rachel or Blaine had set their mind to something, nothing could change it.

"Yes I remember although I'd like not to, performing that number was so embarrassing. What about it?"

"Where you trying during that number?" Santana asked.

Kurt shrugged. "No, I mean I was trying to sing but not be sexy. I was kind of too scared about performing in front of hostile jocks. Why?"

"Well, how do I say this?" Santana said sarcastically, tapping her pointer finger on her chin in exaggerated thought, "You made me want to turn straight and force you to go straight."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Come on, be serious."

"I'm dead serious, boy. You better believe me. That whole number was super hot, you guys were all pretty much having sex with each other on stage."

"So why weren't you drooling over the over guys?" Kurt asked.

"Because Finn is a huge man-child and frankly Wheels just doesn't do it for me." Santana looked thoughtful for a moment. "Although being with him could open a door for a whole new world of hot, kinky wheelchair sex."

Kurt rolled his eyes. How could this girl want an honest relationship when she still imagined having sex with everything that moved.

Santana still seemed to be envisioning her and Artie together so Kurt snapped in front of his screen to snap her out of her daze.

"Stop it! No dirty thoughts!" he said as if scolding a dog. "You're supposed to be in love with Brittany, remember?"

Santana faked sheepishness. She knew she was in love with Brittany but plenty of people at least thought about other people and if they say they don't think about other people, they're lying.

"Is that all, are we through with our little Kurt pep talk so I can get back to my story?"

Kurt nodded and let Santana continue her tale of learning about sex- "As if I didn't know enough about it already."- from possibly the most awesome substitute teacher of all time which Kurt was soon to point out they only knew because Kurt had gotten her to sub for Mr. Schue.

The next day Santana was over at Kurt's house after school. They were both quieter than usual for their own reasons. Kurt was still pissed about his failed "sexy lessons" with Blaine and Santana was thinking about her long, thoughtful conversation with Brittany and Miss Holiday.

It was good we finally thought about our relationship, Santana thought, biting into a chocolate chip cookie. They were delicious as was everything Kurt baked.

The thing was that Kurt could be the poster child for stress bakers everywhere if he wanted to. While Santana still hadn't gotten him to fess up about what was bugging him, she defiantly wasn't complaining about the sudden avalanche of baked goods that were covering every kitchen surface in the Hudmel household. It was a miracle Burt didn't have another heart attack. Apparently when Burt had his heart attack, Kurt was convinced that it was his baking and stopped for awhile. However, this was also during the time when Kurt's bullying was getting worse and if he'd ever needed an activity to relieve him of stress, it was then. So Kurt practically exploded with baking on the day Karofsky had threatened to kill him. Santana admits that she doesn't remember much of that day, but the memories that have stayed with her are the reason she now calls this day: "The Day I Decided to Never Eat Sugar Cookies Again In My Life."

The oven's timer went off and Kurt came rushing back into the kitchen, grabbing a hot pad and taking some muffins out of the oven. Santana groaned, she hadn't realized he'd made a whole other batch of something.

"What did you make now?" Santana said, hopping off of the one counter that wasn't occupied by sugary treats.

"Pumpkin muffins with chocolate chips," he said, poking one of the muffins to make sure it wouldn't collapse as pumpkin sometimes did that when undercooked. "I used organic pumpkin and sugar free chocolate chips of course."

Santana rolled her eyes. Kurt always added healthy things to his food to make himself feel better and to make sure his dad could still indulge in something tasty without risking his health.

"Okay, what's up with you? You've been freaking out," she said, gesturing to the mountains of food around her.

"I resent the implication that something's out of sorts with me," he said. "I happened to simply be in a baking mood."

Santana rolled her eyes. "You forget that I know you. I know that when you feel scared you always start talking in your superior voice so you can beat up whatever jock is scaring you without even laying a finger on him. I also know that no one has ever done this much baking and only been in a baking mood."

Santana picking up another cookie, popped it in her mouth and continued speaking with her mouth full, much to Kurt's disgust.

"So what's eating you, pun intended. Sorry not sorry," she said, climbing back up onto her counter space.

Kurt rolled his eyes at her ridiculous humor, but he also knew how dead serious she was.

"I know we talked yesterday about, you know..." Kurt trailed off.

Santana nodded.

"Well, Blaine offered to help me work on being sexy. He was over here and it was super awkward and I know you told me not to, but I tried. He tried to get me to talk about sex, I said something about Broadway shows and porn...I eventually told him to leave."

Santana didn't hear most of what her friend said. In fact after the first sentence, the whole thing became rather hazy.

"Hobbit did what?" she screeched, leaping of of the counter again.

Kurt stared at her in shock. He was backed up against a wall and only had the whisk he was holding for protection. "He offered to-"

"Yes, I know, I heard you the first time," she said, "I just can't believe he would do that to you. That's so uncalled for and even worse you confessed your feelings to him, what, a few weeks ago? He has some nerve."

Santana stomped out of the kitchen, picking up her Cheerio's letterman jacket from where it had been slung over the back of the living room couch. She was muttering what swear words in Spanish and Kurt also caught some phrases like "kill little man" and "what does he see in him anyways".

Kurt raced ahead and stopped Santana at the front door.

"That really won't be necessary Tana. I get what he did was wrong but I don't want you in trouble. It's not worth it."

Santana huffed and rolled her eyes which were still ablaze with anger. "You need to stop letting him walk all over you. You deserve better than that."

Kurt shook his head sadly. "Everyone says that but what if it isn't true?" Kurt asked and Santana was sure her heart broke, "I just don't think I believe that anymore, with anything. When the Warblers turned me down for the solo at sectionals, what did people say? 'You're better than them Kurt. They just need to wake up and smell the talent.' That's just what people say when they don't want people to do something stupid and hurt themselves or anything like that."

Santana held his shoulders and made him look her in the eyes. "You need to know that I would never lie to you like that. You are better than this cowtown. You're just as talented as Berry and even more likable so I'm sure people would hire you over her for that."

Kurt chuckled softly. "You're right, I'm sorry. That goes for you too you know. You can be anything Santana Lopez."

The rest of the night consisted of a movie marathon and making a large dent in Kurt's cookie kingdom. While Kurt slept next to her, Santana devised a plan and quickly grabbed Kurt's laptop off his desk.

Blaine sat on his bed, scrolling through Wes's ideas for possible regionals solos for him when his computer alerted him of one new email.

From: snix

Allow me to make one thing clear hobbit, Kurt is my best friend. You break his heart, I'll break your face and possibly cut off some very important other body parts.

Have a good day!

A/N: I know, I know I leave you for over 3 months and all I have to give is that. Basically I think Kurt is a sexy beast, hate Blaine, and have a deep, burning Kurtana obsession.