Chapter26 Wake-Up Call

We have some PolLiet, and once again Lithuania proves he is one of the few personifications with common sense in the Hetalia universe.

"Girl, that latest posting was, like, hilarious!" Poland giggled. It was late at night and Maria was skyping Feliks. It had been a couple of months after that strange visit of Muti's, and Maria was checking her tumblr account for feedback on her latest comic. Since she wrote the comic in Polish, she wasn't surprised to see most of the reblogs and favorites were from Polish-language accounts, but she was startled to see even a few German, Russian, and English names among her followers. She was both flattered and nervous.

"Do they, like, seriously do that? Because that's just seriously funny and like ewwww." Feliks was shaking his head, bemused.

"Tak, well think how I feel! I have to like live with this!" Maria laughed. She had never guessed that her webcomic about life with her parents would actually develop a following beyond Poland and his sisters. But it had, and it seemed a lot of mortals could identify with her exasperation and sense of humor.

"Wait a sec." Feliks said. He turned from the webcam and shrilled, "Liet! Did you feed the dogs? Wait, what do you want?" He bounded up from the computer and disappeared. Maria heard Pomeranians barking and male voices. Then Poland plopped back down in front of the webcam with Lithuaina hovering behind him. "Toris wants to talk to you," he blurted out.

"That's cool," Maria shrugged. Lithuania occasionally peeked in to say hello to her, but he had never asked to speak with her.

Toris took over Feliks's chair as the Polish nation grumbled. He smiled at Maria, his blue-gray eyes anxious. "Maria, Feliks has shown me your tumblr account and your webcomic. It's funny and well-drawn, but you do know your father is fluent in Polish, tak? Has it ever occurred to you that he might actually read what you're saying about him and your mother?"

For one second, Maria felt a chill seize her spine. Then she shook it off. "He's not going to go looking around for stuff in Polish to read," she said boldly. "And it's not like I'm using real names or anything that he'd search for." She couldn't imagine Vati searching on tumblr for teenage angst in Polish.

"Tak, but your caricatures are pretty obvious. Anyone who knows your father or mother could see the resemblance. And not only your father and Uncle Ludwig know Polish, but other personifications know enough to read it and get it," Toris said. "I mean, I can read it, and I knew right away whom you were talking about."

"Mój Bóg, Toris, you only found it because I reposted it! Seriously, who else is going to get it?" Poland protested.

Lithuania turned away from the webcam to stare at Poland. "Come on, Feliks, think about it. Saxony knows Polish and he hates Gilbert. Austria and Hungary both know Polish. Russia knows Polish, and so do his sisters! What do you think is going to happen if Ukraine finds this webcomic?"

"Kasia will think it's funny," Feliks mumbled. "And cute. She doesn't get satire very well."

"Exactly! Imagine her going up to Liechtenstein at the next World Meeting and babbling about the cute comic she found on the internet!" When Toris turned back to the webcam, Maria began to realize she hadn't been so clever at hiding her tracks after all. Muti didn't read Polish, but she knew how to track down IPs. And all she needed to do was see one strip and she would know who drew it.

"Uncle Toris, please don't tell my parents, please!" she begged. "They wouldn't get it! It's just a little venting, letting off steam! I thought only Feliks and his sisters would see it, maybe a few Polish teens! I never thought others would find and read it!"

Lithuania looked kindly at her. "I'm not going to tell your parents, Maria. But I am going to suggest you remove these strips, or at the very least, make it private to only a few readers you trust."

"But they're funny! And they're good!" Poland protested. "She could make money off publishing a collection or going to comic conventions, or—"

"She doesn't need to do that!" Toris snapped. For the first time, Maria saw the determination behind his usually long-suffering expression. "She's a personification of a German state, she doesn't have to use 'making a living' as an excuse for hurting her parents and making them figures of fun!" He turned back to the webcam and his eyes were a steely gray. "Maria, I'm telling you this as an adult and a nation's personification. These comics will come back to haunt you and your parents. I know you want to rebel and vent, but this is too public a way to do it. I can't make you take them down, but I can strongly suggest that you should."

Maria gradually lowered her eyes under Lithuania's gaze; she recognized he was right, but she didn't want to give up so easily. "I guess I could make it private," she mumbled.

"Maria, you'd be better off keeping an old-fashioned paper journal under your mattress," Toris said. Feliks snorted and Toris glared at him. "At least, only you would see it, and if your father or mother found it, it would only between you. But to publish on the internet, it can go all over the world, and—"

"Liet, you're going to freak her out! There are no tags that her parents would follow!" Feliks exclaimed. "It's not like she's tagging it 'awesome' or 'Prussia' or anything like that!" He stuck his face in front of Lithuania's. "Chickie, do the private listing thingy! My sisters and I will be your first subscribers! And, and charge money for people to view it! That'll take care of the casual viewers and then you can draw really fabulous, like explicit stuff!"

Maria blushed and Toris stared at Feliks in horror. "You want her to draw sex cartoons of her parents?! And charge people money to see them? What is wrong with you?" Poland blushed and mumbled that Prussia deserved it, but Maria shook her head.

"I'll stop it and take them down, Lithuania," she muttered. "They'll just be my little secret." Toris nodded, but Feliks rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"You've got talent, chickie," Poland sighed. "I hate to see you, like, shove it under a bushel just because some nations are like pearl-clutchers." He glared at Lithuania, who sniffed and got up. "Liet! Where are you going?" Feliks spun around to follow the other nation.

"I'm going to Latvia's house." Maria heard Toris say. "I have a standing invitation for the game night he and Eduard host, and I need a haircut anyway."1

"But I just made a big pot of bigos for dinner!" Feliks wailed.2 "What am I supposed to do with it?" Maria couldn't hear Toris's answer, but she could tell Feliks wasn't pleased with it when he turned back to the webcam with a scowl.

"Such a worrywart," he grumbled. "And I thought all those years with Russia made me paranoid."

Maria shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe he's right," she said. "They're kind of mad at me now and I don't need to make it worse." She remembered how sharply Muti had spoken to her on her sudden visit and how even Vati had stopped trying so hard to get her to interact with him. It was actually making her nervous and a little friendlier to him. The last thing she needed was his anger at her if he learned about the webcomic.

"Eh, you could do worse than listen to him." Feliks shrugged.

"If I were mortal, I wouldn't have to worry about this."

"Uh, chickie, you would. You'd still like have parents and their friends and enemies and the same privacy issues. So that wouldn't like get you off the hook!"

"They'd just be regular people, not personifications of regions and nations," Maria grumbled. "If a Polish-speaking Russian kid liked my comic about them, big deal. But if Russia reads it, then it's all 'oh noes, what will he say to them at the next World Meeting!' I'm tired of it."

"Chickie, we've been through this before and it gets really old."

Maria paused and turned her head away from the webcam so Poland wouldn't see the tears come to her eyes. "How does a nation become a mortal?" She finally managed to say.

Poland shook his head. "Oh, Maria, nie, you don't—"

"How does a nation become a mortal?" She turned back to the webcam, amethyst eyes shimmering with tears and determination. "Maybe I'm just curious."

Poland snorted. "You can't fool me, chickie! Like, I know why you're asking and I'm not gonna tell you! I'm not gonna have you run to Norway or Romania to ask for a spell and—" He slapped a hand over his mouth. "Oh cholera!"3Like they wouldn't do it for you anyway, 'cause you're a kid."

"Tak, you're right," Maria said. She filed Feliks's exclamation away into her memory. She checked the time. "I have to stop now and study. I'll probably take down my tumblr account with the comics tomorrow." She hated to admit it, but Lithuania's advice made sense.

"Okay, chickie. Feel better, and get that 'I wanna be a mortal' idea out of your head! Things will get better and someday you'll look back and be glad that you personify Mecklenberg-Vorpommern!" Feliks blew a kiss and waved to the webcam. "Dobranoc!"4

Maria said good night and then went offline Skype. She turned to her homework and sighed. Maybe Feliks was right and she would someday appreciate being an entity. But right now, she didn't feel it.

So what do you imagine Maria's comic looks like or features Prussia and Liechtenstein doing? And how about Lithuania's advice and Poland's objections? Next week we'll have a welcome break for the angst, 'cause there's going to be a party! Thanks for reading!

1 In my headcanon, Latvia is a talented hairstylist. All the nations go to him for haircuts. This is based on my sister's hairstylist in New York City, a Latvian scissor goddess.

2 Polish national dish, aka "Hunter's Stew." A mess of long-simmered yumminess with sauerkraut, various cuts of fresh and smoked meats, and seasoned with peppercorns and juniper berries. Some recipes include tomatoes, dried mushrooms and/or dried fruit. Usually served with rye bread or mashed potatoes.

3 Polish: Oh crap, hell!

4 Polish: Good night