Take Two: First Impressions (Showtime)

"Hum-Ah-Here is Mr. Hatake now."

Striding almost purposefully towards the upraised table at the front of the hall, Kakashi halted when he neared, facing Dumbledore and his motley staff. Loosely held in one hand, Icha Icha Paradise was opened to a nondescript page, the obscenely orange cover catching almost equal attention. The disguised shinobi nodded at Dumbledore, ignoring the inquisitive stares, and murmured in his native language, "Sorry. You see, I was politely listening to a painting describe the drabness of tartan curtains and how pink couches can match quite well with red doilies when I realized I was late for breakfast. So I asked for directions and the little man with the purple pinstripe bowler hat led me through an interesting adventure where we entered a trap door of sorts and solved difficult obstacles - battling against flying keys and such - and when we reached the final level he realized that we went in the wrong direction so we had to backtrack through fire and-"

"That's quite alright, Mr. Hatake." More amused than cross (because he was previously warned by the reverent Hokage about the peculiar habits of this shinobi), Dumbledore peered down at him from half-moon glasses. "Rest assured; although you are two hours late we have not started breakfast without you. Though, I must ask kindly that you try to be more punctual tomorrow."

"Hmm. I extend my apologies again, Professor." Kakashi tugged at his red scarf, eyes curving impishly. "But I must defend myself and place the blame on the rather charming painting."

The Headmaster nodded agreeably and addressed the other hungry professors who were fidgeting in their seats, incapable of understanding the previous exchange (linguistic barriers and all that). "Ah-yes! My good ladies and gentlemen please once again excuse my manners. May I introduce to you our newest addition to the staff, Kakashi Hatake."

The professors gathered at the Great Hall clapped politely with several murmured 'welcome's and 'great to have you on board's tossed in.

Kakashi returned the reactions with a jaunty wave and replied with accented English, "Thank you. Pleased to meet you all. May we become great acquiescenses."

Upon that word, there was a low hum that fell like a blanket around the professors, and Kakashi could almost see their minds turning and connecting the various dots. Appearance. Language. Foreigner. The woman to the far right end of the table clucked loudly, as if offended by his butchering of the English language; she also eyed his open book with curiosity as there were no such colourful tomes in her library.

Dumbledore glanced at Kakashi, knowing for a fact that his English was not as bad as he played them to be.

However before he could cry foul, it was a female professor situated to the immediate left of Dumbledore who corrected him sharply, but not unkindly, "You mean acquaintances."

"It is what I say?" He purposefully responded in a puzzled tone and the witch's lips pressed together into a thin line. Eyeing the woman, he immediately tacked on the traits of 'quick to point out mistakes' and 'believes she is always correct so does not take it when students correct her knowledge' to her character. He repeated slowly, much to her exasperation, "Ack-quees-sence-ses."

Grinning, he watched her eyebrows twitch downwards. The Headmaster, witnessing the exchange, acquired a knowing look.

A tiny man, with snow-white hair that rivalled Dumbledore's, spoke up rather thoughtfully, "Unfortunately, Mr. Hatake, you are making a mistake in your pronunciation. Try a-kwain-ten-ses."

Ah. Quite obviously a patient nurturer or maybe a soft-spoken, sensitive-in-nature teacher that students could walk all over.

Kakashi appeared to think over the tiny professor's words before announcing, "Hum…I check." He slipped Icha Icha Paradise into a hidden pocket of his cloak and pulled out a new book – the language translation dictionary that Dumbledore had previously gifted him. He exaggeratedly flipped through the bound pages, acutely aware that they were staring and mumbling once more.

A greasy-haired man snorted over the din, "An outsider unfamiliar with English?"

Kakashi peered above the pages quickly, lone grey eye darting too rapidly for the wizards to perceive. The man with the sour-lemon expression seemed quite impatient and had a haughty aura. With deliberate volume, the shinobi in disguise answered cheerfully, "Yes. Yes. I learn English. Three…wee-eeks? No…Days…Three days ago."

The sour-lemon expression switched from uncertainty before settling to a neutral glower.

Dumbledore's smile seemed to broaden. "Mr. Hatake has been most studious indeed."

Kakashi flapped his hand absently, as if dismissing the compliment. His eye was still focused on the open page. "Mmn…Eng-lish is inneresting. Easy."

The neutral glower reverted back to the sour-lemon expression almost instantly.

The Headmaster coughed lightly, changing the subject. "Ah, our new educator is actually a special guest of Hogwarts and the Ministry of Magic. He hails from the Great East so I trust you, professors, to guide Mr. Hatake in his role and help him adapt to our culture."

This time, a plump woman with frizzy grey hair nodded agreeably, answering Dumbledore's call. "Oh of course I would be happy to help a fellow instructor! We can probably learn a lot from each other."

Peacemaker. Friendship builder. Kakashi decided she may become an interesting asset for this mission of his.

"Though Headmaster, I was wondering what subject he is teaching here?" Clicking her tongue loudly, the skinny witch with the vulture stare – in fact, she was the one who previously eyed his Icha Icha Paradise book with interest – snappishly voiced the question the other professors were thinking of.

"It is with misfortune that I tell you now he is not here to take up the vacant Defence Against the Dark Arts seat."

Kakashi noted with curiosity that the greasy-haired professor's glare smothered itself over when he heard the Headmaster's words.

Dumbledore smiled, eyes twinkling, "However, I am most pleased to announce that he shall, instead, be given the important role of sparking school spirit for the Triwizard Tournament. Our very own Inter-House Relations Deputy!"

Mentally, he cringed at the title; outwardly, he was still shuffling through the book, oblivious. The professors, having no such emotional inhibitions, discreetly exchanged smirks.

Faintly, a woman, who had been silent up until Dumbledore's grandeur statement, asked uncertainly through a sceptical smile, "An Inter-House Relations Deputy you say…?"

The sour-lemon look was exchanged for annoyance as the wizard of said expression remarked, "Is it necessary to have someone rally school spirit?" Clearly, the man refused to say 'sparking' school spirit.

There was a wildfire of murmurs but Kakashi, with his keen ears, could pick up the most frequently uttered words: 'the Weasley twins can take care of school spirit just fine'.

So they doubted his expertise…Thereby making his decision much easier.

"AH!" He snapped the book shut rather loudly (a few professors jumped) and exclaimed pleasantly, "You are right, professor, or I say, you are right, ack-quen-ten-ss."

"And he is still learning the language." Rather dryly, the witch in the emerald robes – the one who immediately corrected him earlier – stared at Dumbledore almost incredulously, "Surely you must reconsider this appointment."

The diminutive wizard shook his head apologetically. "Unfortunately, I agree with Minerva, Headmaster. Communication is rather crucial if he is to, as Severus called it, 'rally school spirit'."

Dumbledore seemed to discreetly signal Kakashi 'to do something' but the jounin only shrugged, grey eye blinking innocently.

The woman who was awfully quiet during the greetings whispered rather loudly towards the witch with the vulture-stare. "Hrm. Don't you agree, Irma, that he doesn't seem like the school spirit type?"

"No, certainly not, Poppy. And as it is, Hogwarts students are loud and excitable enough. The way I see it, it's superfluous to add fuel to the fire."

Beside them, the greasy-haired professor grunted, silently agreeing.

Contrary to their expressed feelings, the Headmaster ultimately stared at them flatly, taking matters into his own hands. "That's enough. Mr. Hatake will be an excellent mentor so I hope you will all treat him politely and genially." There were brief unconvinced mutters of assent and Dumbledore swept a hand through his beard, speaking to Kakashi amiably, "Please, enjoy your breakfast."

And while the professors finally started their breakfast (no thanks to Kakashi for being late), the shinobi nodded agreeably, taking it as his cue to leave.

…After all, would he really starve himself for two hours when he already discovered the kitchens yesterday night?

It had been a day since the staff of Hogwarts was introduced to Hatake. If he were to describe the foreigner, he would have signalled him out as an annoying bright eyed and bushy tailed individual with a dash of Hufflepuff cheer. In other aspects, like language barrier and lack of culture, the man was absolutely insufferable…

Minding his own business, Snape strode purposefully to his office, black cloak snapping furiously at his heels. But when he was rounding a corner into the dungeons, he was met with the sight of Hatake leaning carelessly against the stone wall, staring blankly at a spot on the ceiling.

Mistrust set in.

As he neared, Snape's frown deepened. Was the man humming a merry tune under his breath?

…Nevermind that the melody was slightly muffled by his mustard-yellow scarf. Snape approached his daydreaming colleague and questioned bluntly, "Why are you lurking in the dungeons?"

Hatake, as if deaf, ignored the fuming professor; he whistled a few notes and began to sing in his native language. It sounded suspiciously like a nursery rhyme if the repetitive notes were anything to go by.

Severus, not wanting to demean himself and follow his line of sight, cleared his throat pointedly. "If you have nothing better to do, Argus and Professor Dumbledore are looking for assistance against a Purtle infestation."

He waited. Hatake was oblivious. Apparently being civilized wasn't going to cut it.

He gnashed his teeth together. "Are you even listening?"

Hatake tilted his head further, eye still trained on the rafters.

"Irritating…Deaf..." Murmuring darkly, Snape refrained from using his wand. "Uncouth."

Silent, the black-haired man tilted his head again, but this time additionally slipping a book out and offhandedly presenting it to Snape.

The Potions professor read the cover and seethed.

'Lessons in Etiquette' by Hurbbie Humbletone.

"You-Telling me to read up on my etiquette." Snape's glower intensified. "In our culture, Hatake, hypocrisy is looked down upon."

Hatake lolled his head to the side, focusing on a new spot on the wall behind Snape's head.

The professor bared his teeth and was about to rant at the silent man when the painting attached to the wall opposite to them spoke up.

It drawled out slowly in a croak, "Hello. Quiet down. Shut up. I think he's talking to you, sonny-boy."

That elicited a response. "Hmn?" Hatake's lone grey eye widened comically as if just realizing that Snape was beside him. "Oh, hello. What do-need?"

The wizard took a deep breath in. "Leave my dungeons at once. I do not welcome loiterers."

Hatake stared at him steadily, as if waiting for something.

Snape glared back testily. "Well?"

He sounded the words out slowly, as if speaking to a child. "He-low professor."

"Out!"

Hatake seemed to frown and shake his head. "Hm. Need learn manners." He then pressed the etiquette book into Snape's hands and walked away.

"Manners. I have more manners than you, sir. A penchant in ignoring a person does not equate to manners, Hatake." He eyed the retreating back with distaste.

Hatake, on the other hand, shrugged, "No hello. I no respond."

(Two days later…)

Flitwick's eyes, full of wonderment and surprise, widened. He hailed the figure squatting on the wall. "Mr. Hatake! How are you sitting on the wall like that? What spell are you using?"

"Oh, hello professor…Spell…?" The foreigner seemed to think, tugging at his flat, ebony-shade hair. "Spell? Sorry…I am what you say squid."

"Squid…?" Flitwick watched, fascinated, as Hatake walked calmly up the wall and onto the ceiling.

"Yes!" From his position, the man 'smiled' his customary beam, sky-blue scarf in place even upside-down. "Squid."

A small frown wormed its way to the surface of his expression. "I don't know what you mean by that."

The 'Inter-House Relations Deputy' seemed to fumble through the words. "Squid…Like…No magic."

Oh. Professor Flitwick chuckled lightly, "I believe the correct term is squib."

"Yes, squid. It is what I say."

Sighing, he decided it was in vain to correct him. Instead, he questioned, "Then how did you get up there with no magic?"

This, Hatake had an easier time responding. "Mahh, secret." And as if he could detect the disappointment, the man considered again and took out a parchment paper folded in half. He then allowed it to flutter to the ground near Flitwick. "But if you can open secret. Learn less-en."

Flitwick with an expression of pure glee picked up the piece of parchment and nodded excitedly, "I see, I see! Thank you for sharing your knowledge, Mr. Hatake."

Kakashi smiled benignly as he waved him off.

It had been awhile since the occupants of the staff table united and agreed upon something. As it was, when it came to curious behaviours amongst instructors – well, they had to make an exception.

Minerva McGonagall sighed, finally setting her fork down, and asked enquiringly, "Filius, what are you doing?"

The occupants of the staff table watched as their Charms professor spelled the paper again, muttering crossly, "Why doesn't it work?!"

"Filius!" Poppy called out the wizard sharply.

Flitwick could only distractedly explain. "Ahh you see, Hatake can walk on walls."

Murmurs of interest ebbed into the conversation.

"Walk on walls." Professor Sprout snorted gaily as she prefers to have two feet on solid ground.

Without looking up, the diminutive professor nodded, "Yes…Yes…But curiously he's a squid."

McGonagall exchanged raised eyebrows with Madam Pomfrey. "Squid?"

But Flitwick seemed oblivious once more as he considered and brightened when he thought of another charm to use. He twirled his wand expertly and spelled the parchment but when there were no visible results, he cursed rather fluently, the words echoing within the Great Hall. The acoustics were impeccably superb.

Of course, this raised a few more eyebrows including Septima Vector's who just returned to Hogwarts that day.

The Arithmancy professor questioned meticulously, "You say cephalopodan, Filius?

"Hmm?" Looking decidedly harried, Filius scratched his head distractedly. "Sorry, my mistake; I meant squib. Mr. Hatake was the one who kept insisting squid."

They watched as he casted magic on the paper again.

"Why then, Filius, did the piece of paper offend you? What does it have to do with Hatake and walking on walls?" sighed Vector as she speared a potato on her plate with a spoon.

Almost snappish, Filius tugged at his white hair. "Hatake explained that if I could open this parchment paper then I may learn how he did it."

"Infuriating man…" Snape broke his silence, exhaled and muttered pointedly, "The parchment paper was never sealed, professor."

At mid-cast, the Charms master swirled in his seat and asked, shocked, "What?"

"It's true." McGonagall observed wryly. "The parchment paper was already open when you entered the Great Hall and every time you casted a spell, the paper would instead change colour."

"But-But-Impossible!" Flitwick poked the piece of paper with the end of his wand. "You are mistaken. It's clearly still sealed!"

"Could Hatake possibly have cheated you?" questioned Sprout.

"Im-Im-Impossible! There is no colour change and it's still closed!" denied the wizard vehemently. "Do not lie to me, good professors."

"We aren't, Filius," reassured Vector complacently.

Sprout added, "And it truly is opened."

"Then read it to me…What does it say?"

Pomfrey held out an empty hand and volunteered readily. "May I?"

Flitwick reluctantly passed the paper over and she inspected the scrawled words – words that Flitwick could not see. She read aloud, "You cannot."

"I cannot what?"

Poppy shrugged helplessly, "That's all it says."

"But-!"

"I'm sorry, Filius."

"Impossible." He snatched the paper from Pomfrey, shaking his head in defiance. They observe, worried, as he scurried away to his office, muttering all awhile.

It would be a two days later before the rest of Hogwarts would see hide or hair of Flitwick and when he did show himself, he was visibly exhausted.

He explained to his concerned peers that the parchment was simply gone – that when he woke up that morning, the bane of his existence disappeared.

(Discreetly from a few floors above the clamouring Great Hall, Kakashi crumpled Flitwick's piece of paper and set it on fire with a well placed katon jutsu, and with it, releasing the elaborate genjutsu.

He smiled.)

(Another day passes…)

Madam Hooch, who recently returned from her relaxing vacation, opened the broom shack eagerly but promptly gaped at the sight. She shrieked, "What…What is the meaning of this?!"

Kakashi waved, rubbing the back of his head nervously, "I learn."

"You-You-!" Her hand was shaking in rage as she pointed towards the dismantled broom, splinters of wood littering the area. "That was school property!"

"Ah-I fix. No worry."

"Fix? FIX?!" Hooch's hawk eyes flashed menacingly. "Knives! Knives! You pared the broom into ribbons!"

"Want to learn." Hatake scrunched his forehead together as he strung the words. "Learn…Magic-kal core."

The flying instructor strode into the closet and was about to lecture the grown man about respecting property when she saw.

All the brooms. Broken. Irreparable.

She glanced at the man exuding happiness and felt light-headed, rage boiling over into cold disbelief.

She fainted.

Kakashi lifted the genjutsu and pleasantly strode out of the shack, hands in trouser pockets. Behind him, all the brooms were intact and the witch was still out cold.

"Catch the book-"

"Ah-Sorry."

"Hatake – that was my best quill!"

"Don't go so close-No!"

A loud crash that sounded like pottery smashed against the ground.

"That was my award-winning flutterby bush!"

"Out! Out of my dungeons now!"

"Woman with-" His hands circled his eyes, mimicking eyeglasses. "-And smell…funny. Fruit. Flower."

"You mean Trelawney."

"Ah. She say…Trans…Trans-fig-gu-a-ton-"

A sigh. "Transfiguration, Hatake."

"Ah. Yes! Say it use-less."

"Did she now?"

"Ah. See-ing better."

"…Hrn."

"Says hag."

"Minerva! Unhand me this instant!"

"Useless? Transfiguration is a basis of magical theory, four-eyed unseeing hag!"

"You-!"

"Now ladies-!" Flitwick flittered from one witch to the other imploringly. "Let's not be too hasty here."

Two piercing voices yelled, "Quiet Filius!"

Bursting into the Headmaster's office, a stream of wizards and witches – all a part of the prestigious Hogwarts staff – glowered at the pair situated in the room. Their representative, a red-faced Professor Trelawney, scowled at Kakashi before demanding, "I've had enough, Professor Dumbledore. On behalf of the saner part of your staff, I urge you to remove that infuriating man from Hogwarts at once!"

(Trelawny on the saner part of the staff. Oh how the world was turning upon its head.)

Dumbledore, wizened and cheerful to a fault, glanced at his hired shinobi with ill-hidden amusement. "What did you do, Mr. Hatake?"

Kakashi eye-smiled, silently saying everything and nothing at once.

McGonagall stepped forward to stand beside Trelawney and nodded stiffly, "Albus, this has gone on long enough. He has been unconditionally antagonizing the staff members. This is an outrage. How do we expect him to teach notions of 'teamwork' and 'school spirit' if he can't even work well with his colleagues?"

"Indeed. He is quite petty," growled the usually good-natured Flitwick.

"Spreading fibs about certain staff members," added Trelawney.

"Damaging school property." Even as the Astronomy professor spoke those words, she moaned despairingly, "He readjusted the moon scales to follow the sun. The ancient moon scales, Albus! That is absolutely unheard of."

"What about Mrs. Norris?!" seethed Filch as he pointed an accusing finger at the masked man. "She's still missing! It must have been him."

(Kakashi may or may not have had a hand in that…He'll have to ask his giant bulldog summon later.)

"And let's not forget snide." Madam Hooch glared at Hatake as he read his orange book, recalling how he tricked her into believing that all of Hogwarts' brooms were destroyed.

Pince sniffed, still heartbroken over her destroyed quill. She added salt to the wound, pointing at his little book with the picture of the man chasing a woman. "For all we know he could be reading dirty novella."

Kakashi muttered in his native language, deadpanned. The staff looked at Dumbledore for translation and the wise wizard sighed, reiterating calmly, "He says that 'it's a romance novel expressed through physical boundaries'."

The Librarian, and the rest of the staff in fact, squawked indignantly. "You mean you've been walking around reading pornography?!"

"I denounce this man as my colleague, Albus!"

"I will not set foot in this castle as long as he is here."

Dumbledore actually seemed a bit irritable and worried. "Settle down, my good professors. I'm sure there's an explanation to all this."

Snape eyed the outsider contemptuously, voice coated with menace. "We do not need such incompetence as an Inter-House Relations Deputy."

There was silence as the statement settled through the room – that is until Kakashi, standing idly as he read a passage from Icha Icha Paradise, snapped the book shut.

He stowed the novella away and eye-smiled, "I think I proved my point."

The professors gaped hearing his accented but otherwise perfectly pronounced English. Dumbledore was expressionless.

McGonagall was the first to recover. "Your English-!"

Cries of outrage followed. "You strung us along!"

Kakashi pressed a finger against his covered cheek. "Ah, it's like the saying goes, 'Assuming can make a…' Hm. What was it again, Professor Snape? The adage just escaped my mind…"

"You lying little snake!"

He found he didn't like being compared to a snake given the unfortunate connotations behind the creature. The jounin shrugged and admitted, "I guess it is a bit deceitful of me…For that I'll graciously apologize."

Dumbledore seated himself behind his desk and asked calmly, "Mr. Hatake. What point did you prove? Don't leave my fine staff in anticipation."

"Yes, pray tell," murmured Madame Hooch coolly.

"Oh, well my point is that I would make an excellent Mediator." He then nodded curtly at Dumbledore. "Sorry, I wanted a new title…Hm…Mediator has a nice ring to it, right? I hope you don't mind."

"Title! You won't have a title. I demand you sack him, Dumbledore!" growled Phineas Nigellus Black in his portrait. "Disrespectful little…"

Dumbledore talked over the portrait. "No…I don't mind at all. I suppose this was what your superior mentioned, 'Underneath the underneath'?"

Hand on chin, he seemed thoughtful before his eye curved into a mockery of happiness. "Ah. Isn't it wonderful, seeing all of Hogwarts' staff working together trying to lynch their new addition?"

There was another lengthy silence and it was Madam Pomfrey who interrupted, "Please tell me you are jesting."

"Oh I kid you not." Kakashi leaned into the wall. "You can say I'll be using…"

"More innovative methods, Mr. Hatake?" quipped Dumbledore.

"Yes." The shinobi 'smiled'. "No hard feelings, I hope?"

The professors shifted uncomfortably, unable to detect whether the statement was sincere or tinted with ridicule. A few of them were still angry for being made a fool; some were embarrassed. The others nodded objectively, accepting the fact that they were outmanoeuvred and that there will be a Mediator.

Dumbledore clapped his hands together. "Good! If there are no more ill-wishes against Mr. Hatake's instatement as our Mediator, then may I suggest we head for dinner?"

To say the least, dinner was a tense affair.

TBC

A/N: Salutations fellow readers. On behalf of my cute side-project, I'd like to say thank you very much for the love :).

May we become better, as Kakashi puts it, acquiescenses, neh?

And what Kakashi was hinting on was, "Assuming can make an ass out of you", in case you missed it.

~Phoenyxx