For the second round of Fire The Canon's Pre-Hogwarts tournament, this time with baby!Teddy and Tonks.
Can't
She looks down at the crib and there he is, all pink and perfect, his tiny fingers visible just above his blanket. His hair is blue, like it always is when he's asleep, and she touches it with a trembling hand. It's the softest thing she's ever felt.
"Hello sweetheart," she says softly. She doesn't want to wake him but there are things she has to say. "My beautiful boy. You're so precious."
She remembers that first moment she held him in her arms, her pain and exhaustion melting away as she looked at him for the first time. His eyes had been all screwed up, she remembers, but his cries had been the sweetest sound she'd heard in her life.
His little hand opens and closes as though he's practicing the movement, working his newfound muscles. She brushes it with her finger and he grabs hold reflexively.
"Mummy has to go away for a little while," she whispers. "I might not be here when you wake up, but don't worry, okay? Your Gran will look after you while I'm gone."
He looks so peaceful. She almost wishes that she could stay here and watch him sleep forever, but she can't. Time is running out. She needs to go to Remus.
Remus. What hell is he facing at this moment? How different will the world be when this night is over?
"I know it's hard to understand," she says, and her voice cracks. "Maybe when you're older you'll realise what this was all about. I can't stay here and wait, you see. I have to go and be with your father. I have to fight."
Why am I trying to explain this to a three-week old?
Maybe she's trying to explain to herself. Motherhood has changed her, in some ways, but in others she's still the same person. She can't sit around and hope that everything will be okay. She has to go. She has to help Harry.
But what if—what if—
She can't even bring herself to think the words, but in her heart she knows it's a real possibility. She might not come back. It's why they agreed that, if the time came, she would stay behind. She thought she could. She'd assured Remus that she'd be with Teddy. But the time has come, and she can't. She can't.
She waits another moment, wishing that his eyes would open just for a second, so she could just see that piercing grey he inherited from his father. They are the one part of his face that he hasn't learned to change yet. Part of her wishes that he never will.
It only lasts a moment. She has to leave. Whatever Hogwarts is facing tonight, she needs to be there. She needs to be by her husband's side. They need to face this together.
She pulls her finger from his grasp, and it's the single hardest thing she's ever had to do.
"Goodbye, my beautiful boy," she says. "Be good for your Gran. I love you."
She wants to promise that she'll be back soon, but she can't.