My head whips around and I see Gale standing in the doorway. He closes his mouth, as though it had fallen open in surprise.
"I didn't mean to interrupt. I heard laughter and..." He trails off, but I know what he was going to say. I haven't laughed, not really, since I've been back. As he recovers from what appears to be shock, I sense his growing irritation. We never talked about what happened when I was away, my relationship with Peeta. Gale never brought it up, and I didn't know what I would say even if he did. We picked up where we left off, less the daily hunting trips, and our empty stomachs.
"Buttercup made a commotion last night, Peeta just came to check on me," I explain. I turn to Peeta, searching for a way to make the whole situation seem normal. It just feels wrong somehow, having both of them together.
"He stayed the night?!" Gale's sudden anger casts a shadow over his face, and his jaw is so tense I'm surprised he can speak at all.
"Is that a problem?" Peeta steps forward and I'm struck by just how tall he is. Though Gale has years on him, their glares meet evenly. The tension in the room rockets and I quickly step between them.
"Gale, it's not like that. Peeta, knock it off." My head swivels to give each of them a warning glance. I fold my arms over my chest , which is barely containing my rapidly beating heart. What is Gale's problem? Why does he care if Peeta spent the night? I scan his scowling profile and my heart sinks at the way he's reacting. As if Peeta is his rival. And there is only one thing they would ever be competing for.
Peeta steps backward and shrugs, though he never breaks his icy stare. Gale doesn't move. Cringing internally, I turn to Peeta.
"Peeta, would you give me a minute? I need to talk to Gale." He stares at me in disbelief.
"Are you serious? You want me to leave?" I think he has the wrong idea, the way his eyes flicker between Gale and I, but I can't correct him with Gale there.
"I just want to talk to him," I plead with my eyes for him to understand that it's not what he thinks. He grimaces, but grunts and heads towards the doorway.
"I'll see you around Katniss." He doesn't sound hopeful.
As soon as he's gone, Gale rounds on me. For a minute I expect him to yell at me, but he's silent. Not knowing where to start, I turn my back to him and stare out the window. The sun is just beginning to rise, and soon the mockingjays will be singing the Seam awake. I sigh, and face Gale.
"What the hell was that?" I don't sound as angry as I mean to. I just sound tired.
"What do you mean?" He raises his eyebrows, as though he hasn't any clue. Irritated, I step forwards and poke him in the chest.
"You know exactly what I mean! What right do you have to come into my house and embarrass me?!" I jab my finger deeper and he winces.
"Easy, Catnip, that's going to bruise." He grabs my hand and doesn't let go. "I just don't like the idea of you letting him into your house at night. What about Prim?" The judgemental tone to his voice has me flushing with anger.
"I'm not sure exactly what you're implying, but you better watch it." I snatch my hand away and drop into one of my armchairs. "I've already told you it wasn't like that. Peeta and I... it was an act, Gale." I don't know why I'm explaining myself to him, but somehow I know this needs to be resolved.
"Was it?" His voice is quiet, but I hear the real question underneath, and I know I can't evade it. I wonder, too late, if our friendship will survive, but the idea of losing Gale panics me and I block it out.
"In the beginning," I force myself to meet his eyes. "Now, I don't really know." I wish I could run from this conversation, bury these feelings, but the running is over now. I can see that this isn't enough for him, can see the questions in his eyes.
"What does that mean?" His voice has an edge I know very well.
"I don't know."
"Do you love him?!"
"I don't know."
"Do you love me?"
"I don't know!" I shout, and then blink. If he had asked me five minutes ago, I would have said no. Somehow he's created a question in my mind that wasn't there before. Do I love him? Before I can begin to question everything he means to me, he pulls me towards him and crushes his lips to mine. This is nothing like the kisses I shared with Peeta, this is raw passion, and it takes me by surprise. His arms pull me tighter and I react without thinking, throwing mine around his neck. As his hands slide lower down my back, my brain flickers back on.
"Wait-" I press my hands against his chest and shove, hard. He stumbles backwards, looking as surprised as I feel. My skin hums where his hands were, and the hole left where his body was fills with cold air. I cross my hands over my chest, where the evidence of my reaction to his kiss is poking through my thin nightshirt.
"Gale, we can't do this." I sound panicked and completely terrified. Probably because I am. Chest heaving, Gale reaches out, but I back away.
"Why not Katniss? Don't tell me you don't feel anything." He's right. The intensity in his voice pulls at something deep within my abdomen, and I feel an urge to wrap my arms around him and continue the kiss. But I don't.
"We just can't!" I feel moisture on my cheeks, and am horrified to discover I'm crying. I wipe angrily at the tears. I've never been so confused in my life. The memory of Peeta's arms around me flashes in my mind, and I can't help a groan. I sink back into the chair.
"It's him isn't it! Why can't you just admit it?" I bury my head in my hands.
"Go away." Muffled, but audible, my words hang in the air.
"Katniss-"
"Get out!" I raise my head and scream, suddenly unable to stand it, any of it. When he doesn't move, I grab the nearest object, another useless decorative bottle, and hurl it at his head. It misses, but barely, and he jumps for door. With one last look back, he disappears through it. Finally alone, I'm left to sort through my completely overwhelming thoughts.
Katniss, I wonder, what have you done?