Without further ado…..oh wait
I have good news and slightly bad news
good news is that you should expect the harem and lemon thing to start from this chapter onwards
slightly bad news is….that I put myself as derp in the story so I can manipulate it further and make it more crazy and stupid
SPIN ! v-v/) :
TWO WEEKS AFTER THE BANISHMENT OF NARUTO – KONOHA
All of konoha partied and celebrated for two whole weeks as their beloved demon was banished
danzo had become the new rokudaime and had his ROOT ANBU reinstated into the konoha military forces
sasuke on the other hand was pissed to no end
"they did WHAT?" he shouted as he got off the hospital bed
"th…they banished naruto-baka…what's wrong sasuke-kun?" sakura asked, worried
sasuke punched the wall and his knuckles bled
"and you DIDN'T TELL ME THAT FOR TWO WEEKS BECAUSE?" he asked seething flames of anger
"i..i wanted you to recover faster sasuke-kun"
"ARE YOU STUPID YOU FUCKING BITCH?
OUR TEAMMATE WAS BANISHED BECAUSE OF ME AND YOU DIDN'T DO SHIT?
YOU COULD'VE AT LEAST WOKE ME UP" sasuke roared in anger
"SO WHAT?
YOU AND I BOTH HATED HIM"
"both?
heh
you stupid fan-bitch
you're the one who hated him
the reason I hated him was because of our rivalry
HE WAS AS CLOSE AS A BROTHER TO ME"
"wh…what?" sakura fell down on her chair
SASUKE'S FLASHBACK
Naruto was standing on sasuke's shoulder and sasuke had to do squats
"c'mon fag
you're wasting my time"
"hmph…"
"…amazing…you even say that when the road gets tough…I should find my own catch-phrase soon…"
Naruto hit sasuke's butt with his whip and sasuke moaned
"yeeesh…dafuq derp?"
author adjusts glasses
"…one of the readers asked for it"
Sasuke shot a fire ball at naruto's earthwall and the wall crumbled soon after
"heh…I see you took my advice fag"
"hmph"
"seriously?
not gonna quit that?"
"nope"
"so….do you still say that in sexual climaxes?"
"…BLAZING DRAGON JUTSU"
FLASHBACK END…yes, you're welcome naru-sasu fans
Sasuke finished thinking about the past and went to the closet
"….." sasuke felt uncomfortable
"err…I wanna change so…"
"you need help?" sakura asked with a ray of hope
"…." Sasuke glared and pointed at the door
"…okay"
'sigh…what a stupid village…I wouldn't stay for a day longer even if kami personally came here to train me'
HIDDEN SOUND VILLAGE
"GYAHAHAHAAHAHA" orochimaru laughed as he licked his lips
"they banished the brat after he took sasu-chan back?
oh god this is cracking me better than the time I shoved sasuke's nin card up my ass"
kabuto sweat-dropped
HIDDEN SAND VILLAGE
Gaara's sand was crawling all around the room
temari and kankuro sweat-dropped as gaara grinned when he heard how naruto was banished
"err….you okay bro?"
"yes…now if you'll excuse me" gaara got a pencil and started scribbling on a paper
'all going as planned…just like naruto said'
(aherm)
'…and derp'
(*grin*)
"we're cutting our ties with konoha
I want this message on our fastest…umm…messenger…whatever we use to call others"
temari and kankuro glanced at each other
"err…okay"
HIDDEN THUNDER VILLAGE
"yo raikage
here' yo message from the hokage"
a blonde girl bowed and respectfully handed the scroll over
"thank you dear"
raikage rubbed his forehead and read the scroll
he grimaced as he threw the scroll in the trash
"wussup brotha?
did you get pissed by that….err…
(mothafuckah)
mothafuckah?"
"yes…the letter says they banished the nine tailed demon and are celebrating for it
they invited us to the party"
"they must really have some balls inviting the village that respects its two jinchuriki" the blonde commented
"….so…they're holding a party for banishing my brother from my other mother?
those ragged ass motherfuckers"
"yes….you might wanna use more….smooth words bee
you may leave now"
the nibi and hachibi junchuriki bowed and left
NARUTO'S BAND
"so…do you think they'll give me an A rank in the bingo book or an S rank?"
"how about a D rank?" zabuza groaned lazily
"are we there yet?" hanabi grumbled
"hmm.."
"yes my dear" derp smiled
"…I'm not your dear"
"..err…okay
well
we're here"
derp and gang arrived to a small village that was now a ghost town
some of the houses were still in good shape and almost all of them had a swirl mark on them
"ah…home sweet home" naruto walked through the town smiling and derp put neji on the nearest bench
"tsunade"
"hmm?"
"the hospital's that way
could you take neji there and with whatever you find, patch him up or something?"
"there's a hospital here too?
I mean…okay"
"naruto, with me
the rest of you…don't go outside the village
and don't let jiraya near the hotspring…it's deserted but at least it's sacred and….where is he?"
hiashi used his byakugan and pointed left
"…..seriously?
I mean….what does he want to peek on anyway?" derp scratched his head
he took naruto with him to the tallest building in the village and they wandered in it
"cough
dafuq man?
it's like the pyramids of Egypt" naruto commented as he followed derp
"…huh?
egpyt?...pyramids?
dafuq dude?"
"I dunno
sounded good in my head"
"anyways….we're here"
derp and naruto arrived to a wide bookshelf with no books in it
"derp"
"yeah?"
"how do you know this place?
or how do you know this village at all?
just….WHO are you?"
"I am…" derp cut the bookshelf in half and behind it was a door
"simply derp" he opened the door and they entered what seemed like an archive room
"woow"
"these are all the medical info, jutsu manual, inter-village socialization guides and everything the uzumaki clan held dear….plus
that door to your right
it's where your dad stored all his rasengan notes"
"awesomesauce
so…why are you helping us again?"
"I'm not"
"huh?"
"I'm here to…push, in a way
I'm here to push you in the direction I want" he adjusted his glasses
"go out of the way and cross my path" he held his sword up
"and I swear on my yamato, I'll cut you to pieces"
"…err…okay"
"wow…you got convinced way better than tsunade at least
have fun…"
derp began to disappear from the foot, than legs, guts and so on
"uzukage-sama" he completely vanished
on naruto's face appeared the evilest smile ever
"the shodaime uzukage…naruto uzumaki….sounds perfect"
naruto walked out of his new treasure room for a word with his new family
'time to put this plan into action…'
AFTER THIRTY MINUTES OF SEARCHING FOR JIRAYA
"okay…now that everyone's here, I think it's time I shared our plan with you guys"
"our?" hiashi pointed out
"me and derp of course
what?
you expected me to make up a super awesome plan with…that?" he pointed at jiraya's remains which were recently pummeled by tsunade
"you just gestured to all of me" jiraya groaned in pain
tsunade found him in the women's locker of the hotsprings and beat him half to death
"EXACTLY
Reverse summon"
kurama appeared with a purple bag under his left eye and cuts all over him
"….." naruto stared with his jaw wide open
"I am a shame to my demon clan for getting beat up like this by a woman"
"we were just discussing…..well….at least I hope you studied the seal good
our plan is…"
TWO MONTHS LATER
Naruto and his band had finished rebuilding the village and had even built a few extra homes
he decided to leave tayuya in the frog mountains for a while…..maybe she'll learn some manners but….he didn't get his hopes up
"guh….i'd better become a freaking general or something" zabuza grumbled as he lifted another plank
naruto remembered derp's words
'…while you're rebuilding the village, you'll notice that your allies become physically stronger…something they may have ignored or postponed for a long time'
neji was back up and walking in a week with tsunade's help
"shizune…" tsunade missed shizune like hell
she left her in the village so she could report the changes
the hyuuga family and surprisingly hiashi helped in making the homes too
naruto was surprised at first but hiashi told stories about how the hyuuga family made their houses themselves
hinata and hanabi helped in cleaning the houses
zabuza, naruto, jiraya and kurama helped take the wood around and tsunade used her strength to punch the planks firmly into the ground
"well…" naruto and his family stood on top of the walls they all helped build and looked over the village
the village was right next to the sea from the south
naruto decided to build the wall on the other side of the village and thought about using the water as a source of food, trade and travel
it all fell perfectly in place and the village looked ready to flourish but…..it only contained naruto and his friends and that wasn't exactly enough
zabuza scratched his head and looked at naruto
"so….now we have a ghost village….next phase of the plan?"
"of course
we'll take a good rest tonight
me and kura will go do the next phase
you guys guard this place with your lives…..and no fucking graffiti on my walls jiraya" naruto glared at the sannin
"psh…fine grampa"
hiashi looked toward the horizon over the sea and smiled
"what is it father?" hanabi pulled his father's robe
"nothing my dear…I just never even dreamed I'd end up with such a fate"
"do you regret it?" hinata asked, having lost her stuttering after she left the village
"of course not
look at it" he waved his hand over the village
"I'll make sure that this village prospers and becomes the greatest in the ninja nations"
"took the words right outta my mouth soon-to-be-father-in-law" naruto grinned
"….i still don't like being called that"
THE NEXT DAY
Naruto and kurama waved goodbye to everyone and began running
"hmm…we should surprise them" tsunade smiled evilly
"…I'm scared" hanabi clung to her father and he carried her
"what is it hime?"
"we should build a gate…that'll blow naruto the fuck away jiraya" her smile turned to a grin
"I think I agree" zabuza smiled under his bandages
WITH NARUTO AND KURAMA
Naruto and kurama ran for hours non-stop until they reached their destination
it was a slave colony…more like country
everywhere all naruto and kurama could see were people in chains
kurama grimaced and naruto threw up at the scene before them
there was the body of a little boy next to the iron gates with maggots festering on it
"hello and welcome
are you here to buy some servants?" the gate guard smiled and greeted, showing his black rotten teeth
naruto and kurama took off their red hoods to show red slitted eyes and naruto cut the man's head off
"I'm gonna enjoy this"
kurama shot a fireball at the giant iron gate and it melted after a few minutes
all the slaves looked at the scene unfold but contrary to naruto's expectations, no one cheered nor roared in joy of a freedom soon to come
"what the?..."
an army of something close to two hundred soldiers assembled and in the front stood a man that made naruto wanna throw up again
he had messy black hair and looked like a cave-man
what pissed naruto off was the necklace he had….he had used human ears instead of beads and some of them were so small, naruto knew they belonged to a child
"if you're here to save them…" the man spoke in a sickening tone
"forget it
they have nowhere else to go"
naruto clutched his face, trying to control himself and not rip the man to pieces
kurama on the other hand was whispering under his breath and naruto sensed his hands shift under his black robes
"COME WITH ME TO MY VILLAGE" naruto shouted for everyone to hear
"IT'S NOT FAR
PROBABLY TWO DAYS OF WALKING WITH ALL YOUR NUMBERS"
suddenly everyone looked up with a shine in their eyes
for a moment they felt freedom at hand…until the army soldiers drew their swords and the leader put on his gauntlets
"heh…over my dead body"
"with pleasure…kura?"
"TIME TO BRING THE PAIN" he raised his hand with his index finger pointing at the grey sky
"I'll teach this to ya later gaki" he grinned like a true demon
"ULTIMATE FIRE STYLE : GIGA-CANON" as he dropped his hand in a cutting arc, the sky roared and a white thunder bolt engulfed half of the army
what made naruto's jaw drop was the bodies turning to ash or being set ablaze instead of getting fried due to electricity
"how ya like them blazes?" kurama grinned
the rest of the army dropped their weapons and ran away
the man fell on his knees and began crying
"please…take them all…just spare me"
kurama looked around at the people in chain
man…woman…child…elderly…everyone
"yeah…sure…why not…can we have the keys please?"
"yes yes of course" the man gave naruto the key
naruto took the key and gripped his hand into a fist
"THE KEY TO YOUR FREEDOM…" naruto shouted again and kurama smiled, knowing his apprentice all too well
"IS in his guts" naruto looked at the cave-man
"what?" for a moment, he looked at naruto questioningly until naruto's fist broke through the man's lip,teeth and even throat
naruto dropped it inside the man and walked away
the slave colony began walking toward the man and he tried to run but he was surrounded by the slaves
naruto and kurama jumped and sat on top of a building
"nice…I like the way you finished him"
"meh…ramen?" naruto took one out of his wrist-band seal
"…sure why not"
naruto and kurama sat and watched as the slaves clawed and bit at the cave-man, trying to get the key
TWO DAYS LATER
Naruto and kurama and the former slave army walked all the way back home non-stop
surprisingly for naruto, they couldn't wait for their new homes and probably their new lives
"bro…why don't you go get tayuya and meet me by the gates in two hours?"
kurama shrugged something about evil bitches and started drawing seals on a tree
"yo….dafuq?" naruto stared at the new gates in awe
contrary to the grey and concrete walls, the gates were made out of wood and were colored black with probably the biggest swirl mark ever in the middle
"OIII GAKIII" tsunade screamed on top of the gate
"WHAT TOOK YA SO LONG?"
"YOU EVIL FUCKING BITCH
I TOLD YOUNOT TO DO ANY GRAFFITI"
"I'M GLAD YOU LIKED IT"
naruto rubbed his eyes and turned to the crowd who were now smiling
"before you join me…first I must ask you…TO TAKE A FUCKING SHOWER…fuck that…AS SOON AS THE GATES OPEN, RUN LIKE A BITCH ON THE LOOSE AND JUMP INTO THE SEA…now…before you join me
I think you must all know that…I am a wanted man
I may put all of you in dan-"
"can you open the gate now?" a muscular man in the front spoke everyone's mind
"…yeah sure" naruto waved and the gates opened
the crowd did as told and ran toward the sea
'wait…they do have dresses right?'
"of course…I wouldn't let things get shitty and disgusting"
naruto's head turned, recognizing the voice
"derp!"
"wuzzup bro?"
"did you do it?"
"of course
you did your part of the plan…I did mine" derp gave naruto a seal paper
"I'm sure you'll find enough to clothe them all in it
now if you'll excuse me…" he adjusted his glasses and walked away
'shit I looked cool' derp grinned as he walked away
"wait….lots of people…swimming….water….human…..SHIT"
naruto ran up the gates and jumped next to tsunade
"what's wrong gaki?
are we under attack already?"
"..in a way…where's jiraya?"
and it dawned on tsunade as well when naruto looked at the sea full of people washing themselves
"…too late…"
"yo"
kurama appeared in a reverse summon next to naruto with tayuya
"oh…hello miss tayuya
how was your stay at the mountains?" naruto smiled and greeted her warmly
she was in a white long dress and she actually looked beautiful to naruto
"IT WAS FUCKING SHIT OF COURSE
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO EAT THAT BITCH FROG'S COOKING?" she screamed and naruto's smile disappeared
"at least the seal is gone right?"
she looked down and to naruto,kurama and even tsunade's surprise she blushed
"y..yeah…thank you"
"….wow" naruto dropped himself from the ten-story tall gate
ONE YEAR LATER – UZUGAKURE
A young male blonde was sitting on top of the gates, looking at his village
the blonde had grown taller and more muscular due to his training
he was in a white robe with black swirls on his shoulders
he sighed as he scratched his whisker marks
naruto's mind redrew images of the day he saved all the villagers
zabuza and hiashi taught the men to fight like a ninja or a swordsman
tsunade took hinata and hanabi as her first apprentices and operated the village hospital
jiraya was currently on a mission to the sand to meet gaara and signal the next phase, the rest of the time, he taught at the ninja academy
naruto sighed as he knew what was coming
"quite a pity"
"yeah…I wish things could stay as they are"
"hmhmhm…trust me naruto…follow me to the end and I promise you a land where honey is water and milk is…well…yoghurt?" derp scratched his head
"oh here comes ero-sennin/sensei"
naruto looked back and saw jiraya
"open up" he waved to the tower and the guardsmen opened the gates
"yo" derp and naruto jumped down the gates in front of naruto
"what did gaara say?" naruto asked
jiraya nodded
"hmhmhm…be ready tomorrow at seven am naruto…and don't bother brining kurama…I'm with ya"
"yeah…he kinda likes where he is anyways"
kurama worked in a daycare for children and was actually making a very good business
the rest of the time, he worked as the uzu-police but…he didn't have to do much
the people respected each other since they were slave-mates not too long ago
"well…I'll be at the uzu-mansion" naruto lazily jumped toward the center of the village
the spiral shaped mansion was similar to konoha's but instead it had a swirl sign on it
naruto entered his room
he had personally designed the room for his own comfort
it had a table to the left of the door for his paperwork and a bookshelf to its right plus a comfy couch in front of it for the guests
what he really loved was the moment he opened the door
everytime, he'd smile at the view
in front of the door was a window opening to the ocean, showing hard working people and sometimes, bikini wearing women and playing children
"hey mom, hey dad" naruto waved at the picture of his mom and dad on his table
"…you can show yourself you know"
"meanie" tayuya came out from under the table
"I was gonna bite you in the penis and hopefully kill you…"
"yeesh…didn't we agree that if I reduced it from five years to three you'd quit doing that?"
"awwww but it's so long" she whined
"it next year when I turn seventeen"
"I WANT IT NARUTO" she screamed and naruto almost felt like her mother's in front of her
"…err..should I summon kura?"
"I WANT YOURS"
"why do you want mine?"
"cause…" she blushed
"cause I'm sure yours is bigger"
'bitch…you have no idea'
"sigh…I have a big day tomorrow…can we postpone this for now?"
"fine…but I'm your first remember?
don't cheat on me okay?"
"first of all I never promised you'll be the first
second, what makes you think I'll screw anyone other than my fierce red-head?" he smiled and petted her head
'damn you…you're way younger than me but you're so damn cool acting in control and all'
"so…can I have my prize for not cursing today?"
"of course" naruto smiled and kissed tayuya
she wrapped her arms around him and puckered up to him
she wanted to slip her tongue in but naruto broke the kiss
"erm.."
"what?"
"it'd be best if you- "
the door opened and tsunade came through
tayuya froze in fear
tsunade also froze…in anger
she saw tayuya hugging naruto all to himself and wanted to kill her…fuck that
she wanted to use a long lost medical jutsu, grow a ten inch penis and rape her to death in the ass
"out…NOW" she screamed and tayuya ran outside
"why did you take HER as your assistant?
hinata could have been way better"
"sigh…we've been over this hime-chan
now…what did you want to talk about?"
"where are you going tomorrow?"
"hmm?"
"jiraya's drinking again…he does that whenever you wanna leave the village"
"does he now?…well…you'll know very soon hime
our family and home will be growing soon" naruto grinned as he looked out the window
"….it's her again isn't it?"
"yep…she's wearing BLACK TODAY" naruto drooled as he watched her favorite bikini girl take a tan
"sigh…as if they weren't slaves a year ago…they're already prospering and growing beautiful by the day"
tsunade wrapped her arm around naruto's neck
"you know I'll be your first right?"
"….now where have I heard that before?" naruto smiled and kissed tsunade's cheek
"that's not getting you off the hook gaki
and get ready for tomorrow instead of misusing the fucking window"
"okay…and hime…your ass looks extra hot today hime"
she showed him her magic finger as she left
"hehe…hoo boy"
he dropped himself on the couch and let his mind drift away to la-la-land
just one thing to say about them gurls back at konoha...yes...they will get their FILL
and yes i know the grammar is wrong but what can i do?
i'm only unleashing my shitty twisted creepy imagination