Hello again geniuses
I'm surprised that you're still reading this but…maybe I really am just that good…or maybe you just really don't have anything to do
anyway
VORTEX! v-v/)
LAND OF THE MIST – THE GREAT NARUTO BRIDGE
Two cloaked figures you'll soon find out the identity of, were walking slowly along the bridge and watched as caravans and people walked along it for their own business
"so….how do you intend to absorb a leaderless village into our own?"
"it's easy bro…we just find someone the people hate the most and kill him
or find someone the people worship…and kill him before we kill the bad guy"
"…I don't follow"
"nevermind…it sounded good in my head
do you know anyone with social influence?
someone that all the people know of and respect?"
"yeah…I think I do"
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
Naruto and derp appeared outside a building that looked like it had been rebuilt just recently
naruto knocked on the door
"who is it?" a feminine voice asked
"pinnchio"
"moby cock"
"it's moby dick you freaking idiot"
"what's the difference?"
a few seconds later the door opened up and tsunami peeked outside
"long time no see tsunami-chan" naruto grinned
"naruto-kun!
come in come in" she opened the door and let the boys in
"hello
I'm derp, it's a pleasure to meet you tsunami-san" derp greeted and bowed to tsunami
"hello derp-san
what brings naruto-kun back here specially after all these years?"
"hmm…we'll talk about it when tazuna and inari get here"
"well then have a seat
I'll prepare tea"
"I'll have coffee" derp raised his hand
NIGHT TIME
After a few….hundred rounds of poker between naruto, tsunami and derp with derp losing almost all of them, inari and tazuna came through the door
"we're home" they said lazily in unison
"ABOUT GODDAMN MOTHAFUCKING TIME" naruto slammed a fist on the table and turned around grinning
"NARUTO!" inari's face brightened up the moment he recognized naruto and hugged him
"what brings you to these parts naruto?
and who's your friend?"
"derp" he adjusted his glasses as he introduced himself
'so...he's just polite to women?
what a gentleman" tsunami thought
"we're here on business tazuna-san"
"from the leaf?"
"not really…from a village just to the north-"
"uzugakure?
the new village?"
"how did you know about it?"
"well…we heard about two guys invading the slave colony and saving everyone
we also heard they gave them homes in that village-"
"sorry to interrupt but…you might wanna take a seat" derp saved tazuna the trouble and started naruto's
AN HOUR LATER
"wooooooow…I knew naruto was awesome but not to this extend" inari grinned like the Cheshire cat
"yes but…isn't banishment a little too much?"
"does it matter?
the plan was to leave konoha anyway so no problem
naruto-kun, please state our business and the reason we're here"
"yes…we're here to offer the mist an alliance with our village"
"WHOAH…that's a big step
specially for a leaderless village"
'no shit sherlock' derp killed a chuckle coming up
"well…we were kinda hoping you'd spread the word so…"
"OF COURSE BOY
you're the reason our village was saved in the first place
we even named the bridge after you so there won't be any problem"
"thank you tazuna-san…that is very heartwarming to hear
now…if you don't mind" naruto and derp got up
"we'll be back in a month to hear the people's opinion
remember tazuna-san, if we join villages, it will be our duty to protect you and many other benefits so be sure to tell the people about that too" derp adjusted his glasses and went out the door
"see you guys real soon" naruto group hugged all three of them and also went out
MEANWHILE – UZUGAKURE
Tsunade was sipping her saki on the rooftop of the hospital when she noticed her messenger hawk flying toward her
'I woner…'
she whistled and the hawk flew down and landed on her shoulder
she took the paper on its talon and put the hawk in his cage and fed it
she opened the letter and read it carefully
a few minutes later…she almost had a heart-attack
"shit…"
she threw a three pronged kunai to the ground
WITH NARUTO AND DERP
They were tree-jumping toward the village but stopped when naruto tensed
"what's wrong?"
"the village-"
"go ahead…I have business elsewhere"
"right" naruto disappeared in a yellow blur
"...hmph...already?"
UZUGAKURE – HOSPITAL ROOF
Naruto appeared next to tsunade with his blade on his shoulder
"eh?..." naruto looked around and saw no one
he re-sealed the blade and looked at tsunade
"whoah…you look like you almost had a heart-attack"
"it's…it's shizune"
naruto looked at tsunade's hand and took the paper out of it
he also read the paper and ripped it to pieces
"call everyone over to the mansion…ASAP"
UZU MANSION – UZUKAGE'S ROOM
After thirty minutes, hiashi, hanabi, hinata,neji, tayuya, zabuza, kurama, jiraya tsunade were present
"what's the big deal?
I was changing the world for a lovely lovely woman" zabuza groaned
"we just got word from shizune" tsunade interrupted
"yes…" naruto got up and looked out the window
"konoha knows about us and wants to meet the kage
they'll send us an official letter in one week…it would appear danzo is not a total idiot and wants to take care of any possible threat in the first place and offer us an alliance"
"that's it?
we just say no" tayuya countered
"we'll begin a war with konoha and I don't want to take away the people's safety because of my past
the reason I called you all over is because I wanted to ask one of you to go in my place to konoha"
"well…they practically know all of us so…" jiraya looked around
"me?" tayuya raised her hand
"nope
we're all wanted criminals so….that leaves…." Everyone stared at a snoozing kurama
naruto kicked him in the ribs and off the couch
"NO I'M NOT A PEDO…I thought I told you not to do that anymore gaki"
"okay…guess you're out too
your voice is WAAAYYY too freaky"
"did you kick me up just to tell me that?"
"…no…you just missed a big discussion so…everyone go back to sleep
I'll ask derp"
everyone left the mansion and each headed to their households
meanwhile…naruto went to the archive room and took a scroll out from his drawer
'hmm…the ultimate eye…'
naruto looked over the scroll and read the contents
'only one from the blood of rikodou can awaken it...the fucking easy part
which means you have to be either an uchiha or a senju...uzumaki is a sub-group of senju so no problem here either
how to do so is not known yet...good luck!'
these were the lines naruto concentrated on the most
'...blood...good luck...blood…BLOOD !'
naruto looked over the scrolls stacked on the walls and looked for one in particular
"blood elements…no…blood seals…no…blood bath?...later…bloodlines?
I'll take this….aaaaaand….i'll also take blood awakenings"
the rest of the night, naruto looked over the scrolls and scribbled notes
TWO WEEKS LATER – KONOHA GATES
Danzo and his lackeys with twelve anbu guards stood at the village gates, staring at the horizon
"danzo-sama, perhaps we should just kill their kage and get this over with as soon as possible" homura suggested
"no…we must use their village to gain control of the area and strike fear into the lightning nation"
a smile appeared on danzo's face
"here he is…alone?"
a few hundred meters ahead a man appeared in white robes with a kage hat that had a black swirl in the front
"uzukage-sama
how nice of you to grace us with your presence" homura began kissing ass
the uzukage took his hat off to show a black haired man in glasses
"I'm not one for complimentary and shizznet so all I can say is…wuzzup homie?" he hugged danzo
danzo's eyes became saki bowls and even the anbu's jaw shifted behind their masks
"not gonna hug me back?...okay" he let go
"the name is derp
you guys?"
"oh…I am danzo
this is homur-"
"that's enough" derp held his hand up
"knowing the big cheese is enough for me and I'm not exactly perfect with names
anyway, why am I here?"
"oh please uzukage-sama
this is no place to talk
why don't we show you around konoha and talk about things in the mansion later?"
"nah
I'll help myself to looking around
can we get this shit done already?
it's hot as fuck here and I can't wait to get back to the village beach" he groaned as he lazily walked toward the mansion
"I do not like him one bit….root…watch over him"
"HAI" and they disappeared
TEN MINUTES LATER – HOKAGE MANSION
Danzo heard a knock on the door and since he didn't want to offend the uzukage, he opened the door personally
"please come in…uzukage-sama?"
derp was drenched in blood and his white robe was colored red
"what happened?"
"oh nothing much
I just sensed a few ninjas…probably twelve, watching me
so I led them to an alley and told them it's time to show themselves
I couldn't recognize the emblem on their masks and since it wasn't konoha's…I killed them" he grinned
"those…" danzo closed the doors as derp dropped himself on the couch
"were our anbu…but not exactly your ordinary anbu
especially trained ones by myself…I call them-"
"root?"
danzo stiffened
"h…how do you know?"
"I read konoha's history on my way here…before you were hokage…or even the head of the council, you proposed the idea of especially trained anbu called ROOT
the idea was ignored since you used cruel methods of crushing one's soul and emotions so yeah…I'll cut to the chase buddy
why the fuck am I here?"
danzo swallowed and cleared his throat
'if this is the kage…I can't imagine the soldiers…'
"I want to make an alliance between our villages uzukage-sama"
"…fine but I have my conditions"
"name them"
"konoha will be completely ours
lands, forces and soldiers, hospital, academy….even the cactus tree you're growing in the mansion garden
all ours"
"…do you think these matters are something of a joke derp?" danzo stated, clearly pissed
"yeah
we offered the same to the people of mist and they said yes in a heartbeat"
"well we're not some useless village that even has no leader and the only use of it is trade"
"well I guess that's that
I'm so going to the fucking beach man
it sucks balls of flame here" he shrugged as he left the room
"….damn you…" danzo whispered to himself
"OH I forgot" derp came back in
"do you wanna get hostile with us?
cuzz I don't wanna read or sign some shitty letter later"
"no uzukage-sama….not quite yet"
"hmm…I like your attitude
know your enemy first before you strike huh?" derp smiled and showed danzo his magic finger
"I see a konoha ninja that doesn't enter through the main gates, I'll personally kill him with this finger and send him AND this finger to you in a body bag"
"if you don't mind uz-"
derp slammed the door and cut danzo's speech in the middle
"WE'RE NOT HOSTILE NOR FRIENDLY
JUST NEUTRALS…THAT WANNA FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER" he shouted from the other side
danzo rubbed his eyes
'what is he a kid?...'
UZUKAGE MANSION
Derp appeared in a red blur and found himself in a room full of people
"yo….it's not my birthday so what the fuck?"
"how did it go?" tsunade asked the question on everyone's mind
"well…the way I saw it…." Derp looked at the ceiling and back at tsunade
"I went in through the gates as you asked
I went to the hokage room
I asked him if he wants to be friends or not
he said lets be neutral for a while
and here I am" he grinned
"FUCK" naruto screamed
"YOU KILLED SOME OF HIS MEN WHO WERE PROBABLY ROOTS HE SENT TO SPY ON YOU AND YOU PISSED HIM OFF TO NO END?"
"yo….that's some deeeeeeep insight
how'd you know?"
"well…before I begin, you've colored my completely white kage robe red…..now
you walked THROUGH THE GATES…that means danzo saw you and he wanted to spy on you if I know him right
you went TO THE HOKAGE ROOM with blood all over my robe the way I see it
you looked at his face and thought to yourself ' oh this is going to be so much fun when I bust his balls' and you pissed the shit out of him…with something involving that fucking fuck finger of yours
am I right or am I right?"
"….you missed the part where I slammed the door in his speech"
"FUCK…wait...you did what?"
THREE MONTHS LATER
Naruto's kingdom was growing and so was he
he improved his training schedules with all the knowledge his family had left him and kurama helped enhance his abilities further and taught him a few kick-ass jutsus worthy of a kage
he also found more clues on his family's dark secret….the ultimate eye
after weeks of research and confining himself in the archive room, naruto found a picture of the eye
since it was extremely old and it was drawn with a pencil, all he could make out were round circle shaped lines around the pupil with tomoes in them
with this eye, no genjutsu could work on him
he could absorb all ninjutsu that were in his blood elements and to top it off, he had bird's eye vision…more like eagle's eye the way it was described
the mist was no more since it had joined uzugakure and now, naruto's village was a big trade country but what he needed was more power
his alliance with the sand was excellent and in a year, naruto would go to the sand and sign a treaty with them
by connecting a river to the sand village, they will have a river running right in the middle of the village and no one would die of drought anymore
the 'one year' problem was the construction
it's not easy to build a giant pipe line connecting mist to sand and from there to swirl
the POWER part of the village though….naruto received a letter from the raikage, seeking an audience with him…well…he also got one from the mizukage of the water country but rai comes first
he had just finished putting on his kage robes…more like his father's
he had designed it to be a coat like his father's, the yondaime hokage
but instead, he put blazing swirls at the lower end of the coat and behind it, he wrote 'SHODAIME UZUKAGE'
he went out of his room with the robes on and tayuya whistled
"if hinata wasn't here honey…I'd bang you to death in a heartbeat"
"well than it's a good thing she's here" hinata stated, clearly angry with tayuya picking on his naruto-kun
"thank you tayu-chan
what do you think hina-chan?" naruto smiled and turned around
"it….it looks good on you naruto-kun"
"awww you stuttered
you're so cute when you do that"
SWIRL VILLAGE GATES (I'm sick of writing uzugakure)
"well…wish us luck" naruto put his kage hat on and waved at the crowd
all of swirl would see their beloved kage out every time he wanted to leave
"yaaay I swear to god if you weren't the kage I'd bust your balls do you see the way the girls wave at you?" kura whispered with killer intent leaking off of him
"guh….disgraceful…where are you looking at kurama-san?" hiashi looked away with his face red
"oh shut up"
RAIGAKURE OUTSKIRTS…..skirts….
"okay…from the top bro"
"you have my heart
and we'll never be torn apart
mayb-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP
YOU'VE BEEN SINGING THAT SONG SINCE WE LEFT AND YOU STILL THINK YOU CAN DO BETTER NEXT TIME" hiashi roared in anger
"yo…I think someone's having a meltdown"
"well…at least we're here"
"GAH…" hiashi ran a hand through his hair
'thank god'
and behind the opened gates stood the raikage in all his awesomeness with a weird smile on him
"uzukage-sama
it's so nice to finally meet you" raikage went forward and shaked hands warmly with naruto
"yo
I'm naruto
this is kurama my bro
and this is-"
"the advisor
an honor to be in your presence raikage-sama" hiashi bowed
"why thank you
where are my manners
come, let's go to my room"
RAI MANSION – RAIKAGE ROOM
The first thought on the mind of naruto was
'holy shit'
the room was four times big as naruto's shitty apartment in konoha and it had ornaments and hand made designer couches
not to mention the walls had a thundery design of black and yellow
"please take a seat on my lucci couch…handmade of course" he winked at the camera
"so raikage…why am I here?" naruto got to the point and threw his hat on a table…probably handmade since it had golden linings
"look naruto-san…I know you don't have the best of relations with konoha and-"
"look rai-san…I'll get to the point for ya
join me
as in, become a part of the swirl nation I'm trying to build
I already have mist and sand will be mine in a year
all that's left is you, mizu and iwa...well...we uzumaki have something against iwa...anyway...please save me the trouble"
"yes…I was going to talk about that….this NATION you're trying to raise" he poured everyone a drink except naruto…who is underage
"I was interested in your nation as long as it goes to the great point of uniting the nations
to be honest, I'm quite sick of this endless cycle of war and madness
what I'm saying is-"
"WUZZUUUUUUUP?"
bee bustled through the door and naruto got hit with a ton of nostalgia
'ah hell no he didn't'
"yo…this a bad time?"
"hello bee" kurama got up and walked towards the eighth vessel
"yo cra-" his speech was cut short when his bijuu started whispering in his ear
"AH HELL NO YOU AIN'T
YOU DA NINTH BIJUU?"
"yo"
"what?" raikage's glass of wine fell from his hand
"y..you're the ninth bijuu?
but you're just a human"
"I'm in my human form dickwall
and as for you my dear bull-octopus hybrid friend…we need to talk" and kura put his hand on bee's head
"well…shall we join sometime later?
say…after I get amegakure?"
"amegakure?
but that's…" and it hit him
"wait…how old are you again?"
"I don't have a glass but I'd cheer to the nation that will rise above all…hey…where's hiashi?"
RAIGAKURE – SILKY MITTENS
Hiashi sipped his saki as he watched the strippers dance in front of him
"oh this is just too good"
THUNDER MANSION
"anyways, can I talk to bee in private?"
"oh sure"
'thank god…maybe I'll be able to finally enjoy some saki without him annoying me'
"soooo…bee…how's the eighth bijuu doing?"
"he whines from time to time but he's all good
say-"
"raikage-sama" a blonde girl, who looked only a few years older than naruto entered without knocking
"eh?" she looked at naruto, than at kurama
her eyes grew big as ramen bowls
"let me guess…you have mittens in ya"
the blonde's cheeks turned red
kurama knew what was going on
the two tailed bijuu was whispering in her ear and she clearly was embarrassed at what she was hearing
"DON'T GIVE HER ANY DETAILS OR I SWEAR I'LL PUMP YOUR WOMB FULL OF-"
"my womb full of what?...kyuubi-sama"
naruto recognized from her voice that she was taken over by her inner animal (the irony,huh?)
"meet the village's nibi container-"
"we don't really have much time
it can't be good for a kage to leave his village leaderless for too long
let's get this over with" and naruto took two, 3 pronged kunai out of his pockets
OROCHIMARU'S HIDEOUT
"soon…you and I shall merge and be one…forever, together" orochimaru licked himself
on the ceiling stood the one person you would never expect
"do you always talk to yourself you little shit?
and why the fuck do you lick yourself?"
"oh shut up
it's not like YOU of all people would understand
the JOY of having your own tongue crawl about around your body" he shivered
"gawd…I swear if you weren't going to prove useful to me I wouldn't even be here" the figure slowly began to disappear"
"good luck with your plans…derp-sama"
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