Chapter Twenty-two: Normal

Running From Myself

I woke up feeling sick. I ran to the bathroom and vomited. It was understandable, considering that I was up most of the night in tears over everything. Why does this decision have to be so hard? I would think. Even if I was as naïve as Blake said I could still answer that question. It was a big decision and I had no guidance. If I was home I would talk to Grandmother. That's what I needed. I needed home.

I walked back into the bedroom. Thumper peered through his eyelids but quickly shut them. I always felt bad when I kept him up. A part from being torn up because of being a trainer and rebel, I also missed Golduck. "It was a bad idea." I murmured. I gave away one of the toughest Pokémon on my team, for a Pokémon I didn't know a thing about. That proved I was naïve and not cut out for the job.

Roselia hopped off the couch and danced over to me. She cocked her head at me. I knew she was asking why I was distressed. "Well Grass Type, I'm going to go home. I'm quitting. That's why." I smiled at her then grabbed my head. A headache was coming on. Before I could slump on the bed, I ran back to the bathroom to yak up the rest of the stuff in my stomach.

I moved over to the sink and scrubbed my face with cold water. That was a technique I learned from Grandmother to help ease a stomach. I hoped it would work. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked sick. My eyelids drooped, my cheeks were red but my face was pale and I had serious under-eye circles. Great.

Just then, I felt the presence around. It was popping in a lot more often recently. The hand laid on my shoulder. "I do not want you around." I said. It didn't leave.

"Mistakes. Mistakes." It whispered. This time, I saw a shadowy reflection in the mirror.

"Yes, this whole thing was a mistake." I agreed. The shadow left, the hand remained.

"Your mistakes are to come…"

"Great, you're really telling me this is a bad idea? As I said before, I am not listening to you anymore."

No response.

"Fine. Be like that. Just leave me alone!" The presence left. "Thank goodness."

After lunch I was feeling much better. I gathered my things and left for Celestic Town.

I was in a rush to leave. I didn't want to look back, I didn't want to change my mind. Sinnoh was not on my shoulders. I was on Route 214, hiking up on the mountains. Rainclouds lingered around the skies and the path was dirty. Not as if I was complaining. The thought of going home was becoming a good thought.

I kept peeking at my map. I was going the right way, and somewhere in my head I knew it, but I didn't like traveling with unsure feelings following me. Of course, as if I summoned it, the presence showed up.

"Mistakes."

"Yes I know, you think this is as mistake. I get it. Do you want to share more? Maybe answer I question?" Nothing. "Why are you following me around? Why am I possessed?" I tried. The presence left. "You are so very helpful." I murmured.

Once I would get to Celestic I would do some studying on my little 'presence' and how to rid it from my life. Being home would help me put my head on straight and get my life back to normal. Normal. That word was weird to me.

Normal didn't mean Golden Cities, interviews and challenging gyms. Normal was being in Celestic, spending my days with Grandmother and Jamie. Studying at home and taking hikes near Cornet Mountain. Going to the shop and learning about the amazing discoveries made every day.

Most importantly being with Grandmother. She needed me. She was probably so alone… She probably spent extra-hours at the shop. Maybe she was going hungry. I needed to get home, I needed to get back to the normal world and out of this unreal, fantasy life.

'Fantasy' was the wrong word to use. Horrible would have sufficed.

I was more than freaked out. I was ready for home.

When I made it to Veilstone I stopped for some dinner. Because I knew that this area of Sinnoh had rainstorms I stayed there for the night. Wouldn't want to camp in a rainstorm.

The next day I made it to Solaceon a bit after lunch. Hilda and Hilbert were delighted to see me and invited me in to eat. The issue was, however, their home was nearly empty. Their televisions and lobby furniture were gone. The desk was cleared and covered in dust. The kitchen appliances were gone and they were down on food. For lunch we had bread and Moo Moo milk.

This made me worry… Was this in Celestic's future?

"Why is Lea doing this?" I asked Hilbert when Hilda left the room.

He sighed. "Youngin'… I wish I knew."

I sat back in the wooden chair and copied his sigh. "I just want to know why."

"I get it, I want t' too. A part of me wants t' say out a spite, but another wants t' say that there's another reason."

I nodded and agreed. "We're not helping, are we?" I whispered.

"No, we're really not."

The rebels weren't helping… Towns were going into a depression… That made my decision clear, I needed to be home when everything melted into a puddle of despair. I needed to be with my grandmother and help her.

"Those kids are so set, Pete was so set. They were gonna make a difference, change the world." Hilbert said. "Pete had all these plans, when he passed on, Ellena took over. She's a good little lady, but she lets her anger control." I agreed, but Ellena had plenty to be mad about.

"Hilbert, are we becoming the bad guys?" I asked. Hilda came back into the room. I would never get an answer, but I knew. I knew everything was a mistake.

Fog filled the night air. Cold chills ran up and down my spine. I wrapped my arms around myself and trekked forward. I was close to Celestic. The familiar smell was nice. Woody and fresh. I had forgotten how cold my hometown was, and I had forgotten about the thick fog.

When I turned on an all-too-familiar trail my excitement level rose. It hadn't fully sunk in, but I was ready to take Grandmother into an embrace and tell her I would never leave her again. It was exciting and at the same time confusing. Confusing, confuse, confused. That explained my life.

I saw a light ahead. I realized that it was the Center. It took me a minute to figure it out through the fog, but nevertheless I did. I continued on. I knew that I needed to pass the Center and my house would be at the end of the street, next to the pond.

My strides were long, I was ready to get out of this cold. I saw a glow from the front window. I sprinted to the wooden door and didn't hesitate. I pushed it open and walked in.

Immediately I noticed the glow from the television. There was a single lamp on next to the couch, on the couch a body laid stretched out and relaxed. It was Clarice, Jamie's younger sister, who I considered a younger sister, sleeping on the old green cushions.

I closed the door and looked towards the back of the tiny room. Grandmother stood there, back turned, scrubbing at the dishes. I grinned. I took in a big breath, sure enough Grandmother's famous soup scent filled the air.

"Hello." I said. Grandmother slightly jumped, but she quickly spun around. I was delighted and honestly surprised to see that her figure hadn't changed, she wasn't too skinny, her face had acquired a few more creases around her face but she still looked young for her age. Her hair was in a bun and she wore a nightgown, she was preparing for bed.

"Why, Cynthia!" She came to me and hugged me tightly. "What are you doing home? It's so great to see you! Is something wrong? How are your Pokémon? You have gotten taller! Are you eating right?" Everything spilled out of her mouth.

I laughed. "Grandmother, slow down." Clarice stirred on the couch. She lifted her head.

"Cyn-Cyn!" She yelled. She flew off the sofa and into my arms. "I missed you so-so-so-so-so much! More than Jamie, I swear! I'm so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so happy to see you!"

I pushed her curls out of her face. "I'm so happy to see you, Clarice." I hadn't realized how much I missed her until then.

She grinned. "Now both my sisters are here!" She jumped up and down.

Grandmother laughed. "Alright Clarice, head home. Your grandparents are probably worried. Be safe." She hugged Clarice and then the little girl took off. Grandmother chuckled. "That girl comes and visits me every day, she says 'Cynthia would want me to visit' every time."

That made me happy. "How have you been?" I asked. Worry filled my voice and my face tightened.

"I have been fine. Worried about you mostly." She smiled and caressed my face. "How are you, Dear?"

"I—" Good, fine, fantastic, any of those would have worked. But nothing came out of my mouth. Right then so many emotions filled me. I wanted to be strong for Grandmother while not wanting to lie. "Tired." I spit. "Very, very tired."

She smiled her gentle smile. "Why don't you go to bed. We can talk tomorrow."

"That sounds very good." I embraced her again and started for my bedroom.

I opened the door and it hit the bed. Right, I forgot. I turned on my lamp and looked around. Everything was so small. I had no walk space. I put my bag on my bed and started unpacking. I got through most of the bag when I came across the stones Grandmother sent me for my birthday, I would get her to help me with those later.

I finished unpacking and changed into my favorite pajama pants and one of my father's old t-shirts. I only had two and I didn't pack them and take them with me. Why? Well, I knew that if I would see them while out trying to train, I would lose focus. Glad to know I was so set on focusing only on training when I left.

I looked at the picture of Mother and Father on my desk. They smiled at me, I smiled at them.

Someone knocked on the door. I reached over and opened it. Grandmother stood there. "I am retiring Cynthia." She said. I hugged her.

"I love you… I missed you." My throat tightened. Sinnoh, I missed her.

"As I do you." She pulled away and shut the door. I heard the boards creak as she walked into her room.

I decided I deserved one last break-down cry-fest, then I would be done. I crawled in bed and cried for the next two hours. Soon after sweet sleep took me away.

The next day was normal. I woke up, got dressed and sat at the table as Grandmother fixed me her special vegetable soup and honey bread. We saved honey bread for special occasions, apparently she was happy I was home.

I started inhaling the hot liquid. It was very good. I missed it. I missed a lot of things.

"Cynthia," Grandmother sat across from me, "why are you home? Are you just visiting?"

It took me a moment to answer. Was I supposed to just come out and say 'No, I quit' to her? I couldn't say otherwise… Considering I did quit. "Grandmother…This is hard to say…" I took a deep breath. "Everything has become a battle out there. Everything has turned almost upside-down. I was homesick and ready to come home. I am not cut out for the journey…" I fought back tears. I had never cried in front of her, I wasn't starting now.

"You cannot act that way." She said. "You cannot give up. Why are you stopping?"

I wanted to pour my heart out. I wanted to wallow around in my sorrows and melt. "Because I am not ready to meet Lea, I am not ready to take on so much responsibility."

"Yes you are, I believe in you. You are strong and brave, what else is there?" Her voice was gentle and caring, but her eyes were full of confusion. She wasn't understanding.

"You do not understand…" She didn't understand. Not at all. I wish I could have told her, but it was for the best she didn't know everything.

"What do I not understand, Cynthia?"

"Everything." I snapped. She flinched. Anger replaced my tears. I stood up and stomped to my room. Before I opened the door, I turned back to her. "You will never understand, and I do not want to talk about this anymore." I slammed the door and sat on my bed. I didn't have a meltdown, I tried to douse my raging fire.

An hour passed and I walked back into the living room. Grandmother had left for the shop. I didn't know what to do. I sat on the sofa and turned on the television. It was blurry and fuzzy, how come I didn't realize that before? Oh yeah, because I learned what a clear picture was.

I didn't pay attention to what was on the screen. I got lost in my own thoughts. Why did I yell at Grandmother? She really didn't deserve it… I got frustrated because I couldn't tell her the truth… And because I wanted to block everything out.

I just needed to get back into my normal life. Unfortunately, normal wasn't satisfying, but I forced it to work.

A/N: Hello people of the reading world! Is anybody else excited to see where this is going?! I certainly am. And I just wanted to say this: *NO SPOILERS, PROMISE. There is a whole other element that hasn't even been brought in. You will see it faintly in the next chapter, which will hopefully be uploaded soon. Excited?! Be excited! Any guesses? I want to know how smart y'all are.

On another note... Are you guys familiar with my community for Cynthia-centered stories? Well, as I've said before (I think?) I need staff. I used to invite people who have written Cynthia stories and who I think will be a good staff-member because frankly, I don't have time to look for stories. So. Anybody interested? I will invite you and you can except and just add whenever you see one. Side note, I'm changing the NO M RATED rule, but please, don't put anything super explicit on there. I don't want my community being the explicit community. And that's that.

Shout-out to my reviewers, I appreciate it all and none of what you say goes ignored.

Thanks for reading!