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Chapter 7

Don't Know Much About Heaven

She wanted to… wanted to do something to the girl standing before her. Jane stared the smaller girl down with barely contained fury, so many thoughts and feelings clashing within her at once.

"Are you glad you're alive?" She snarled.

The unfairness of the situation, the hatred she had for whatever higher powers she used to believe in; everything raged inside her heart. There was no one left, no one that she knew or loved or cared for, she was quite literally, all alone in this entire Universe…

Except for her.

Her fists were clenched so tightly that her fingernails drew blood from her palms, but she barely even noticed it. If it weren't for her Owen would be alive. If it weren't for her Owen wouldn't be…

She shook the image of his mangled body out of her head, replacing grief with anger. Anger was something she could utilize, something she could act upon and control. Grief… grief was another matter all together.

"I-" The dark-haired girl began, but her trembling voice stopped her short. Sky chewed at her bottom lip, eyes to the ground as she tried to come up with something to say.

It shouldn't have provoked her but the other girl's demure, 'damsel in distress' attitude fueled her temper even more. She wanted to reach out and punch the helplessness out of the stupid girl. It was her damn inabilities that got Owen killed.

But that's not really true is it? No one saw the heavies coming. Jane stamped down her own conscience. Of course it is true. Owen could have saved himself, instead he chose to save her! Now because of that… Because of that she was going to have to go through life by herself.

"God Jane-"

"Don't call me that." She growled, ignoring the internal argument she was having with herself. "You have no right."

The girl took a small step back, surprise and hurt flashing across her eyes. Then she shook her head, trying to rid herself of what looked like tears from her eyes, and tried again. "Alright then, Shepard. I am-" her breath hitched. Jane closed her eyes, knowing what was coming next. Please don't start. Please don't say it. "I am so sorry. God, if I could turn back time, if I could take his place instead I would." She felt a pinch in her heart that she was quick to crush down. Shut up. Shut up this is your fault and you know it. Stop trying to make me feel like I'm the bad guy.

But didn't Owen choose to save her? A small, quiet voice quipped up within her. Wouldn't all this be Owen's fault then?

"Stop!" The blonde half-shouted, startling the words right out of Sky's mouth. "Just- just stop. He- Owen had enough time- He had enough time to save himself." So why didn't he? "It's your fault- your damn-"

Sky. What did she know about this girl anyway? That the seventeen-year-old didn't remember a single thing aside from waking up in Mindoir? She might as well stick a giant 'I AM A BIG ASS LIAR' sticker across her forehead while she was at it. Now that she was in this very place she was beginning to wonder why on earth she insisted that they brought her along.

If I didn't, Owen would still be alive dammit. It didn't matter that it felt wrong to blame Sky for her cousin's death. She just-

"Please Ja- Shepard. I need you to believe me that I would have let myself die if I knew it would have saved him." Go away. Just keep quiet. Please. "I didn't know-" The older teen let out a sob that she had been struggling to control. "I really didn't. I would have- I would have tried to stop him." Just leave me alone. Jane hastily tried to keep grasp of the anger that was slowly dissipating. But she couldn't bring herself to stop Sky from talking, she couldn't bring herself to ignore what she was saying.

Because you know it is true. Of course it was true. There were many things Jane learnt about the new girl during the course of the few days they were together. Being from a farming family both Shepards were used to hard work and pushing their bodies beyond its capabilities. Blood, gore, guns, injuries, were almost second nature to them due to their hunting and butchering of meat to sell. But it was so blatantly obvious that Sky was not: with the way she blanched when she first saw a batarian shot to death, the way she struggled with most of the basic physical exercises and how she did not even know how to hold a handgun, Jane was surprised that she did not make a peep, not a single sound in protest as would have most of her classmates. In fact, she was impressed with the way the Asian held herself together, through the pain of her large wound and through the horrors of battle. Despite having slowed them down slightly, Sky was never a real burden in fights; she provided meaningless yet interesting and comforting conversations that pulled them through the sleepless nights as well as offered some useful insight on the behavior of those on the other side. She was undoubtedly intelligent, sometimes seeing loopholes in the batarian's plans that they themselves missed out. She was also empathetic and kind, always insisting that they healed themselves first before they helped her.

NO! It was her. She's the cause of it all. She's the reason- "Elizabeth- Mom, dad, Aunt Jane-" She choked out. All dead, shot down, torn apart- "Your fault, it was all-"

But it wasn't and no matter how she denied it, that was the truth. A wave of emotion crashed down over her. With her anger gone, grief flooded in to fill its place. With a choke she wrapped her own arms around herself and curled into a ball, silent tears streaming down her face.

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Her anger felt like it was burning right through her, cutting straight into her soul and drilling into her heart. There was so much hate in her eyes: hate and fury and rage that caused those breathtaking purple eyes to cackle with emotion. She had never been the subject of such anger before, never been at the receiving end of so much negativity. A sob threatened to burst from her throat that she was quick to stamp down. Why the hell was she so selfish? How could she be the one wanting to break down when she was the very reason the girl before her was suffering?

"Please Ja-" She stopped when a knife sliced through her heart. She was right, she didn't deserve to call her by her first name. "Shepard. I need you to believe me that I would have let myself die if I knew it would have saved him. I didn't know-" A pitiful sound erupted from her and she pressed her palm over her mouth, forcing the tears back down. Stop being so bloody weak! "I really didn't. I would have- I would have tried to stop him."

She had to stop there, knowing that if she said anymore she would not be able to control the emotions that threatened to overcome her. The guilt was intense, more painful than any heartbreak she had ever been through. That is because this isn't just some break up with a boy. A man, a cousin, a best friend died to save you. She shoved her knuckle into her mouth and bit down, hard enough to taste iron, trying to prevent herself from making a sound. This was Jane- Shepard's time. Not her own.

"Elizabeth-" Who? "Mom, dad, Aunt Jane-" She gasped out. "Your fault, it was all-"

Oh. Those must have been the people she lost as well as Owen. She looked down to the ground, momentarily forgetting about the other horrors of war. She had not mentioned any of those people to her when they were on Mindoir, choosing to focus more on surviving. She briefly wondered what happened to them, only to decide that it didn't really matter. It didn't matter how you lost someone, just that you've lost them. She was pretty sure it wasn't pleasant anyway.

Those names made her realize that Shepard wasn't really angry at her per say. She was projecting her pain into rage and Sky was the best target for it. She could hardly blame her, although Owen did not die because of her, he did die in place of her.

She watched the battle across the blonde's flickering eyes. Steeling her nerves, she prepared herself for the onslaught of words before she saw her wrap her arms around herself.

And sobbed.

Sky's fear disappeared almost immediately. The mothering instinct inside of her sprang up as she watched on. She so very much wanted to comfort the crying girl, but what could she say? What could she do?

After a minute she couldn't stand it anymore, instead she climbed into the younger girl's bed and collected her into her arms. She was briefly surprised when Shepard allowed her to do so, turning so that her head was tucked in between her chin and her chest, quietly crying for her lost- everything.

It was somewhat of an awkward position because Shepard was easily three inches taller than her. Sky had to scoot upwards, half learning on the headboard so that the other girl's feet was not dangling off the bed. She was at lost of what to do, not really having much experience in consoling someone who had just lost everything they ever had to death. Not really knowing what else she could say Sky just talked, in a low, soothing tone that her own mother often used on her.

"I lied when I said I don't remember anything. Because I do. Little flashes of memories that I don't have enough of to piece together. I remember I had four dogs- their names were Lucky, Mikey, Bruno and Max. I know we're not supposed to have favourites but Max was always my baby. An Austrailian Silky Terrier, cutest most energetic thing in the world. He would run across the marble floors and crash into walls because he couldn't find enough grip to stop. The other three normally followed suit. What sillies I tell you." She continued to mutter meaningless information about her life, sticking as close to as many funny moments as possible.

She told her about how her brothers used to play catch with her, where they would throw her small body to each other to catch, while she shrieked her butt off.

She told her about being locked out of the house as punishment when she was younger, because her parents were sick of her taking three hours to finish her dinner each night.

She told her about her love for dance and how it was her escape from reality when she needed to, which was quite often.

She told her about how her best friend and herself were so close that they sometimes wondered if they were in love with each other, only to laugh when they both remembered that they were 100% heterosexual.

One by one, the memories of her past slowly came back to her. She didn't allow herself to think about home or family for the past week, knowing it would only add to her depression. Now she couldn't help seeing everything as clear as day. She missed the times where Simba, her cat, would incessantly pester her for attention whenever he was bored. She missed going jogging with her brother and his best friend, just talking about anything to keep their minds off their burning calves. She even missed going to Chemistry and being barked at by her teacher for not remembering everything he taught them last lesson. She chuckled softly at that thought, wondering how he was doing now...

She became so caught up in her memories she didn't even notice that the one she was consoling had settled down and was staring up at her with clearer eyes until she asked softly "What happened…? Where are they?"

Sky stopped short, staring down at the girl she held in her arms. "I… don't know." She answered honestly and helplessly. "But I hope that they're safe, wherever they are, and that I can find them again one day."

There was a moment of silence as understanding dawned upon Shepard's face. She sighed, leaning her head back down onto Sky's chest. "We're quite a pair aren't we?"

Perhaps they were. Two teenage girls, all alone in this gigantic universe that extended beyond her wildest dreams. The irony of her situation wasn't lost on her. She had always wanted to visit space. Astronomy was her favourite part of Physics and the planets never ceased to amaze her. She supposed the only real difference was that Shepard belonged in this world. Hell, she was going to save all of their sorry asses one day. So where did she fit in amongst all this? What part of the puzzle was she?

"Two of a kind."

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I don't know if Jane's reaction came off as realistic. I was trying my best to visualize it in my brain, trying to picture how someone who is suffering from such grief would react. I wouldn't know. I never lost someone to death before. I hope I'm not insulting those that have with this. If you have any suggestions as to what could make this chapter more realistic or believable, let me know? I'm eager to hear your feedback.

Aside from that, Psychology test today. I couldn't finish it. Sigh. Ran out of time. Quite depressing. My psych teacher is going to have my head now. Statistics tomorrow, and then Chemistry after that.

Yay me.

Anyway, back to studying!

Oh and thank you Nanobot5770, Helljumper 1337 and Liege Lord for reviewing. You guys are becoming like my regulars now. Just know that I really do think about everything you say. And greed11 for the helpful words.

Nanobot5770: When I find the time I will go back and edit that chapter. You're right, it was a little hasty.

greed11: Got it. I know what you mean. But my Femshep had blond hair and purple eyes. =P So I used her for this one. The story does sort of centralize around Jane for now, especially since she just lost everything that ever meant anything to her. But after this it would return back to Sky. =]

That is all for now!

Much love and gratitude,

Fee

xx

ps. I just finished SageQueen's Valhalla. Excellent, excellent fic and I recommend it to anyone who has the time. It's a Shenko fic, I really like her writing style. I actually got some inspiration from her story. Gave me alot to think about.

pps. Caaaaan you believe it? Slightly over 20,000 words in 7 chapters in nine days! I guess this IS a rewrite. But still!

*party noises*