Hello all. I know, I've been gone for ages. Please do forgive me. I haven't felt much like writing recently, to be honest. Life got in the way and well, stuff just got annoying. But enough of that. I am back! I hope none of you have given up on me. (Please please tell me you haven't) Without further ado, chapter 22!
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Chapter 22
Back from the Dead
People often underestimate how much physical pain could change someone. You hear about it from storybooks and movies of course, how only the strongest of the strong can withstand years and years of torture without revealing deathly secrets, etc. But what most civillians forget when they partake within those adventures from a leather couch was the emotional damage that occurs afterwards.
Frank Herbert got it wrong. Fear wasn't the greatest mind-killer. In that category, pain took the cake.
Flashback:
It is that moment of dread, when an impossible Herculean task looms like a dark, ominous cloud and every part of you is screaming to just let it go, to give up and walk away, to forget about it and move on to easier, simpler, happier things.
That was how Sky felt as she stood before the unassuming, innocent metal doors.
She was no stranger to pain. In fact, some might even theorize that she could be slightly masochistic. After all, one does not get several tattoos, at least not in the 21st century, without being able to at least stomach some pain.
And yet, never had a thought felt so foreboding in her life. It was as though she was about to volunteer herself a place in Auschwitz. Fear and anxiety caused her to shudder so deeply that she had to grab onto the railing by the door to stop herself from turning tail and running away.
What was it that Lance Armstrong once said? 'Pain is temporary, but quitting lasts forever...' Or something along those lines? Steeling her nerves, she forced her body through the motions of dragging itself through the automatic doors.
"Sky." Raising her eyes from the ground, she glanced into the concerned, surprised grey eyes of her newest acquaintance, Dr Robertson. "You're back."
Smiling weakly the dark-haired girl nodded. "Wouldn't miss this for the world."
The petite doctor was standing with a datapad in her hand, obviously midway through some serious number crunching from the frown that Sky noticed as she walked into her office. The stagnant, antiseptic smell of a medical facility was heavily contrasted by the soft pale peach tones that coated the walls and plush leather seats that gave the room a welcoming feel, something she thought most hospitals lacked. It was homey, with portraits of smiling children and elderly couples decorating the walls. She had been too nervous to notice all of this the last time she was here, but she was surprised to find that she was actually partial to the doctor's taste.
"I was worried about you." Dr Robertson put down the pad she held in her hand and circled around the desk to stand in front of her. "After our session last week… I assumed you didn't want to… Continue anymore."
She suppressed the urge to choke as the horrible memories of their previous 'session' came to mind. "No. I said I would do this. And I meant it."
"But whatever that was… It was inhumane."
She hesitated before replying. "But it is necessary."
"Is it?" Sky resisted the urge to flinch under her heavy searching gaze. "Is it really worth it?"
No. "Yes."
Frowning, the brunette leaned against her desk, white overcoat folding awkwardly beneath her. "Why?" She cocked her head questioningly. "Why is this so important? You can very well live a normal life on the Citadel, quite comfortably actually, without putting yourself through all that torture."
What was she supposed to say? Because she needed to help save the Galaxy? Because she had to find a way home? Because she didn't know what else to do? Sky shrugged helplessly. All her explanations would make no sense to the doctor, not without her pouring out her deepest, darkest secrets.
The past two months have been nothing short of Hell for her. The whirlwind of emotions itself was enough to push her onto the brink of insanity. She was angry, scared, frustrated, sad and tired, oh so very tired. It was the sort of exhaustion and lethargy that flooded her veins and grinded at her bones. And the many sleepless nights and night terrors did nothing but add to her anxiety.
But worst of all, she missed home, oh how she missed everyone so much. Sometimes she would be blessed with dreams of engaging her mother and brother in a verbal battle over dinner, dreams of playing with her dogs and digging her face into their sweet fur, dreams of cuddling and kissing her beloved boyfriend; only to wake up a sweaty, crying heap on the floor.
Overall, she was nothing but a hot mess. A big hot mess.
"It is just something I have to do."
The doctor remained silent for a bit. "If you're thinking about this long term, we're going to have to device some sort of plan, a schedule if you'd like. Also, there is an issue with your immunities."
Frowning, her hand unconsciously brushed against the small scar that had formed over where Dr Chakwas first injected her with the basic immunization. "Issue? What sort of issue?"
"According to your blood work, the standard immunization we give to children is not being received as well. It is not really surprising, considering the fact that you're an adult. But that does mean you are going to require boosters."
"Oh." She almost breathed out in relief. That wasn't so bad. "How many?"
"Six or seven? Depending again, on your body's ability to adept."
"I have no problems with needles."
"It isn't just that," Dr Robertson sighed, crossing her arms. "We're stuck in a little bit of a dilemma. You see, stopping the 'biotic acclimatization' sessions would be detrimental to your progress, but we also cannot afford to put any more stress on your body as it tries to come up with its own immunities. According to tests, you are already undergoing significant psychological and physiological strain. I'm afraid doing anymore could truly hamper your ability to function."
Oh. "So what are you suggesting?"
"We are going to have to stick to a very tight schedule, our sessions will be longer, but also further apart, at least until your body gets used to all that is going on around you." Grimacing, she tapped on her omnitool. "There is no way of knowing how well this will work, or how long this will take. It isn't ideal, especially because I know that you are obviously going through some tough times. Hence why I need to know that you are willing to commit."
It was strange how mechanical and professional the doctor could get. If Sky were to have met her outside of this situation, she would have tagged her as anything but, with her small figure and sweet, kind voice. But she had done some digging of her own, pulling a startling amount of information on the doctor off the extranet. A summa cum laude certificate together with an amazing amount of medals were enough to convince her that placing her trust onto Dr Roberston would not be a mistake.
Hopefully.
Taking a deep breath, she mentally prepared herself before asking,
"What do I have to do?"
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"It was a trap... What kind of sick bastard would do that?"
Sighing, Jane removed her helmet as soon as they exited the decontamination chamber, running her fingers through the blond locks. Rolling her shoulders, she grimaced, unsure exactly how to answer the Gunnery Chief.
"I don't know Williams. There are a lot of 'sick bastards' out there."
"But still… That was beyond repulsive."
"I won't argue with you on that. But there is no point dwelling on it. We'll report our findings to Admiral Kohaku when we get back to the Citadel. For now, you should go get some rest." Turning to the otherwise silent krogan that was with them, "You too Wrex."
"Yes ma'am." Weariness and frustration coated Williams' voice. Jane's heart went out to the soldier, it had been a tough couple of weeks for her, and she was sure seeing more dead marines didn't help.
Wrex waited until the soldier disappeared from sight before turning to the blonde. "I was hoping for more action than that Shepard. Being thrown around in a little car didn't do much for me."
She couldn't decide if the krogan was being serious or not, but honestly at that moment she didn't really care. "You'll get your fair share of 'action' sooner or later Wrex, patience is key."
He gave her a look that she couldn't decipher, before leaving her. Sighing once again she made her way towards the elevator towards the end of the shuttle bay.
"Commander, ETA to Therum is about 9 hours."
Sighing, the Vanguard rubbed the back of her neck. "Thanks Joker. Could you get Sky to meet me in the briefing room in two hours?"
"As you wish."
Mysteries, left, right and centre. She was beginning to get sick of it. It was about time she started getting some answers.
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"We devised a pill."
"A pill?" Shepard repeated, raising an eyebrow in disbelief.
"Yes. Several times a week actually. And as long as I took them regularly, biotics won't affect me."
"A pill."
"Yes."
"One," she lifted up her index finger for emphasis. "Pill."
Sky heaved a sigh that bordered on frustration. "Yes. One. Damn. Pill."
The Commander stared at the woman before her, once again wondering what the Hell happened between them so that Sky couldn't even trust her anymore? "I'm not joking around."
"And what makes you think I am?" Her tone was haughty, defying.
"Dammit Sky!" Her fist slammed on the table, loud and sudden enough to make the dark-haired woman to jump slightly. "What is going on with you? You just keep throwing up walls at me. I'm family for God's sake. So why are you treating me like a stranger?"
The psychologist stood up so fast that her chair flew out from behind her, crashing into the ground with a loud clatter. "Don't give me that bullshit." Shepard almost winced; Sky never used that sort of language. "You were the one to ask me to forget about us being family. So don't use that against me."
Shepard growled, although she couldn't help but feel a little tinge of regret for saying those words. They had came out in the heat of the moment, in attempt to subdue the girl before her. Obviously they did nothing but backfire in her face. "I also told you that if you wanted to be on this ship, you needed to stop acting like a child and do everything I say."
"And I have haven't I?"
"You're lying to me! As your CO I should have you tossed out the airlock for such insubordination. You say you have forgotten about us being family, but no way in Hell would any superior take this sort of crap from a soldier. We may have history, but don't make me regret following after Anderson's recommendation."
She could tell that Sky wanted to scream profanities in her face, with the way her vein on jaw was twitching. But her words must have hit home for instead she bent over to retrieve her chair and sat back down on it. "Anderson had a hand in this?"
"Yes." The blonde sighed, sitting down as well. She had assumed the Captain would have informed Sky of his input, but from the look of surprise on the Asian's face, he hadn't. "I changed my mind after the Council meeting, I wasn't about to drag you into some unknown situation with so many unknown endings, but Anderson stopped me. Told me that you were 'an asset I couldn't afford to lose'. And hence why you are still here."
There was a moment of silence before Sky quietly asked. "Are you sure you want to know?"
Her eyes softened as she looked down at her adopted sister who seemed to be avoiding her gaze. For the first time since their encounter on the Citadel Sky actually looked small, as though she was trying to hide within herself. But that did nothing but fuel her need to understand what the Hell happened.
"Yes."
The dark-haired woman took a deep breath, and she started telling her what she wanted to hear. She told her of everything she had been hiding from her during the past ten years. The training, the true lengths she went for her 'biotic acclimatization' sessions, her real job. So many things that she failed to mention during their decade apart. At the end of it, Jane was beginning to feel like perhaps she didn't know the girl before her at all.
"Why did you hide this from me?" She asked when the room finally went quiet.
Sky looked up, not oblivious to the tinge of pain within her sister's voice. "I didn't want you to worry… And you would have stopped me. I couldn't let you do that."
And she was right. If Jane had known about all this before she would have done everything in her power to stop her. Even now she still thought that all Sky had done was incredibly foolish and naïve. How could she have banked so much on an event like this occurring? What would she have done if she had to be stranded on the Citadel for the rest of her life? She had seen Sky's episode once or twice before, and it nearly tore her into pieces to know that she could do nothing to help her darling sister out; to know that she had been actively doing torture sessions to herself so that she could fight a war she didn't know was going to happen… Something didn't really add up, but the guilt that weighed on her shoulders pushed that thought away for now.
Jane should have been there. She should have been there to hold her hand through the pain, should have been there to stop her. But instead she was too busy for her family, too busy for the really important things.
"I know what you're thinking." The soft, soothing voice of her sister broke through her thoughts. "This is my life Jane. I get to choose to do whatever I want to do with it. And that was what I wanted to do. There is no point crying over spilt milk."
"Spilt milk is a little bit of an understatement isn't it?"
Sky eyed her apprehensively. "I told you all that, because I hoped that you would see I've changed. I'm not who you used to know, and I have grown up. Now I just need you to realize that and stop trying to protect me." She reached across the table to grasp Jane's hand tightly. "I didn't need your protection over the past ten years. I don't need it now."
Her words were gentle, but firm, and they dug a hole in her heart because they were true.
"For what it's worth… I'm sorry." For being such a lousy sister.
"There's nothing to be sorry about."
Jane shook her head, still insistent. "I broke a promise."
"Then you can make up for it now."
The two settled into a comfortable silence, each seeking solace in their intertwined fingers. Jane hadn't had that sort of contact with someone in a while, and somehow she felt as though that was the case for Sky as well. Sure things weren't perfect between them, and it was going to take a long time before they did, but at least this was a start.
"Commander." Joker's voice shook them out of their reverie. "There's a call coming through from Captain Anderson. He says it's very urgent."
Jane cleared her throat and stood up, swiftly letting go of Sky's hand in the process. "Patch him through."
Sky got up as well, half torn between leaving and staying, but before she could decide the hazy hologram of the Captain appeared beside them.
"Commander, Skylar." Anderson nodded in greeting at the pair.
"Captain."
"Anderson." Sky hesitated, "Should I leave?"
"Negative soldier." Jane had to stifle a smile as Anderson shot a wink towards Sky's general direction. Being part of the Alliance meant that the Captain always treated her like a soldier. She had forgotten what he was like around civvies. "It would do you good to hear this too."
Turning her attention back to the matter at hand. "What's going on sir?"
"I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you to return to the Citadel as soon as you can Commander. There is a certain… Package you have to pick up."
Jane nodded, although clearly confused. "We are on our way to Dr T'Soni sir, but we could turn around now if it is required."
"There is no need for that. He may be impatient but he isn't about to jeopardize an ongoing mission."
"Who is 'he' sir? And what package are we talking about?"
Anderson breathed in deeply, shaking his head. "You're not going to believe this Commander. Frankly, it was difficult for me to believe it myself but-"
The panel next to the Captain's hologram suddenly lit up and a second figure came into focus. Through the lousy quality it may have been easy to mistake the turian that appeared for someone else, but there was definitely no mistaking that familiar, deep, flagging voice.
"Commander Shepard. I suggest you make haste."
It was Nihlus Kryik.
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BUM BUM BUUUUM!
SURPRISEEEEE.
A little overdue I know. But... SURPRISE! Either way.
Why? How? Ohemgee didn't I say he was dead? I guess you're just going have to stay tuned to see! =D
Anyway, I apologize, again, for my hiatus. I saw it coming to be honest. I was spewing chapters left, right and centre for this story. I was going to burn out sometime. But hey! Here I am! Back once again. I'm not leaving for a while, although updates WILL be coming slower since my exams are around the corner. Either way though, badumdumdummm. I'm baaack.
Do let me know what you think? As always, I would love to hear from every single one of you. Honestly. Indulge me with your words. I haven't written in hellova long time so do forgive me if I'm a little off target. To be honest, I even forgot half of the details here and had to reread the entire story twice over. Sigh. So tell me if you have any objections to anything? =]
I know it is a little late now but still, thank you Helljumper 1337, CuHnadian, Liege Lord, Razor T McCutchn (Ooh new one!), S058, Otaku Addicted Dweeb, stark40763 (another new one!), PlutoAn, greed11 and death77 (again, new! I think.), Chris7221 and Rosiegirl52 for reviewing. Honestly, your words are what pushed me to get onto the computer and write again! I forgot how much I actually missed this. So glad to be back.
Amongst all the questions asked, the most common were A) Mystery Man and B) Dreams. Both will be explained in due time, although B probably sooner than A. Sorry guys, I just love leaving y'all in suspense.
Peace out my darlings,
Love,
Fee
ps. Remember how I was talking about another story? I've begun one. Go check it out? It's called Letters to God and it starts in ME3. The summary:
Commander Shepard: War Hero of Elysium, Savior of the Citadel, Exterminator of the Collectors, Galaxy's Immovable Centre... But in the end, she is still, only human. A human with a secret. "...You're dying Commander."
Go go! I think it is so much better written than this current fic. Although do forgive my regular use of expressions. =P
See y'all next chapter!
x
Also, quick question. Would you guys prefer me to reply to all your reviews individually or would you like me to type them out here? I don't want to clog up your inboxes with messages but at the same time I don't want to increase the word count too much. AND I don't want you to think I'm being unappreciative for your amazing encouragements. Let me know? x