After hiding at home for the rest of the weekend, Blaine finds a note in his locker on Monday morning.
Meet me after school? We need to talk.- K
Blaine stuffs it to the back of his locker and slams it shut. He manages to avoid Kurt for the rest of the day, and takes off the second school is out.
Tuesday arrives, and with it another note.
Blaine, please. Just have coffee with me after school. I have something to say to you.
Screwing it up again, Blaine makes a mental plan to skip AP English today, the last class of the day. He's never skipped before, but he just can't handle the awkwardness of this situation. And what does Kurt want to meet for anyway? He wants to go for coffee just to tell Blaine there can be no more coffee. Well Blaine has already received that message loud and clear. He can still vividly recall the look on Kurt's face from last week, he doesn't need any more salt in the wound. With his head firmly stuck in the sand, he figures if he ignores Kurt for long enough, eventually he will leave him alone, and then maybe the pain will ease.
"Blaine Anderson, where the hell were you yesterday?" Rachel screeches as she storms down the hallway on Wednesday.
"I had a headache, Rachel." Blaine replies, "And right now you're giving me another one."
"Well you'd better explain to Mr. Hummel then, because he said he'd seen you walking down the hall after lunch, and you looked fine. So...Oh my GOD!" Rachel stops suddenly, the realization dawning on her. "This is about him, isn't it?" she hisses, taking him by the arm and steering him into an empty classroom.
"What?"
"Yes. It all makes sense. Something is going on between you. That's why you left the Lima Bean so quickly the other day." She is pacing back and forth, talking to herself rather than Blaine, and looking like she's in a 1970's detective film.
"Rachel, you are delusional. You called me that night, remember? I told you, I had a headache."
"And you had one yesterday too? How convenient. Blaine, what's going on?"
"Nothing. Honestly. There is no problem between Mr. Hummel and I."
"At all? You swear?"
"I swear."
"Then I take it you'll be in Glee Club this afternoon," she remarks, fixing him with a pointed look.
"I...uh...yeah. Of course."
"Good." Rachel spins on her heel and storms out, leaving Blaine wondering how in hell he managed to back himself into such a tight corner. No escape now.
Shit.
Blaine feels Kurt's eyes on him throughout the practice, but he makes sure not to look in his direction at all. When Kurt speaks, Blaine stares at the floor or fiddles with his hands. When they try their new choreography, Blaine is clumsy and his timing is off. He stumbles and Kurt makes to catch him, but Blaine twists away and opts to slam into Puck instead, gladly accepting the slap to the side of the head he receives as punishment.
As everyone begins to leave, Kurt calls out above the chatter. "Ok, that was a good practice guys, I'll see you all tomorrow. Blaine, could I talk to you please?"
Well fuck. He's asked him in front of the whole group. He can't very well refuse now, can he? Especially with Quinn and Rachel standing either side of him, waiting for his reaction.
"Sure," he replies, trying to keep his face neutral as he drops his bag and sits down once more.
"So." Kurt says, once Sam and Puck have finally trailed out of the door. "Do you want to tell me why you've been avoiding me?"
"No." Blaine sulks in his chair, arms folded and kicking at the floor.
"Do you want to tell me why you skipped my class?"
"No."
"Ok." Kurt sighs. "Do you want to tell me why you're behaving like a five year old?"
"Am not."
"Oh grow up Blaine. Just tell me what your problem is." Kurt snaps, and eventually Blaine looks at him.
"There's no point in me talking with you, because I know what you're going to say."
"Do you? Please enlighten me." Kurt moves to shut the choir room door, then leans against the piano, arms folded expectantly.
"You're going to tell me that we can't be friends anymore. You'll give me all this crap about how it's inappropriate, and you don't want people to gossip about us, when in reality it's because you're just a coward who's too concerned by other people's opinions, and controlled by his jackass boyfriend."
"Wow. I don't really know what to say to that." Kurt replies, looking dumbfounded.
"Don't say anything. Just leave me alone. It's better that way." Blaine snaps as he picks up his bag ready to leave.
"Except you're wrong." Kurt says softly.
"What?"
"That's not what I was going to say. The complete opposite in fact."
"Kurt?" Blaine's eyes are suddenly wide, a flicker of hope just visible.
"I don't want...this...this...uh...friendship- I guess- to stop. You ignored me most of last week, and that really hurt. Then I was so pleased to see you on Saturday, but you acted like I was nothing."
"You were with him. How else am I supposed to act?"
"I know. But still. I felt like crap over the weekend. I know we shouldn't be doing this Blaine. But I just can't stay away from you." He reaches out for Blaine's hand. They slide their fingers together and Blaine marvels at their perfect fit.
"Kurt..." Blaine begins, and then stops. He desperately wants to ask Kurt how he feels about him. But he's scared to hear the answer. Just this moment, he thinks. Just let me have this moment. "Coffee?" he asks instead, with a small smile.
"I can't." Kurt says with a defeated sigh.
"But it's Wednesday." Blaine says, his earnest gaze faltering and smile fading.
"I know. And I'm sorry. But I have this thing..."
"What thing? Can't you get out of it?" Blaine asks, taking Kurt's other hand in his and squeezing gently.
"Not really. It's mine and Richard's anniversary. We're going out." He's said it. He feels like the world's biggest bastard, but he knows there is no way he can cancel Richard's arrangements now.
"What?" Blaine asks incredulously, his voice beginning to rise. He drops Kurt's hands as he tries to keep from yelling too much. "You keep me back after class to tell me you can't stay away from me, that you don't want this to end. You stand there holding my fucking hand and giving me heart eyes, then you say you can't see me because you're going out with your boyfriend?"
"Blaine...I..."
"And you have the nerve to tell me I made you feel like crap?!"
"Please Blaine..."
"Fuck you, Kurt!" Blaine shouts, "You either want me or you don't. I'm not some plaything you can keep on standby just in case things with Dick don't work out."
"That's not what I'm doing Blaine."
"Really? Then what are you doing, apart from breaking my fucking heart?" Blaine pulls open the door and storms down the hallway as Kurt runs to catch up with him.
"Blaine! Please don't go! We can talk..."
"NO!" he thunders as he spins on his heel and confronts him in the deserted hallway. "Stay away from me Kurt. Go home and celebrate your anniversary with your fucking boyfriend, and leave me alone!"
Blaine drives. The rain that has been threatening all day finally decides to cascade down as Blaine speeds down the highway, and even with his wipers going at full speed he can barely see the road in front of him. Eventually he leaves the highway and pulls over into a rest station. Sitting there cocooned in his car in the almost dark, with the rain drumming against the roof, he allows the tears to fall. Body hunched over the steering wheel, he heaves in breath as great, wracking sobs tear through his body. How has this gotten so fucked up, he wonders? He casts his mind back to Kurt telling him that all he ever wanted was for someone to love him. That's all he wants too, he realizes. Only not just anyone.
Kurt.
He wants Kurt to love him, and he wants to be able to love Kurt in return. If Kurt had said yes that day, if Kurt wasn't his teacher, if Kurt didn't have a boyfriend. If Blaine wasn't so insecure, if there wasn't a ten year age gap, if...He stops himself from thinking about it any further. Too many 'what if's' and too many obstacles stood in their way to ever make anything work. Blaine grinds his fists into his eyes, starts the car and heads for home with a heavy heart. The rain is even worse and he is forced to drive slowly. It takes him over two hours to reach Lima again, and he now finds himself looking forward to going home to an empty house and falling into bed. Suddenly he spots a figure walking along the side of the road, although they're already soaked to the skin he slows down further to avoid splashing the person too much. Then he stops.
"Kurt?" he calls through the now open window. But Kurt ignores him. Head bent against the driving rain, he carries on walking in the darkness.
"Kurt! What are you doing out in this?" Blaine calls as the car crawls along.
"Leave me alone Blaine." Kurt calls over the weather, and Blaine suddenly notices that he's crying.
"No! Kurt, you can't stay out in this rain. Get in the car."
"Go away."
"Get in the car."
No answer.
"Kurt, so help me I will put you in myself if I have to. I'm not leaving you. Now get in."
Sensing he is beaten, Kurt sighs defeatedly and climbs in. Clad only in a dark shirt and jeans with his hair plastered to his head, Kurt shivers uncontrollably as he drips water all over the car interior.
"D-d-d-don't m-m-m-make me go home," he whispers curling up against the door as Blaine starts to drive again.
"I'm taking you to my house." Blaine replies, and lets his eyes leave the road for a second to take Kurt in. He is pale and trembling, and seems almost panicked at being in the car with Blaine. "It's ok Kurt," Blaine says gently. "It'll all be ok."
The rain has slowed to a soft drizzle as Blaine sits on the porch swing and stares into the blackness. He sips on his hot chocolate which almost burns his mouth, and waits. Eventually he hears the soft fall of Kurt's feet walking over to him. He hesitates for a while before joining Blaine on the swing. Wordlessly, Blaine unfolds a soft gray blanket and wraps it around Kurt, who snuggles into it gratefully.
"Thanks for letting me use your shower. And for the clothes." Kurt's voice is raw and scratchy. Blaine can tell he's been crying again, his face is still blotchy and puffy.
"You're welcome." There is a long pause, during which both sit and listen to the soft sounds of the night, and drink their hot chocolate.
"So." Blaine breaks the silence and looks at Kurt from the corner of his eye. "You wanna say what's going on?"
Kurt pulls the blanket tighter around his shoulders and tucks his feet under himself. He fiddles with the McKinley logo on the borrowed track pants as he speaks.
"He was with someone."
"Richard?"
Kurt nods. "I told him I was going to the store after work, but after you and I...Well, I just wanted to get home, so I didn't go." he pauses and lets out a shaking breath. "He was...um...well... having sex with some guy."
"Shit."
"On the kitchen counter."
"Oh."
"I don't know who he was...I didn't stop to find out."
"You left?"
Kurt laughs, but it's bitter, remorseful. "No. I should have. But I went upstairs. Richard got rid of him and then came and found me."
"And?"
"And he apologized, and said it didn't mean anything, the usual."
"The usual? This has happened before?"
"Twice."
"Jesus Kurt!" Blaine has to pinch the bridge of his nose as he takes this all in. He tries to keep his voice calm as he speaks. "He's cheated on you twice, and you still trailed him halfway across the country like a puppy?"
"Blaine. Not now, ok? Berate me all you want later for being a damn fool, but please just let me talk right now."
"Sorry. Go on, I won't say a word until you've finished."
"I've caught him three times now, though I suspect there's been others. But I did what I always do. I carried on as if nothing happened. I took a shower, and got dressed ready to go out. He'd forgotten. He told me at the weekend that we were going out dancing on Wednesday. I love dancing, but he used to go with his friends in New York and I didn't really fit in with them. He said he'd heard of this club in Columbus he wanted to try, so we'd go there for our anniversary. It wasn't the most romantic gesture, but still. So he apologized, and said he would get ready. And I said that if I'd known all this shit was going to happen I'd have accepted your coffee date instead."
Blaine holds his head in his hands and has to bite on his lip to keep himself from yelling at Kurt. Of all the things he could have said, or done.
"I said it without thinking." Kurt continues quietly. "He blew up at me, saying that you were trouble and just wanted to...to...to lose your virginity to an older guy so you could brag about it. He said...well he said some completely vulgar things about you, and me, and us, which I'm not prepared to repeat. I'd had enough. He pushed things too far. So I told him exactly what I thought of him. I've never done that before, it felt quite liberating." They both chuckle softly, before Kurt reaches through the blanket for Blaine's hand. Breath catching in his throat, Blaine remains silent as he listens.
"I also told him that you may only be seventeen, but you're more of a man than he will ever be." Kurt turns to face Blaine, who is still staring fixedly into the darkness. "I'm sorry Blaine. I know I've blown any kind of chance I may have had, and I'm not asking you for forgiveness, but I want you to know how sorry I am. Richard...well...I guess that despite everything, he gave me security. And I didn't want to jump into the unknown, especially given that our circumstances are so complicated. The irony is not lost on me that if I had been single, and teaching anywhere else, we'd be dating by now. Sure, there might be a few raised eyebrows at the age gap, but we would still be together. I...well...I don't know. I guess life really sucks sometimes."
They sit in silence once more. Blaine trying to process all that he's heard, and Kurt trying to figure out if Blaine is going to cry, yell, or do both.
"So." Blaine eventually speaks, causing Kurt to jump. "Dick's a dick." He turns to look at Kurt, as a slow smile spreads across his face.
"Yeah..." Kurt laughs, "Completely."
Blaine laughs too before turning serious once more. "So what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know. Look for an apartment I guess. It's over, Blaine. He'll try and get me back. I know he will, but I'm beyond that now. I don't feel sad, I just feel angry that I've wasted five years of my life on him. And now I've ended up back in Lima which is exactly what I never wanted to happen."
"But you met me."
"True." Kurt smiles, "I guess he was useful for something."
"You can stay here tonight," Blaine suddenly blurts, "If you don't want to go back there I mean. I can drive you back before school."
"Won't your mom mind?"
"She's in Detroit until Sunday."
"Oh. Are you sure?"
"It's fine. You can take my room and I'll use Coopers old room. I'd offer you that but somehow it's never quite lost the smell of dirty football equipment that it gained when he was in high school."
"Nice."
They lapse into silence once more, only this time it's more companionable and not as tense. Blaine stands and goes to the porch railings. The moonlight catches in his hair, making the curls appear almost navy in color. It filters down, highlighting his strong jaw line and chiseled features. He takes Kurt's breath away.
Blaine becomes aware of Kurt's eyes on him, and turns. "Dance with me." he whispers.
"What?"
"You said you loved to dance, but you never got the chance to tonight. So I'm asking you to dance."
"Here?"
"Here."
"There's no music."
"C'mere." Blaine holds his hand out, and Kurt stands slowly and goes to him. His arms shiver with goose bumps as Blaine puts them around his neck, before wrapping his own arms around Kurt's slender waist. Kurt tangles his fingers into the curls at the back of Blaine's neck and sighs deeply. Being wrapped in each others arms like this feels like they've both come home at long last. They are still for a moment, lost in the feel of each other, and their bodies pressed close together. After a while, Blaine begins to sway them gently, and softly starts to sing.
"When the wind is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace,
To make you feel my love.
When the evening shadows
And the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.
I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.
I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue.
I'd go crawling down the avenue
You know there's nothing that I wouldn't do,
To make you feel my love.
The storms are raging on the rolling sea,
And on the highway of regret.
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true,
There is nothing that I wouldn't do,
Go to the ends of the earth for you,
To make you feel my love.
To make you feel my love."
At some point during the song, Kurt has closed his eyes and rested his head onto Blaine's shoulder. When Blaine stops singing, he pulls out of his reverie slowly, and looks deep into Blaine's eyes.
"Beautiful," he whispers. "You are so beautiful."
Blaine allows a small smile to light up his face for the briefest moment, before he moves forward, and gently brings his lips to meet Kurt's.