Chapter 8: Rumors of a Dead Woman Walking
Inuyasha sighed with irritation lacing the sound and looked down below his current perch in a tree at Kikyou, who was sitting below him as they waited for Sango and Miroku to return. They'd been following a shard rumor and had been led to this rather large village situated on a crossroads by it. As usual, the lecher couldn't resist a chance to go slithering through town with the excuse of gathering information, meaning that Sango had gone with him to keep him from molesting any of the pretty young women of the town while he was at it. So, instead of doing something constructive he was crouched in a tree outside of the village with a sulking Kikyou, waiting for them to get back.
Not his favorite way to waste time.
On top of that, as much as he loved her, his mate was driving him insane.
Ever since he'd told her that if Kagome were still alive, he'd want to take her to mate, as well, she'd been standoffish with him and he was getting tired of it. He knew it upset her, but at least he was honest about it once he'd realized his feelings. He couldn't help how he felt - and she was acting like he'd done it on purpose.
Maybe it was time to have it out with her... since they were just sitting here, anyway, may as well use the time for something.
Hopping down from the tree, he plopped down next to her. "Oi, Kikyou."
He waited 'til she looked at him, a neutral, guarded expression on her face.
"I know you're still pissed about what I said 'bout Kagome. I'm sorry if it hurt your feelings - but I can't help how I feel. It's not like I can stop loving someone just because. You know I love you, but I love her, too, and even though she's gone," he said, a pained look flashing across his face, "I don't think that's ever going to change. But you need to get over it," he said bluntly. "She is dead, so there's no point in you sulking about it."
"It's ironic that you would say that, Inuyasha, because I am very sure that if it were Kagome in my place she'd have sat you straight to hell for even thinking about mating both of us. It hurts to know that you only have half the heart of the person that holds your whole heart. So, I'm sorry if that upsets you, but I also, just like you say, can't help how I feel."
Standing, she moved off towards the small stream at the far end of the clearing, ignoring his frustrated growl.
Dammit! This is maddening! It shouldn't matter, it's not like she has to share, since Kagome's gone anyway...his heart ached every time that thought crossed his mind. Even after almost a year, it hurt as much as it had then.
He wondered if the pain would ever go away...
He was shaken from his thoughts as Miroku and Sango appeared on the road coming towards him, and his hackles immediately rose. Something had happened. Both of them appeared shell-shocked and their scents were jumbled - fear, hope, anger, excitement, and disbelief all mingled together.
As they drew near Kikyou returned to his side, quietly waiting with him, also aware that something had happened.
Inuyasha's eyes narrowed on them. "Oi! What the hell has you two so jumpy?"
Sango exchanged sideways glances with Miroku, and then shook her head angrily. Looking at Kikyou and then at Inuyasha unfavorably, she turned to Miroku.
"You tell them. Personally, I don't think either of them deserves to be told, but that's up to you. I'll abide by your decision, Miroku." She turned and headed off down the road, Shippo running to catch up to her from the area he'd been sitting in as he'd waited with Inuyasha and Kikyou.
Inuyasha stared after her for a moment, surprised at the open hostility, then turned to Miroku. "Out with it, bouzo. What the hell is Sango's problem? What did we do?"
Miroku kept his face straight with difficulty. "We just spoke to a couple of young men that had traveled here from a village about a week's journey away in the Northern Lands. Apparently, their village was attacked a couple of weeks ago by a pair of oni, and a beautiful young miko came to their aide. She destroyed one of the oni, but was injured by the second in a sneak attack and saved by the Northern Lord himself."
Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "So what's the point of this, Miroku? You do have one, right? Get to it."
"I would, if you wouldn't interrupt me, Inuyasha," he snapped, and Inuyasha recoiled slightly, startled. It wasn't often that the imperturbable monk spoke to anyone that way. He glanced at Kikyou, and noticed her uneasy expression at his behavior, too.
"As I was saying, when he spoke to her after he killed the oni, it came out that she had several Shikon shards - and when the Lord asked why she dealt with that accursed jewel, she told him it was because it was her duty." Miroku pinned him with a deadly look. "She told the Lord that she was the Shikon Miko, Inuyasha."
He felt like someone had punched him in the gut, and he staggered back just slightly, eyes wide and almost defenseless. It... it can't be! She's dead... isn't she? "Keh! It can't be her, Miroku! If she was alive she'd be with us, don't you think?"
Miroku glanced pointedly at a still stunned Kikyou, then back at him. "Would she be, Inuyasha? We're not as stupid as you think we are. Both Sango and I are well aware that when Kagome was fighting for her life against that oni you were busy screwing her." At Kikyou's embarrassed gasp and Inuyasha's low growl, he nodded, knowing his point had been made.
"I asked the men what she looked like. They described Kagome exactly, Inuyasha. Even to her sapphire blue eyes that we both know are extremely rare in our country. What are the chances?"
Turning his back on them he made to move off after Sango, but stopped, and glancing at them over his shoulder, he said, "Neither Sango nor I feel that you deserve to see her again if it truly is her, Inuyasha, and as for Kikyou, it's obvious that she would be happier if Kagome were actually dead. I'll only say this once... if Kagome is still alive through some grace of the Kami, it is her that has our loyalty. Remember that, because if you hurt her again, neither Sango nor I will hesitate to protect her against you two. You've both done enough damage to her for a lifetime."
Inuyasha's eyes flashed red for a moment and he had to fight himself not to attack the monk. His heart was pounding, a hot, painful feeling growing inside him, and he knew that feeling was hope - the most dangerous emotion in the world. If she was still alive, he'd let nothing and no one get between them; not Miroku, not Sango, and not even Kikyou.
Breathing deeply to calm himself he looked at Kikyou, who was shaking, obviously extremely upset. He grabbed her arm and pulled her onto his back, intent on catching up to the other two. She sat stiffly against him, and he huffed in irritation. She'd never been able to ride his back the way Kagome had always done, and now it was even worse, because she was so highly upset and tensed.
"We'll talk about this later tonight when we make camp, Kikyou. For now, don't think about it."
She didn't say a word.
-zZz-
Sango watched the two walking ahead of her and wondered just what had happened between them - they had barely spoken to each other since the day they'd gotten the information that maybe, just maybe, Kagome was still alive.
She found it highly ironic that after all the years of Inuyasha running off after rumors of Kikyou when Kagome was around, now that he had Kikyou he was running after rumors of Kagome.
She laughed inwardly. Running off after rumors of another so-called dead woman. The fool just couldn't make up his mind - or was it that he really just wanted what he couldn't have?
That sounded about right...
Miroku glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. They had both laughed at the hanyou when he'd 'decided' that they were dropping the search for shards and instead would be hunting the elusive miko that those rumors were about. As if he and Sango hadn't already decided where they were going, whether or not the hanyou came along.
He watched, almost amused at the stiff back of Kikyou as she walked slightly behind Inuyasha. He didn't hate her; as a servant of the Buddha that wouldn't befit him, but he certainly had no liking for her and wouldn't trust her as far as he could throw her.
He knew for a fact that she was jealous as hell right now over this whole mess - and he found it a fitting punishment for the pain she had willingly inflicted on Kagome repeatedly over the years. As they say, paybacks are a bitch. Even the Buddha himself had known that, and said so - just in slightly more... elegant words.
His musings were interrupted by Inuyasha coming to a halt on the road. As they caught up to the two, the hanyou nodded to the village that lay just at the foot of the slight hill they were on.
"Keh. You two, why don't you see if anyone here has any information? Describe her, maybe she's passed through here."
Miroku raised a brow at him as Sango pushed past and walked on, not saying a word. "I am not a fool, Inuyasha. I am sure I can figure out how to find out if she's been here or not without your input." He made to follow after Sango, but was held back by the hanyou grabbing his shoulder.
"Don't fuck with me on this, Miroku. I don't really care what you or Sango think but if you're smart you won't fight me on anything to do with Kagome. You and I, as a matter of fact, will disappear for a while after we make camp tonight... we're gonna have a little talk."
Miroku pulled away pointedly. "Kagome is not your concern, Inuyasha. You have Kikyou. She's who you protect. You made that choice yourself," he said, as the hanyou began growling, "so don't get angry at us for reminding you of it. When and if we find her, Sango and I will protect her. It's not your job anymore." Inuyasha clenched his fists in fury as the monk walked away.
By the time they returned Inuyasha was ready to kill something. Kikyou was really pissing him off - even when he'd tried to show her affection, just holding her in his lap while they'd waited, she'd been stiff and unyielding and had moved away as soon as he'd let her.
They hadn't even slept together in several weeks... and she showed no signs of having any desire to do so. Not that he really was thinking that way right now - lately, ever since he'd had this hope dropped into his lap, every time he thought about sex he just felt confused, because, again, he wanted both of them.
It was really getting ridiculous. Things had been so much less complicated back when he'd been whole of heart - this divided heart stuff was wearing really thin. Because no matter how much he loved and wanted Kagome, he loved and wanted Kikyou just as much - he literally was torn in two, and frankly, it sucked. There was no way for him to choose.
He couldn't.
So when the two came back, talking quietly, he leapt to his feet and eagerly awaited whatever word they had.
Again, it was Miroku that spoke. Sango barely spoke to anyone except the lech and Shippo anymore.
"The people here knew nothing about the Shikon jewel," Miroku said as Inuyasha's ears drooped and Kikyou's eyes brightened, "however, when I described Kagome they knew of whom I spoke. She is revered in these lands - apparently, she suddenly appeared near a year ago," with a significant look at the hanyou, "traveling around through these areas and helping those in need. None know her name, though. She is just addressed as miko-sama, and seems content with that."
He turned and continued walking, following the path. "They say she has changed a great deal since she first appeared, growing radiantly beautiful, and many of the young men that I spoke with have attempted to press their suit when she comes around." Miroku chuckled. "It appears that she has many would-be suitors in these lands. Hopefully, she'll choose one of them and be done with it. At least they'd honor her," he said, pointedly.
Rage swept through Inuyasha at the thought of any of those filthy, weak, human village idiots placing a hand on his Kagome...
Directly after dinner that evening, Inuyasha grabbed Miroku and dragged him off a good distance from camp - it was time they had it out.
-zZz-
Finally finding a clearing far enough away from camp, he let go of Miroku's clothes and spun around to face him, staring evenly at him as the houshi calmly straightened his robes.
"What the hell is you and Sango's real problem lately, Miroku? I thought we were friends - was I wrong?"
Miroku shook his head. "We were friends, Inuyasha - but it wasn't us who changed things in the group, it was you. What you did to Kagome is unacceptable, and Sango and I are having a hard time forgiving and forgetting - especially now." He sighed deeply. "And neither of us can understand the way you've been acting lately, either. You're acting like you're desperately in love with Kagome - but we all know your not, after all, you chose Kikyou. So what's going on with you?"
Inuyasha stood there staring at him for a moment, then his shoulders slumped and he plopped down onto the ground. Rubbing his hands across his eyes, he said, "Look... why don't you sit down, Miroku. I'll try to explain it the best I can."
Miroku frowned; nodding, he sat and waited patiently for the hanyou to begin.
"I'm a fool, Miroku, we all know that, right? But I'm even more of one than I thought. Remember back when I asked you why I couldn't have them both?" He glanced up to catch the monk's nod, then looked away again. "I was more right at that moment than I realized. When I finally marked Kikyou I thought I'd made a choice, and while it hurt some because I had to let go of Kagome, I figured I loved Kikyou more and I had to stop leading Kagome along because it wasn't fair to her."
Miroku shifted, beginning to think he knew where this was going... and sincerely hoping for the hanyou's sake that he was wrong...
"But when she disappeared, or... died," he choked out, "I suddenly felt... dead inside, like half of my soul was gone." He let out a hollow chuckle then, pain evident in every word. "I realized then what I'd never truly understood - my heart was divided equally in half. I love them both, Miroku... and neither one any more than the other. I can't choose - I'm literally trapped between them both. I don't know what to do..." his voice trailed off.
Miroku took a deep breath, anger flooding his mind; he let it out slowly, trying to keep his calm. He felt for Inuyasha, he really did, but Kagome deserved happiness and Inuyasha could not give her that now. He was already mated to another.
"There is no 'choosing' anymore, Inuyasha. Right or wrong, you made your choice when you mated Kikyou. Now I understand the stiffness between you two... she knows how you feel, doesn't she?"
"I told her. But you're wrong when you say there's no choice anymore, Miroku. I'm youkai, not human, even if my mother was and in our laws, I can have them both."
An ominous, inarticulate sound of rage came from Miroku then and he leveled a deadly glare on the hanyou. "Don't finish that thought, Inuyasha," he warned, his wrath forcing him to try to speak around clenched jaws, "not if you know what's good for you. You know as well as I that is rarely done, even here in our time and then only amongst the nobility, but it's not done at all in Kagome's. You dishonor her and her memory with even suggesting such a thing!"
Inuyasha jumped to his feet, eyes narrowing dangerously. "I'm not required to ask you, monk," he spat out. "This is none of your business, it's between Kagome and I. Understand, bouzo, if Kagome is still alive, then I will be courting her. I will not give up, ever, until she agrees to become my mate. I can't give up. And if you or Sango try to interfere, I will put you in your place. Make no mistake about that."
Spinning on his heel, he took off back towards camp, leaving an enraged Miroku behind in the clearing... one who was dangerously close to opening his wind tunnel on the hanyou. Closing his eyes he desperately searched for his center, breathing deeply and evenly until he was finally calm enough to walk back to camp.
When he arrived, he looked for one person, and one person only. The Inu was sitting in a tree glaring at him, and Miroku narrowed his eyes. "I was not finished with you, Inuyasha, when you ran off. You have gone past the line this time, hanyou, and if I have to take a living Kagome and toss her down the well and seal it, I will keep you from her."
At his words, a feral growl filled the air, and shocked gasps could be heard from the two women. Shippo, frightened by the sudden flaring auras in the camp, scampered into Sango's bedding as she stood, a suddenly ominous look in her eyes as she took in what her fiance had just said, and quickly deduced what was going on.
Turning her glare on Kikyou, she motioned for the priestess to back away from her bow. "Don't even think about it, Kikyou. You might be a miko, but I'm not youkai and you are no match in combat for me. If you know what's good for you, you'll back off," she snapped.
Once the priestess had moved away from the center of the camp, she hefted her hiraikotsu and, staring up at an enraged hanyou, she stepped up to Miroku's side. "I may not know everything that's going on right this minute, Inuyasha, but I heard enough to have a pretty good idea, and if you even think for one minute that I'd let you dishonor my sister that way then you'd better think again. I will choose her over you every time, and I wouldn't lose any sleep to guilt about taking you out to save her anymore pain."
At Inuyasha's snort, she let out a harsh laugh. "We haven't really ever fought when I was at full strength, hanyou - don't make me prove why I'm the only one of my family that's still alive." She raised a brow at his growl. "After all, that's what I'm trained to do, isn't it? Destroy youkai that cause harm to others?" she asked silkily. "There's a reason I'm the best at it, Inuyasha - and maybe you'd better think about that for a while."
Miroku smiled down at her, proud to stand by her side. She was strong, with the heart of a true warrior and he loved her more every day. Turning his gaze back to Inuyasha, who'd actually listened to everything they'd said without saying a word in return, he put a hand on Sango's arm and motioned for her to stand down now that her warning had been given.
"I think that we all know quite well how each of us stands on this matter at this point. For now, we will leave it alone. After all, it avails us nothing to fight amongst ourselves with Naraku out there if Kagome isn't even alive." He nodded to Kikyou. "Perhaps you should take your mate and go for a walk, help him to calm down. Some separation between us all would be a good idea right now."
Kikyou nodded; moving forward quickly she grabbed her bow and quiver and then took Inuyasha's arm and pulled him unresistingly away from the camp. The two left behind in it watched as the hanyou yanked his arm away from her after a moment and moved stiffly after her.
Miroku sighed sadly as he watched them.
How did things fall so far, so fast? I understand that your heart is divided, my friend, but you cannot have them both - I will not allow it. You would only end up destroying Kagome's heart even more than you already have.
She deserves better - she deserves someone who can give her their whole heart, their whole soul, not the bits and pieces that are all that you can offer her.
I pray that she finds that person... soon.