Blaine hears nothing from Kurt on Saturday night, though he can't say he was expecting to. He was hoping for at least a quick text on Sunday, however. His mom arrives home in the afternoon, and repeatedly asks him if he's ok, the concern evident in her voice.
"I'm fine mom, I just feel a little sick. I might go to bed for a while."
"But I just got home! Why don't we watch a movie together or something?"
She looks so upset at the thought of Blaine shutting himself away from her, that he quickly gives in. "Sure. You choose. I'll just fix us a drink."
He goes to the kitchen and immediately takes his phone from his pocket. Checking the screen yet again, in case it had failed to alert him for some reason, he is disappointed. Still nothing. He collects two drinks and heads back to the living room, stopping quickly in the hallway.
Kurt? You ok?
He hits send before he has a chance to think too much about it, and then tries but fails to avoid looking at his phone during the movie.
"Will you quit with that?" his mom asks fondly. "What are you waiting on anyway?"
"Just a text. From a friend."
"A boy?"
"No." Blaine replies, adding 'a man' silently.
"Are you sure? You've gone all bashful."
"Just drop it mom."
"I'm your mom, Blaine. It's my job to interrogate you about your love life and make you squirm," she says with a smile.
"I don't have a love life to be interrogated about."
"Nothing at all?"
Blaine sighs. It would be so easy to tell her everything, he thinks. So nice to be able to confide in her and discuss all his hopes and fears. Maybe then he'd be able to sleep at night, and concentrate on his homework instead of typing hundreds of texts that never get sent. He really wants to ask her what she thinks, whether he should persist with Kurt or drop it altogether...but of course, he knows what her answer would be.
"No," he answers. "Nothing at all."
Lying in bed that night, Blaine stares at the ceiling and tries to ignore the tears he can feel stinging behind his eyes. He feels stupid, crying over Kurt. They never made any promises to each other, never decided where they were heading with all this. But it hurts. Blaine just wants to know where he stands. Kurt keeps blowing hot and cold. One minute he's ignoring Blaine completely, the next he's throwing himself at him. And really, it's those moments that are the worst. Because it's then that everything inside of him soars. It's then that he thinks he may be able to call Kurt his boyfriend. It's then that he dares to hope he may be able to wake wrapped in his arms one day, to be able to lie next to him as they explore one another. And it's then that he thinks he may be able to fall in love.
Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, Blaine sends a text into the night.
Have I done something wrong? Please Kurt, just talk to me.
Curled up tightly in his new bed, Kurt sniffs and dries his eyes as he reads the message again and again. Finally, with a heavy sigh, he turns off the phone and closes his eyes.
The first week is rough on Blaine. By the time Friday rolls around, he has lost count of the number of text messages he has sent. He has yet to receive any reply. Kurt's silence is enough. Leave me alone.
So eventually, he does. It's not easy. He is still Blaine's English teacher, and of course it would be right now that they're studying Shakespeare's sonnets. Blaine has always enjoyed them, but now he cannot bear to sit in the same room as Kurt and listen to him talk about love.
Then there's Glee. They're two weeks away from sectionals, and it has been decided that Santana will do the solo, Rachel and Blaine the duet. Rachel suggests they have extra practices, the two of them with Kurt. Blaine panics and tries to come up with an excuse, but Kurt comes to the rescue by explaining that he is too busy, but he's happy for them to go ahead and rehearse without him.
The only saving grace in all of this has been his mom's continued presence. He likes knowing that she will walk through the door at six on the dot, and he will have company and a way to take his mind off things for the evening. When she announces she is going to Japan for three weeks, Blaine is devastated.
"So you won't be home for Thanksgiving? Or my competition?" he asks weakly.
"Blaine sweetie, I am really, so sorry. But once I'm back that's it. No more trips until the new year. And if I get this promotion then I won't have to travel at all." She tucks a stray curl behind his ear and holds her little boy tightly. She wishes so much that she didn't have to go. Blaine seems so sad, so lost and alone. "Why don't I call Cooper and ask him to come visit you for Thanksgiving?"
He shakes his head, no. "It's ok mom. Really. It will give me time to sort college applications and concentrate on school. Then when you get back we can spend some time together.
Blaine has had enough of sitting around in an empty house waiting for his phone to ring. So when Tina and Rachel ask if he wants to go bowling on Saturday, he agrees with a small smile. His jaw drops when Rachel speaks up at the end of Glee the next day.
"Mr. Hummel? A few of us are going bowling tomorrow. I wondered if you and Finn would like to join us."
Kurt smiles at her as he packs away the sheet music. "Both of us, or just Finn?"
"Well...you are brothers, so I thought I'd be polite."
Blaine waits with baited breath for his answer.
"That's very sweet of you Rachel, but I'm... um...seeing someone this weekend. If you want to ask my brother though, then please, go ahead. I believe you have his number."
Rachel positively beams as Blaine rolls his eyes. "Don't bother Rachel," he drawls, feeling sick to his stomach at the news Kurt has just imparted. "Finn won't be interested. We're just kids, remember?" he spits in Kurt's direction. He is aware that everyone has fallen silent but has gone past the point of caring. "Why would he want you when he can go out and find a quick fuck with someone his own age?" Blaine walks out the room, leaving everyone gaping.
"Dude. What the..." Sam calls after him, but Blaine is gone.
"Did Blaine just say fuck?" Santana asks in surprise. She looks to Mr. Hummel who has turned white.
"You can go." He says quickly, before sprinting from the classroom. Tearing down the long hallway, he catches sight of Blaine rounding the corner. He has stopped running and has slowed to a brisk walk, giving Kurt enough time to catch him.
"In here." he pants, grabbing a hold of his arm and pulling him into his English classroom. "What the fuck, Blaine? What the hell was that? You're pissed at me, I get it. But there was no need to humiliate me like that, and upset Rachel."
"Pissed at you?!" Blaine yells, temper flowing freely, "You have no idea! You have destroyed me Kurt! I would have given you my everything. And I wanted to. But you just cut me off without a word. And then you announce that you're seeing someone. How the fuck do you think that makes me feel, huh? Is it him? It's Richard, isn't it? Well you know what, the way you've treated me- you two deserve each other. I hope you're both fucking miserable together."
"Will you shut the hell up and let me speak for a minute!" Kurt yells back. Aware that they're stood face to face and seething at one another, Kurt takes a small step backwards before continuing. "I'm not seeing anyone, I swear. I just said that to get Rachel off my back so it wouldn't make things awkward for you. And you're not the only one this is destroying"
"What? Are you kidding me? You expect me to believe that?" Blaine snarls at him. "Do you lie awake at night wondering what it is you've done? What is so wrong, so terrible that you just get ignored all the time? I feel sick every morning knowing that I've got to spend all day trying not to fucking cry like a baby everytime you look at me. Oh, and then...as if that wasn't painful enough, I have to go home to an empty house and sit in silence wondering if I will ever be good enough for anyone to want me." His voice breaks and Blaine covers his face with his hands as he sobs. Composing himself as best he can- he cannot let Kurt see him fall apart- he stands up straight as he looks Kurt in the eye. "I know how it is, Kurt. I just wish you'd have been man enough to tell me face to face."
Tears flowing freely, Kurt stammers to life. "Blaine, it's...it's not like that I swear, I..."
"Then how is it Kurt? HOW? Tell me because I'm having a hard time trying to understand all this SHIT." Blaine slams his fist onto the desk nearest to him, the pain only enraging him further.
"It wouldn't work between us Blaine, can't you see that?" Kurt implores, "We wouldn't make each other happy. I'd take all your firsts from you, then you would resent me for tying you down. I'd get fed up with you wanting to be just a normal teenager having fun, we would fight constantly and in the end all we'd be left with would be two broken hearts and a loathing of each other."
"That's bullshit Kurt and you know it. You don't think that, I know you don't. You can't even look at me when you say it, because you know it's wrong. We were meant to be together. I don't know what kind of cruel trick fate is playing that they decided to make it so hard for us, but you know we belong with each other." Blaine looks at Kurt- arms folded and staring at the floor- and prays that he will come to his senses.
"It can't happen, Blaine. It just can't. Now please, leave me alone. Stay away from me as much as you can. I will resign from Glee club right after regionals, and I'll ask if I can take the other senior English class. Please, just stay out of my life."
"But why Kurt, why?" Blaine shouts.
"BECAUSE I AM HOPELESSLY, DESPERATELY IN LOVE WITH YOU AND THIS IS KILLING ME!" Kurt yells.
Blaine grabs Kurt's face and forcefully crashes their lips together as the enormity of what Kurt has just said overwhelms him. For a split second, Blaine feels Kurt start to relax into the kiss, then just as quickly, he brings his hands to Blaine's chest and pushes him away hard.
"Get out. Now." he hisses.
"W-what?" Blaine stammers.
"You heard me. Get the hell out of my classroom and don't ever touch me again. NEVER AGAIN!" Kurt screams, before collapsing to the floor in a broken mess.
Blaine runs. Kurt stays hunched up against his desk, crying until he's drained of tears and every bone in his body aches from being curled in such a tight position for so long. Looking up, he suddenly realizes it's getting dark, the cold November night closing in swiftly. On his way out of the building, Kurt hears music. Heading towards the auditorium, he pushes open the door tentatively and sees him. Blaine, head thrown back, lost in the most beautiful piece of music Kurt has ever heard. He knew Blaine composed, but this, this is something else. This is Blaine's heart laid bare, his emotion raw and on display for the world to see and know his vulnerability. Kurt can't bear to leave, yet can't stand to watch any more. Eventually, he heads home. He tries not to think of Blaine, heading home to an empty house and another evening alone with only his thoughts.
Of course, that's exactly what Kurt has too. He works resolutely through the pile of papers he has to grade, before taking a shower and changing into sweats and an old, faded Nirvana T-shirt. Pouring himself a large glass of red, he flicks through the tv channels and tries to find something worth watching. Unable to concentrate on the mindless chatter, he turns it off and lets the silence fill the room. He had told him. In the worst possible way. He used to dream about how he would say it the first time, he would take Blaine's hand in his, stare deep into his eyes, and tell him. And of course, in that same dream, Blaine would say it back.
He is so exhausted from the emotions of the day, that he manages only two sips of the wine before placing the glass on the coffee table and allowing his head to fall back in the armchair. He is just on the edge of sleep when the knock comes.
Kurt pads silently out into the hall to open the door. He takes in the figure standing there. Dressed in black jeans and a tight red polo shirt, Blaine says nothing. Kurt steps to one side and allows him into into the apartment. Closing the door softly, Kurt rests his head against the cool wood before turning.
They face each other in the narrow hallway, the tension between them palpable. Chests rising and falling as they try to drink this moment in. Eyes locked, Blaine speaks.
"I love you too." And with those four words, their fate is sealed. They rush to each other, kissing deeply and passionately as they go tumbling head first into the unknown together. There can be no turning back now.
Blaine kisses Kurt like a man possessed. Tongue probing, searching, tasting- its not enough, never can be enough. He tears Kurt's shirt over his head as he pushes him against the wall. Teeth scraping on his pale white flesh, Blaine explores every inch of exposed skin with his mouth as Kurt arches back against the wall and cries out. He tugs and tugs at Blaine's shirt, until Blaine notices and pulls it over his head. Kurt barely has time to take in his amazingly toned and defined chest, with its smattering of dark hair, before Blaine has pushed himself against Kurt. He sucks a large purple bruise on to Kurt's neck as he tries not to whimper at his first ever feeling of flesh on flesh.
Kurt backs them down the hallway, lips still connected, his hand pulling Blaine into the bedroom by his belt buckle. Blaine stops and looks at the bed, then at Kurt. He's pretty sure he will never see a sight as beautiful as this again in all his life. Kurt, standing there with his chest heaving, hair in disarray, lips swollen and pink, with marks from Blaine's teeth littering his torso. His eyes blown black with lust, looking into Blaine's who mirror them in their intensity. Both silently asking the other if they're sure- both replying with a deep, resounding yes.
The pace changes as Kurt lowers Blaine gently onto the bed. he lies next to him, propped on one elbow as he kisses him deeply. Blaine shudders at the feel of Kurt tracing his fingers softly around the waistband of his jeans. Kurt feels his gaze, and smiles.
"I'm sorry Blaine. The way I treated you..."
"It's ok. At least now I know why you did it."
"I tried Blaine, I tried to stay away but I just can't. I love you too much. I'm yours...if you'll have me."
Blaine grins by way of an answer, and rolls himself over on top of Kurt. He kisses him with blazing intensity, every limb in his body burning with such desire and happiness that he worries he may turn into a quivering hot mess before they go much further. Pulling back slightly, he lets his trembling fingers run a trail along Kurt's arm, taking pleasure in seeing the soft hairs stand out against the skin.
"I love you," he whispers. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of telling you that. Or hearing it. But no more messing around Kurt. You have to understand that we both want this. You don't need to feel guilty, or worried about taking anything from me, because I give it all to you freely. I just want to be with you."
Kurt swallows over the lump that has risen in his throat. "Ok. No looking back, and no regrets. I promise." He wraps a hand around the back of Blaine's neck and pulls him down. They kiss for the longest time, only pausing to tease one another with their tongues, or nip playfully at lips. Eventually, Blaine can stand it no more, and allows himself to push his groin against Kurt's, moaning wantonly as he feels their hard cocks push against each other.
"Can I...can I touch you?" he whispers as Kurt looks up at him through hooded lids.
"I think I might die if you don't." Kurt says with a quiet laugh. "But...I need to know what you're comfortable with, ok? I need to know what you want."
"Everything." Blaine replies instantly, without any fear or hesitation.
"You sure?"
Blaine nods. "If I can manage to get that far."
Kurt laughs. "Well it will be an exercise in self control, if nothing else."
With that, he guides Blaine's hand to his clothed cock, encouraging him to squeeze gently as he returns the gesture. Blaine falls onto his back as the sensation of another hand touching him- even through clothing- overwhelms him.
"Shit, Kurt...please" he cries, not even sure what it is he's actually asking for, but knowing he needs more.
"Shh, it's ok" Kurt whispers as he undoes Blaine's jeans and slides them off. He kisses a trail up the inside of his thigh, before gently mouthing over Blaine's cock which is now straining and twitching inside his tight boxers. He hooks his thumbs into the waistband, before glancing at Blaine's face. Seeing only wide eyed innocence and lust, he swiftly lowers the boys underwear and wraps his long fingers around Blaine's thick cock.
"Holy hell." Kurt whispers as he marvels at Blaine's size.
Blaine makes a mental note to ask him about that later but then all thoughts fly out of the window because Kurt is stroking him and- shit- that feels good.
"You...Kurt...you..." Blaine babbles as he tries to reach for Kurt's pants. But Kurt only smirks as he dips his head and licks a strip up the underside of Blaine's cock, enjoying watching Blaine unravel beneath him.
"Shit! Oh fuck. Kurt, please...I don't want to...not yet."
Kurt stops immediately and sits up. "Ok... I'm sorry."
"No, no I mean I don't want to...um...come. Yet. I don't want to disappoint you."
"Honey, you are so hot, you have no idea. Trust me, you do not disappoint. Just relax."
"But I want you to fuck me."
"Jesus Christ." Kurt moans. "How can anyone say no to that?" he reaches over to the nightstand and finds an unopened bottle of lube and a condom. He quickly shucks out of his sweats, Blaine trying to refrain from finishing himself off as he realizes Kurt is commando underneath.
Kurt slicks his hand with the lube. He props a pillow under Blaine's hips and places a lingering kiss on his lips as he lies down next to him.
"This might hurt a little...just tell me if you want to stop, ok?"
"It's ok, I do it to myself all the time." Blaine replies, and then blushes, suddenly shy.
"Fucking hell." Kurt pauses, his hand resting by Blaine's entrance as he tries not to come from that admission alone. Swallowing thickly, he allows his finger to circle Blaine's hole a few times before pushing tentatively in past the tight ring of muscle.
"Mmm, so good Kurt, so good." Blaine throws his head back as Kurt pumps his finger into him and takes the opportunity to place kisses to Blaine's exposed throat and neck. "More, please Kurt, give me more."
Holy shit it is so hot to hear Blaine beg that Kurt has a hard time not falling apart adds another finger, and moves to position himself between Blaine's legs. He places gentle kisses to Blaine's knees as he adds a third, using his other hand to try and stop Blaine's legs from trembling too much.
Blaine's chest is coated in a sheen of sweat as he writhes on the bed, desperate to touch himself but knowing it will all end as soon as he does. So he reaches for Kurt instead, propping himself up on elbows and taking Kurt's cock in his hand. He has a momentary panic, as he wonders if he will be able to handle Kurt being inside him, but then snaps back to reality as he hears Kurt moan and he pulls him into a sloppy kiss.
"Shit Blaine, I love you so much."
"Mmmhmm," Blaine smiles against Kurt's lips. "Now please just fuck me."
Burning with desire, Kurt pushes Blaine's legs up towards his chest as he quickly unrolls the condom. He pushes inside gently, trying to control his stuttering hips from slamming Blaine into the bed, and giving him time to adjust to the burn instead. He sees a brief look of pain flicker over Blaine's beautiful features, before he growls low in his throat and arches up from the bed.
"Shit that feels so good! Please move Kurt, please just take me."
Kurt tries to keep his thrusts shallow, really he does. But passion takes over and he finds himself pulling Blaine upright so he is almost sitting as he pushes into him again and again. Supporting Blaine with an arm around his waist, he gives in and pulls him completely into his lap. And it's too much. He tries to reach the boys lips as Blaine rides him, but his vision is swimming as his balls tighten and he feels like he may explode. Blaine wraps his arms tightly around Kurt's neck as he bounces up and down on his cock.
"Fuck...fuck...I...Oh!" Blaine cries as Kurt snakes his hand around him and he comes instantly, throwing his head back with a yell of Kurt's name.
Kurt follows immediately, and they both rock together gently as they come down from their high. Blaine shifts uncomfortably as Kurt eases out of him. They fall onto the bed and Kurt cleans them both off quickly before pulling the covers over them. He wraps his arms tightly around Blaine and kisses his damp curls.
"You are too good at that."
Blaine chuckles and Kurt smiles at the feeling of the vibrations resonating through him.
"I don't know about that. I think I might need to practice a bit more."
"Practice is good. We can practice as often as you like." Kurt smirks as he flicks off the light. "I love you, my beautiful boyfriend."