OH MY GOD, it lives

OH MY GOD, it lives! Yes, a new chapter has been added. What can I say, dying is easy, comedy is hard. So after an extended stay in a padded room (you only think I'm kidding).. I have come up with this..

Oh.. and as required by this website…warning, warning, warning, sexual innuendo, trash-talk, and smutty jokes ahead.

I like to call this next little chapter…

The Horror of Hilton

Lecter: Settle down everyone. If there are no objections I would like to turn the floor over to my colleague Doctor West.

West: For this part of the session I would like to try a little experiment.

Chucky: Now there's a &#bleep &%# shocker.

Freddy: Here Kitty, kitty.

Jason: Grunts

Michael Myers: (raises hand enthusiastically)

West: Yes, Michael?

Michael Myers: (whispers to Candyman)

Candyman: He wants to know if you brought any body parts to play with.

West: No, I'm sorry, I didn't.

Michael Myers: (Looks sad under his mask)

West: Well.. maybe just one. (hands Michael a finger puppet… made from real fingers)

Freddy: Hey Doc, maybe you can give Jason a brain? .. Or anything else that might have fallen off.

Michael Myers: (hums "off to see the wizard")

Chucky: What do you have against the hockey puck anyway?

Freddy: Hey! No one gets to use my head as a fashion accessory!

Candyman: Here we go again.

Jason: (smiling.. sorta) Grunts

West: Gentlemen, your attention please. I'd like to bring in two victims, er two volunteers, and have each one of you tell me why you should be the one to dispatch them.

Freddy: Hell, that's easy. I'm Freddy Kreuger, the man of your dreams. Game over!

West: I'll base my decision on things like method, creativity, and overall performance.

Jason: Grunts

West: I've chosen two of the most useless and annoying "volunteers" that I could find on short notice. Oh, and because they were willing to do the obligatory "booby shot". May I introduce self proclaimed, heiress/actress/singer (snorts) Paris Hilton… and her side-kick Nicole what's-her-name.

Everyone: (screams and dives for cover)

West: (looking around) Now, now, it's all right.

Pinhead: Such horror! Those empty eyes, that vacuous smile..

Chucky: I think I hear the wind whistling between her ears.

Candyman: No, that's just Michael.

Michael Myers: (whistling) Mister Sandman…

Freddy: Honest mistake.

West: Say hello everyone.

Everyone: Hi Paris. Hi What's-her-name.

Paris: I am like so hot.

Chucky: You call those "boobies?" Look more like mosquito bites to me

Freddy: Where's Pam Anderson when you need her?

Chucky: You know she wasn't bow-legged until she married Tommy Lee.

Candyman: (places hand over Michael's eyes)

Freddy: Myers was twenty one when he killed sixteen people. That's old enough to smoke, drink, .. and look at boobies.

Chucky: You sure that Nicole chick's not a zombie? She looks awful boney. Hey Mikey, better hide the finger toy before she tries to eat it.

Michael Myers: (puts finger-puppet in pocket) (it promptly crawls out and skitters away)

Jason: Grunts

West: Why don't you tell us a little about yourself Miss Hilton. Give us a little motivation for murder.

Freddy: Like we need any motivation.

Paris: Well, my name is.. (looks at cue card) Paris. That's, like, a city.. like, in France.

Pinhead: This one makes Britney Spears look like mother of the year doesn't she.

Creeper: (Bangs head on floor)

Paris: What's-her.. Nicole and I are happy to be here (shows cue card with happy face on it)

Candyman: Jesus, these two would show up at Home Depot.. for a door opening. (ba dum dum)

Paris: Wow, like, a whole room full of homicidal killers. That is so hot.

Nicole: Homo-cidal? Why are all the men I meet gay?

Jason: Grunts.

Chucky: Did you see that movie One Night in Paris?

Freddy: (roars with laughter) Yeah, what a town. Paris is like Vegas.. open all night!

Creeper: (digs out own eyes with a spoon)

Chucky: Oh Fu%#&.. Creepers gone all hari-kari on us!

Nicole: (nodding) That happens when you don't get a regular Brazilian.

Freddy: (crosses legs) Ouch!

Chucky: Can we just & kill them already?

Pinhead: Wouldn't that be redundant since they're already brain-dead?

West: Brain-dead is relative. You wouldn't believe what I've seen walking around.

Freddy: (looking at Jason) Yeah, I would.

Jason: Grunts

Nicole: Would you believe I got these shoes at Sach's for only seven hundred dollars? They're made of baby Koala bear. How do you think they get..

Creeper: (sews her mouth shut)

Everyone: (applauds)

Paris: That is like so hot.

Candyman: Will someone please do something. My eyes are starting to bleed.

Freddy: Hey Pinny, step up to the plate, man... er whatever you are.

Pinhead: And spend an eternity in Hell with that? I don't think so. We do have standards.

Freddy: I'd do it myself in her dreams.. if she ever had a thought in that sack of hay she calls a head. Nothing to work with, sorry.

Chucky: What a bunch of puss&$#. How hard can it be? Hey Paris, daddy just called to say he cancelled all your credit cards.

Paris: Screams (faints)

Michael Myers: (pokes her with a stick)

Freddy: She dead?

Candyman: I'm not that lucky.

Jason: (offers Paris his machete)

Freddy: Well ain't that cute. Grunt's gotta crush.

TBC

It's been a while. Hopefully I'm not too rusty. Coming soon.. Jason and Paris sitting in a tree.. K.. I.. S...S. I.. N..G.. well not really.. cause neither one of them can spell.. HA! HA! HA! (um, erm)

And thanks to everyone for the continued support in your reviews. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that gets the joke….HowlynMad