Link's Windwaker Adventure!

Chapter 14

After weeks of searching, Link had finally reached the location of the eigth and final Triforce shard needed to reassemble his Triforce of courage. By this point, you could imagine how exhausted and fed up Link was.

"I'm so exhausted and fed up!" said Link, "This had better be the last shard."

"It is," said KORL, "Now, please hurry and pull it up so we can finally defeat Ganon."

"I know," said Link, "It feels like this story has been going on forever. Yo, think you you hurry it up a bit?"

Nah, I'd rather take my time.

"Fucking bastard. One of these days, I'm gonna write my own story, and there's gonna be lots of action and nudity, as well as cute little bunnies and shit, and it's gonna take, like, two fucking days to write."

Sure, go ahead. Now if we can please get on with the story...Oh, and I'd appreciate it if you guys stopped breaking the fourth wall. It's very expensive to rebuild.

"Yeah, alright," said Link, "Let's haul this shit up!"

The large crane dove into the water and felt around for a bit before nudging something. Link turned the crank on the side of the crane to reel in his treasure. When the chest emerged from the water, Link quickly opened it.

"Woo-hoo!" said Link, "The last shard! Finally! Now, what do we do?"

"We return...To the Tower of the Gods!"

"Surely, there's a faster way to get there. I'm so over all of this sailing."

"There is..." KORL smiled deviously.

"Oh no," said Link.

But before Link could say anymore, KORL sailed at full speed into nearby cyclone.

"You son of a...WOOOAAAAAHH!"

The two were swept up and flew straight towards the Tower. KORL landed in the water just outside the tower. Link, on the other hand, flew straight into one of the pillars surrounding the tower.

"Why me?" groaned Link, sliding into the water.

KORL picked Link up and brought him just outside the entrance.

"Now," began KORL, "Hold the eight shards up."

Link did as he was told. The shards glowed and hovered around his hand before piecing themselves together like a puzzle.

"Cooool," said Link.

Suddenly the Triforce embedded itself into the back of Link's hand.

"The fuck is this?" he demanded, "Grandma would kill me if she found out I got a tattoo!"

"Incredible," said KORL, "The Gods have spoken; you are the chosen one, Link. The Hero of Winds."

"Huh?"

"You have been selected to carry on the task of the original Hero of Time. You are his legacy."

"I'm sorry," said Link, "This is way too much for my little twelve year-old brain to handle."

"You're thirteen now, Link."

"I am? For real?"

"Uh, yeah. We've been sailing for months. Have you lost all track of time?"

"Damn," said Link, "Well, couldn't you at least have told me it was my birthday?"

"I did! I even baked you a cake. You were so fucking wasted that day, you ate the whole thing and threw it all up the next morning!"

"That's right," said Link, "I do get drunk a lot. Ah well, forget it. Let's just go down to Hyrule again!"

"OPEN SESAME!" boomed KORL.

Instantly, a small ring of light opened up in the water, just like last time.

"That's the secret code?" asked Link.

"Nah," replied KORL, "Just felt like saying it."

KORL and Link entered the ring of light, and were once again transported to the world below.

"Listen," said KORL, as Link disembarked, "I just wanna wish you luck. I might meet up with you later to provide some hints and stuff, but for now, you're on your own."

"Don't worry," said Link, "I'll survive, save the princess, kill that fat bastard and make it back in time for lunch."

"It's already five pm," said KORL, "Unless you're referring to tomorrow's lunch..."

"It's just an expression, you dumb fuck."

Link hurriedly entered the castle, only to find the foyer in ruins, as though an army had ripped through.

"Damn," muttered Link, "It's just as I feared!"

Link ran up to the fallen Link statue and hugged it.

"Don't worry, handsome," said Link, crying, "I'll do anything to save you. Don't you die on me! Don't you fucking die on me!"

Link tried to lift the statue's head, but ended up spraining his back.

"Ow!" screamed Link, "Fucking shit! Oh well, better check up on Zelda."

Link ran to the now-exposed opening into the basement. There, he saw Zelda standing in the middle of the room where he left her.

"Tet..." said Link, "Er, I mean, Zelda?"

Zelda said nothing as Link approached her.

"Listen," he continued, "I'm sorry for grabbing your boob earlier. Just my way of saying goodbye, ya know? Look, we really have to go before..."

Suddenly, the princess turned around and disappeared in a flash of light.

"Holy shit!" said Link.

"Mwahaha!" an evil laugh reverberated across the room.

"Damn you, Ganon!" snapped Link, "Let her go!"

"I don't think so. Now that I have her Triforce of wisdom and my Triforce of power, I am only one step away from completing my diabolical plan!"

"It may be too late to save Zelda, but I'll never let you get my Triforce of Courage, you bastard!"

"It's not too late to save her...I'm not planning on killing her until she hits puberty and becomes useless to me!"

"Really? Well, that certainly takes some of the stress off from this mission."

"Well then, allow me to return some of that stress to you!"

At that moment, a wall of flames surrounded the area and two Mighty Darknuts dropped from the ceiling.

"Let's do this..." said Link, as he drew his sword.

Can Link survive the attack? Will Link be able to rescue Zelda before she hits puberty? Will King of Red Lions ever turn into a human again like he did in Chapter 11? Find out next...

"Fuck off!" snapped Link, "Why is there always a cliffhanger at the best part, huh? I wanna finish this battle, and I want everyone at home to see it, alright?"

Link readied his sword as the Darknuts approached him. All of a sudden, the statue in the background slammed its massive stone sword down onto the Darknuts' heads, killing them instantly. The ring of fire died soon after.

"What the..."

"It is I," boomed the loud voice, "The guy who recited those prayers and gave you your Master Sword earlier. I see you are doing well."

"Like I said," began Link, "I could've taken those guys on."

"Well, I was doing you a favour."

"True. In that case, is there anyway I can repay you, oh Great One?"

"Well, there is one thing. You can have a seat and listen as I finish reciting the prayers from earlier."

"Sure, alright."

"Blessed is he who sails the High Seas blowing the shit outta Big Octos. Blessed is he who..."

Link up and left.

"Aw..." said the voice.

After returning to the foyer, Link headed for the rear exit. The castle was connected to a nearby field via a stone bridge. A colossal tower was visible off in the distance.

"I bet Ganon took Zelda to that creepy tower," Link thought, "Well, he can't hide forever!"

However, while crossing the bridge, Link collided with an invisible barrier.

"Ow," said Link, wiping the blood from his nose, "You don't see that everyday (Get it, 'cause it's invisible! HA!). Anyhoo, now that I have a fully-pimped Master Sword, nothing can get in my way! HIYAAA!"

Link struck the barrier with his sword, cracking it. Almost instantly, the wall shattered and pieces rained down around Link.

"Woah," said Link, "Neat!"

Link skipped his across the bridge, twirling the Master Sword around like a parasol.

"I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain," he sang, "What a glorious..."

Link suddenly stopped.

"ACK!" he cried, "One of the shards went in my eye, FACK!"