Hi lovelies! Thank you for the reviews. I will reply personally later. I promise! You guys are wonderful!
I got two "Guest" reviews. To the first one, I am assuming you're KateEals simply because it sounds like you and you talk about being one of the authors writing a hurt Jules story. That and you have Batman. If it is KateEals, yes, I was referring to you. P.S. You need to update! Please and thank you!
To the second one, here's the next update! I can't promise a regular update but it is summer and I am completely bored. I will try and keep it regular but no promises!
To everyone, I realized that my "indications" that signify if it's a flashback or current time didn't work. Bummer. Oh well, I guess I can just write "Flashback" if needed. I hope the last chapter wasn't confusing.
Is a disclaimer really needed after the first chapter? If so, D.I.S.C.L.A.I.M.E.R. (I hope I spelled that right..)
Enjoy this morbid and depressing but totally revealing chapter!
The next morning Greg peered his head in through the door to Sam's room.
Sam was still in ICU and doctors predicted he still will be for at least a week or two. It mainly depends on how long it will take until the swelling decreases. They also informed Greg that Sam would remain in a drug induced coma until then to ensure he doesn't wake up and move the piece of his brain that is vulnerable and susceptible to further damage. However the doctors have been unable to inform Jules of his situation because her eyes stayed focused on Sam and her features seemed unresponsive.
Normally doctors would not allow a second person in the room with ICU patients but the doctors made an exception in hopes that Greg would somehow break Jules from her semi-catatonic state to inform her of Sam's condition.
Greg saw the back of Jules head resting on her arm and her body distorted in what looked like an uncomfortable position. He would not be surprised if she had a few kinks later. Both of her hands were wrapped comfortably around Sam's left. He also took notice that the plate of food Ed brought in last night remained untouched. The only difference was the glass of water was completely empty. At least she was somewhat alert in her body's necessities. He wonders if she has left Sam's side for a restroom break. Knowing her, she hasn't. He takes a deep breath before fully entering the room.
He ventured into the room and kneeled before Jules in her chair. She was asleep but she looked like she could wake up at any moment. While he didn't want to wake her, he knew she needed to eat.
"She's been asleep for about 4 hours now." An older nurse, maybe 50, whispered as she walked in. "I wrapped a blanket around her earlier but she must have kicked it off. Poor girl is exhausted. She must be devastated. Most people don't survive gunshot wounds to the head. He got lucky here. I can only imagine the thoughts running through her head."
"Yeah, she's tough." He used his fingers to brush her bangs out of her face. "They both are. They'll make it."
"They look like it." She smiled before looking at the monitor on the table. "Well his vitals seem normal under the conditions he is in. I have other patients to check now. Have a nice day."
As the nurse left and the door closed Jules started to stir from her position. Slowly her brown eyes opened and she raised her head from the bed. First she looked at Greg with tired eyes, then at Sam, and finally back to Greg. Finally she was acknowledging people.
"He hasn't woken up yet." Despite the crack in her voice from not using it, Greg could clearly hear the desperation and aching in her voice.
"I know, Jules. I know. And he won't be," When Jules eyes widened and her jaw went slightly slack, he realized the extent of what he just said; time to reiterate. "at least not any time soon. There's swelling in his brain and the doctors have him in a drug induced coma so that he doesn't disrupt the healing process. He's going to be asleep for a few weeks. Then after that it's up to him. We'll just have to wait."
Jules crossed her arms on the edge of the bed, still holding Sam's hand in hers, and rested the side of her face on her arms while closing her eyes. She whispered to Greg. "I had a dream this never happened. I had a dream he was still here and it didn't happen to him. Why him, Sarge?"
"Would you rather for it to have happened to anyone else on the team?"
It took Jules a long few moments to reply. Then she looked at him with moist eyes. "No. That would be selfish of me."
He sighed. "It's okay to be selfish every once in a while. It's what makes us human. It's okay to dream what may not happen because it gives us hope. It's okay to get angry at the world for ruining the plans we set for life because it teaches us that life's not perfect. And it is completely okay to cry when life is at its worst moments because it tells us that it's okay to need someone."
"I don't know if I can do this. I'm not perfect." Finally the tears started to make their way down her cheeks. When Greg held his arms out for her she immediately fell into them and rested her head on his shoulder. He rubbed his hands up and down her back.
"Shh, Jules. No one is excepting you to be perfect. Not to mention you have the whole team willing to help you with anything you need." He felt her shaking and inhaling deep breathes every now and then. "I brought you Timmies."
She chuckled against his shoulder. "You always know how to make a girl feel better."
"Sam's not waking up anytime today. How about we go to your place so you can shower, eat, and get some proper sleep? The team has the next two weeks off."
"But.."
"No but's. We can come back later today. You don't have to stay gone for long but I don't think Sam would want you uncomfortable and hungry."
She sighed and pulled away from him. Grabbing Sam's hand she kissed his knuckles. "I'll be back soon, okay Sam? I promise I won't be gone long. Please don't die." Then she stood up to lean forward and kiss his cheekbone away from the bandages. She whispered in his ear for only Sam to hear. "I love you!"
Jules finally arrived home after what felt like an unbearable trip home. She didn't want to leave Sam's side. She felt guilty about it even after knowing that he wouldn't be waking up any time soon. It just felt wrong; leaving him alone in a hospital. She felt the need to constantly watch over him and make sure nothing happened. Almost as if the monitors wouldn't be doing that themselves. She just needed to see it to believe it. When Sam wakes up she prays she's there to watch him because if the doctor calls she won't believe it until after she has rushed down there and stared into his blue eyes and heard her name whispered on his lips.
She was standing in the mirror of her bathroom just out of a shower. She had on short flannel shorts and one of Sam's hockey jersey's. She's not sure who the number belongs to, but the shirt is Sam's favorite and he wears it all the time. He wore it last night so it still smells like him. It makes her feel secure. She has to keep reminding herself that he is still here. He's just in a "deep sleep." She wished he was near the REM stage – Rapid Eye Movement. Then she could pretend he was "dreaming" and close to waking up. Most people reach their dreaming period shortly upon awakening. But he's not dreaming. He's not even asleep. No, he has drugs keeping him in coma and preventing him from waking up. She wanted to scream; to break the glass in the mirror so she didn't have to see that she was still here and he wasn't.
She sighed and sat down on the lid of the toilet. Her forehead was resting in the palm of her hands. Just a few more moments and she would have a clearer reading of the next few months. Just a few more moments until the white test next to her would give mostly accurate results. She had planned to share her suspicions with Sam when they arrived home after their shift yesterday and then they would wait together. The test was hidden in her clothes drawers because she never knew how she wanted to tell him. Now she's really not sure.
She took a deep breath before looking at the results of the test.
Positive.
Just great. It's exactly what she wanted. They were supposed to do this together. What if he doesn't wake up until later in the pregnancy?
Deep breath, Jules. This baby doesn't need any more stress.
"Sam.." She looked up almost as if asking for answers. "How am I supposed to do this without you?"
They always imagined having kids. She always dreamed of this moment; of having a child. But, while Sam is barely alive in the hospital, she's living her dream in a nightmare.