"Why did you say my name?" Lita asked once again after John wouldn't answer her. He was startled that she knew about that and couldn't say anything.
"How did you know?" He asked after he overcame his shock.
"That doesn't matter! Why did you say my name?" She was hoping he would give an answer this time.
"I don't know." He avoided eye contact and then walked away. He was not ready for this conversation right now. Unfortunately for him, she was set on having this conversation at the very moment, so she followed after him.
"Cut the bullshit John! You said it so you must know why you said it!" She was livid with his usual 'I don't know' answer.
He finally stopped and then turned around to look at her. "It's your fault." There he went again, blaming her for something he knew wasn't her fault.
She scowled, she was beyond pissed off he would say that. "Excuse me? How the hell is it my fault?! I'm not the one who told you to say my damn name! You said it yourself!"
"You're the one who put those stupid thoughts in my head!" He shouted back.
"Stupid thoughts? Those weren't stupid thoughts you jackass! That's how I feel! You're an inconsiderate jerk!"
"And yet, you love me."
She couldn't believe he would use that in an argument. She wanted nothing more than to just punch him in his face but she wasn't going to do that. "Yea," she whispered looking down, then looking back up at him. "I don't even know why anymore." She turned around to leave but he saw the look of dejection on her face and immediately regretted how this short conversation went. He grabbed her wrist as to stop her and she instantly tried to yank it away but he would't let her. "Don't touch me."
"I'm sorry." He let go of her wrist after he said those words.
She turned around to look at him. She saw the look on his face which showed her he looked sincere, but she wanted to know more. "For what?"
"For everythin'. I don't even believe anythin' I said to you the other day. I was stupid to accuse you of tryna keep me around by havin' the twins. I was angry-"
She didn't let him finish. "We all say what we mean most when we're angry."
"You told me you hate me. Did you mean that?" Yup, he just had to turn it around on her.
She looked down at the ground, "Yes."
He put his finger under her chin and lifted her head, so she was looking up at him but she averted his gaze. "Look at me and tell me that."
"Yes," she repeated after she looked at him again.
"Yes what?"
She rolled her eyes and moved back from him a bit. He wasn't going to drop this. "Whatever, you were angry. That doesn't mean it didn't hurt. You hurt me when you said that."
He nodded. "I know. And I'm sorry for that. Like I said, I was angry you would say that two weeks before I was supposed to get married."
"You were persistent and it wouldn't have mattered had I told you before."
"You don't know that."
"What?" She was confused. What did he mean by that?
He shrugged. "I kind of had a tiny crush on you back in Junior year in high school."
"Wow," was all she could say at the moment, she was surprised. This is the first she heard about it. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's not like you told me about your crush on me in high school."
"How did you know about that?" She interrupted.
"I had a conversation with someone. Anyways, maybe you should have told me something then."
"Well, you didn't say anything to me either."
"You were datin' Edge. I wasn't gonna tell you when you were with someone else."
She shuddered, "Ew. Thanks for reminding me about that creep. Is that why you got into that fight with him when he started spreading rumors about me?"
"Sorta. I would have done it either way."
"Is this why you didn't ask Lilian to the prom like you were going to and you just asked me?"
"Not really. Maybe. I don't know. I kind of got over it by then. Well, maybe I never got over it fully and I just tried to ignore that too, but I asked you because you're my best-friend and for some unknown reason, no one asked you."
"Chris asked me."
"Really?" He asked surprised.
She nodded. "Yea, I said no because... well, I didn't want to go with him. I actually didn't want to go at all."
"But you still went with me."
She shrugged. "You asked nicely?"
"So what Chris was an asshole about it when he asked you?" He joked.
She rolled her eyes. "Shut up. Let's get back to the point. Why did you say my name?"
"I don't know. I guess I was just thinking about you a lot because I wanted you there. Because you're one of my closest friend, probably even more closer than Randy." She was a bit disappointed by his answer but tried not to show it, a part of her thought he would say something else. Maybe she was thinking too much into it. That was it, he would only ever think of her as one of his closest friends. That's all she would be to him, a friend. "I had time to think this whole week about it and I couldn't think of anything other than you being a really great friend." Friendship is overrated, she thought but didn't say anything out loud. "But now that I... This is going to sound really corny and cheesy as hell, but... now that you're in front of me I can't help but think how stupid I was that I was still gonna marry Maria after your confession."
"What?" She was confused, she didn't know where he was going with this.
"I shouldn't have done that," he continued after her little interruption. "I guess she was right. I guess Randy was right and so was Dave. I guess I knew a bit about how you feel and I just ignored it because it was easy that way. Hell, as bad as this may sound, I think I was usin' Maria to ignore my own feelings for you. But life isn't supposed to be easy, love isn't supposed to be easy."
"What are you saying?"
"I love you." That's what she wanted to hear, but why didn't it feel like it?
"No you don't," she finally said after she registered those words. She couldn't even look at him. "You're just saying that because you don't have Maria anymore and you know I love you. But I'm not going to let you use me and play with my emotions."
That's not how he thought she was going to react. She was confusing him. All women are confusing, he thought. "Are you serious? That's not it. I just realized that I have to stop being afraid of messin' this up. I didn't want to mess our friendship. I thought maybe it would ruin our relationship and I didn't want to lose you. Oh God, Dave is rubbing off on me, now I sound like a woman."
She finally looked back up at him. "Talking about your feelings doesn't make you sound like a woman. You should be able to do that. And I get it, I felt the same way. I didn't want to ruin our relationship either but... as selfish as this may sound, I was willing to risk it for more."
"How were you willin' to risk it when you didn't even tell me anythin'?"
She took a deep breath before she answered that. She could feel her eyes getting teary when she thought about that day. "I actually came to you to tell you about this that day when... when I came to your apartment and then... you told me you and Maria were engaged. I couldn't say anything then. You were... you were happy."
"Crap," was all he could say.
"Yea," she nodded in agreement.
"So what now?" John asked.
"I don't know. You had to talk to three other people about this before you even talked to me. I'm the one who came to talk to you. Were you ever going to tell me anything?"
"Yes."
"When?" She questioned.
"When I was ready."
"You weren't ready now so that means that you don't mean what you said."
He fought the urge to roll his eyes. "You're difficult. Obviously I said it because I mean it."
"Well, you accused me of trying to keep you stuck-"
"That doesn't count."
"You said if you said it then you mean it."
"Okay, I should have known that was going to come back and bit me. I mean what I say when I'm not angry and when I'm actually thinking."
She shook her head. "We can't... I don't know."
"Just give us a chance. I know you want too."
"What if..." Oh God, she thought as she felt a tear roll down her cheek, more slowly following afterwards, she didn't want to cry but she couldn't help it, "what if it doesn't work. What if we just ruin everything?"
"Don't cry. I hate that you're cryin' because of me." He went up closer to her so he could wipe away the tears before she could. "You said you were willing to take a risk, so am I."
"But... I do think that you only said that because you don't have Maria and you know I love you so I'm like your back up."
"Why are you being so difficult? Isn't this what you wanted to hear?"
"So you only said it because I wanted to hear it?"
"UGH!" He groaned as he backed away from her. What was she acting like this? "No! Okay. Like I told you, I... I just couldn't help but think that everyone was right. I had an idea of your feelings but it was easy to ignore it so I did, just like I was ignoring my own feelings. And I realize that was not a smart choice on my behalf. I love you too. I was just afraid to admit it."
"What if we ruin this? We also have Andrew and Audrey to think about. What if... what if we end up hating one another?"
"And what if we don't? Look, we know each other inside and out basically, so if we don't hate one another now, do you really think we'll end up doin' that later?"
"People are together for years, get married and still end up hating one another."
"Maybe we're different."
"Maybe we're not."
"Maybe we are. Like your parents, like my parents. We'll never know unless we try." She didn't say anything. She did't know what to say. She wanted this, but at the same time, she was scared. "So, what do you say? Willing to give us a chance?"
Thanks for reading. Thanks for the reviews.
Aw, cliffhanger. Don't you just hate that? Sorry, but I really wanted to do that. I know it's shorter than usual, well, I didn't want to put this and the next chapter together, so yea.