I'm sorry for the lack of updating; it's amazing what a broken heart can do to you.
Anyways, thank you for the continuous support. Please please keep reading and reviewing, because I need all the motivation I can get right now.
Also, I am looking for a South of Nowhere story. I don't remember the title, all I remember is that (I think) both Ashley and Spencer are musicians, and they broke up and Spencer wrote a song about Ashley (it was really "The One That Got Away" by Katy Perry). I know the story is not "Fear Itself", although that is a great story so check it out if you haven't. Please help me find this story!
Ashley's POV
"When I was younger,
I was certain,
I would be fine without a queen,
Just a girl inside her castle,
With an ocean in between
Now all I do is sit,
Count the miles from you to me,
Oh, calamity
We get older by the hour,
Watch the changes from afar,
Keep forgetting to remember,
Where we've been is who we are,
Now all I do is wonder,
Why we ever set the scene,
Oh, calamity
It's such a shame that we play strangers,
No act to change what we've become,
Damn, its such a shame that we built a wreck out of me,
Oh, calamity,
Oh, calamity
I'll remember nights alone,
Waking up to dial tones,
Always found my greatest moment,
In the sound of your 'hello's'
Now I struggle to recall,
The reasons you would come to leave,
Oh, calamity
It's such a shame that we play strangers,
No act to change what we've become,
Damn, its such a shame that we built a wreck out of me,
Oh, calamity,
Oh, calamity
If I catch you on the corner,
Will you even know it's me?
Will I look familiar to you?
Do you offer me a seat?
Can we find a new beginning?
Do you turn the other cheek?
Oh, calamity
It's such a shame that we play strangers,
No act to change what we've become,
Damn, it's such a shame that we play strangers,
No act to change what we've become,
Damn, its such a shame that we built a wreck out of me,
Oh, calamity,
Oh, calamity,
Oh, calamity
Come back to me."
Sitting in the dim hospital room with the others, with nothing to do but listen to the various beeping machines and watch the harassed-looking nurses and doctors step in and out, I have plenty of time to reflect on everything. And I sing. It's the only way I know how to cope anymore.
"Oh Calamity" to this day remains my top single. The album that it's on, sharing the same name, has gone platinum twice and shot me to the level of fame that I am on.
It's funny in an ironic way that my second album, the one that showcases my pain the most, is my most successful. Don't get me wrong, both my albums have some level of heartache to them, but it wasn't until Oh Calamity that I was able to really understand how to channel all my emotions through my music.
In the last three years, all my biggest dreams have been realized. I've been all over the world, I've had several tours, two successful albums with a third in the works, money, fame. All that and more. And yet, I still feel empty. It's not hard to figure out why. I lost the love of my life when I was nineteen, and I never really recovered. I'm not sure how you can tell apart someone who is your first love and who is the person you're meant to spend the rest of your life with, but I truly believe Spencer was both.
After our fallout, I never could bring myself to move on. I held on to the tiny shred of hope, that I was praying was a gut feeling, that she and I would eventually meet again and be together. I had a few relationships but none of them ever lasted long. I wasn't the kind of person to drown my sorrows in sex, or even in drugs or alcohol. I just jumped into my music, and never came out.
I stayed with Daniel for a while longer after Spencer and I broke up, but only because I was stupid and lonely. I kept him around more for just having someone there. Not for sex or dating. But shortly thereafter, I told him that I needed him out of my life and from there I focused on my first album. I've never looked back.
Over the last three years, and especially the last few months, I think I've really grown up. I'm not the same person I was when I was a teenager. In my spurt of maturity, I asked my manager, Ethan, to make sure I was performing at this tournament. I was determined to finally speak to Spencer. I wanted, no, needed to make things right, or at least attempt to. I know that she never forgave easily and it's remarkable how long she could hold a grudge. But I couldn't live like this anymore. If someone asked, no, I was not happy. There is only so much fame and money can do for you. I was lucky to find love when I did, so I do know true happiness.
And I decided to chase that true happiness. I want it back, and damn it, I am determined to get it.
Spencer almost dying today though, to put it mildly, was sobering and scary. I almost lost her before I even had her back. So now, well, I am even more determined to talk to her. Try and set things right.
Singing the last line of "Oh Calamity", I notice everyone staring at me as I stare at Spencer. There is no doubt that this song is about us. Writing this song was a real turning point in my life. Many epiphanies and realizations bitch-slapped me in the face. It is amazing how when you're young, you let emotions get in the way of communication and common sense. She and I both had that problem, and ultimately, it was our downfall.
"Oh Calamity" I think perfectly describes how we are, and I think proves the point that emotions and the past are what is holding us back.
But when Spencer is better, she and I will talk. I will get my girl back.
Love is like war, and now is the time to be an angel with a shotgun.
"Oh Calamity" is by All Time Low. If you don't know who they are, check them out. You won't regret it.