So, anyone reading this? I'd love some feedback even though I know I have been horrible about updating.
I release his lips long enough to murmur, "We totally should."
"Are you sure?" Damon's lips pause against mine. I find it ironic and slightly admirable that after all the sexual innuendos Damon has thrown my way and all the time he's spent pursuing me since he came to Mystic Falls that in this moment, he's the one taking the time to make sure this is okay to happen.
"I am absolutely certain, Damon," I frame his face with my hands. "As certain as I am that I love you with my whole heart."
Damon pulls his face back from mine, locking my eyes with his, looking for something – desperate to find the answer to an unasked question. But he doesn't say anything, just leans forward and pushes me back onto the bed, stretching his body out over mine. The hard muscles of his abdomen press against my stomach and my legs slide down his body, tangling intimately with his.
His lips roam my body, exploring every inch of bare skin, leaving a trail of fire behind them everywhere they go. I find myself making noises that would normally make me blush, but I cannot be bothered to care. It doesn't take long before my fingers find his waistband and make quick work of removing his belt but before I can undo the button and rid him of the offending garment, Damon's hands come to mine, drawing them up and over my head. His fingers twine with mine and then push them against the headboard – giving them a little extra pressure and I understand that he's wanting me to hold on. I raise my eyebrows at him but don't let go when he removes his hands from mine. I'm pretty sure I will do anything he asks of me at the moment, the proverbial putty in his all-too-capable hands.
He moves his hands slowly down the outside of my arms, then along the sides of my upper body, thumbs ever so slightly brushing against the outside and I cannot help but tremble. My desire for him feels like it is radiating out of my body. His fingertips reach the top of my pants, making quick work of the button and zipper; he slowly peels my jeans and panties down my legs, leaving me bare before him. My hands ache to touch him, but I leave them where they are, not wanting to cross him in any way and disturb his almost reverent treatment of my body.
He continues his exploration of with his lips along my lower extremities and it is the most exquisite feeling – the luxury of his mouth and the time we have together. I don't know how I'll ever want to spend my time doing anything else. My toes are literally curling when the warmth of him suddenly disappears; my eyes fly open, instantly anxious that he has changed his mind and flipped his mood again. But he's standing next to the bed, removing his pants and I shake my head as I note he goes commando, just as I always suspected.
"My God, you really are beautiful," I finally blush as the words come out of my mouth because of all the things to say…
Damon's eyes are the bluest I've ever seen them as they flit across my body. My arms involuntarily twitch with the pull to cover up some part of myself against his intense gaze. Damon speaks softly, as if knowing my insecurities, "Don't even think of hiding any part of yourself from me, you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen."
"Really?" I can't help but question, because let's face it, he's seen some bodies. "Not to be self-depreciating, but I highly doubt…"
"Unh-uh," Damon silences me with a narrowed eye and slight tilt of his head.
And before I can protest again, his hard, unyielding body is flush against mine, molding to it like they were made to go together. We fit together perfectly and for a moment, time does stand still until it doesn't and he is moving over me, around me, inside me and I am complete for the first time in my short life. I can only hope he feels the same way because there is no way I can imagine living my life without him now that we are here.
As he moves us together, one arm holding himself off the bed to keep from crushing me and the other wrapped tightly around my waist, taking me along with every push and pull – I search his face, pressing soft kisses to his temple, his cheeks and his un-opening eyes, whispering my love for him. My fingers finally give up their hold on the headboard and I wrap my arms around his head and shoulders, cradling him to me as we find our home.
I waken later, feeling the weight of him pressing my body into his bed. I close my eyes, reveling in the memory of what has happened.
His body stirs and I press a warm kiss to his closest stretch of skin, mouth meeting sinewy shoulder.
"Hi." I grin sheepishly as his head rises from the pillow next to mine.
"Hi, yourself," Damon rolls off me and onto his back. I move to snuggle in next to him but am disappointed as he continues his fluid movement, slipping off of the bed and crossing the room to the bathroom.
My mind races, searching for an explanation. I didn't really think Damon was the cuddling type, but I expected more than this.
And then it hits me, his words from earlier, 'There is a difference between need and want, Elena. I will always want you.'
Was that all this was, his wanting me? I was so lost in my feelings, in my love for him and my desire for this to happen that I failed to notice he never once said he loved me. He worshipped me, he called me gorgeous and he sure as hell wanted me, but he didn't say those three words. He still wasn't back to me; a part of him is still missing. A tear slips down my cheek as I wonder if he will ever let himself feel it all again.
But I cannot go down that path, I will not give up on him. I rise from the bed and follow him into the bathroom, not caring that I'm as naked as the day I was born.
Steam is already rising out of the shower where he stands, back to the doorway, drowning himself in the unforgiving, hot water. The glass walls leave nothing hidden, but for once I'm not sidetracked by admiring his flawless body.
I pause for a moment to consider my approach, whereas last night I was afraid of scaring him off, I think we're past that and I feel a wave of anger hit me as I realize how much his stubborn refusal to admit the obvious really and truly pisses me off. Yes, I think anger is a good tactic, it will fuel me and keep me from backing down. I'm not going to let him ruin what has happened between us – I am not wrong to love him and to know that somewhere in him, his love for me is waiting to be rediscovered.
I open the shower door and boldly walk inside, "Mind if I join you?"
"Be my guest. Nothing you haven't seen before."
And while seconds ago my resolve was strong enough to resist his pure sex appeal, in this close proximity with nothing between us but water and tension, that resolve is most definitely slipping. I give myself a mental face slap and power through. I firmly grasp his shoulder and spin him, forcing him to turn toward me. I scowl at the frown on his face and lock my eyes with his, raising my eyebrow in a way that mimics how he normally looks at me.
"Really, Damon, this is how you're going to be? Are you just going to treat me just like any other girl?"
"Well, you are a girl, are you not? I don't know what you want from me, Elena," Damon sighs. "I thought I was pretty… generous, given everything."
"You know what I mean," I poke him in the chest as I take a step closer to him, wanting to push him literally and figuratively. "We are more than sex. We are more than want. We are more."
I see a spark alight in his eyes and I almost allow myself to smile, there's the fight coming to life so I continue, hitting him with another poke of my finger, "Or, is that all you want? Just sex, just desire? Just screwing and that's it? Keep allowing yourself to be numb, to not feel, to just wallow. How pathetic, Damon. I wouldn't think you'd be so common, given how long you've been around."
His eyes grow darker as he grasps the wrist belonging to the hand that his poking him in the chest – a pesky fly he must quiet.
"You weren't complaining," he says through gritted teeth as he twists my arm behind my back and pulls my body against to his.
I lean in, pushing myself up onto my tip toes so my lips nearly brush against his, "Nope."
I make my lips pop with the "p" and push air against his mouth, another of his signature moves. He smirks in appreciation.
"So, Elena, what can I do for you?"
"Tell me what I need to know." I can't help but use his own words against him from that night in my room when he woke me up, but then I go back to my own. "Tell me that you know you're not better than me. That you know you're not better than Stefan. Tell me…"
A growl erupts from his throat at the mention of Stefan's name – I knew that bringing his brother up would be dangerous, but I need to play all my cards here – he backs me up against the shower wall. Anger, desire, confusion and sadness all war for dominance – showing their colors in his eyes. I wince as my arm scrapes against the stone behind me and I feel a stab of pain indicating I've sacrificed a piece of my flesh for this endeavor but I know he doesn't mean to hurt me despite the fact that I'm now bleeding.
He's barely containing himself and as soon as the scent of my blood reaches his nostrils, I see the veins pop to the surface and thread across his face. And even though common sense would tell me to be scared, I have no fear of this man, this beautiful, tormented man.
My mind springs on an idea and I shift my head to the side, exposing my neck to him, reaching my free hand up to pull my hair to the side.
"I love you." I state simply and I wait, not completely certain of what he will do but knowing this is the best chance I have to prove to him that he is who I know he is, the best man for me. The man who loves me and has my love in return.
An eternity seems to pass but it's only a few seconds before he leans in, veins still ablaze on his face and I use every ounce of my control to make myself relax, knowing that if I tense up, he will take that as an admission of fear and a sentencing of guilt.
But instead of a subtle, painful prick, I feel his lips caress my skin as he bends his head to my neck, kissing – not invading – the vein that is no doubt pulsing under my skin. He lifts his head back up and looks me in the eye as he slides his arms down and around my hips, lifting me up to meet him.
As we come together, our eyes never break contact even as the veins disappear from his face.
"I love you, Elena."
Not sure if this is the end, but it just might be. What do you think? There's always more story to tell, more angles to take but I'd love to know that someone else would like to read it.