A/N: I know the last update was ages ago, and I owe you an apology for that. Things have been very tough for me lately, and I haven't been in the right frame of mind for working on this project. Also, I started work three weeks ago and it's been very stressful and eating up a lot of my free time.

I received so many amazing reviews for the last chapter.

alix33: I definitely don't want her to put that ring back on either!

lszejny & achaon: That's a very good question! Here's the answer.

kkcordero25: Hope this chapter won't disappoint!

doc coffee: Sorry for keeping you on the edge of your seat for so long!

lisa: I really don't mean to end virtually every chapter with a cliffhanger! It just happens.

Ryan: You're welcome!

Sunset: Thank you so much for your lovely review! I will definitely consider posting my stories at the site you mentioned.

xgp15a1: Yes, I know. I'm sorry!

DivaLola: Wow! That's amazing! I am so glad you're enjoying this!

Saturnina Black: Thank you so much. Your review really made my day when I had it in my inbox the other morning.

You're all amazing. Thank you so much for your support. Now, this chapter may not be what you've all been hoping for, so I hope you won't be too disappointed. Or decide to come after me with pitchforks.

Thank you all for reading!

A very special thank you to my friend and beta AvaniHeath!

This chapter was inspired by "Rise" by The Frames.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: JAG is property of Donald P. Bellisario. I'm only borrowing.

15 Rise

The phone was ringing for the second time in five minutes.

Persistent, Harm thought, with a tinge of annoyance that he regretted almost instantly. Renée wanted to talk to him before she went to bed—he could hardly blame her for that, now could he?

Some boyfriend I am.

He scooped up the phone from the table beside the bed.

"Hi," he said as he sat down, kicking off his shoes. He kept his voice light, but it sounded forced even to him. He felt defeated; he could barely remember how he'd made it through the rest of the day.

"Are you okay?" Renée asked by way of greeting. "You sound weird."

Am I okay? he thought bitterly. How could he possibly be okay when he felt like his heart had been wrenched out of his chest, leaving a gaping hole that ached and throbbed with every breath?

"Yeah, I'm fine," he heard himself say. "Just been a tough day."

"The investigation not going well?" she asked softly.

He sighed. "Among other things."

To be honest, Harm doubted that they'd find the killer before they had to return to DC. Most of the people on his list had alibied out and none of the men he'd interviewed had struck him as a cold-blooded killer with sociopathic tendencies. Of course that didn't mean anything; he'd never have been able to stay out of jail this long if he didn't know how to blend in.

But still.

Harm had passed on the names of those he hadn't been able to rule out on to NCIS and now there was nothing more he could do. Base security had come up empty as well; the master chief responsible for locating the security problem was beginning to think that there wasn't one and that they were completely over-thinking things. After all, the killer could have gotten Acker off the base simply by hiding her in the trunk of his car. Since finding a judge who'd sign off on a warrant to search every single car on base was rather unlikely, they were back to square one.

And judging by Rhys's mood when Harm had called him, so was his team.

"And would these other things have anything to do with Mac?" Renée asked, almost casually.

Lowering his arm, Harm stared at the phone, incredulous.

She didn't just ask me that, did she?

Surely he'd heard her wrong. He was not going to have this discussion with her. Not tonight. Not ever.

Putting the phone back to his ear, he said, "Why do you always automatically assume that everything is about Mac?" The words came out harsher than he had intended, but he didn't particularly care. "She's getting married, for crying out loud. There's nothing going on between us!"

"Isn't there?" she demanded.

"Renée…" he began, but she cut him off.

"No," she said sharply. "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Harm. I can see that there is something, whatever it is. I can…"

He bit back a harsh answer and dropped the phone in his lap; he could still hear her voice, but it was too muffled for him to make out the words. It wasn't like she was wrong. But that wasn't the point. The point was that he'd asked her to let it go, had asked her repeatedly, and still she refused, and he was tired of it. Tired of having this conversation over and over again. Tired of her to trying to make him into something he wasn't. Something that he could never be.

And that was what bothered him, really. Not that she kept bringing up Mac—that he could understand, even if he didn't like it. But that she didn't seem to take the things that were important to him seriously. That she didn't take his job seriously nor the responsibilities that came with it. That she demanded things he couldn't give her.

He picked up the phone.

"…not a fool and…"

"Stop," he said, his voice quiet. He didn't want to argue anymore.

But she didn't hear him. Or wasn't listening.

Anger sparked. "Stop!" he repeated sharply.

The edge in his tone got her attention; she abruptly fell silent.

It lasted only for a moment.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that," she said, very quietly.

"Why do we keep having this conversation?" he asked, struggling to keep his temper from getting the better of him. He didn't want to fight with her; he just wanted to be left alone. He should never have answered the phone. He should have known she'd pick up on his mood and guess the reason for it. "Why can't you just let it go?"

"Why can't you just admit that you have feelings for her?" Renée shot back.

"Fine," he snapped, his temper flaring. "I do. I have feelings for her. I'm in love with her. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

The sudden silence at the other end of the line made it clear that whatever she'd thought he would say, it wasn't this. Although she'd dared him to tell her the truth, he didn't think she'd really expected him to.

"Wow," Renée said eventually. Her voice was oddly quiet; he hadn't expected that. But then, he didn't know what he had expected. Renée was a lot smarter than people gave her credit for. She knew when a battle was lost. And the odds in this particular battle had never been in her favour.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

And he was. For everything. For having this conversation over the phone when she deserved better than that. For stringing her along. For being here in the first place when he'd known from the beginning that this relationship was destined to fail because their worlds were too different. For having just admitted to her that there had never been a place in his heart large enough for her.

But wasn't this exactly why he had started dating her? Because she was different and nothing at all like the women he'd been with before her. Nothing at all like Mac.

Renée didn't reply. Perhaps she was in shock. Perhaps she didn't know what to say. It was one thing to suspect that your boyfriend had feelings for another woman, but it was quite another to know for sure.

Harm felt a twinge of shame. This wasn't how he'd imagined this conversation. To be honest, he hadn't imagined it at all. Of course he'd known they'd have it eventually and sooner rather than later—over the past two days it had become painfully clear to him that he couldn't go on like this. But he certainly hadn't planned on having it today of all days.

"Renée…" he began, then trailed off as he realised that he had no idea what to say. He didn't want to leave things like this between them, but it was too late to start thinking about that.

"Don't," she whispered.

He didn't try to tell her that it wasn't her; she already knew that. So he just sat there and listened to the silence at the other end of the line, not knowing how he was supposed to feel. This had been inevitable and while he was strangely relieved that it was over now, there was a part of him that wished he could take back what he'd said. Although he knew that it was better this way, he'd miss her; they'd been together for a long time and even though he hadn't opened up to her as much as she'd wanted him to, there was that sense of familiarity between them that only came from sharing your life with another person, and he had always found it comforting. He'd miss this feeling, miss it perhaps more than Renée herself.

His lips twitched into a bitter, humourless smile. What kind of bastard did that make him?

"I have to go," Renée said after a while, calm and composed, and he found himself wishing that she'd shout at him. For some reason he thought this would have made him feel better.

"Yeah," he said quietly, "I'll…" He'd meant to say that he'd call—though to discuss what, he had no idea—but she hung up before he could finish the sentence.

He dropped the phone, covering his face with his hand. He couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that in less than twelve hours life as he knew it had changed.

And all because I'm a coward.

How he wished that things were different! Yesterday, he would have been secretly pleased to learn that she dreamed about him the way he dreamed about her, that they had found a way to be together. Now he would have given everything to change the way she felt about him if it meant that he'd get to keep her in his life.

Really, the voice in his mind asked, doubtful.

No. She loved him. How could he want to change that?

Besides, he knew that it would have made no difference in the end. He still would have lost her, for how could things between them continue the way they were when she had a husband and, one day, a family of her own?

So wasn't it better then that she was leaving? At least that way he wouldn't have to be around to watch her move on with her life, watch her have children with another man, grow old with him. And perhaps, with Mac gone, he would find someone he could learn to love. Not the way he loved Mac—he couldn't imagine ever feeling this way about anyone else—but enough to start a family.

What choice did he have?

Thoughts? You know I love hearing what you think!