A/N: First of all, I'd like to thank KayMarieXW for her input on this chapter—and of course for proof-reading it and removing many, many misplaced commas and shortening my often too-long sentences to a reasonable length!

As for Freya, thank you all so much for your help. I've been able to reach a decision as to what to do with her and I hope you'll like it

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I am only borrowing!

18. SHADOWS

BELLA

"I thought he'd never give his consent," Kate said, sitting at the small kitchen table while I disposed of the syringe and the bag which had contained the morphine. I pulled off the rubber gloves I'd put on out of habit and went to the sink to wash my hands.

"I shouldn't have told him you were coming," I replied, peering out into the back yard as I reached for a towel. "He would have been mad as hell at me afterwards, but at least he wouldn't have broken that leg. Again." I sighed. Jake had woken just after Alice had called. Just as I'd expected, he'd been livid when I'd informed him that while I was gone he was to be babysat by a vampire he neither knew nor trusted. Fortunately, he hadn't been able to phase back yet, because his bones had only just begun to mend, so he'd been limited to growling and snarling. Unfortunately, he'd tried to lunge at Kate despite his broken bones, ignoring—or forgetting; you never knew with Jake—the fact that he was way too weak to do anything of the sort. His leg had snapped in half a again, with the sound of a gun being fired. I'd spent the next thirty minutes setting it—again—and talking him into allowing me to give him the morphine. I understood that he didn't relish the thought of being at the mercy of a vampire he'd never met before. I wouldn't have either, but Jake was in pain and he needed to rest. I had a pretty good idea how he would have spent the next few hours if I hadn't sedated him—growling and snarling at Kate, who didn't deserve his hostility. He wouldn't even have considered resting.

In the end he'd given in only because he'd been too worn out to argue and Kate had promised him she'd upstairs in my study until he woke up, which hopefully wouldn't happen for several hours. I still didn't know where we were going. I'd only spoken to Carlisle for a second after they'd arrived, but he'd only repeated what Alice had told me on the phone, that they had a promising lead. All of them had come, even Esme and Rosalie, though the latter didn't seem to be particularly happy about it.

That lead, as it turned out, was the vampire girl who'd helped to hold me down while her comrade had tried to kill me. I hadn't even noticed her at first, tiny little thing that she was. She clung to Edward's arm as if he was her lifeline, looking at me timidly from behind a curtain of velvet black hair. Somebody had brushed and braided it since I last saw her, Alice probably. She wore different clothes as well, a purple shirt and a pair of blue jeans. She didn't look nearly as shabby as I remembered her, but her crimson eyes were strangely disturbing. I stared back at her with very mixed feelings. She wouldn't have been here if Edward wasn't convinced that she was safe to be around. I trusted his assessment, because he would never put me in danger.

I hadn't spoken to him since they arrived simply because I didn't know what to say. I could still feel his arms around me, the strange warmth of his body against mine. I had missed the way he'd held me, had missed being close to him. But even though I'd been glad that he'd been there for me, that he'd saved me, that he'd held me, I couldn't forget that he'd betrayed me. I couldn't forgot how deeply he'd hurt me, hurt us both. I didn't think I ever would, but where did that leave us? What was I supposed to do?

After showing Kate into the study, where she made herself comfortable at my desk, and making sure that Jake was still out cold, I exchanged my ruined clothes for new ones, then went outside to meet the others. Esme, Edward and the child stood at the edge of the yard, Edward pointing out constellations to her; the clouds that had been so busy shedding snow only a few hours before had disappeared.

"It's going to be sunny tomorrow," Alice said, materialising at my side. "You might want to call in sick."

I glanced down at her and her expression was apologetic. I sighed. I had long since forgiven her for forcing Rosalie on me. The attack had put everything into perspective and as I was incapable of holding a grudge anyway, my anger at Alice had faded away when she'd helped me put my arm back on, an experience I didn't care to repeat anytime soon.

"Thanks," Alice said, smiling with none of her usual exuberance. I smiled back at her. "Still, I'm sorry. I should have asked you first. And I should have told Rose, too."

Hearing her name, Rosalie glanced at us, but she quickly looked away again when I met her eyes and I thought I caught a spark of fury in them. Alice didn't look very happy, which made me wonder what she'd seen, but I didn't ask.

I really didn't want to know.

"Bella?" someone asked. It was a voice I'd never heard before.

I turned to find the girl, still flanked by Edward and Esme, looking at me, her little hands clenched to fists and her eyes wide. I could almost taste her anxiety. I suddenly wondered how old she was. Looking at her, she couldn't be older than ten or eleven, still a child, not much older than the children Victoria had killed to hurt me. Why had she changed her? Young as she was, she wouldn't make a very strong vampire. The others who'd attacked me had all been much older than her, at least as far I could tell, having been preoccupied at the time.

"Yes?" I replied gently.

The girl darted an anxious glance over her shoulder at Edward, who gently nudged her forward. I could feel my family's eyes on me as they watched the scene unfold. So could the girl, which didn't exactly put her at ease. She swallowed visibly and opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

"What's your name?" I asked eventually, slowly crossing the yard and kneeling down in front of her so I could meet her eyes.

"Freya," she blurted out, stepping back until she came up against Edward's legs. She was barely tall enough to reach up to his waist. He put his hands on her shoulders and that seemed to relax her at least a little, because her voice was calmer when she spoke. "I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't mean to hurt you. I only did as I was told. I am sorry," she whispered, looking down at her feet.

I glanced up at Edward, meeting his eyes for the very since time since his arrival, and he shook his head once in answer to my unspoken question regarding the girl's fate. Looking back at the girl, who was still staring at the ground and kicking up a little snow with the tip of her brown boot, I couldn't help but feel relieved that she wouldn't meet the same fate as her comrades. It wasn't her fault that she'd been ordered to kill me and I probably would have forgiven her even if she hadn't apologised because there was nothing to forgive. She was just a child, a child who'd been turned into a weapon by someone who was blinded by hatred.

"Freya?" I said gently and glanced up at me from underneath her hair which had fallen in front of her face once more. "I am not mad at you. Do you know why you and your friends were told to kill me?"

"They weren't my friends," she replied, wrinkling her nose in disgust and adding, a little sadly, "Adam didn't allow us to be friends. I don't think we would have become friends even if he had, because I was smaller and younger than everyone else and they didn't like me. Adam didn't like me, either, because I wanted to go home and even ran away once. He caught me," she whispered, her already pale face blanching even further at the memory. Edward's grip tightened on her shoulders to comfort her. "He never told us why he wanted us to kill you. He just said that if we didn't do as we were told we'd die. He didn't tell us that we'd die no matter what."

"I am so sorry," I said very softly. I didn't even try to pretend that this wasn't my fault. Everything that little girl had gone through, everything she'd had to endure was my fault. If it wasn't for me, she'd still be at home with her family, would still be alive. It was me Victoria was after, it was me she was trying to get back at. Why did she have to destroy so many lives and hurt so many people in the process?

"Freya says she can lead us to the cabin where Adam kept them," Edward said as I rose to my feet, brushing the snow off my jeans. "Maybe that will lead us to Victoria." Judging by his voice, he didn't believe that for a second, but it was the only lead we had and it was worth checking it out.

"We should leave," Eleazar said, winking at me when I turned. I smiled back at him. "We have to be back before sunrise, which," he pulled a golden, old-fashioned pocket watch out of the front pocket of his shirt, "will be in a little over four hours."

Freya, Esme and Edward took the lead with Jasper directly behind them. Carlisle, Alice, Eleazar and I fell in beside Jasper. Because Freya wouldn't have been able to keep up, we didn't run as fast as we could have and the trees drifted by at an almost leisurely pace. Freya led us away from the city and deeper into the Alaskan wilderness than I'd been before. This far away from any civilisation the air smelled clean and fresh, unpolluted by fumes. I drew a deep, tasting breath, a slight smile on my face and Jasper, who'd been running at my side, chuckled.

"You're happy," he said, grinning a little, and if I could have blushed, I would have.

"Yes," I admitted. "I shouldn't be, not with everything that's going on, but I am. This," I gestured at the trees, the snow and the stars, "makes me happy. I never thought it would, but it does."

"There's nothing wrong with being happy," Jasper replied softly. We'd fallen back behind the others. I couldn't see Edward, Esme and the child anymore; they'd disappeared between the trees, but I could still hear their voices as they talked quietly, answering Freya's question about being a vampire. It made me sad that nobody had ever told her what it meant to be immortal, what it meant to be so strong. Guilt for feeling happy when so many lives had been destroyed because of me descended on me almost instantly.

"There's nothing wrong with being happy," Jasper repeated quietly, sensing the shift in my mood. "What Victoria has done so far isn't your fault. It's hers and hers alone. She wants revenge because she is suffering, but she has no right to make other people suffer too. You don't have to feel guilty for that. Be happy. You deserve some happiness. You both do," he added after a moment, glancing at me as if to gauge my reaction.

I stared ahead, pretending not to have heard. Did I deserve to be happy? I didn't know. I didn't think I would be able to ever be happy, be content the way I'd been before I was changed, because without Edward there would always be something missing. He'd always been a part of me whether I wanted him to or not. Without him I would never be complete. I knew that, but I also knew that I couldn't forgive him. And how could we ever have a relationship, how could I ever trust him again when his betrayal would always hang between us? I hoped that Jasper didn't expect me to simply forgive his brother. I could only imagine how difficult it must have been for Edward to leave me, how hard it was for him now, but I didn't have it in me to feel sympathetic because it had been his decision, his fault.

Jasper sighed. I wondered what he would make of the jumble that were my emotions, and decided that I didn't care. Fortunately, he didn't broach the subject again. Instead the next sentence took me by surprise, although I probably should have expected it.

"You need to learn how to fight."

I made a face. I knew that I couldn't defend myself against someone who actually knew what he was doing. My almost-demise had proven as much. If the Cullens hadn't shown up when they had, I would have died, and I was well aware of that fact. I didn't know why I was so opposed to learning how to fight. I'd lost my clumsiness they day I was changed. I didn't have to worry about tripping over my own feet anymore.

"Yeah, you definitely do," Emmett said, appearing on my other side, which left Rosalie running alone and I saw her spine stiffen. I suppressed a sigh. Why did she hate me so much? What had I ever done to her?

And why did I have to worry about Rosalie when I already had so much on my plate?

"I know," I agreed reluctantly. "I just don't think I'd be good at it."

"Jasper's a good teacher," Alice said, glancing back over her shoulder to smile at me. "And I think you'd be very good at it. Besides," she continued more seriously, "Victoria won't give up and the next time you might be on your own." A frown creased her forehead. "Or maybe not. I have no idea what the mutt—sorry, the wolf," she corrected herself when I raised an eyebrow at her in disapproval, "has decided, but your future is all blurry again. Still, Jasper and Emmett are right. Your friend has to sleep, doesn't he?"

"Yes," I replied, frowning as I wondered what Jake had decided. I hoped he didn't expect me to let him tag along wherever I went. I didn't need a babysitter. Well, at least when I was among humans because I doubted that even Victoria would go that far unless she was suicidal. If she was then she would already have made an appearance. It was probably safe to assume that she wouldn't attack me in public. For now.

"…tomorrow night?" Jasper said, and I was jolted back into reality and momentarily away from Victoria just in time to hear Alice say, "I don't think she's listening."

"What?" I asked, and the three of them laughed; even Carlisle turned his head to smile at me.

"Tomorrow night at our place for some training?" Jasper asked, his expression amused.

"Yes," I agreed lamely. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe I simply didn't want to learn how to fight because I hadn't been able to adjust my thinking to the fact that I wasn't a vulnerable, uncoordinated human anymore. Imagining myself fighting, I always saw a clumsy girl tripping over her own feet, never the strong, graceful vampire I was now. "I'll be there at sunset."

"Oh no," Alice said suddenly, stopping dead in her tracks. Emmett and Jasper blew past her, doubling back when they realised she was no longer running, but I smacked right into Alice's back when she simply froze in place, having expected her to step out of the way in time. At least it didn't hurt, I thought as I picked myself from the ground, brushing snow off my clothes once more. I went to Alice's side. Jasper had wrapped his arms around her, waiting for her to say something. Carlisle, Eleazar and Emmett stood a few feet away, and Rosalie even further. Edward, Freya and Esme were nowhere to be seen.

"What's going on?" I asked, frowning. Alice was looking at Jasper but her eyes were empty, unseeing. She was still caught in whatever vision had caused her to stop.

"It's gone," Edward said, his voice bitter as he, Esme and Freya approached, the latter looking downcast and frightened. The smell of smoke clung to all of them, heavy and bitter. I scented the air almost instinctively, because if there was one thing that was truly dangerous to me, it was fire, but it smelled just as fresh and clean as it had before.

"What is?" Carlisle asked.

"The cabin Freya wanted to show us," Edward explained. Hearing her name, the girl wrapped her arms around her tiny frame and her shoulders slumped. "It's gone. It's been burned to the ground, and the surrounding area as well."

—

Arriving home, the sun had already begun to rise. Kate was waiting for us in the back yard, biting her lip as if to keep herself from laughing, but her amused expression was wiped away by a serious frown the second she laid eyes on us. "It didn't go well, did it?" she asked, looking from me to Edward, Carlisle, Jasper and Eleazar, who'd spent the entire way home talking quietly, making plans. I'd run ahead with Esme, Freya and Jasper, unwilling to listen.

"No, it didn't," I replied bitterly.

"I'm sorry," Kate said sincerely, crossing the distance between us and wrapping her arms around me. I froze for only a moment, surprised, then leaned into her embrace and sighed. "We knew there was little chance we'd actually find something, but…" She sighed. "Well, there's nothing we can do about that now. We'll find her. She'll make a mistake eventually."

"I hope so," I muttered. "How's Jake?"

"He's awake, he's hungry and the food in your pantry sucks," he answered for himself, peering out the back door, which caused every single vampire to look at him, including Freya, who darted instantly to Edward's side when his scent registered with her. "He's also naked," he went on, glaring at Kate, and I suddenly had a very good idea why she'd been so amused earlier.

"I'll go ask Mrs Morris if she can help you out," I replied, glancing at the sky to hide my smile; it was growing lighter by the minute. "I'll see you tonight," I said to Jasper and Emmett, the latter grinning broadly.

I was definitely not looking forward to tonight.

"What's tonight?" Jake asked, frowning.

"I'll tell you when I get back," I muttered and darted around the house after I'd said goodbye, hoping Mrs Morris was already awake. She was and if she was surprised to see me at her door at seven in the morning, asking for her late husband's clothes, she didn't let on.

"I'll see what I can do," she said kindly, frowning down at her cat who kept hissing at me from the safety of the hallway. "Do you need anything else?"

"Food, if you have any," I replied, smiling apologetically. Jake was by no means picky, but apparently he didn't particularly care for eating food reeking of vampire—of sweet bleach as he'd once put it—and I had touched every single item in my pantry.

"I'll see what I can do," Mrs Morris said again, smiling as she patted my arm, and added, "I'll be over in a minute!"

Usually, I would have protested, would have told her that it was too dangerous for her to go outside because the street had disappeared under at least seven inches of snow I hadn't yet found the time to move aside. As it was, however, I just thanked her and hurried back. I slammed the door shut behind me just as the first ray of sunlight brushed across the spruces in my front yard.

"What's tonight?" Jake asked, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest, a large towel wrapped around his waist.

"Jasper thinks I need to learn how to fight," I replied, shooing him back into the living-room so I could have a look at his injuries. "He's probably right."

Jake slumped carelessly onto the sofa. "Yeah, you should. Never thought I'd agree with a vampire—present company excluded, of course—but he's right. They'd have torn you to shreds if I hadn't shown up."

"Yes, thank you so much for reminding me," I replied frostily as I prodded his leg, refraining from pointing out that if the Cullen's hadn't come to our aid, we would both had suffered that fate. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." He shrugged. "I phased back before I woke up, which your friend," he glowered at me, "found very amusing when she poked her head out of your study to see what was going on."

"I'm sorry," I said, quickly smothering the smile I felt tugging at the corner of my mouth. "I should have asked Emmett to bring something to wear, but at the time I wasn't thinking too clearly." I brushed my fingers over my shoulder, and Jake's expression softened.

"Don't worry. I'll be fine." He smiled. "I'm glad I decided to come and I'm used to people seeing me naked anyway. Who's that?" he asked, jerking his thumb over his shoulder at the front door; a second later the bell rang.

"It's open," I called, already having identified the shuffling, hesitant steps approaching the house as Mrs Morris's. I quickly draped the blanket Jake had lain on over his legs, which caused him to roll his eyes at me. "Be nice," I told him sternly before I went into the hallway to relieve Mrs Morris of her burden, carefully avoiding the sunlight streaming in through the open door.

"If your friend needs more, just give me a call," she told me, a kind smile on her face as always. She handed me two bulging plastic bags, the contents of which smelled strongly of mothballs. "I'll put the food in your kitchen."

"Thank you," I replied, closing the door once she'd disappeared into the living room. I dropped the bags on the stairs without ever touching the clothes inside. Jake would enjoy smelling like a vampire about as much as eating food I'd touched.

"What did you tell her?" Jake asked when Mrs Morris had left again and he'd changed into a blue lumberjack shirt and a pair of brown slacks. "About me, I mean?"

"Nothing," I replied, watching him wolf down—no pun intended—the cake Mrs Morris had brought. "Part of the reason I like her so much is that she doesn't ask questions."

"Nice," Jake said between two mouthfuls of cake. "I told her I'd clear her a decent path down to her mailbox later. That snow's a death trap. It's been snowing for two days back home. You have no idea how many car crashes we've been called to since it started to come down."

"I can imagine," I replied, looking out the window into the sunlit front yard. Alaska had become home to me more quickly than I'd expected and I knew that was because it reminded me of Forks, just without the memories that had haunted me there. "How's Charlie?"

Jake snorted. "As stubborn as you are. I told him what you told me, that he should go see a cardiologist and he nearly ripped my head off for even suggesting that he was getting old. I put Sue on it before I left, though. He listens to her."

"Thanks." I shot him a grateful smile. "How's Billy?"

"Fine," Jake said curtly and grabbed the plate and the empty Tupperware container and carried it into the kitchen. I frowned, suddenly worried. Jake was incapable of cleaning up after himself, usually leaving it for Emily or Leah, depending at whose place he had eaten last. Getting up as well, I followed him into the kitchen and found him up to his elbows in soap water.

"What's going on?" I asked quietly.

"Nothing," he said, his back stiff.

"What did Sam say about me coming to Forks?" I asked just as quietly as before. It was a wild guess, but when Jake's shoulders slumped and his hands fell back into the sink with a splash, I knew I'd guessed right. I'd been wondering what Jake was doing here ever since he'd shown up last night. I was grateful that he had and I was glad that I had him back, if only momentarily, because I'd missed him. But I also knew that Sam would never have allowed him to come if Jake had asked for his permission.

"He was pissed," he replied, suddenly sounding exhausted. "Quil and Embry defended my decision, but Sam said that you'd been warned once and that…"

"…you should have killed me," I finished for him, not particularly surprised. Sam and I had never been friends and while the rest of the pack had begun to regard me as one of them, he never had. He put his pack first, had to as their leader, and when I was changed I'd become a threat. I could have promised him a hundred times over that I would never harm any of them—or any of them humans they'd sworn to protect—and it wouldn't have made him change his mind. I was a vampire now and I had to be killed. Sam didn't make exceptions, not for me, not for Jake, who was his second-in-command. Jake had never been able to forgive him for that. It had only been a matter of time until things escalated and my visit seemed to have been the final straw.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, realising what Jake must have done in order to come, what he must given up for me. I knew he should have been the La Push pack's alpha, but he'd never wanted to embrace his birthright, had allowed Sam to take his place instead.

"Don't be," Jake said softly, finally turning around, the sadness in his eyes betraying the lightness in his voice. "It was my choice, and it was about time I made it. And I know I chose right."

—

"Do you want to stay in here all day?" Jake asked, poking his head into my study and bringing with him the smell of cold air and snow. The snow sticking to his boots had already begun to melt, and I could hear the faint trickle of water running over the leather and dripping onto the floor.

"I told you to take them off," I said, narrowing my eyes at the mess he was leaving on the freshly polished wood. Jake stepped out of his boots with a theatrical sigh and tossed them out into the hallway. I rolled my eyes and turned back to the medical journal I'd been reading before he'd interrupted me.

"Are you going to answer my question or what?" Parking himself on the edge of my desk, Jake snatched the journal out of my hands and held it high over his head out of my reach. I glared at him, then launched myself out of the chair like a spring to get it back, Jake obviously having forgotten that I no longer had a human's weak legs. He yelped, quickly stepping aside, and turned around in time to see me put the journal back onto the shelf beside the others. "You're in a shitty mood today," he muttered.

"No, I'm not," I replied, though of course he was right. I just didn't intend to tell him. "I'm just not in the mood to be teased."

"As I said, you're in a shitty mood today," Jake repeated pointedly. "That wouldn't have anything to do with me, would it, because I didn't come all this way from Forks in this freaking weather just so you could lock yourself into your study all day and completely ignore me." He grinned, but his eyes were serious as he looked at me.

I sighed. "No, it doesn't. I'm fine. It's just a bit much right now."

"You're such a bad liar," Jake replied, folding his arms in front of his chest. "Even worse than Charlie."

"Am not," I said sullenly, even though I knew very well that I was. I sat down at the desk again, my back to Jake as I looked out into the back yard. The sun hadn't touched it yet and wouldn't for another few hours. I'd spent what was left of the morning into my study, trying to distract myself by paying bills and, at least until Jake had so rudely barged in, reading some of the journals that had accumulated over the past year. Jake had gone over to Mrs Morris' to clear the snow from her garden path and the pavement on her side on the road. I'd heard her invite him for lunch, and he'd gladly accepted, knowing that he wouldn't find anything edible in my pantry until he'd done some grocery shopping, which he couldn't do because my car was still buried underneath at least a ton of snow. I'd retrieve it tonight.

All in all, I couldn't say that I'd had a pleasant day so far, because every so often I'd catch myself thinking about exactly what I was trying so hard to keep out of my mind. It was hard to shake that sense of desperation that settled on my shoulders whenever I did. I didn't want to burden Jake with my problems when he so clearly had his own.

Besides, I had a pretty good idea what he'd say if he knew that what I kept worrying about the most were my conflicting emotions regarding Edward and not Victoria's schemes, which should have been my priority, and I didn't want to hear it.

However, was able to read me like an open book, had been able to since I'd shown up with two decrepit motorcycles in tow at his place all those years ago.

"It's not just me, is it?" he asked, sitting down on the edge of the desk once more. "It's… him."

"Yes," I whispered, knowing who Jake was talking about simply by his inflection of that little word. "It's him," I confirmed.

Jake didn't answer immediately. A detached part of my mind, one that wasn't busy worrying or wallowing, noted this with quite some surprise. Tact wasn't Jake's strong suit and he'd voiced his opinion of Edward rather vigorously in the past. I glanced up to find him staring at me, his lips pressed together in a disapproving line. Fortunately, Jake had long since learned to hang on to his temper. "What did he do?" he said eventually, trying hard to keep his voice emotionless. I was grateful for this because if he'd started to verbally attack Edward, I'd have defended him simply out of habit, even though the reasons for which I'd defended him in the past were no longer valid.

"He told me the truth," I said quietly. When Jake raised both his eyebrows in doubt—he preferred to believe that Edward had been deceiving me from the day we'd met so he could screw with my mind—I added, "All those years I've believed that he left me because he didn't love me anymore, because he'd realised that I had no place in his world, that I wasn't good enough for him, that he'd grown tired of me, maybe even because he'd never really loved me to begin with. But," my voice dropped to a whisper, "I was wrong. He's always loved me. He left because he wanted to protect me, not because he no longer cared about me. He always has."

Jake's hands clenched to fists at his sides, but as his voice was level when he spoke I pretended not to notice. "He claims that he loves you and still he's hurt you so much. How could he have left you if he cared so much about you? I love you, Bells, and if Sam hadn't ordered me to, I'd have never abandoned you like that. I had no choice in the matter, but he had. He decided to leave you. If it was so easy for him to walk away, then how deep could his feelings for you possibly be?"

"You don't understand," I whispered. "I don't doubt his feelings now that I know the truth. A vampire's emotions cannot be compared to a human's. They are so very strong, so consuming. He left because of those emotions, because of his love for me. I've never told you, because I knew how you'd react, but… at my eighteenth birthday party his brother almost killed me. I cut my finger and when Jasper lunged at me, Edward pushed me back into a glass table to get me out of the way. I've had worse as far as injuries go, you know that," I smiled at the blurry memory of me sitting in the ER after my many motorcycle accidents, Jake beside me with a resigned expression, "and I tried to get that into his head, but Edward wouldn't listen. He blamed himself, was afraid that some day I would die because of them, but because he feared for my soul he wouldn't change me either. He left because he wanted me to be safe and he told his family to stay away as well. They didn't want to, you know, but they thought he'd change his mind eventually. If he'd known about Victoria, I'm sure he would have come back. But he didn't, because she somehow manages to escape Alice's visions." Jake was silent, so I continued, "I forgave him for leaving me a long time ago, Jake, because how could I force him to stay with me when he didn't love me? But things are different now that he's told me the truth and I don't know if I'll be able to forgive the lie, if I'll be able to forgive him for hurting us both so much when there was no reason but his own fears. I don't even know if I want to forgive him."

"But you still love him," Jake said softly.

"Yes, I do. I always will." I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my knees. "I don't know what to do. I know you think that I should forget him, but I can't. My feelings for him will never go away, and it's been so hard…" My voice trailed off. I didn't expect Jake to give me advice on the matter because of his hostile feelings towards Edward, but it felt good to finally be able to tell somebody what had been on my mind for the past couple of days. I could have talked to Alice, of course, but she seemed so set on bringing us back together that I'd decided that I wouldn't.

"Jeez, Bells, I wish you'd never met the guy," Jake sighed, ruffling through my hair.

"If I'd never met him, we wouldn't be friends," I pointed out.

"True," he allowed, "and also you'd be dead already. Still, I wish you'd fallen for someone else. Embry's always liked you."

I rolled my eyes at him. I appreciated his attempt to cheer me up, though, instead of coming down on me for my mixed feelings regarding that mess Edward had gotten us in. Suddenly, I felt relieved, the weight on my chest not gone but noticeably lighter.

"I can't tell you what to do," he said eventually, his eyes serious. "I don't like the guy for what he's done to you, but what I think isn't important. It's your decision. If you want to take him back, by all means be my guest. If you want to tear a few chunks out of him, I'd be happy to help you out there."

I snorted. "Thanks, but I don't think that'll be necessary. Thanks, though, for listening."

"That's what I'm here for," Jake said, smiling, and pulled me out of the chair and into a scalding hot embrace.

—

What did you think about Bella's interaction with Freya?

Which part of this chapter did you like best?

Is there a part that you didn't like?