A/N: I thought I'd never finish this chapter. I'm sorry I've kept you waiting for so long. Also I'm very sorry I didn't reply to your reviews and send you a sneak peek the way I usually do. Thank you so much for taking the time to review and for alerting to me and/or putting Lifelines on your favourite lists. It means a lot to me.

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A massive thanks for KayMarieXW for beta-reading this chapter. As always she's done an excellent job and I wouldn't know what to do without her.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga and its characters are property of Stephenie Meyer; I'm only borrowing. No copyright infringement intended.

24. HOPELESS

BELLA

All the clouds are closing in

I have lost my safety pin

I guess my shell was way too thin

For a war that I can't win

And I think they've already won

Autopilot by Amanda Jenssen

I felt Edward's arms close gently around me. I knew I shouldn't and knew that it was selfish, but I allowed him to cradle me against his chest and run his hands over my back while I sobbed tearlessly into his shirt. It was foolish and childish and wouldn't change a thing, but I couldn't help it. I'd reached my limit.

Freya running away wasn't my fault and yet I felt responsible because she'd become a vampire because of me. I should have been furious. I should have blamed Rosalie for saying something so careless to a child that didn't know where her place in this world was anymore.

Instead, I felt empty inside, drained of all emotion but the blackest of despair, blacker even than what I'd seen in Edward's mind. I blamed myself because ultimately it all came back to me. Eden's death was my fault. The fact that her parents would never know what had happened to her and would never be able to get any closure was my fault. Eden lay at the bottom of Lake Michigan. She would never be found.

Why won't it stop? I wondered desperately. Why won't she end it already? We should never have gone to Chicago. It hadn't brought us one step closer to finding Victoria and had only resulted in more death. If we couldn't find her, it would never end. We could search the entire planet for her, but where would we start, especially with her ability to know when someone was after her? If she didn't come to us, we'd never get a shot at killing her. And Victoria wouldn't risk that. Not now. In a few years, or decades, maybe when the urge for revenge had driven her half crazy. Maybe then she'd come out of hiding and attack me directly instead of continuing to play her mind games. But how many innocents would die until Victoria was desperate enough to take her chances?

Too many.

I couldn't let that happen, but I also couldn't change the fact that there was nothing we could do but wait. It was hard not to feel sorry for myself. So many people whose lives I'd touched had died because of me. Edward was still in so much pain because of me. I knew that the decision to leave had been his, that he could have avoided all this if only he had stayed, but I couldn't help feeling responsible. I never wanted to glimpse into his mind again, not even for the fraction of a second. What I'd seen had scared me. A black veil that shrouded every thought, every emotion and turned it into something dark and bitter and painful. I'd encountered many patients in various stages of clinical depression, but what Edward was going through was much, much worse. I didn't want to contemplate how it would affect him when I chose not to take him back. I knew that I shouldn't allow the knowledge that it would most likely kill him if I decided that I didn't want to be with him influence my decision, but it was hard not to think about it, especially after what I'd seen last night. I loved him and I cared about him despite everything he'd done to me. I didn't want to destroy him, but if I didn't find a way to forgive him, I would.

And I didn't know how to forgive him.

I extricated myself from his arms and turned around. I couldn't look him in the eyes. "I'm sorry you had to see this," I muttered, rubbing the back of my hand over my eyes and wondering absently why some human reflexes refused to go away even though they were completely useless. "I think we should go back."

Edward stepped around me. "You don't have to apologise," he said, placing the tips of his fingers underneath my chin and gently lifting it so that our eyes met. I dropped my gaze immediately, staring at the snow-clad trees behind him. "You don't have to apologise," he repeated firmly. "But you do have to stop blaming yourself for everything bad that has happened lately. It's not your fault that your friend was taken. It's not your fault that Eden was killed and it certainly isn't your fault that Freya ran way because Rosalie's brain can't keep up with her tongue."

"I know that," I replied almost petulantly. "But knowing and believing are not the same thing. You know that as well as I do. I want to hate Victoria for what she's done," I added before Edward could reply, "but I can't. I feel so powerless. How is someone like me supposed to stop someone like her?"

"Bella, you're so much stronger than Victoria could ever be," Edward whispered into my ear, his lips almost touching my temple. "Hatred makes you weak and careless. That's why Victoria is bound to slip up sooner or later. She's already getting desperate and I'm sure that it's only a matter of time until we find her. And when we do, you'll be able to kill her because you don't allow your emotions to control your actions. A little more determination couldn't hurt, though."

I glanced up despite myself. Edward's lips twitched into a brief smile when he saw the skeptical expression on my face.

"I know that it's easier said than done. And I'm certainly not the best example. If you could just convince yourself that things aren't as bleak as they seem and that we'll get her eventually, you'd feel far less desperate."

"It's strange how well you still know me even after all this time," I muttered, annoyed although I knew that I was being childish. He was right and deep down I knew that feeling sorry for myself wouldn't help matters at all, but it was so much easier to be weak than strong, to walk around or avoid an obstacle instead of taking the direct way across.

"I don't know you as well as I'd like," Edward replied, dropping his hand to release me and shifting his eyes away from mine like I had done before, "but I know myself. And we're more alike than you think."

"Maybe," I whispered.

"Let's go back," Edward said eventually, his voice light. He couldn't fool me. I wondered what he was really thinking, but I didn't want to fall into the black void that was his mind again. I didn't really know how I'd done it anyway, how I'd grasped that elusive thing in my mind that was the shield Edward said I had and made it spread over him.

We set off in silence. The snow crunching quietly underneath our feet was the only sound. Here and there I discovered distinct paw marks, several of them, but no scent because the snow was masking it. I thought they were Embry's though. At the airport Jake had told me how thrilled he'd been when Seth and Embry had shown up at my door yesterday morning, but he still would have preferred a heads-up. He was also having difficulty embracing his new role as an alpha, even more so because by choosing him, Seth and Embry had betrayed Sam, and Jake wasn't sure how to feel about that. He'd apologised for not telling me on the phone, but he'd thought it better, considering how much I had on my plate right now. And then there was the matter of my ruined living room furniture of course or rather what was left of it. I didn't mind that as much as Jake had feared I would. The furniture had come with the house and I'd never been particularly attached to it. Alice had already promised him she'd take care of it anyway. I wasn't exactly looking forward to that, but furniture shopping wasn't high on my list of priorities right now and there was only so much damage Alice could do. The living room was rather small after all.

"Rosalie studied astrophysics?" I asked, stepping through the old wooden fence that separated my backyard from the forest. I owned quite a bit of the grounds as well, but I'd never bothered to tear the fence down or rebuilt it. Edward quirked Also eyebrow at me. I shrugged. Rosalie as a physicist didn't quite fit the impression I had of her. And I didn't know what else to say. I didn't want to talk about Freya or Victoria or even Liv for a while because once we were in Denali it would be all we'd talk about. Ignoring it was just another way of running away from something I was afraid to face, but I couldn't help it.

"She did," Edward said after a moment. "Before we moved to Forks and went to high school again. As you know she's a very skilled mechanic. She has studied mechanical engineering several times by now, so she decided to try something new. You know how she loves to criticise." A small grin tugged the corner of his mouth upward. "She started watching sci-fi shows to see what they get wrong and they can't answer back or upset her, so everybody wins ."

"Huh." I found it hard to imagine Rosalie sitting in front of the TV watching Stargate Atlantis like Seth did every so often. Then again I didn't really know that much about her and her likes and dislikes, so I probably shouldn't be so surprised.

The light was on in the kitchen. Through the window I saw Jake sitting at the table with his back to us, Embry on his left, stuffing slices of cake into his mouth. They both looked up when we entered, Jake frowning, Embry still bleary-eyed. He wasn't quite awake yet.

"Hi," he said between bites. The cake smelled of almonds and lime and butter. Judging by how little was left, it must have been excellent, but then Mrs Morris—at least I assumed she'd baked it—was an excellent cook. Not that I would know from personal experience, but it didn't smell too bad and sometimes even made me regret the fact that human food no longer appealed to me. Embry nodded curtly at Edward, then he went back to annihilating the rest of the cake and the large mug of coffee in front of him.

"They're still watching TV," Jake said, jerking his chin at the open kitchen door. I peeked into the living room and found Rosalie sitting in the armchair that had survived the squabble that Embry and Seth had gotten into while they'd been trying to figure out who slept where. Seth was lounging on the sofa, apparently completely at ease. Scenting me, he turned his head and shot me a lazy grin.

"I didn't know I had a DVD player," I said with raised eyebrows, nodding at the slim black box beside the TV.

"It's mine," Seth explained, extracting the remote from underneath one of the sofa cushions and hitting the pause button. I saw Rosalie turn her head in our direction ever so slightly, but she didn't look at me. For the first time I had the feeling that she wasn't acknowledging my presence out of shame for what she'd done and not because she hated my guts. "What?" he asked, frowning a little.

"You leave your home for good and you pack a DVD player and your DVD collection?" I asked incredulously.

Seth's frown disappeared instantly. "A guy's got to do what a guy's got to do," he said, grinning. "Besides, it's not like I couldn't afford buying new stuff. Do you know how much money you can make doing freelance programming?"

"No, I don't. Computers aren't really my area of expertise. I didn't know you changed jobs."

Seth shrugged. "I wanted to live closer to home. Sam doesn't force us to stay in La Push if we don't want to. He accepts that we have our own lives, but it makes him happier if we find jobs in the county. Makes keeping the pack together easier. But Mom's not getting any younger—although she has Leah—and then there's my niece. She's adorable. Did Jake send you pictures?"

"I believe so," I said slowly. I hadn't looked at the photographs I had in a very long time because looking at them hurt. Maybe now it wouldn't. "How old is she? A year and a half?"

"Yes. I'll sure miss her, but…" His smile faded, his face grew serious. "Leaving Sam was the right decision. He was pissed when he discovered that Jake was gone. I understand why, but Sam is… It's all black and white for him. Wolves and humans good, vampires evil. But you're not. You never have been. You're still the same Bella you were before that bitch changed you. Sam can't accept that and it drove him crazy that most of us, especially Jake, had no problem with that at all. He's a good alpha, but he's not the right alpha for us and I'm glad that we had another option. If it wasn't for Claire, Quil would have come too. Maybe in a few years when she's older." He sighed. "Anyway, I decided to try my hand at programming so I could move back to La Push and it's going very well. I'll pay for the damage you know." He gestured at the remains of the coffee table, the second armchair and one of the shelves that had been piled up beside the stairs. "We didn't mean to wreck it. It sort of got out of hand."

Seth's expressing was so adoringly contrite that I laughed. "Don't worry. It came with the house and I didn't really like it. I'm sure Alice already has a million ideas what to do with the room."

"I hate to interrupt," Jake said, poking his head out of the kitchen, "but they're waiting for us."

xxx

"I'm sorry," I said once Jake and I were alone in my Porsche. Embry and Seth rode with Edward and Rosalie in the Volvo, much to Seth's delight. He seemed to like Rosalie, although I absolutely didn't get why. She was a vampire after all and she didn't exactly go out of her way to endear herself to others. Maybe he'd change his mind once he got to know her better.

Or maybe I was just being mean.

"About what?" Jake asked as I backed out of the driveway. Edward flashed a smile at me from behind the windshield and gestured for me to take the lead.

I sighed. "About a lot actually, but right now about what Seth and Embry had to leave behind in order to join you. I'm happy they're here and I'm glad that you're here, but you sacrificed so much for me. Seth told me that he returned to La Push to be closer to his family and now he left probably for good. I can't really see Sam allowing them back."

Jake smiled thinly. "He will. He has no choice. It's still their home. We've talked at length about a lot of stuff after Seth and Embry showed up. In fact, it was Sam who sort of called me."

"Sort of?"

"Apparently alphas can still communicate telepathically with each other when they're in wolf form," Jake explained. "There have never been two alphas before, so we had no idea. I almost got a heart attack when I heard Sam in my head again and I'm sure he was equally surprised when I answered him. If we hadn't both been in wolf form when Sam thought something directed more or less at me, we never would have found out."

I raised an eyebrow. There had been so much tension between Sam and Jake that I doubted they'd had an amiable conversation.

"There was some yelling," Jake admitted, noticing my skepticism. "Actually there was a lot of yelling on both sides. It cleared the air though and we were able to really talk after that. Sam's angry that Embry and Seth just packed their things and left without a word, although he admitted that he didn't know what he would have done if he'd known what they were up to. He does feel betrayed, but I understand that. I would too. But he also understands why I had to leave. He can't accept it because of what you are, but he's not an idiot. He knows how much the tension between us had put a strain on the entire pack. They're better off without me. As for Seth and Embry, Sam was more than sorry to lose them but he wouldn't force them to come back even if he could. He won't stop them from visiting their families whenever they want. For that matter, he won't stop me from dropping by La Push every once in a while to check up on my father. He didn't sound happy about it, but that doesn't matter."

"That's really… nice of him," I said, although 'nice' didn't really cover what Sam had done. He could have been furious at Jake and he could have forbidden him to ever return to La Push, but instead he'd allowed him to come back despite all that had happened between them and despite the fact that, as far as Sam was concerned, Jake had taken a fourth of his pack away from him. How could you not respect that?

Jake nodded. "It is. I'd like to say that I would have done the same, but I'm not so sure of that. Seth and Embry were very relieved when I told them. We haven't really talked about it, but I think we'll all go home when this over and talk things through with our families. I spoke to Billy on the phone last night and he gave me an earful of course, but he's always let me do what I thought was right."

"I'm glad it worked out so well for you," I said and although I meant it I couldn't quite keep the bitterness out of my voice. My own life was a mess I wasn't sure I'd ever find out of again. Every time I allowed myself to be happy, something horrible happened.

"I take it Chicago was a dead end?" Jake asked softly.

I didn't answer immediately. The city had given way to endless fields of mostly undisturbed snow and trees that almost disappeared under it. It was beautiful and eerie, with the light of the moon casting everything in silvery light that made the snow sparkle. It was a clear night, not a single cloud in the sky. Maybe the sun would shine again tomorrow. I hadn't been at work for only a few days, but it felt like years. I wanted some semblance of normality in my life again, though I knew that whatever had been normal in my life—and could you really call your life normal when your best friend phased into a gigantic wolf almost every day?—had vanished when my heart had stopped beating.

I felt Jake's hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently. "Bella?" There was concern in his voice. Had there ever been a time when Jake didn't have to worry about me constantly?

"Not exactly a dead end," I said eventually. "I talked to Liv's mother, who surprisingly doesn't seem to hate me… and to Liv's girlfriend Eden." My voice broke. For a fleeting moment I was standing in Liv's living room again, the vampire Sarah sitting on the sofa with Eden's limp body on her lap. I shook my head to chase the nightmarish memory away. Sarah had paid for what she'd done.

"What is it?" Jake's hand closed around mine, hotter than fire. I glanced at our entwined hands, smiling sadly. Jake was my best friend and he'd always been there to comfort me, but this time even he couldn't make the pile of shards that was my life miraculously disappear. Sometimes even the sun couldn't fight the darkness.

"Eden was killed," I whispered, my left hand tightening around the steering wheel. The plastic groaned in protest. "Maybe she'd still be alive if I hadn't talked to her. It was a trap alright. They knew I'd come. Their leader, a vampire called Sarah, left a piece of fabric with her scent for us to find. We'd planned to track them down anyway, but when I saw what she'd done to Eden I couldn't think straight anymore. I went after her. If Edward hadn't caught me, it would have been me against four vampires, one of them a former Marine and all of them far better trained than I was. They almost killed Edward."

From the corner of my eyes I saw Jake's eye widen. He didn't particularly care for Edward and if he was dead, he'd only feel sorry because he knew how deeply it would hurt me. But I knew that Jake thought much of him as a fighter and he'd assumed I'd be safe with him. If Edward with his gift was unable to protect me, then who could?

"Some vampires like Alice, Jasper and Edward are gifted and one of them was too," I explained. "He paralysed Edward and he was tearing him apart. He's only still alive because apparently I have some psychic shield and managed to project it over him. I don't," my voice faltered and I took a deep breath, "I don't know what I'd have done if he'd killed him. I'm very, very glad he didn't succeed."

Jake didn't reply. He just held on to my hand, frowning out into the darkness. We were almost there. I was scanning the right side of the road for the hidden turn-off leading down to the Denalis' home. "I'm glad he wasn't killed," Jake said eventually. "For your sake anyway. And I'm sorry about Eden, but please don't blame yourself, Bella."

"That's sort of what Edward said to me earlier."

"I never thought I'd agree with a vampire, present company excluded, but he's right. What's been happening isn't your fault. Focus on finding that red-headed leech instead of wasting energy by blaming yourself for something you couldn't have stopped from happening even if you'd wanted to."

"I know that," I hissed between clenched teeth. Jake startled at my sudden outburst, but I was sick of people telling me what I already knew. "I'm not that stupid. But I can't help the way I feel. Do you think I want to feel guilty? Do you think I enjoy it? I'm not a masochist."

"Bella," Jake began, then he shook his head and sighed. "You feel guilty because deep down you're convinced that everything Victoria's done so far is your fault and because you're the kind of person that cares about others more than she cares about herself. I wish you'd realise that you're not responsible for her actions. Doesn't it make you angry what she's done? Doesn't it make you want to hunt her down and kill her?"

"It does," I admitted after I'd taken a deep, calming breath so I wouldn't lash out at Jake again, "but I understand why she's doing what she's doing. She's lost her mate, her true love. And she thinks it's Edward's fault. What do you think Sam would do if someone murdered Emily?"

"Sam would never kill innocents," Jake replied firmly. "It would go against everything he believes in. He's a good person. He knows right from wrong. Victoria clearly doesn't or if she does, she doesn't give a damn. That's what makes her the monster she is."

The house was dark as we rounded the bend, both of us silent, but as the car slowly rolled down the steep road, the lights were lit in almost every room. The house sat in the dark valley like a beacon. I detected Alice leaning against the wall of the house, kicking at the snow with the tip of her boot. She was dressed in black from head to toe.

Jake sighed when he saw her. "I guess her mood hasn't improved then. Do you think the vamp kid will come back when she's calmed down? Alice really likes her."

I felt a smile tug at the corner of my mouth despite the severity of the situation. Alice and Jake seemed to have bonded while Edward and I had been away and that was nice because it meant that Jake had begun to trust her. "I hope so," I said in response to his question, "but I doubt it. Freya has no way of knowing that Rosalie wasn't speaking for the entire family."

Jake snorted, disgusted. "I so don't like that… witch." The short pause before the last word made me think that he'd intended to say something else, but I didn't comment on it. I really didn't care what he thought about Rosalie.

I parked beside Carlisle's Mercedes. Jake and I got out of the car, slowly walking towards the house. As we approached, I saw Emmett leaning against the wooden railing of a patio I hadn't noticed during my first visit. It was set against the back of the house on the same level as the second floor, resting on four solid looking wooden pillars. The view had to be stunning, but Emmett didn't appear to be enjoying it. His face was grim. Noticing Jake and me, he smiled at us, but the smile was strained and didn't reach his eyes.

"Where's Edward?" he asked in a light tone that seemed as strained as his smile. He dropped over the railing to join us on the ground level, nodding at Jake and briefly hugging me. "And where's my lovely wife?" he continued sarcastically.

I started at him, taken aback by the barely suppressed anger in his voice and unsure how to respond to it. I'd never heard him talk about Rosalie that way. He'd always supported her unconditionally, but by chasing Freya away she must have had reached the limit of what Emmett was willing to put up with.

Alice materialised at my side, saving me from having to answer Emmett's question. There wasn't much I could say anyway and I didn't want to be caught in the middle when the two of them worked things out. I just shot him a sympathetic smile, which he returned with a grimace. I followed an uncharacteristically quiet and subdued Alice inside, Jake trailing behind me. The hallway was tidier than it had been a few days ago, several pairs of men's shoes neatly lined up against the wall and the coats and jackets all stored away in a built-in closet.

"They made me clean up," Eleazar complained as he came down the stairs to greet us, hugging me and smiling warmly at Jake. Alice had disappeared into the living room where I could hear Esme and Carlisle talking quietly. "I tried to argue my case, but I'm afraid I was overruled."

"You'd think I married a five-year-old," Carmen muttered from upstairs. Eleazar laughed quietly, a fond smile on his face. He led us into the living room. "Please make yourselves at home," he said, gesturing at the comfortable furniture.

The fire in the fireplace had burnt down, the embers glowing faintly. Kate was sitting in front of it, her back to the smouldering pieces of blackened wood. She smiled at me and grinned at Jake, who glared at her in return. Apparently he hadn't forgotten that she'd seen him naked yet. Kate's sisters were nowhere to be seen, but I assumed they were here somewhere, upstairs probably. Alice was sitting in the armchair we'd shared during my first visit, staring darkly into the distance, the scowl on her forehead growing more pronounced with every passing second. Jasper's hands were on her shoulders again, rubbing them gently, trying to comfort her. He didn't pay any attention to me. Esme and Carlisle were standing by the floor length windows, both of them smiling, although Esme's smile was somewhat half-hearted, her thoughts quite obviously being somewhere else entirely, most likely with Freya.

"Hello Jacob," Carlisle said pleasantly, offering Jake his hand. I didn't expect him to actually grasp it and was surprised when he did. Alice didn't seem to be the only vampire Jake had gotten to know during my one and half day absence. "How are you? Has your pack settled in?"

Jake grimaced. "More or less. There's been a bit of a dispute–"

"Dispute?" Alice cut in incredulously, giving up on trying to see something that didn't want to be seen. "They completely wrecked Bella's living room!"

"That didn't seem to bother you yesterday," was Jake's dry reply. "If I recall correctly you were encouraging them. And when they were done you danced around the room like a maniac."

Alice shot him a glare, but everyone else laughed, including me. Tilting her head to look up at Jasper, a pleased smile replaced the sulky expression on Alice's face and I realised she'd given Jake a chance to make fun of her on purpose. That's what she always did, orchestrating little moments like that to make us laugh and relieve everyone's tension. But maybe it was really Jasper she did it for, not us. He couldn't turn his gift off and being constantly bombarded with other people's emotions, not all of them pleasant, couldn't be easy.

"As I said," Jake continued, answering Carlisle's question, "they've more or less settled in, although I've been racking my brain what to do with them. Bella's house is too small for more than two people."

"You can always ask Mrs Morris," I suggested, still smiling. "I'm sure she'd love to have them. I know she's lonely and they'd still be close by."

Jake smiled in a way that let me know he'd already had the same thought, but hadn't known if and how to approach her. He didn't know her as well as I did after all. "Maybe I'll run it by her tomorrow," he replied. "She's invited us for lunch anyway."

The front door was opened and shut again and a second later Emmett walked in, his hands buried in the pockets of his jeans, his eyes hard. "They're coming," he announced curtly just as a car pulled up outside. He disappeared into the dining area. Again the door opened and closed. Edward and Rosalie entered, followed by Carmen whose hands were placed firmly on Irina and Tanya's backs, steering them into the living room. Irina still didn't seem to have recovered. Pulling her down beside her, Kate wrapped her arms around her shoulders and began whispering to her in Russian. Tanya remained standing, but she didn't look very happy. I didn't know if that was because of what Irina was going through or because of this meeting.

"Where are Seth and Embry?" I asked Jake, but it was Edward who answered.

"They phased," he explained. "They're outside in the woods. They can hear us."

"Let's get started then," Carlisle said, officially beginning our meeting.

xxx

Ten minutes later they knew what had happened in Chicago. I'd left the talking to Edward because I was afraid that if I started talking about Eden or any of the things that had gone wrong, I'd start sobbing again. As Alice hadn't caught all the events in Chicago, Edward told them the whole story except for one little detail—that he'd be dead if I hadn't saved him. I assumed he didn't want to upset Esme.

"Eden and I weren't very close," I said when Carlisle offered me his condolences for her death. "At least Edward killed her murderer. I know that Victoria took Liv to a place even Sarah—Eden's killer—didn't know anything about, which made her angry enough to change the orders she'd received. She'd been ordered to capture me and Edward alive," I explained when Carlisle looked at me questioningly, "but she decided to kill us instead. As for where Victoria is now, we don't know because the vampire I questioned didn't know either."

"Are you sure?" Jasper inquired doubtfully. "Edward?"

"They didn't know," Edward confirmed flatly, his tone causing Jasper to raise his eyebrows in consternation.

I rolled my eyes. Edward didn't need to snap at others on my behalf, especially since Jasper couldn't know that my gift—me, a gift!—had rendered me temporarily capable of reading minds as well. "Anyway," I said in my best doctor's voice, the one that made grumpy teenagers more compliant in eight cases out of ten, and they both looked at me, surprised, "going to Chicago didn't do us a shred of good. We neither know Victoria's location nor have we any way of finding her."

"Maybe we do," Edward said, smiling crookedly. That got everyone's attention. Alice leaned forward in her seat, eyes intent. Emmett poked his head around the wall separating living room and dining area, although his face clouded when his gaze fell on Rosalie, who of all the places she could have chosen had opted for the free seat beside me on the sofa.

"We do?" I asked, baffled and excited at the same time. If Edward had really figured out how to track Victoria down… "Did I miss something?"

Edward's smile grew broader. "I've never given much thought to how Victoria's gift works up until now. It occurred to me that it's entirely possible that her ability to know when someone's after her is psychic rather than physical…" His eyebrows shot up in surprise. He whipped around to face Eleazar, who was smiling sheepishly. It was rare for Edward to show his surprise openly and I couldn't quite keep myself from smiling. His next words wiped the smile off my face though. "You've met her?" he demanded incredulously. "Why didn't you say so?"

Eleazar raised his hands in defence. "I didn't know it was actually her. It wasn't until I learned more about her gift that I realised I once encountered her many, many years ago while I was still with the Volturi."

The others had doubtlessly heard this before—that he'd been with the Volturi, not the Victoria part—but neither Jake nor I had. Jake didn't know much about who Edward had once referred to as the royalty of their world except for what I'd told him and my knowledge about them was based solely on Edward's brief account on that fateful day over nine years ago.

The revelation that he'd met Victoria, however, came as a surprise to all of us.

"How?" I asked curiously.

"Has Edward told you about my gift?" Eleazar asked and when I nodded he continued, "That's why I was asked to join them in the first place. I found vampires who were graced with extraordinary gifts and reported back to Aro. There are many very talented vampires in the Volturi Guard and most of them are there because of me. At least that's what I've come to realise over the past years. Aro rarely joined punitive expeditions, but when he did it was usually to offer one of the vampires who'd been accused of an act of transgression a place in the Guard if he swore to break the law never again and most of them accepted willingly. It took me the better part of four hundred years to figure out these vampires were the very ones I'd told him about." He smiled wryly. "But you wanted to know how I came to meet Victoria. Her coven, which had grown unusually large, had been accused of breaking the law. That I was there the night Aro confronted them was pure coincidence. I was on my way back to Volterra when I crossed his scent and I decided to follow it out of curiosity. I came upon them just as Aro was looking into the leader's mind. He declared her guilty and the Guard killed her immediately." He grimaced. "That was before I began to question Aro's actions, so I assumed she deserved to die. Aro offered one of the vampires to join him—she's still with them—and told the Guard to kill the remaining two. They tried to run, of course, but the Guard quickly caught up with them, mainly because of the tracker Demetri. The Guard tore one of them to shreds in seconds, but not before she'd shouted at Victoria to run for it and she did. Demetri tried as hard as she could, but he wasn't able to find her again. I was able to explain to Aro why that was. He showed no interest in capturing and killing Victoria. Today I know it was because he already had what he wanted—Heidi, the vampire he'd pardoned—and because Victoria's gift wasn't very special as far as gifts go and of no use to him."

"What exactly is her gift?" Jasper asked, frowning.

"Just what you've suspected. Victoria knows when someone decides to go after her and how close that person is. It's psychic rather than physical, just as Edward said. That means your idea," he looked at Edward, "could work. If you think what I think you're thinking, that is."

"Why don't you just explain your idea," Carlisle suggested, probably speaking for all of us. "What makes you sure we can sneak up on Victoria now that we know that her gift works?"

"We can't," Edward replied, barely able to contain the smile that was already tugging at his lips. "Not on our own anyway. But it's possible," his gaze shifted to me, "if Bella helps us."

"What?" I asked blankly. I had no idea what Edward was talking about? How could I possibly help them finding Victoria? If she knew when she was being chased, then how could I…

Oh.

"Eleazar has figured out why I can't read Bella's mind or why Kate's gift wouldn't work on Bella if she tried to use it on her," Edward continued hastily, seeing comprehension dawn on my face. It was obvious that he was afraid I'd say no. If he'd told me before, I definitely would have, which was probably exactly why he hadn't.

"A natural shielding ability?" Jasper asked sharply. He was looking at me intently, almost speculatively as if he was really seeing me for the very first time. "Limited to the psychic plane, otherwise Alice wouldn't see her and I wouldn't be able to influence her emotions," he concluded.

"That's essentially it," Edward agreed. "Eleazar told me about it a few days ago."

"Surely you're not suggesting sending Bella after Victoria alone?" Esme asked in disbelief mixed with disapproval. "You've seen her fight! She'd be dead within a matter of minutes."

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I knew that Esme didn't mean it that way and that she was only worried. Chicago had amply proven that I couldn't defend myself and I didn't like to contemplate what would happen if I actually went after a vampire better trained than I was. I wouldn't last two seconds. Esme was right, but her words still rankled. They made me feel useless.

Which you are, a small voice in the back of my mind whispered. At least in a fight.

"No, of course not," Edward retorted. Esme's insinuation that he'd deliberately put me into harm's way caused him to speak more sharply to her than he normally would have. She raised her eyebrows in response, folding her arms in front of her chest and regarding him with a chilly look. Edward stared stubbornly back at her.

"I believe Edward wants Bella to shield us as well as herself, thus nullifying Victoria's gift," Carlisle said calmly. He placed his hand on Esme's shoulder. She looked away from Edward just long enough to meet her husband's eyes and what she saw in them made her drop her arms and sigh. "I'm sure she's fine," I heard Carlisle whisper as he brushed his lips across her forehead. Esme closed her eyes with a sigh that was almost a sob and buried her face in his shoulder. I'd never seen them exchange gestures of affection so openly before.

In my peripheral vision I saw Rosalie's hands clench into fists at her side. Looking at her, the guilt on her face was evident, an emotion I'd thought her all but incapable off. I feared for Freya and I wished Rosalie hadn't spoken to her so harshly, but I was certain she hadn't meant to hurt her or anyone else, for that matter. Rosalie simply didn't think before she spoke, let alone pause to consider the consequences of her words.

I wished I knew why she was so bitter.

"I assume you have proof that Bella is capable of shielding others beside herself?" Eleazar asked, worried. "I was only theorising when I suggested as much."

Edward nodded, apparently unwilling to elaborate and only continued when Carlisle raised his eyebrows expectantly and Jasper began tapping his fingers impatiently on the backrest of the armchair Alice was sitting in. "I almost died in Chicago," he said very quietly, his golden eyes on me. Esme gasped and Alice's eyes widened, which made me wonder why she hadn't seen the fight.

"What?" Emmett demanded incredulously.

He was probably speaking for all of them. They were as surprised and shocked as Jake had been.

"I couldn't read their leaders mind," Edward continued evenly, "and her second in command was too preoccupied to think about it, so I didn't realise he was gifted until it was almost too late. I had just managed to get my arms around the leader's head when all of a sudden I was unable to move. I was completely paralysed. I could feel my arms and legs, but I had no control over them." His voice dropped to a whisper. A shiver ran down my spine as I recalled the fear in his eyes, the realisation that he was about to die. And I remembered my own fear and the panic that had surged through me. "I could feel my skin begin to crack," he whispered barely audibly.

Esme lifted her hands to her face, eyes wide and fearful although Edward was standing barely two feet away, completely unharmed. Carlisle closed his arms around her.

"And then it stopped."

Edward was still looking at me. His gratitude was obvious and if I still could have, I would have blushed because it didn't feel right. That I'd prevented his death had been nothing but coincidence. I hadn't done it consciously because I hadn't known I had the means to save him. I didn't want him to be grateful for something I had no control over, for something that had only happened because some primal part of me, a part that acted purely on instinct, and the need to protect one's mate at all cost—and no matter what I'd decide in the end, that was what Edward would always be to me—had taken over.

"I was no longer paralysed," Edward went on briskly, half smiling apologetically at Esme. "I killed Hugh before he had time to realise what was happening, then I went after Sarah." He shrugged. "As I could suddenly read her mind, it was relatively easy. If Eleazar hadn't told me about Bella's gift, I might not have realised that it was she who saved my life. There's no other explanation for the sudden failure of Hugh's gift—and Sarah's, for that matter—so I think it's safe to say that she's capable of spreading her shield over others."

"She shielded you for only a moment though," Eleazar cautioned. "You're talking about her shielding you for a long period of time. Bella," he said to me, smiling kindly, "do you think you could shield any of us right now?"

The others shifted their attention to me once more. "No," I replied, frowning as I tried to reach out for that something in my mind that I had yet to define. "I have no idea how to use it. I can tell it's there, now that I know about it, but that's about it." I raised my hands in a helpless shrug. "I like your plan, Edward, I really do, but I doubt I'll be able to learn to control this shield," I resisted the urge to roll my eyes again, "quickly enough to save Liv's life."

"Bella," Jasper said hesitantly and I knew I wasn't going to like what he said next, "chances are she's already dead." The others glanced at each other as if they'd been thinking the same but hadn't dared to say it out loud. I pressed my lips tightly together to keep myself from snapping at him. I was painfully aware of the fact that I'd had the same thought only a few hours before and that Jasper was probably right, but things hadn't changed since then. I'd never forgive myself if Liv died because I'd given up on her. Time was against me, but what choice did I have?

She was my friend. I wouldn't leave her to her fate.

Jasper sighed as he felt my determination and shook his head. He didn't say anything further on the matter, but it was clear that he believed I was wasting my time worrying about a human who'd most likely already been killed.

I glared at him stubbornly.

"How do you intend to find Victoria before she kills your friend?" Jasper asked annoyingly reasonably. "If she hasn't done so already that is. Mastering your gift and using it against her is our best shot."

I knew he had a point, but I'd rather bitten off my own tongue than admitting that he was right. I didn't even know where to start. Victoria could be hiding anywhere. I'd probably find her eventually, but it would take too long. There had to be another way.

"Jasper is right," Eleazar said. "That doesn't mean we'll give up on your friend, Bella, but until we come up with a better plan to track Victoria down, trying to master your shield as quickly as you can really is our best option."

"That's why I suggested it," Edward added softly. I looked at him, a spark of betrayal flashing up in the back of my mind. He'd promised to help me find Liv. He met my accusing gaze levelly. "I'll do whatever it takes to save her life. Right now that's helping you with your shield in every way I can, at least until I've come up with a better plan, just as Eleazar said."

He's right, the reasonable, rational part of my mind remarked. The faster you master your shield, the sooner you can go after Liv.

But even 'as soon as possible' might still be too late to save her.

"We should go over what we know so far again as well," Jake suggested. "It's easy to overlook something when you've been focused on the same problem for too long. It always helps us." He jerked his thumb over his shoulder at the trees across the driveway to where Seth and Embry had settled down.

"That's an excellent idea," Carlisle said, smiling at Jake, "although I'm afraid you'll have to do without me." He checked his watch. "I'd better get going. I'm scheduled for surgery in two hours."

"Let's do it tomorrow then," Eleazar replied in a dismissive voice that signalled the end of the meeting. Irina darted out of the room before anyone could stop her, leaving her sisters and Carmen to stare after her. I wondered if she'd ever get over losing Laurent. I certainly hadn't fully gotten over losing Edward.

Kate sighed quietly. "I'll talk to her," she said, though by the look Tanya and Carmen exchanged once Kate was gone it was clear they doubted that talking—which was probably what they'd been doing ever since Irina learned what had happened to Laurent—was doing any good.

"Let's do it tomorrow," Eleazar repeated, frowning. "It's been a very long week for all of us and even vampires require rest once in a while."

That was Carlisle's cue to leave. He kissed Esme softly and patted Edward on the shoulder, then he bade the rest us good night and left. Carmen settled onto Eleazar's lap, putting her head against his chest and quietly murmuring to him in rapid Spanish.

"The sun will shine tomorrow," Alice announced with a grimace that made it abundantly clear how little she cared for that kind of weather and what it meant for us. "Jake," she continued, with the air of a general issuing orders he expected to be followed to the letter, "I need you to be at our place tomorrow morning because they're delivering my Porsche and someone will have to sign for it."

Jake stared at her.

"Bella–"

I grimaced. Alice talking to me like that wasn't a good sign. It usually meant that she had something in mind she knew I wouldn't like but intended to make me do anyway—like picking up Rosalie at the airport and we all knew how well that had turned out.

"–we'll go over the concept for your new living room later."

"Now?" I asked incredulously. "Don't you think we have better things to do?" Like figuring out how to use this blasted shield as quickly as possible for example, I thought bleakly. I knew I couldn't do it, just as I'd told them. I didn't even know where to start. The first time I'd used it, it had felt as if the thin layer of the thing that usually hovered protectively around my mind—now that I knew that it was there I could feel it—had stretched away from me and stretched and stretched and then wound itself firmly around Edward's mind. I'd felt him in my head. Not the first time because I'd been too preoccupied then to pay much attention to what was going on inside my head, but the second time he'd been there, in the back of my mind. The problem was that neither of those times I'd used it consciously, which was exactly what I'd have to learn in order to save Liv and soon.

I hoped Alice didn't really expect me to sit down with her to go over her so-called concept for my living room which I wasn't the least bit interested in, not now.

Alice shook her head, regarding me sternly. "No," she said emphatically, "we don't. Not tonight. There'll be plenty of time for practising tomorrow. You can't go to work anyway. Eleazar's right, you know," she added more softly when I didn't answer immediately.

"My idea of rest is a hot bath, followed by a good night's sleep," I replied dryly, although unfortunately the latter wasn't an option anymore.

"Oh, well." Alice gave a dismissive shrug. "You can take that bath first if you want to. Besides," she continued, looking rather smug, "you don't have to do much. Just nod and say yes to everything I say and tell me what excellent taste I have."

At least, I thought in morbid amusement while Jake tried not to laugh and failed miserably, Alice has a way of making everything else seem less bleak compared to what she throws at you.