A/N: Sorry I didn't upload yesterday as promised. I was completely exhausted by the time I got home and just wanted to go to bed. Here it is now and I hope you like what I come up with for Bella's shield.

Thanks so much to all who've reviewed, alerted to me or added Lifelines to their favourites lists. That means so much to me. A very special thank you to my amazing beta KayMarieXW, who made some very valuable comments about Bella.

Someone asked for the hunting/kissing scene written from EPOV. I think it's a brilliant idea and I'm on it. I'll post it as an outtake as soon as it's done!

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.

32. AFTERMATH, PART 2

BELLA

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't

So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road

And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope

Shake It Out by Florence + The Machine

Over the next few days we developed some sort of routine. In the morning Jake and I would go to work, with the exception of the day following Lambert's death. Jake would call his fellow deputy around noon to inquire as to whether Victoria was still in Montana. In the late afternoon, after Alice and Jasper got home from school and Jake and I from work, we'd practice fighting.

Jasper's training schedule included us all. Of course, the others didn't need to practice as much as I did, but Jasper obviously believed that my motivation to try harder would be higher if I wasn't constantly singled out. If so, he'd neglected to consider the somewhat demoralising effect of being beaten every single time. It was one thing to lose against Edward, but quite another to be defeated by Esme, who wasn't the strongest and most skilled fighter. I spent one memorable evening being chased around by Eleazar, Jasper, Edward and Emmett. My defensive skills had greatly improved by the end of that day, but the experience hadn't been at all pleasant. That Edward had contritely apologised half a million times for almost ripping my arm off in a moment of carelessness, the same arm that had already been torn off once, hadn't made things any better.

At night Kate and I wrestled with my shield. Or rather I did. There wasn't much that Kate could do besides watching and giving the occasional pep talk when I wanted to give up. After the second night she included Edward, as without his help I wouldn't have been able to tell if my shield was working. Using my shield in the past, I knew I'd done so only because Edward had happened to be nearby and I'd been able to read his mind as soon as he was under it. Kate was my practice target now, however. If I successfully shielded her, Edward would no longer be able to hear her thoughts. As a result, Kate was practically hugging me while I was at it, to make it as easy as possible.

The problem was that I had absolutely no clue what to do. I tried to access the shield by conjuring up the fury I'd felt the day of Lambert's death—or the fear of losing Edward in Chicago—and while I could both feel and see the extra layer around my mind now that I knew it was there, I was unable to grasp it and pull it outward over Kate. It was frustrating as well as mentally exhausting.

Sunday night, four days before I was scheduled to depart, Alice, Jake, Seth, Rosalie and Carmen joined us as well, as further encouragement. I didn't need any more encouragement—what I needed was someone to tell me how the hell this blasted shield worked—but I didn't say so because even though I knew they wouldn't really be able to help, I was still grateful for their support and for the fact that they believed in me when I didn't.

"It's not working, Kate," I said rather plaintively after what felt like hours, resisting the urge to wipe non-existent sweat off my forehead. I felt weary to my bones. I knew the exhaustion was only a figment of my imagination, but at this moment I wanted nothing more than take a long, hot bath and curl up in bed to wallow in self-pity.

"Don't give up now, Bella!" Kate replied encouragingly. "You're almost there. I know it!"

I bit back a sharp comment. Kate didn't know my shield any better than I did and had no idea whether or not I was making any progress. As she didn't deserve to be snapped at though, I held my tongue. She only wanted to help. That's what they all wanted.

"Oh please," Rosalie said, in a seething tone I hadn't heard from her in days. I looked up, surprised, and found her features distorted with contempt. "How hard can it be?"

"Rose," Kate hissed, looking over her shoulder at our audience. "This isn't helping!"

"No, it's not," Seth muttered, his eyebrows knitted together.

"Well, what you're doing isn't helping either," Rosalie retorted. Placing her hands on her hips, she gave me a disdainful look. "Maybe she's just not trying hard enough."

I ground my teeth together. Of all the days to pick a fight with me, Rosalie had to choose today. "It's not as easy as it may look to you, Rosalie," I snapped.

Something that I couldn't identify flickered in Rosalie's amber eyes.

"I don't think so," she replied coldly. "I think you just don't want to use it. I think you don't give a damn whether or not you can protect us from Victoria's vampires. I also think that you've already given up on your friend. You're still as weak as you were as a human, Bella. That much hasn't changed."

"Rosalie!" Carmen gaped at her, shocked.

Rosalie shrugged, regarding me with cold eyes.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I demanded, taking a step towards her. In my peripheral vision, I saw Edward shift his weight ever so slightly.

"Are you seriously asking what's wrong with me?" Rosalie huffed, incredulous. "I don't want to get killed because of your incompetence, that's what's wrong, Bella."

You're not going to snap, you're not going to snap, you're not going to snap. I repeated these words over and over again, like a mantra. Rosalie and I had got along so well ever since our conversation in the forest. I didn't understand what had changed. Was it really just her fear of dying?

"Do you know what I think?" Rosalie sneered.

"Enlighten me," I grated.

"I think you're so afraid of making a decision in regard to Edward that you'd rather he die, so that you won't have to choose."

That did it. I didn't know what had got into Rosalie, but I would not allow her to talk to me like that. To even imply I wanted Edward dead! "How dare you?" I screeched, launching myself at her. Under different circumstances I might have acted differently, more controlled. But the constant stress of the last two days finally took its toll and swept me under like a tidal wave. All I wanted was to scratch the sneer off Rosalie's beautiful face.

Alice and Edward tackled me simultaneously.

"It's okay," Edward whispered over and over again as he held me pinned to the ground, flinching slightly when my fingers brushed his. "It's okay. Calm down, Bella. Rose didn't mean any of the things she said. She just wanted to make you angry enough to trigger your shield and it worked! Everyone's minds disappeared for a moment. Calm down."

Rosalie's face suddenly appeared in my field of vision. "I'm so sorry," she said contritely. "That last part was a low blow and I know it. I'm really, really sorry."

"Take a deep breath," Edward advised quietly.

I did as told. The fury evaporated almost instantly, disappearing as quickly as it had come. Edward moved out of the way so that I could sit up. His hand remained on my shoulder, however, trying to reassure me.

"I'm so sorry," Rosalie repeated as she squatted down beside me. "Please believe that I didn't mean it."

"I believe you," I said coarsely, drawing another deep breath. "Did I hurt you?" I asked Edward.

His lips curved into a smile, clearly relieved I was in control again. "No, not really. Just a tiny shock. It was a lot worse when I asked Kate for a demonstration. Bella's shield seems to have an interesting side effect," Edward said in response to some unspoken question. "Shielding me, she is able to read my mind as well as the minds of others, provided they are relatively close. Just now her shield enabled her to use Kate's gift."

"It's involuntary, though," I added quietly, "and I don't think I could control it, even with a lot of practice. That's why I didn't tell you, Kate. It didn't think it would make any difference."

"So you really shocked him?" Kate asked curiously.

"It was more of a tickle, really," Edward replied. He pulled me up with him, gently brushing the snow off my back. "I don't know if the shock would have been stronger if she'd shielded you for longer than just the fraction of a second. To be honest, I don't want to find out."

Kate laughed at Edward's grimace. "Well, that I understand. One demonstration is enough after all. Come on, Bella, one more time. If it still doesn't work, we'll call it a night. The girls and I planned to go swimming anyway and I think a distraction would be good for you."

"Swimming?" I asked dubiously. "Where?"

Kate laughed again, her eyes sparkling. "The ocean, of course. I'm sure you'll love it."

"I don't even own a bathing suit."

"Yes, you do," Alice put in, somewhat exasperated. "Have you even looked in your closet since the two of you came back from Chicago?"

I rolled my eyes at Alice, and Edward chuckled. "Come on," he said, grasping my elbow to steer me back into the centre of the small clearing. "Just one more time. What did you feel before you lunged at Rose?"

"I was furious," I replied and closed my eyes, hoping that would help me to remember. Rosalie's words had stung and the fury that had gripped me had been a blazing spark in my mind, so bright that everything else had gone blank for a moment. I also remembered a distinct, almost audible snap, as if something held back by a rubber band had suddenly sprung free. Was that my shield? It reminded me of Chicago, where I'd experienced something similar.

I saw it, this unyielding layer that wouldn't allow me to grasp it. It hung around my mind like a veil, shimmering slightly whenever I focused my attention on it. Somehow the fury had freed it from whatever held it in place, so I concentrated on that, tried to remember the feeling.

The surface of my shield rippled ever so slightly.

I held very still. This was the first time I'd consciously influenced it. I tugged at the fury that felt hollow because it wasn't real now and was rewarded with another ripple. I absently realised that I was holding my breath. This strange rippling sensation was hard to describe. I felt as well as saw it now and, as I skirted around the edges of the shimmering veil, I finally discovered the chain that anchored it to my mind. Although it didn't look like a chain. It didn't look like anything, was invisible. I was only aware of it because the remaining sparks of fury drifted around the base of the anchor. Reaching for it, I memorised the feeling so that I'd find it again and then followed it up to where it was connected to the veil. As I pushed gently, I realised I'd gone about it all wrong. I'd tried to pull it away from my mind, but I needed to push!

I laughed, delighted. How could I have missed this? I reached blindly for Edward and my hand found his. I needed to know where to push my shield. I tried to lift it away from my mind and the shield's surface rippled again, stronger than before, but didn't budge. The invisible chain tinkled softly.

I frowned. Obviously, I was doing something wrong. As I drifted up the chain to examine its connection to the shield, I noticed that there wasn't just a single layer. There were two, but they were so close to each other that they looked like one. Somehow I managed to crawl in between, the outmost layer rippling violently when I touched it. I gave it a shove and was so surprised when it suddenly gave way that I almost lost my concentration.

I directed it to where Edward was standing. I had no idea how to make it wrap itself around his mind. I could push it where I wanted it to go with brute force, but how could I mould it? I knew it was possible. I just didn't know how to make it do what I wanted. The first time I'd spread my shield over Edward I'd sensed him—or his life force, to be precise—in the back of my mind. I hoped I would this time as well because if I didn't, I had no way of knowing whether or not I was shielding him. I hadn't sensed Kate, had I? But maybe the nanosecond that I'd shielded her had been too brief for me to really register her.

All of a sudden the shield slipped away from me. For a moment I thought I'd lost my grip on it, that it was contracting like a muscle, but instead it continued to rush forward, as if something was pulling at it. It settled over Edward's mind with a sigh and suddenly I could feel him in my mind again. The bright light that represented his life force wasn't a part of me and yet there was a sense of rightness about his presence in my mind. In my mind, I saw the veil hovering loosely over his light. Would I still see it if I opened my eyes? I didn't dare try, afraid I'd lose control.

Images and sounds tumbled into my mind and half coherent thoughts that made no sense to me. I frowned. It was too much, not at all like before, because the first time I'd looked into Edward's mind all I'd seen was darkness. It had changed since then and while the blackness had been disturbing, it had also been much less disorienting.

Suddenly the influx on information was cut off.

Better?

The voice was unmistakably Edward's and yet it sounded different. Closer somehow. I didn't hear it so much as feel it.

I nodded very, very slowly.

The veil fluttered indignantly, but stayed where it was.

I've never communicated with someone this way before, Edward mused and I felt his amusement echo in the back of my mind. It's strange. But nice. More private.

"True," I breathed.

I still can't read your mind though, Edward continued. I wonder why that is.

I shrugged. The first layer, the one closest to my mind, was still in place. Maybe that was what kept Edward from hearing my thoughts.

What about the others? Can you hear their thoughts too?

"No," I whispered. "What about you?"

I do hear them, but I don't want to distract you. I tuned it down to background chatter. Let's try something. Edward turned to look at Rosalie and beckoned her closer with his free hand. The others were exchanging curious glances. This was new for them as well. Rosalie was smiling excitedly as she moved beside Edward.

Bella?

Rosalie's voice drifted into my mind, accompanied by so many pictures and sounds that I lost focus. The part of the shield still hovering protectively around Edward's mind snapped back with so much force that I staggered back. Edward tightened his hold on my hand to keep me from falling.

"Ouch," I gasped. My ears were ringing.

"That was amazing, Bella!" Kate exclaimed as she threw herself around my neck, hugging me tightly. "It took me forever to find out how my gift works and you did it in just under a week!"

"I guess I was motivated," I muttered, smiling faintly. For some reason I couldn't bring myself to be as happy about my success as everyone else seemed to be. I never imagined I'd achieve this much this fast and while I was glad that I had, I was also aware that my shield probably wouldn't be of any use when I went after Victoria. Its range was so limited and required so much concentration that I seriously doubted I'd be able to shield someone while I was fighting, especially since the latter was still harder for me than it should have been. Fighting was supposed to be natural for a vampire—at least that's what Jasper kept telling me—but that definitely wasn't the case with me.

I met Edward's eyes over the crown of Kate's head. His face told me that he knew what I was thinking—probably because he was thinking the same. He didn't tell me that it would be fine and for that I was grateful. I knew that even if I'd spend every single hour of the next four days training, it wouldn't make much difference. If any. Victoria was older, more experienced. The only reason I was training in the first place was to survive long enough for the cavalry to arrive.

This aspect of our plan was the one I liked least. I would offer myself up to Victoria by going to Helena, hoping she'd take the bait without suspecting we were on to it. I'd already made the decision and Alice had seen me get 'caught' at the airport and taken away by two unknown vampires. Alice was certain that Victoria wouldn't realise that it was her who'd be walking into a trap instead of the other way around. Unfortunately, this was all the information that Alice could give us at this point. Since Victoria's gift seemed to rely solely on someone's decision to go after her, we—or rather the others, as my shield seemed to hide me from her radar—had to be very careful with any decision that we made regarding Victoria. As Jake and Sam's pack would be with us anyway, we wouldn't be able to rely on Alice's visions. That meant that we didn't have to decide anything to see how things would turn out. But at some point a decision would have to be made. Hopefully, Victoria wouldn't picked up on it, if it was me the others decided to go after, even if I happened to be close to her at the time.

We were all aware that there was a chance it wouldn't work, that one of us would slip, that Victoria would feel the danger and bolt. Then again, maybe it wouldn't if she believed she'd get a chance to kill me and make it out alive. She'd have to kill Edward as well though. If I died at her hands, Edward would hunt her relentlessly and she'd be on the run for the rest of her existence.

I knew that with absolute certainty because I would do the same if it was the other way around.

I didn't think that any of us were particularly happy with our plan. There were too many variables, too many things we had no control over. None of us really knew Victoria or could even begin to guess what was going on inside her head. How far would she go in her desire to avenge James? That we couldn't rely on Alice's guidance this time made Victoria even more unpredictable.

"…that swim?" Alice's voice abruptly cut off that unpleasant train of thought. She looked at me expectantly, waiting for an answer.

I blinked. "Huh?"

"I don't think she was listening, pequeña," Carmen said. "Would you like to go swimming with us, Bella?" she asked me, smiling. "I promise it will be fun. It always is," she added with a wink.

I was about to say that I'd rather stay at home, then I remembered what Kate had said. I think a distraction would be good for you. She was right. I did need a distraction. If I spent any more time thinking about Victoria or our admittedly crazy plan, I'd go insane.

oOo

I dove to the ocean floor, aided by the weight of the water above me. I found the semi darkness and the total silence calming and I just let myself carry away by the underwater currents. It had never occurred to me to go swimming in the ocean, maybe because some part of me still hadn't shaken the fear of drowning, even if it was no longer possible. My lips twitching into a smile, I drifted through the water. I was glad I'd come along. Kate had been right. I badly needed a distraction, especially after the rush of the past few days. The complete absence of sound was very soothing.

The underwater landscape stretching out before me was also one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. I'd read about it in articles and I'd probably seen three or four documentaries about it, but seeing the gigantic mountain range I was slowly drifting through with my own eyes was different and much, much more exciting. I felt so tiny compared to the mountains around me, so insignificant. Down here, in the middle of the Bering Sea, the world above didn't matter. Nothing mattered. I wished I could stay here forever, lose myself in the vastness of the sea and only emerge to feed. Nobody would ever find me down here.

Three strong strokes carried me to the edge of a gorge that ran so deep that even my keen eyes couldn't see the bottom—the blackness was absolute. Would I still be able to see if I went down there? Or would I be blind? Deciding to find out, I plunged down into the darkness. My swimming technique left a lot to be desired and I was barely making any progress despite my superhuman strength. Walls of black rock slowly rose on either side of me. It was beautiful as well as threatening, and I was aware that no human would ever see what I was seeing right now. Not with their own eyes. The pressure was too strong, would literally crush a human's fragile body to dust. Even I could feel it. As I ventured deeper, what little air was left in my lungs seemed to be squeezed right out of me. Turning around, I discovered, surprised, that I was already much deeper down that I had thought. A thin line of dark blue tinged with purple was all that was left of the ocean's surface.

Suddenly a shadow glided over the mouth of the gorge, momentarily blocking out the faint moonlight. I edged back until my elbows grazed the canyon wall and dug my fingers into the smooth, slick rock for purchase. Animals scuttled hastily away from me to hide in the darkness below. Completely motionless, I squinted up. A shark maybe? Or a whale? Instinctively I inhaled, forgetting that I was underwater, and chocked as the salt water shot up my nose and down my throat. The reaction was reflexive and unnecessary. Apparently, some things were impossible to get rid of.

The water in my mouth tasted strange, alive with hundreds of different flavours. Or fragrances? It was difficult to discern between what was smell and what was taste. Then again, underwater it probably amounted to the same thing. The scent-taste of violets and honey was the strongest I was able to make out. I pushed away from the rock and began paddling up, having trouble to stay on course because of the current. Rosalie met me halfway, her hair floating around her head like a halo. In the dark water it appeared almost white. I grabbed Rosalie's outstretched hand and let her tow me back to the surface. Even swimming with only one arm she was faster than me, cutting through the water like a dolphin.

We resurfaced in the middle of nowhere. We were so far away from the shore that the only thing to see for miles and miles was water and a tiny grey and brightly illuminated dot that I assumed was a ship. I couldn't hear or smell any of the others.

"It's nice, isn't it?" Rosalie asked. Ice crystals had blossomed on her hair and face as soon as we'd emerged, sparkling in the moonlight. The water was so cold that it would have frozen, if it hadn't been moving constantly. "We usually come out here a few times a month."

"It's peaceful," I replied. "Thanks for inviting me."

Rosalie smiled slightly. "Thanks for coming along. I wasn't sure you would after…" She frowned down at the water, absently brushing her fingers over the ice flowers in her hair. "I didn't mean what I said earlier, Bella. I'm sorry."

"You already apologised," I said softly, touched by Rosalie's remorse. A few days ago I wouldn't have believed her capable of that emotion and certainly not where I was concerned. "It's okay. I understand why you said it. If you hadn't, I probably wouldn't have figured out how my shield works."

"I'm glad you see it that way," Rosalie replied. Then she fell silent and I got the impression that she wanted to talk to me about something else entirely, that an apology for something I'd already forgiven her for hadn't been the reason to come looking for me.

"What is it?" I asked.

Rosalie's lips twitched. "Was I that obvious?"

I smiled. "Yes."

"Well, then I'd better just say it. It's none of my business though and I'll understand if you don't want to talk about it. It's… about Edward. Or about you and Edward, to be exact."

Did I want to talk about that with Rosalie? No, I didn't. I didn't want to talk about that with anyone, but maybe another perspective would be helpful. I'd hit a wall where Edward was concerned. I seemed to be incapable of getting over the fact that he'd lied to me, but I also couldn't let go. I felt closer to him than I had ever before and it wasn't fair to leave him hanging like that. Despite what he'd done, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. Part of me wanted to heed Carlisle's advice and forgive him so that we could have our happily ever after. But there was another part, the one that had been scarred so badly by his betrayal, that refused to yield. Reconciling them seemed impossible.

"Go on," I said softly, inviting Rosalie to continue.

"I told you I didn't mean what I said earlier and that's true," Rosalie said slowly. "But I have been wondering what's keeping you from forgiving him. He's trying to change. He already has changed for you and you know how hard that is for our kind."

"I know, Rose," I said quietly. "I know he has. I also know that he's still beating himself up over what he did to me. What I saw in his mind in Chicago… It was horrible. So much darkness and so much despair. It's better now, I think, but I'm not an idiot. I realise that if I don't forgive him, it'll destroy him. I don't want to hurt him. He doesn't deserve that. At the same time, I can't get over his betrayal. He says he loves me and yet he walked away. It was so easy for him to leave me."

Is that why I can't forgive him? I wondered. It hadn't occurred to me before that it was fear that held me back, but now that I'd said it out loud I suddenly realised that it was. Rosalie had been right after all. I was afraid. If I forgave him, if I opened myself to him and he left me again, it would destroy me. He wouldn't do that, a voice whispered. Wouldn't he? He'd already left me once. He could leave me again, anytime he chose.

"It wasn't," Rosalie said. "Easy for him to leave you, I mean. He was a mess when Emmett and I found him in Siberia. Alice had had a vision about Victoria, and Edward wasn't answering his phone, so Esme asked Emmett to bring him home. I tagged along, to gloat I guess. I'm not very proud of that now. I really thought he'd gone insane. Emmett and I had to chase him across the forest and when we finally had him, we didn't let go of him until we were home. He looked horrible. Broken.

"At the time, I hated him for what he did. He tore us apart. Esme almost never smiled and Jasper was always on edge because of Alice. I don't hate him anymore because I've realised how hard it was for him to leave you. I don't have to punish him for that. He'd doing a pretty good job of that himself." She smiled grimly. "My point is that leaving you was the hardest and most self-destructive thing he ever did. Do you know what I heard Tanya tell Carmen the other day? That Edward had decided to end his life as soon as he knew for certain that you were dead. He can't live in a world without you in it. He loves you too much for that. I just… I'm not saying this to pressure you. I just don't want Edward to get hurt. I know he's brought it on himself, but he's my brother and I just want our family to be whole again. That's all I ever wanted."

Rosalie fell silent after that and twisted on her back to gaze at the starry sky, floating slowly away from me. Water lapped gently against my shoulders as I pondered what she'd said. I was mortified that Edward would have killed himself had I died—and I would have eventually if I hadn't been changed. The thought of Edward dead turned my insides to ice. How could he even consider something like that? Didn't he know what it would do to his family if he was gone?

But wouldn't I do the same if Edward happened to die in the upcoming battle? I couldn't imagine living without him, not even now. He felt the same way about me, would rather die than live without me. For heaven's sake, he'd already made plans so that he wouldn't have to!

What more proof do you need? the voice whispered. He loves you. He's prepared to die for you!

"Bella?" Rosalie's voice interrupted my thoughts once more.

"Yes?"

"Please don't be mad at me for saying these things. I just…"

"…wanted to help," I finished for her. "I understand that and I'm not mad at you. Really, I'm not. You're looking out for Edward. I get that. I will figure it out before I leave. He deserves that much."

How? the voice asked. It sounded like my mother again, which was slightly disturbing—Renée wasn't one to play devil's advocate. Do you think you'll be magically able to trust him again? the voice continued, although only moments earlier it had demanded to know why I didn't. Because of the deadline?

"How's it going with Emmett?" I asked to shut the voice up. I'd figure it out, one way or the other. Just not now. "You don't have to talk about it," I added quickly, then smiled slightly as I realised that was exactly what Rosalie had said earlier. Our relationship seemed to be the exact opposite of how it had been in the beginning. I wouldn't go so far as to call us friends yet, but we were getting there. And, what was far more important, we were family.

"It's okay. I don't mind you asking." Rosalie's voice was quiet. She still lay on her back, the moonlight reflecting off her skin. "Not well," she continued, in answer to my question. "He doesn't leave the room anymore when I enter, but he still refuses to talk to me. I get that he's angry. I know I should never have said these things to Freya, but I apologised. Maybe the reason he won't forgive me is because the person who really deserves that apology isn't here to hear it. But I can't change that. I've been searching for her. I've been pestering Alice to look for her over and over again and I went as far as Newfoundland the other night although I know it's pointless. Freya could be anywhere. Or she could be dead, in which case I'll never be able to apologise." Water splashed as she kicked at it, clearly frustrated. "I don't know what to do. He's never been angry with me like that before and God knows I've given him enough reasons over the decades."

"I can talk to him if you like," I offered.

Rosalie sighed. "Don't bother. Esme and Carlisle already have. Several times. Thanks for offering though. It's really nice of you, especially considering how I acted."

"Isn't that what sisters do?"

"Yes," Rosalie said and I could hear the smile in her voice. "That's what sisters do. Thanks you, Bella. But I'm afraid I'll just have to wait for him to come around. Sometimes that's just the way it is."

A/N: Please review! I'd love to hear what you think!