A/N: I proudly present… the next chapter. Thank you for waiting so patiently. I hope this chapter will be worth it! A lot of people have added Lifelines to their favourites since I last updated. There have been only a few days where I didn't receive a notification and I am still overwhelmed that you love this story so much. I also received brilliant reviews for the last chapter. Thank you so much. You know I love them all, not matter if they are short or long. I always love to hear what you have to say!

Thank you to my amazing beta KayMarieXW. I wouldn't know what to do without you. You should definitely check our her stories Resonating Light and her entry for the last Canon Tour round.

This chapter is rather shortish and the upcoming chapters will be too, for suspension's sake. I can promise that they're going to be a lot of them though!

Enjoy

Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.

33. UNION

BELLA

How to be brave

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

A Thousand Years by Christina Perri

Arms folded underneath my head, I lay sprawled on the far side of the roof, gazing up at the night sky. It was snowing again, the flakes swirling softly in the wind as they fell. Earlier this afternoon the sun had put in a brief appearance, forcing me to work later than I usually would have done, but that was okay. Alice and Jasper had eyed me doubtfully when I left for work right after last night's training session was over, clearly convinced I should focus on improving my survival skills instead of working. They had a point—I had become more adept at fighting than I ever would have believed possible, but that didn't mean I was any good at it because I definitely wasn't. No amount of training would change that now, even if Jasper had repeatedly told me otherwise.

I knew he didn't believe that. He was just trying to be supportive.

So I'd gone to work, knowing a few more hours of training wouldn't significantly improve my chances of surviving. Besides, I needed a distraction. Badly. If I spent more time dwelling on the day that lay ahead—and the visions about it that Alice kept having—I'd go insane. Working would keep my mind busy, at least for a while. My preoccupation hadn't gone unnoticed; I'd caught Danielle staring at me several times in obvious concern, but thanks to Jake she hadn't had a chance to ask what was wrong. How would I have explained? That I was about to go into battle with a vengeful vampire who'd been trying to kill me for almost a decade?

The thought made me smile even though there was nothing even remotely funny it. The success of our plan—and my survival—depended mostly on the others finding me in time. If they didn't…

No, I told myself sternly. Not now!

Tonight I didn't want to worry. Tonight was about something else entirely.

I wondered if Edward had guessed why I wanted to see him. I hoped not. There was a reason why I had sent and his pack to deliver my message: I didn't want Alice to see my decision and spoil the surprise. I giggled quietly to myself, elated. "You're mean," Jake had said, his eyes bright with wicked amusement. Quick as he was, he'd understood immediately why I wanted Edward to come over—and why I wanted Jake to be the one who told him that. Hopefully, he'd think of a way to keep his thoughts to himself.

All of a sudden the anxiety that had come and gone all afternoon was back. I sat up, wrapping my arms around my knees so that my hands wouldn't tremble. Closing my eyes, I counted to ten. Then to twenty. Then to thirty. The tension in my stomach wouldn't subside, and sitting on the roof in the darkness that wasn't dark to me, there was nothing to distract me.

In the end there hadn't been anything to decide. This hadn't surprised me—it had been inevitable. Our relationship had been inevitable from the start. If I had met Edward under different circumstances or in a different lifetime, the result would still have been the same. He was my soul mate, my other half. Neither of us could exist without the other.

I didn't want to exist without him. I knew that now.

I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment I had started forgiving him. When he'd told me the truth? When he and the others had saved me in the forest? When we'd kissed in Chicago?

Did it matter?

Someone was watching me.

Opening my eyes, I found Edward standing in the middle of the back yard, looking up at me, his golden eyes wary. So he had guessed why I wanted to see him. Or seen it in Jake's mind. His smile, the crooked one I loved so much, seemed forced.

"That was fast," I said lightly to diffuse the tension. "Jake and the others left not ten minutes ago."

Edward's smile turned real for the briefest if moments. "They're fast and so am I. Besides, Jake had Seth relay your message to me, so actually left before they arrived."

As he didn't want to camp out in the living room any longer, he was staying at the Cullens. Embry had moved into Mrs Morris's guest room as planned, along with Brady, and Jake was sharing his room with Quil. He was still delighted to have his best friend back. The living arrangements were only temporary. Once Victoria was taken care of, they'd all return to La Push, though I suspected Jake might try to stay closer to me in the future.

Edward stepped closer, ready to launch himself up on the roof to join me.

"Wait, I'm coming down!" I jumped to my feet and then down in the same motion, landing gracefully in front of Edward in the waist-deep snow.

"You know, the thought of you jumping off a roof would have given me a heart attack once," he said, amused. "It's a good thing you're not so breakable anymore."

I grinned. "True. So…" Our eyes met. His were unreadable. "I guess you're wondering why I wanted to see you?" I asked slowly, trying to gauge his reaction. Had Jake told him?

Edward's face went blank, the way it always did when he didn't want me to know what he was really feeling, any amusement he might have felt earlier instantly wiped away. "I have an idea," he said very carefully.

I gave him a tiny smile in response. He didn't relax. "Come on," I said softly, gesturing at the trees. "Let's go for a walk." Okay, so maybe Jake was right. I was mean. Edward was clearly expecting the worst. His composure was slipping away. He reminded me of the deer that I had almost (luckily I had somehow managed to brake in time, so both my truck and the deer had survived the incident unscathed) run over with my ancient Chevy once. Caught in the beam of the headlights, it had stared at me with the same panicked expression I detected on Edward's face now.

As I led him deeper into the forest, my sense of déjà vu grew and so, I guessed, did his. Only this time it was me leading him, just as it was me who had the power to destroy and not the other way around. Once again our relationship was out of balance, if it ever had been in balance. I knew that Edward had never really considered me his equal. If he had, he wouldn't have constantly made decisions for me without considering my feelings. Like taking me to prom against my will. Like leaving me. For our relationship to work we needed to be equals.

That we were here in the forest tonight was deliberate. A forest was where my world had come crashing down so it was where I would start rebuilding it. Both of us had come full circle. Time had changed me. The girl Edward had left in the forest was gone. The human who had been too clumsy to walk over a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over didn't exist anymore and neither did the young doctor who couldn't let go. The bitter, lonely vampire who spent her nights waiting for the beginning of yet another agonising day was also gone because now I had a family, people who loved me and cared for me and treated me as one of their own. That made all the difference.

Edward had changed as well. I saw it in the way he no longer tried to be my protector because I could take care of myself now. In the way he—mostly—supported my decisions even when he didn't agree with me. And, most importantly, in the way he now respected my feelings.

We would still have to work on our relationship, re-define it. We couldn't go back to the way it had been nine years ago. That wasn't possible and it also wasn't what I wanted. But for now just being with him and knowing that he loved me and that I loved him was enough. I didn't know what the next few days would bring and I was hesitant to make plans for after.

If one of us… but no. I wouldn't think of that now. I would have plenty of time to worry on the plane tomorrow.

In front of us the trees gave way to a clearing, the same we had gone to after returning from Chicago. Small and almost perfectly circular, it reminded me of Edward's meadow. The surrounding trees, stooping under the weight of the snow, created a sheltering dome; there was very little fresh snow on the ground. Turning, I saw that Edward had stopped a few paces behind me. He was very still and his eyes were fixed on something behind me even though there was nothing there.

He was scared.

I felt my serious expression soften. My words had the potential to destroy him. Of course he was scared.

I wouldn't let him suffer any longer.

"Edward," I began, but before I could say another word he raised his hand to interrupt me. His golden eyes, still trained on something behind me, darkened almost imperceptibly. The hand hanging by his side tightened. However, when he finally spoke, his voice was devoid of the tension that he clearly felt.

"As I said, I have a very good idea as to why you wanted to speak to me tonight," he said, his voice pleasant, almost casual. "And I want you to know… No, I need you to know that whatever you decide, I will be able to live with it. I don't want you to forgive me, or take me back, simply because you pity me. My feelings are my responsibility and mine alone."

"Edward," I said, with an exasperated sigh, "you're a rotten liar."

His eyes snapped to my face immediately, wide and incredulous and confused.

"This entire situation could have been avoided if we had just talked about our feelings. If you had just asked me how I felt about Jasper attacking me or if you had just explained the way you felt instead of…" I shook my head. "Edward, of course I knew that Jasper could have killed me. I'm not that stupid and contrary to what you believed at the time, I didn't have a death wish. I knew it was a close call and I was scared… But I didn't tell you because you didn't ask and because I knew that if I told you how I really felt about it, you'd do something rash." I sighed. "In the end, I guess it didn't matter. Still… We have to stop lying to each other, Edward. If we don't, this," I gestured from him to me, "can never work."

Edward stood frozen, his eyes unreadable.

"I have seen a lot of things in your mind that you probably never intended me to see," I continued more softly. "I can understand why you would want to keep them away from me. Your mind…" I paused as I remembered the black, empty void I had first glimpsed into in Chicago. He tried to keep his thoughts focused on different things whenever I was using my shield to read his mind, but sometimes he slipped. "It's not a very happy place," I said so quietly it was no more than a whisper.

"Never be afraid to tell me how you really feel, Edward," I whispered. "You don't have to be strong for me. We're equals. We have to save each other equally. What our relationship needs is some balance. Promise me that you'll talk to me about whatever is on your mind." I gave him a shaky smile. "I don't want to have to pick it out myself."

Edward stared at me.

Closing the distance between us, I grasped his hands in my own. "By the way," I whispered, "I forgive you."

Waiting for him, I had imagined a hundred different scenarios about how he'd react. I had imagined him to kiss me and to tell me that he loved me and that he would never leave me again. A very primal part of me had also imagined some things that were most definitely X-rated and that would have left me blushing had I still been able to.

But in none of the scenarios had I imagined him to sink to his knees, bury his head in his hands and begin to weep.

oOo

"I could get used to this," I whispered.

Edward chuckled quietly. "So could I."

Twisting in his embrace, I looked at his face. His eyes were closed, his features relaxed. The aura of perpetual tension that had surrounded him—and that I had never really noticed until it was gone—had disappeared. What little moonlight filtered through the branches overhead painted silver circles on Edward's skin; it had stopped snowing a while ago and the clouds had lifted. "I love you," I whispered, brushing my thumb gently across his lower lip, and he sighed in contentment.

"I love you," he murmured. He tightened his grip around my waist, pulling me closer still. He had yet to work up the courage to kiss me. He didn't seem fully convinced this wasn't a dream—or at the very least a very vivid hallucination since we were incapable of dreaming. Maybe he feared I would vanish in thin air if he accepted it as real.

"May I ask you something?"

Edward's eyes slowly opened. They were the colour of molten gold tonight. "Anything," he promised. "May I ask you something in return? Of course you don't have to answer if it's too… personal."

That certainly piqued my curiosity. "Too personal?" I asked with a small smile, eyebrows arched sceptically. "What could possibly be so personal that I wouldn't share it with you?"

I thought I saw Edward's lips tighten, but it could have been a trick of the light. "You first," he replied quietly.

I sat up and his arms remained around my waist; he didn't want to let go even for the fraction of a moment. I placed my hand on his chest reassuringly. Seeing Edward this vulnerable and unsure of himself was strange. He had always been the confident one. Was this who he really was? Was his self-confidence that bordered on arrogance just a facade to hide his self-consciousness? The thought had never occurred to me before, but it did make sense.

"Now, you don't have to answer if you don't want to," I said.

Edward raised his eyebrows, mirroring my sceptical expression. "What could possibly be so personal that I wouldn't share it with you?" he asked lightly, but his expression was guarded.

"It just seems very… human to me that you feel like you have to try and control everything around you," I said slowly, carefully. "It's not like anything that happens to you could ever harm you in any way—and now you don't even have to worry about me anymore. At least not like before when I was still human and much less durable."

Edward sighed, pained. He didn't answer immediately and I instantly regretted asking, half expecting him to tell me that he didn't want to talk about it, but then he said, his voice so low the words was nearly inaudible, "I don't know. My family has been wondering the same thing for a very long time."

I waited patiently. Edward and I had never really talked, not the way it mattered. We had discussed books and films and sometimes even politics, that sort of thing. But we hadn't talked the way a couple needed to in order to make their relationship work.

"Carlisle theorises it's because I suffer from survivors guilt," Edward continued thoughtfully, "and that my… control issues stem from the fact that I subconsciously try to prevent a traumatic event similar to the one that caused it in the first place from ever happening again. Of course vampires don't have a subconsciousness—it's why we can't suppress unpleasant memories. Carlisle's theory is flawed, but it's the best explanation he's been able to come up with."

"It sounds… plausible." I frowned. "I assume Carlisle believes the death of your parents is the traumatic event that's caused it?"

Edward raised his eyebrows, surprised.

I gave him a shrug. "I had to sit through more psychology classes than I care to remember. Besides, it's fairly common. I see…" I paused, then corrected myself, "saw it a lot in people who were the sole survivor of an accident. I can't even imagine what it must be like. To know that you were saved while others weren't, I mean."

"It was… hard at first," Edward admitted. "Of course I knew that Carlisle had acted according to my mother's wishes. Maybe she really knew that he was different, that he had the power to save me." He shot me a brief smile full of affection as he remembered his mother. "Maybe that's where I got my insight from. But it was hard to come to terms with the fact that I would live forever… and that she was dead. Carlisle explained to me why he couldn't save her too and I knew he was right. I know that he was right. But…" He trailed off and sighed. "Of course it's all speculation, but I'm inclined to agree. My mother and I were very close. In any case, it's annoying to be affected by something that happened so long ago. I don't want to feel compelled to control everything, and that's exactly what it is—a compulsion. It's hard not to act on that compulsion, even when it's something that clearly isn't in my power." His eyes met mine. "Like you leaving tomorrow. I know it's the right thing, but the thought of losing you again is… paralysing I want to grab you and run off somewhere safe." I felt his hands which still lay on my back tighten.

I had never considered Edward's past as the cause for his desire to control everyone and everything around him and I found it hard to reconcile the self-confident Edward with an Edward that was just as insecure as I used to be as a teenage girl.

And maybe, I mused, this is another contributing factor—that he's still a teenager, in body and in mind. He was never able to evolve beyond that. Nor will he ever be.

"Thank you for telling me," I said softly. As I kissed him on the forehead, he surprised me by reaching up and pulling me down to crush his lips against mine. The kiss was desperate, as if he feared the kisses we could share were numbered. His lips parted and his breath washed over my face, sweet and delicious and arousing. The world around me slipped away. All I could see and feel and hear was Edward.

This time it was Edward who broke the kiss. I blinked dazedly. I only very vaguely remembered how I had ended up on his lap and his shirt and mine in a crumpled heap in the snow beside us. He was looking at me with wide eyes, his breath ragged. "That," he managed eventually, "wasn't what I had in mind."

"I didn't mind," I said smiling. I wrapped my arms around him and placed my head against his chest, listening for a heartbeat that wasn't there. His hands settled on my hips and locked me in place. I had once asked him what he found more tempting, my blood or my body, and while he had assured me that he was equally attracted by both, a part of me—the one that couldn't shake her shyness and insecurity and couldn't believe her good fortunes of having a boyfriend like Edward—hadn't really believed him. After all it was my blood that had brought us together.

There was no doubt now that he was attracted to my body.

Unable to resist the temptation to tease him just a little, I ground my hips slightly against his. He moaned softly, his muscles tightening underneath my hands. "I was under the impression you had a question for me," I said matter-of-factly, fighting to keep my face straight.

Edward shot me an incredulous look.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"You're unbelievable," he muttered.

I laughed. "So I've been told. What's your question?"

Edward's playful expression grew suddenly serious.

I sat very still. I was suddenly sure that I didn't like where this was heading.

"As I said, you don't have to answer if it's too personal," he reminded me.

"Just spit it out."

"Alice told me about her visions."

"And?" I frowned. I already knew that she had told him—and that he'd crashed his car because he'd expected her to tell him that I wouldn't survive the encounter with Victoria.

"And I wanted to ask you how you… feel about them."

I grimaced even as I relaxed a little. So this was what had him worried. Well, if I said I wasn't bothered by what Alice had told me, I'd be lying. It was bothering me a great deal.

"I'm scared," I admitted. "I'm no masochist, so I'm definitely not looking forward to it. I'm trying to be optimistic about it though. The future isn't set in stone and Alice's visions don't always come true. Besides, there have been visions with a more… positive outcome too." An image popped into my mind unbidden and a shiver ran down my spine.

Edward's grip around my waist tightened in response.

Alice's descriptions had been very vivid and while she had spared me a few details she had considered too gruesome to even say aloud, my imagination had had no problem at all filling in the blanks.

"I wish I could be as optimistic," Edward whispered, troubled. Unlike me he had seen live and in colour what Alice had only described to me. It must have been horrible to see what would be done to me, knowing he could do nothing to prevent it.

I was surprised that I could look at what lay before me with so much detachment. Maybe deep down I had already accepted the inevitable despite what I had said to Edward about the future being subject to change.

"It has to be done," I said quietly. "I don't want to go, Edward. I don't think I've ever been this scared, but this needs to end before more people die."

When did you become a martyr? a voice in my mind whispered.

I told it to shut up.

I thought of Liv instead. I still hoped I'd find her alive, but as the days passed, I had finally come to accept the very likely fact that she was already dead—had been dead for a while because she had outlived her purpose the moment Edward and I left for Chicago. If I at least found her body so that her parents would get a chance to say goodbye to their only daughter.

And that would be worth it? the voice asked incredulously. What Alice saw…

Again I told it to shut up, absently wondering if it was a bad sign for a vampire to be hearing voices, even if it was the voice of my own conscience.

Liv's mother had tried calling me again several times. As it had been Danielle's day off, Jake had answered the phone the first time and told her I was too busy to talk. It hadn't even been a lie—I had had my hands in a man's open thorax when her call came in.

After the fifth call she gave up on trying to reach me at work. She had managed to weasel my home number out of Danielle and I had had to unplug the phone eventually. Caroline Alden was very persistent. I was worried that she'd see my refusal to talk to her as proof that I had something to do with Eden's sudden disappearance, and maybe even Liv's. If she went to the police, that would heap yet another bunch of problems onto my already overflowing plate. I was beginning to wish I had never spoken to her in the first place. The trip to Chicago had been a complete and utter disaster.

"If this doesn't work, we'll get another chance eventually," Edward said softly. He was trying to reassure me even though I could tell from the tension in his body that he was just as worried and scared as I was, and that he felt just as responsible for Victoria was doing as I did.

I drew a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. "I know. Let's not talk about it anymore, okay? I think we're all scared. Well, except for Emmett." I rolled my eyes. "He can't wait of course."

Edward flashed me a brilliant grin. "No, he can't. He never worries about anything. I really envy him that. Things are… difficult at home at the moment. Alice and Jasper are on edge, Esme is worried, and Emmett still isn't talking to Rosalie."

"Poor Rose," I muttered.

Edward slowly shook his head. "Your friendship to my sister continues to baffle me," he said, with a dry chuckle. "I think Emmett's coming around though. Deep down he knows that Rose didn't mean the things she said to Freya—and that her remorse is genuine. It's just that he really liked the kid. I hope she's okay. I'd hate for her to end up in Victoria's clutches. She deserves better."

"All of her victims deserved better," I said quietly. The women she had murdered. The little girls she had killed. The people she had turned into vampires to become pawns in her personal vendetta. Cannon fodder, Jasper had called them disgustedly, and he was right. Victoria didn't give a damn about how many she'd lose because there was more where they'd come from. A human life meant nothing to her.

"I know," Edward said softly. "I promise you we'll end this. One way or the other."

He was smiling, but his eyes were dark with worry and I didn't need to ask what he was thinking. Yes, we'd end this. But how many of our own would we lose in the process?

What do you think? Do you think it's too soon for Bella to forgive him? Then again, they still have a lot of work ahead of them if their relationship is supposed to work. Any ideas what Alice saw in her visions? Please review! Pretty, pretty please.