A/N: Here's the next chapter. I'm sorry I didn't send out review replies/ teasers this time, but I want you to know how much I loved every single one of your reviews and how happy it makes me to see how much you enjoy this story. You're amazing, all of you! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thanks to those who wished me good luck on my exams—they are going okay (though one sucked massively…). Only two to go now and then the orals from October to November. Hopefully, I'll get a couple more chapters finished in between.

I owe a lot of you PM replies and I will get to them sometime next week! I haven't forgotten you.

Thank you, KayMarieXW, for being an amazing beta and friend!

Enjoy!

Recap: Bella and Edward are still with Skadi, Victoria's second-in-command, who's agreed to help them. But does she have her own agenda? Why's she helping Victoria in the first place? Here are some answers.

Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm only borrowing.

46. STORIES PART 1

EDWARD

Some of us think holding on makes us stronger; but sometimes it is letting go.

Hermann Hesse

I didn't deserve her.

Bella had every right to be angry with me, furious even, and if she had wanted to walk away, I would have let her go. But instead she tried to comfort me. She always did, always tried to chase the shadows in my mind away. I never saw the pity in her eyes that I had feared, only acceptance. Intellectually, I knew that I could control the darkness that was part of me, but it was hard not to give in, not to let it take over. It was easier than fighting. Painful, but easier. Yet I was also afraid of it, on a level so deep, so primal, that the mere thought of it paralysed me. And it was linked to my fear of losing Bella, the one thing I could never ever lose because losing her would mean losing myself. Because she was a part of me.

And I was a part of her. I saw that now. The dark voice continued to whisper to me, telling me that she would leave me eventually, that I was damaged, that I wasn't good enough for her and never would be. But she wanted me—I just had to look at what I had seen in her mind to know that. Even so, her thoughts could only silence the darkness momentarily. It was still there. I had been mistaken to assume that it would disappear; for that it was too much of a part of me. Was me, in a way. But with Bella's help I could fight it. I would never ask her to fight my demons for me, but just knowing that she would if I did, filled me with hope and love so strong that it felt like my heart would burst. I had to remember that feeling, had to hang on to it so that I could use it to drive the darkness out of my mind.

And perhaps once I had learned to handle it, once it was under control, I would be able to stop trying to control every other aspect of my life.

I still didn't deserve Bella, but she wanted me. Puzzling as that was to me, and I would never leave her side for as long as she wanted me there. What I had said on the plane was still true—I didn't know if I even could change. But I would try and she would be with me and maybe with her help, with her light, I would succeed.

"I love you so much," I whispered, kissing her one last time. The vampire called Skadi was already outside in the hallway, Freya tagging along. "I can't put into words how much you mean to me, Bella."

"I love you too," she replied, her full lips curved into a soft smile. Releasing my hands, she wound her arm around my waist and turned so that we faced the doorway. "Just never forget that," she added, her voice so low that it was barely audible, her lips brushing across the edge of my jaw.

The two vampires entered the room, Freya frowning a little, but her face cleared as soon as she saw that I was standing. "Edward!" she cried and launched herself at me, arcing through the air gracefully. Letting go of Bella, I caught her by the waist and swung her around. She squealed in delight, her thoughts tinged with crushing relief. She had been very worried. "Are you feeling better?"

"I am. Really, I am." I gave her a reassuring smile and the last of her concern faded. "How are you? We were so worried about you." I put her down and she slipped her tiny hand into mine, smiling up at me. Her thoughts were almost… reverent. Oh dear, I thought, hiding another smile when the direction of her thoughts suddenly changed to something trivial; she had remembered that I could read her mind. I squeezed her hand and focused my attention on the vampire still standing in the doorway so that Freya wouldn't be too embarrassed. Apparently, she had developed a little crush on me. Oh well, I thought, I saved her life, so I guess it's natural. I'm just glad that she doesn't seem to think that Rose spoke for all of us. Did Bella already talk to her about it?

The blond vampire, Skadi, cleared her throat politely. She didn't know how much time we had left, so she wanted to get down to business.

I studied her for a moment. She was studying me too, comparing what she was seeing now with what Victoria had told her about me. He doesn't look like a cold-blooded killer. But then, I knew that from the moment I read the child. They could have killed her, but they didn't. He didn't. And Freya is obviously quite fond of him. Her thoughts turned wistful. My life was much easier when I still thought that I was doing something good.

Read Freya? I wondered. What does that mean? My gaze dropped to her hands and the red gloves she wore. I doubted they were just a fashion statement, but her mind held no clues as to what she meant by 'reading'. Sometimes, I found the fact that I could only see thoughts that were passing through someone's mind at any given moment mildly irritating.

But do you really want to know every single thought someone's mind ever held? I suppressed a shudder. No. No, I decidedly did not.

"You must be Edward," she said eventually. She had a pleasant voice, smooth and calm. She had a slight accent, only noticeable if you listened very closely. I couldn't place it.

"And you're Victoria's second-in-command," I replied, equally calm.

A smile curved her lips and it was so infectious that I found myself returning it despite the fact that I still hadn't decided what to make of her, so infectious was her smile. "Yes," she said, slightly inclining her head. "Yes, I am. When Sophie came to get me, she mentioned that you questioned her. You must have left quite an impression since she doesn't seem to hold a grudge against you for almost killing her. Twice."

"What?" Freya exclaimed. She gaped at me, eyes wide in shock. They held a faint orange tinge. Interesting, I noted absently. She's been feeding off animal blood. We must have left an impression. "You tried to kill Sophie?" She blinked at me rapidly. Her mind was spinning.

But Sophie is so nice… She always plays with me… She and Jackson look after me when Skadi isn't around…

"Why?" she demanded eventually, pulling her hand out of my grasp and folding her arms in front of her chest as she tried to stare me down. She reminded me of a kitten, all hiss but no bite. Somehow I managed to keep my face smooth. She would be upset if she thought I was making fun of her or not taking her seriously. "Why would you do something like that? Sophie is one of the nicest people I know. They all have been very nice to me, even the guys. Well, except for Craig, but he's an ass."

"Freya, language!" Skadi said, but it was a mild rebuke; she shared Freya's opinion. "You've been spending far too much time with Jackson and the females."

Freya's face clouded. She considered the vampires Skadi had mentioned her friends and didn't like hearing them being criticised. "I like them," she stated defiantly. "So…" She glared at me. "Why would you want to kill Sophie?"

"I didn't want to," I explained. "I had to. I knew that if I was caught, Bella would get hurt." I didn't mention that all I would have had to do was keep running. Bella seemed to have forgiven me, but I knew I wouldn't forgive myself anytime soon.

But Freya figured out all by herself that I had had another option, one that didn't involve killing her friend. "You could have kept running," she said accusingly. Her red eyes bored into mine.

"Freya, that's quite enough," Skadi said sharply. Freya turned to glare at her, but she didn't look quite as menacing as she believed. Skadi was trying very hard not to laugh. "I would have done the same in his place," she said. "He doesn't know Sophie the way we do and he just wanted to protect his mate."

Freya huffed, but didn't say anything. She stalked into a corner and slumped onto the floor, arms and legs crossed. She was sulking, though it was more for show than anything else. She knew Skadi was right; she just didn't want to admit that she was wrong.

"As I was saying," Skadi continued, "yes, I am Victoria's second-in-command. Though I'm beginning to regret that I ever offered to help her."

"Then why did you?" Bella asked quietly.

Skadi sighed, a sad smile on her lips. "Because I felt sorry for her. But maybe I should just show you. Hopefully, that'll answer most of your questions. You can read minds, correct?" She gave me a curious look.

I nodded. I really wish Victoria hadn't asked Laurent for information. This would be so much easier if she didn't know about Alice's visions. Or my mind reading. Or anything.

She turned to Bella. "And you can see what he sees if you shield him, am I right?"

"How do you know about her shield?" I asked sharply. Laurent hadn't known about that because up until a few weeks ago we hadn't either. She couldn't have heard it from Freya for the same reason. So how did Skadi know? Had Bella told her? Held captive by the darkness in my mind, I hadn't caught everything that had been said. But I didn't think it had come up.

"Ah." Skadi smiled. She wasn't offended. "I take it your ability to read minds is not like Aro's then? You can only hear and see what I'm thinking right now? Hmm…" Concentration creased her forehead.

I stared at her. Before, the flow of thoughts through her mind had been normal—she hadn't tried to hide anything or keep certain thoughts from reaching her awareness where I could read them. I realised that she had assumed my ability was like Aro's, who, as Carlisle had told me, could see every thought a mind had ever held with a single touch. Now her mind was suddenly blank, except for a very narrow trickle of thoughts.

I made a face. Most people tended to think in their native language, which had led me to believe that despite her slight accent, Skadi's was English since she'd been thinking in English.

Well, it wasn't. And since she also wasn't thinking in images anymore but exclusively in words I had no idea what was going on inside her head right now.

Seeing the indignant look on my face, she laughed and switched back to English. "Sorry," she said. "I was just wondering. You don't know what I was thinking just now, do you?"

"No." It came out rather sulky and Bella elbowed me in the ribs. "Yes," I said again, more normally. "What language was that anyway?"

"A variety of Old Norse. It's the language I grew up with."

I blinked. "How old are you, exactly?" I blurted. Only when it was out did I realise how rude it must have sounded.

Bella jabbed me in the ribs again.

Skadi just laughed.

"I apologise," I said hastily. "That was rude. But Old Norse vanished a very long time ago."

"I don't mind telling you my age." Skadi gave me a kind smile. "I was born in a little village near the western coast of Iceland around AD 1000. So I'm about one thousand years old, give or take a few years. Back then we didn't keep record. I know I was twenty-five turns old when I was changed, but I couldn't tell you which year it was to save my life." She shrugged. "I don't pay much attention to how much time passes. It means very little to me."

"Wow." Bella's voice was quiet, awed. She took my hand, holding it firmly, our fingers intertwined. A thousand years. That was how long we would have together. That and more. Forever.

"She's ancient," Freya piped up, deciding she had sulked enough.

"Freya, for you anyone fifty years older than you is ancient," Skadi replied, laughter in her voice. Her eyes were twinkling. It was amazing how different she looked when she was smiling. "But you wanted to ask me how I know about Bella's shield," she said to me then. "I saw it when I read her. It's my gift. If I touch something, I see where it's been and what's been happening in a small radius around it. It works best with inanimate objects and vampires and not very well at all with humans. I think they're simply too alive. So when I touch someone, I basically get their entire personal history. It's a lot of information, as you certainly can imagine. That's why I wear these." She held out her hands. "Fortunately, the more often I touch something the weaker the imprints I get off it become, at least the ones I've already seen. That makes it a little easier. My gift may not give me insight into people's minds, but nobody can hide their actions from me." She sighed. "Which is probably the reason Victoria won't let me read her anymore. But I should start at the beginning. If it's alright with you, I'll simply show you my memories. I think that'll be easier and faster than telling you." She glanced out the window, even though there was nothing to see but trees and a patch of grey sky. It would start raining again soon. The storm Alice had seen would return in time for the final battle. "I don't know how long we have till the others will get back," Skadi continued. "They don't usually hunt anywhere near Helena, but Craig's patience is sadly limited. Also, he doesn't trust me."

"We're ready," Bella said without hesitation, even though she'd told me only moments earlier that she wouldn't enter my mind again unless I had the darkness under control. But this was important. "Show us."

I never felt it when she touched me with her shield, but when she squeezed my hand a little tighter, I knew she had made the connection. It wasn't difficult to block out Freya's mind until it was barely background noise; it was blank with expectation. She was hoping Skadi would tell us at least a little bit instead of showing us everything in her thoughts. Bella had told me that this way reading minds was easiest for her. She could tune out other people's thoughts fairly easily by now—it was concentrating on them that always made her lose control over her shield. It rarely happened with me though and I had reached the conclusion that it was because of the mating bond: because of how deeply connected we were.

It was a nice thought.

"If you don't mind, I'll start with my own story," Skadi said quietly. "It will help you understand why I offered Victoria my help. I promise I'll make it quick."

The first memory was blurry, seen through weak human eyes. It was night. The moon was up, but the thin crescent was obscured by dark clouds. Here and there I saw a tiny dot of light against the black of the sky, but the clouds were too thick to see very many. Fires had been lit along the edges of the village square and they cast everything into soft orange light. People were singing and dancing, though again I couldn't make out the words of what was said. The language was unfamiliar to me. But it looked like they were celebrating.

"It was the day of my twenty-fifth turn," Skadi said sadly. The pain in her voice was old, its jagged edges smoothed by time, but it was pain nonetheless. "It was also the day of my daughter's seventh turn. She was so beautiful and brave. Always climbing the highest trees along with the boys. My father had named me after the goddess of the hunt. I named my child after her daughter, the goddess of love and spring. Freyja."

"Oh," Freya said very softly.

In the memory, a girl now dashed onto the village square, followed by a horde of boys chasing after her brandishing wooden swords. Her face was red with exertion and her tiny hands were balled into fists. Her blond, still half-braided hair flew after her like a banner. Then one of the boys caught up with her, grabbing a fistful of her shirt to yank her back. The girl whipped around before he had the chance and punched him squarely on the nose. He howled in pain. The other boys started laughing. The girl looked up as a woman—Skadi—spoke to her, a mild rebuke by the sound of it. She rolled her eyes and rushed off again to join three girls that were sitting huddled in front of one of the fires, talking animatedly.

That I knew what was going to happen didn't make it any less awful when it finally did. I flinched as a high-pitched scream pierced the night and beside me, Bella flinched too, tightening her grip on my hand.

The singing died instantly. People moved closer together, towards the flames. Children ran back to their parents. Freyja held on tight to her mother's skirt, all bravery gone. Her blue eyes were wide with fear as she looked up at Skadi. Another scream and a woman standing in front of one of the fires disappeared. One instant she was there, the next she was gone, as if she had vanished into thin air. Her scream turned into a gurgling choke before it broke off; her windpipe must have been crushed. Then a little boy disappeared out of his father's arms, too surprised to cry out. On the other side of the square an old woman leaning on a carved walking stick vanished without a sound. The stick clattered on the ground.

People started screaming in confusion and fear. Skadi snatched her daughter up into her arms, ignoring her cry of protest and pain, and turned around. A man, her husband, yelled something at her and she nodded, running off into the darkness as fast as she could, tripping over her skirt which she couldn't hitch up because she was clutching her daughter with both hands. Others followed her. She could hear them behind her, crying and screaming and panting.

The vampire finally showed himself.

He materialised right in front of Skadi. She stumbled back, surprised, and fear muddled her thoughts as she saw his scarlet eyes, blurring the memory even more. He pounced and then he and her daughter were gone. She screamed in frustration and furiously gathered up her skirt so that she could run after him, but she was grabbed from behind. She fought the other woman like a rabid cat, scratching and screaming and swearing, everything around her a blur of colours.

"I don't think you need to see the rest," Skadi said tonelessly and the memory disappeared. Beside me, Bella drew a shaky breath. Her eyes were dark with horror. "He picked us off one by one. I don't think he meant to change me. When he finally got to me, he had already killed so many times that he didn't take enough blood to kill me right away. I woke three days later, half-buried underneath the bodies of people I had known all my life. Although everything was different when I woke, it took me a while to realise what I had become. I was furious and sad and desperate, but I was also very strong. I discovered that when I buried my family.

"I followed the vampire that had slaughtered them. It was easy; I just had to follow the carnage he left in his wake and he didn't bother to hide his trail. I came through four villages larger than mine. He had destroyed them too. Of over a hundred people only three survived. I still feel shame for taking their lives, but I couldn't resist the call of their blood.

"The vampire was surprised when he saw me, but not threatened. He asked me to join him, laughing at me when I told him that I couldn't forget the broken bodies of my daughter and my husband and everyone else I had ever known. So I killed him. It was easy; I was many times stronger than he was. Later I learned that it was because of the human blood still in my tissues. Then, I thought that the Gods had given me power so that I could avenge the death of my loved ones."

"I am so sorry," Bella whispered. She stepped out of my embrace and, after a brief moment of hesitation, pulled Skadi into her arms. Surprised, the other vampire froze, then she slowly wrapped her arms around Bella too. It had been a long time since someone other than Freya had held her like that and offered her comfort.

"Thank you." Skadi gave her a grateful smile. "I don't remember very often. It's still painful, even after all this time. Once he was dead I felt better," she continued when Bella had returned to my side and Freya had taken her place. Now she knew why Skadi had been so nice to her from the beginning—she saw her lost daughter in her. "But not for long. The thing about revenge is that it can't make undone what's been done. It can't change the past. It took me a very long time to realise that and to accept what happened. Having said that, I know how deeply the desire for revenge burns, how hard the need to do something, anything, pushes and claws at you so that you won't feel helpless and defeated any longer. And that is the reason why I offered Victoria my help when we met again nine years ago."

"You felt sorry for her," Bella said quietly.

"Yes." Skadi nodded. "I knew what she was going through. I didn't want anyone to suffer like I had suffered, so I asked her to tell me what happened. But I had rather show you again, starting with how we met for the first time in 1953."

The second memory was bright and distinct; it was a vampire's memory. Skadi was lying along on the ledge of a building, blinking through the wall of rain as she studied the people in the street below. In spite of the weather, it was packed. People were shouting at the top of their lungs as they marched, banners held high. A rally, by the looks of it. Skadi stood very still. The promise of violence was thick in the air and while the predator in her revelled in it, the more civilised part of her held it in check. A rumbling sounded not that far away, which at first Skadi mistook for thunder. But all of a sudden a violent tremor shook the building she was perched on; she could feel it vibrating through her bones. She looked up and to the right where she thought the noise had originated, down the crowded boulevard—and froze the disbelief. A tank. The shouts grew frenzied as panic swept through the mass of humans. They had seen it too. A window was pushed open, just a few inches below where Skadi was. Mutti! a child's voice yelled in German. Komm mal her! Schnell! Schau dir das an! – Mum! Come over here! Quickly! Look!

Skadi decided that her current position wasn't safe; if the child looked up, it might discover her. So she slithered further up, so fast she knew she'd be invisible, and, once on the roof, hid behind a row of chimneys. She had no desire to join the people on the street. Dinner would have to wait. Though someone who's prepared to gun down defenceless civilians, children—and she had spotted at least two dozen children in the crowd—does not deserve to live, she thought with a surge of bloodthirstiness. Even if he's only following orders. She eyed the tank thoughtfully, a plan of attack forming in her mind.

Suddenly something drew Skadi's attention away from the tank. At first she didn't know what it was, knew only that it had set off her internal alarm system. Scanning the crowd, she searched for the threat. She found it quickly. Two of them, small islands of perfect stillness in the throng of people now desperately pushing in the opposite direction, away from the approaching tank. Even as they were jostled about, they stood their ground. A male and a female. The first thing she noticed about the female was her hair, a thick mass of fiery red hair that spilled in wet strands down her back. The only blotch of colour among the black and grey and brown and white. Like Skadi they were searching.

Back in the present, she told us, "I hadn't encountered another vampire in almost half a century when I saw them. I never went looking for company. I preferred to be alone. Also, most vampires I've met over the years don't agree with the way I pick my prey. I only feed on those who've done evil." She raised her right hand. "One touch and I know everything they've ever done. Anyway, I was still considering whether or not to talk to them when they saw me. Or rather James did."

Beside me, Bella snarled so viciously that Freya shot her a startled look. I didn't even try to suppress the growl rising in my throat. Neither of us had expected to ever see James again. In the memory, he stared at Skadi, the look on his face calculating. Knowing what I did about him, it was obvious that he was considering Skadi as his next victim. Leaning down, he whispered something into Victoria's ear that Skadi didn't catch; James kept his voice pitched low and the shouting people and the thundering noise of the approaching tank drowned out every other sound.

"I knew that leaving wasn't an option anymore," Skadi said. "James reminded me of the vampire that had slaughtered my village and I was certain that if I ran, he'd see it as a challenge. Not that he would have survived the hunt," she added in a tone so chilling that I had to suppress a shudder. "He was never a match for me. But I just wanted to be left alone and so I let them come, hoping they'd move on sooner rather than later. Victoria seemed to like me immediately, but James was wary. He wasn't the kind of person to trust anyone but himself. I don't think even Victoria had his trust. I didn't tell them about my gift; James never would have let me touch him otherwise and I was curious. I wanted to know if he was truly the monster I suspected he was." A brief pause. "He was."

The images that now appeared in her mind were different from the previous memories. They had a greyish tinge, as if they had been bleached, and they looked strangely flat, one-dimensional. They flashed by so fast it was difficult to focus on anything in particular and so I didn't even try. What I saw disgusted me. I had always known James was a monster, was evil, but the things he had done… My stomach roiled and Bella's grip on my hand tightened. Her breathing was flat and controlled, angry. She was as repulsed as I was.

Of all the images one in particular stuck with me—that of a tiny girl so pale and thin she looked more dead than alive. She lay curled up on a narrow cot, her face half hidden by strands of short black hair. Her eyes were closed, but she wasn't asleep; her hands were clenched tight in front of her chest and her shoulders were rigid. Although every sound was muffled, like I was underwater, I could hear her heart pound violently in her chest and I knew that James could hear it too. She knew he was there, had probably known for hours that he would be there to watch her sleep that night.

I did the world a favour by killing him, I thought savagely.

"I didn't like him and the feeling was mutual," Skadi continued. "Victoria seemed nice enough and I had no idea what she saw in him, at least not until I read her. I think she fell in love with him because he made her feel safe, because he could protect her. So when she told me he was dead, I didn't feel very sorry for him. He had it coming. But I felt sad for her because she lost everyone she's ever loved. And I know how that feels. Look."

What Skadi showed us next was as one-dimensional and greyish as the previous images. But rather than showering us with everything she had seen when touching James, she seemed to have picked this scene more carefully. A strong sense of déjà vu washed over me, but it took me a moment to figure out why that was. I had seen this before, only briefly and from a different point of view—Eleazar's. But seeing it this way, seeing Aro and the vampires flanking him through Victoria's eyes was different, and irrational fear slithered down my spine. Never ever did I want to get on Aro's bad side. On his right but a little distance away, stood Eleazar, watching on with an expression of mild interest. Seeing him there was slightly disconcerting.

The sudden movement caught me by surprise. The Guard converged as one on the female vampire on Victoria's left. She was tall, taller than Victoria, but with the same wavy red hair blowing around her face. Realising what was happening, she started moving back, then she half turned, her eyes meeting Victoria's. It made her stop dead in her tracks, hands clenched. The resemblance was striking. Sisters maybe? "Run," she whispered, but Victoria stayed rooted to the spot. Despair twisted the other vampire's features and she gave Victoria a shove that sent her flying, roaring, "RUN!" at the top of her lungs. Catching herself before she fell, Victoria whipped around, away from the female and the smouldering remains of a vampire that had already been destroyed, and started running. Only once did she glance over her shoulder and when she did, her sister was gone. Thick purple smoke curled into the grey sky.

"Was that her sister?" Bella asked quietly. There was something in her voice I had never expected to find there, not in regard to Victoria. Sympathy. Victoria had hurt her so badly and yet she felt sorry for her, for what she had gone through. But then, she had lost someone too, an entire family, and while we had returned to her, the pain was as much a part of her as my darkness was of me. She would never forget. She couldn't.

Skadi nodded. "Yes. The Volturi accused them of breaking the law, though they weren't very clear on what crime exactly they allegedly had committed. When her sister told her to run, she ran. They didn't follow her, probably figuring that she wasn't a threat and never would be."

For the briefest of moments something flashed up in her mind, suspicion that was bordering on knowledge, and there was an undercurrent of fear in her thoughts. Fear for… Freya. But she pushed it back down almost instantly. Later, she thought. You need to hear the whole story.

A/N: So, what do you think? I know, I know, there's no action yet. There will be some soon. I promise! Please review! And since I can't promise that I'll get around to replying/sending you teasers this time either, here's the first paragraph of the next chapter:

In the next memory, Skadi was standing on a roof once more, only this time it was night. Her eyes swept across the skyline that was ablaze with millions of light. For a moment her gaze lingered on a familiar tower that rose high into the overcast night sky. The Space Needle. Seattle.