I looked out the carriage window to the looming figure that was the Opera Populaire. I almost felt physically sick. I wished I could just run and hide somewhere and eat all day until I died, or something; but no, I have to be grown-up about this and tough it out. Christine and Raoul were talking quietly to each other, I'm sure Raoul was trying to get Christine to stay with him.
"I'm going to go inside, you two spend a few minutes together before we need to be there." I turned and opened the door, ready to climb down. Raoul's hand clamped down on my wrist, preventing me from taking the first step.
"Danielle, please don't do this. We can find another way. You don't have to do this." I pulled my hand away. I was really happy that they cared about me, but now they were being ridiculous; the story had to be told, no matter what is or was supposed to happen. If the story was left half done, well, I'm not sure what the consequences would be, but I didn't want that on my head. Really, what could happen? Ha! Famous last words.
I didn't look at anyone as I made my way to the stage for the first rehearsal; I could hear them whispering about me, not even trying to hide the fact. Whatever, it's not like I wasn't used to it. I felt my gut clench as I saw the cast of main actors turn to look at me as I approached.
God, the looks people were giving me. You'd think I had the plague, or something. Carlotta was fuming, she was both mad and relieved that she didn't have the lead this time; she couldn't decide what to do so she shot daggers at me with her eyes. I huffed out a breath and went to stand next to the piano, flipping through the most complicated opera in human history. Why me? What good will this accomplish in the end? Why couldn't I have been sent back to Queen Elisabeth of Austria's court? Maybe I could have been her friend so she wouldn't be so eager for death to claim her.
I glanced over my shoulder; Christine stood doing warm ups with the rest of the ballet rats, once again nothing more than a rat herself, without even a title like Meg to make the others respect her. A few girls giggled behind their hands when Christine lost her footing and almost fell. I was worried for her; I could tell by the dark circles beneath her eyes that she hadn't slept all last night and she had hardly touched anything in front of her this morning. She was hungry and exhausted, not in any good shape to dance or do much of anything.
Madame Giry stamped her cane against the ground angrily and the girls immediately fell back into their stretches. Christine, being so sensitive, worked hard to hold back the tears that were gathering in her eyes. I turned my attention to Monsieur Reyer who was trying to get everyone's attention so they could run through the script. I could tell their lips were hot with gossip about me and Christine, who had been foolish enough to anger the Phantom in some way. I'm sure I'd hear some interesting stories coming out of the woodwork soon enough. I smiled to myself. I almost couldn't wait to hear what they had come up with.
A warm hand was placed on my shoulder. I looked up at Henri, I thought I was asking too much of him to come back to the Opera after being gone for such a short amount of time, not even considering the fact that his father hadn't fully recovered yet. I should've thought before I acted; what if his family was going bankrupt because they didn't have Henri to help them?
"Is it okay that you're here and not at home?" Henri smiled.
"Fortunately, my father didn't suffer from a heart attack, he only had a mild concussion and as soon and the symptoms faded I was packing up. Of course he's still in bed, but my mom can manage for a few days until my father is well enough to rise." I felt relieved, I didn't know how hard is the guilt of taking Henri away from his family was pressing down upon me until the weight was lifted off.
I was glad Henri was there, it seemed like he was the only person who understood how hard it was for me to be there. Maybe it was because we both shared the loss of Blaise and that had brought us closer together than we ever could have been before. It was like having one of my brothers around now, I was able to work and make jokes and laugh because Henri was there. Wow, I sounded corny. I guess I just want to have someone close that I could talk to and since Erik became one crazy mother fuck as of chapter twenty-five of my crazy life story. Apparently, I'm the antagonist that gets swept off her feet into a sea of hedonism. To hell with that, life's complicated enough without the romance novel cover action I must be intended to get. Ha! I needed to get out more.
After the rehearsal was over I went to go unpack my stuff in the ballet dormitories, I was relieved to be back, even though that meant dealing with Erik's harassing me every now and then. Well, that's going to be fun, I thought sarcastically. Christine and Meg slipped into the room silently along with all the other ballerinas, they chattered noisily on the latest bits of gossip, probably something about me. I didn't feel like pretending that I couldn't hear them whispering my name. It was almost funny how they thought they were being secretive about it, I almost laughed out loud at their obviousness. Christine and Meg didn't partake in the conversation, thank God, because they, at least, had some common decency to not talk about their friend behind my back. I felt bad that Christine was just a chorus girl again, he had such talent but since she was so, God I didn't want to call her this, shallow Christine was really shallow if when she couldn't look past Erik's deformity he proved that and she's caused her own problems. Enough of my inner rambling monologue, I decided to talk to Christine and Meg cheerfully as I could.
"Hey guys, how did practice go?" I tried to sound cheerful but God knows how good I am at that. And I cal myself an actor. Jesus Christ what's up with this inner monologueing?
"About as well as to be expected; everyone was just a buzz with the news and gossip from the New Years Eve gala," Meg whispered, presumably not wanting to be heard by the other ballet rats. "It seems you're the talk of the town now."
" fantastic, that just makes my day absolutely awesome. All I needed to complete the wonderful day I've had is to know that everybody is talking behind my back about me, I feel like a pig that's just one the blue ribbon at a county fair or something." Oh well its not like I'm not used to having people talk about me behind my back anyway. "I'm hungry, let's go get dinner or something." I tossed on jacket and re tied my shoes while they got out of costume and into street clothes. I lifted my arms over my head and locked my fingers together and stretched.
"Let's leave," Meg said and we quickly left the room. We went to a restaurant a few blocks away that we had been to for lunches and dinners before. With a start I realized that this was the restaurant we'd been at before I met Raoul. God; I guess that was a long time ago. It had been longer than I thought since coming here, almost a year. Wow, how time flew. In almost a year I'd had enough time to befriend the Phantom of the Opera, make friends with Blaise, and Henri, briefly date Raul and Henri, nearly die, get kissed and watch Blaise die. Time had really given me a boot to the tits.
"How was your first day as the Prima Donna?" Meg asked. I looked over the menu at her, not really knowing what to say. Christine sat silently, waiting for my answer.
"It was overrated; I have a lot of singing to do and I don't know if I'm ready. I think I'm going to put my voice out by the end of the first show." I shuddered. "How was your first rehearsal for the ballet?"
"Oh, it went really well, we practiced the steps from the beginning of the opera; I've always liked it when they do that, it makes it so much easier to remember the dances. When you learn the dances in separate parts it makes it all the harder to do when you forget what time the song comes on." Meg rambled, I guess it was because Christine had not spoken during the entire walk there or even after walking in the door. Maybe she thought Christine was upset that she didn't get the lead.
Why would anyone be upset at not getting the lead in this play? The Phantom was the one who wrote it and did the casting. I knew how things were supposed to go, if they did, they wouldn't think having this part was such an honor. Or whatever they thought. This opera was crazy and full of erotic fantasies that would make a sailor blush. I'm pretty sure Erik's going to torment me with note on how well I'm performing, telling me I'm not 'projecting' enough for him. That, that, crotchety chicken walnut! Wow, new insult to add to the repertoire. I wish they knew what I did, then they'd be trying to find me a way out of this instead of trying to make me feel lucky I got the part. I used to think I was missing my soap operas at home until I found out that I was making my own here. Really, I was overworked. And under appreciated. Everyone thought I was lucky and unlucky for getting this part. Make up your minds; are you happy or sorry to see me get the part? All I needed in life was a milkshake to keep me happy, and I can't even have that.
"Mesdames, are you ready to order?" The waiter had come up with a notepad and took out orders. I ordered whatever looked least offensive; I wasn't really paying attention. I stared out the window for a few minutes, letting my eyes unfocus and watching the people as they blurred passed me on the street. I felt like hell. For some reason, everything I thought of led me to think of Blaise and how much I missed him. How I missed everyone that I loved that died. My mom, grandmother, grandfather, Blaise, a tear slipped down my face, Maria. They had all left me to battle on my own and here I was, standing on the front lines and scared out of my wits. The blurred image of a man in a dark coat and top hat with blond hair falling down and curling around the collar of the coat. I sat up and ran out the door; I was sure that was the man that had been in Blaise's room moments before he died. I needed to know why he was there.
I ran the was I saw he went, passed the window where Meg and Christine half stood, still unsure of what to do. I searched the crowd of people, catching a glimpse of him walking down a side street.
"Monsieur! Monsieur, please wait!" I called after him. I ran around the same corner that I had seen him go down only moments earlier. No good. It was empty. He must have gone into one of the buildings or was in a rush to get somewhere. My inner detective said that he was running from me, but even I knew that the thought was crazy. I turned and went back to the restaurant, meeting Meg and Christine out the door.
"What was that about? Why were you running?" I shrugged.
"I thought I saw someone I knew, but it wasn't them." I feigned embarrassment and forced a smile onto my face. "Silly me." We went back to our table and sat in silence.
After that Meg stopped trying to get us to talk and left us to the silence and dark sorrow of our minds and hearts. I prayed to whatever deity that she would never feel anything like this.
We ate and paid and left; everything was so quick, if it hadn't been for the dirty plates no one would have known we were there. Christine still hadn't said a word. I hope she wasn't going catatonic or something.
"Christine, what's wrong? You haven't said anything all day." She looked up, surprise I'd called her on her silence.
"It's nothing, I'm just tired. I promise." I gave her a look, but I decided not to press her.
"If you're sure," I said. We walked back to the dormitories and undressed. True to her word, Christine fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. I listened to the slow breathing of the ballerinas around me and tried to join them but I couldn't make my eyes stay closed. The thoughts I'd had of my loved ones at dinner wormed back into my mind and I couldn't do anything but lay on my back and look up at the dark ceiling.
I tossed and turned all night and hardly got a wink of sleep at all. All I wanted was the people I loved back. What a useless wish; no matter how I wanted it, I knew that it wouldn't come true. I slept badly that night. I knew tomorrow was going to be a bad day.
ERIK
Damn them all! How dare they turn on me! I pulled the stitches out of the delicate fabric with more force than necessary. Christine. I spat the word through my mind. What a back stabbing wench! Good for nothing! Heartless harpy! I tugged away seams. Finally I could see her for what she was, a useless girl with a blind faith in her dead father, no mind of her own, relying on others to tell her right from wrong and back! She could never have mustered up the courage to sing if it hadn't been for me! She wouldn't even be able to sing if it weren't for me! Ungrateful little wretch!
How could she have chosen that useless man over me?! I suppose they deserve each other, useless for useless. I laughed bitterly; Christine had been a fine student, but her loyalties were practically nonexistent, she could never hold her own.
And Danielle! Placing her life into the care of Christine's useless fiance. I thought she was better than her predecessor, yet she has left me too. No matter. A wicked smile crept onto my lips as I took needle to fabric and recreated. Finished, I let my creation drop, draped over the swan shaped bed.I returned to my organ and began to play. Resting on the ledge meant to hold papers was the ring the harpy and been given by the fop. I let out a mirthless laugh, and rolled it between my fingers. They might have won the battle but the war shall be mine.
DANIELLE
I was right. We were all practicing the singing of the first song and Piangi kept messing up. I felt like holding him down and punching him until he got it right. Carlotta was acting no better, the stupid selfish, stuck up bitch was throwing hissy fits every time Reyer corrected Piangi.
"Please, signior, it is 'those who taangle with Don Juan'." He held the a for a long beat and implored Piangi to try again. Piangi's accent kept getting in the way.
"Does hwho taangle with Don hJuan." He put too much emphasis in the invisible h's and he was flat in the a.
"No, no-"
"It sounds better his way, at least he makes it sound like music." The people laughed. I could feel myself coming to the end of my rope. He wasn't even trying, was he?
"He's listening, you know. I don't think you're making him very happy." I whispered to him; I took a little joy out of the fear of Piangi's face. Maybe I'll be okay after all.
"No one can tell if it's wrong or right, this makes no sense!"
"Just like you when you sing." I looked straight ahead into the empty audience. Carlotta audibly gasped and I smirked. God it felt good to let my inner bitch out.
"What do you think you are talking about? I was Prima Donna for five years before you and your trampy little friend came along!I deserve the lead more than you ever will!" I turned to her and decided to let lose; really, who was going to be unhappy that I'd told Carlotta off?
"Oh, do you want the part? You want the lead in an opera written by the Phantom? You mean the same one who's been trying to get you to leave for the past year? You wanna take that chance, huh." I stood and put my hands on my hips. "Well, go ahead; I'm not going to stop you. In all honesty, he's more likely to kill you than let you sing one note for the lead. He's gone especially mad as of late. Go on and be that defining factor that pushes him to kill." I bowed sarcastically. "Be my guest." Carlotta huffed and sat back down.
"You can lead this opera to hell, where it came from, for all I care!" She said, acting like an upset child. "This music is so bedeviled that-" the notes from the piano cut her off. Monsieur Reyer was standing on the other side of the crowd. Eyes flew to the piano who stood there playing itself. The new tension in the air was thick as cotton. The piano played the beginning tune of Don Juan and the chorus began to sing, in fear that the Phantom would come down and kill them if they didn't do their best.
Night again and I couldn't sleep. I'd hardly had any rest at all in the last month. What I wouldn't give for a good long sleep, but here I was; wide awake past midnight thinking of all the people I'd lost. The rehearsals had been going just fine, everyone was learning what they needed to learn, but here I was, never getting enough sleep. Erik, though things were going well, hadn't stayed silent. He complained about everything, criticizing Christine's dancing so much Raoul had promised to sleep outside the girl's dormitory door most nights, like tonight. I pulled on a robe and slipped on my socks, deciding then and there to take a walk around the opera. I knew I might run into Erik, but at that moment I didn't care, I just needed to do something. I walked from the dormitories, crept past Raoul, who had fallen asleep at his post, and down to the front entrance. Everything was dark and cold. I pulled my robe tighter and walked up the stairs. I'd never seen the Opera this quiet. It shouldn't be like this. It needed light and music.
"Memory
Turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in." I began to sing before I knew what was going on.
"If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin." I walked down the steps as quietly as I could despite the fact anyone could hear my singing.
"Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember a time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again." I felt the dark circles under my eyes, my tired limbs; I'd never felt as old or ugly as I did then. I understood how Grizabella felt then, how sad and alone she was.
"Burnt out ends of smokey days
The stale cold smell of morning
A streetlamp dies - another night is over
Another day is dawning." I looked out the glass of the doors and saw the first dredges of dawn coming from the horizon.
"Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in," I felt tears fall then, I was sad and tired, so tired. I never thought Grizabella's song would be able to say so much of what I felt.
"When the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin." I spat the word. Memory. That's all I had left.
"Sunlight through the trees in summer
Endless masquerading," no more Masquerades. Please.
"Like a flower as the dawning is breaking
The memory is fading." I could feel the memories of my mother, my grandparents and Blaise slipping through my fingers and fall to the ground. I dropped after them, trying to bring them back but they wouldn't come.
"Touch me!
It's so easy to leave me
All alone with a memory
Of my days in the sun." I stamped my hand once against the ground in hopelessness and raised my tear stained face to the window again.
"If you touch me, you'll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun." The rosy tint of morning just touched the tops of the roofs. I began to sob. That morning I cried for myself, my fears, my life, Blaise and Maria.
ERIK
I strolled down the catwalks of the stage, looking at the ropes, the knots and the sets. Everything had to be perfect for my opera. I was about to descend and check the orchestra pit when I heard a voice. A voice filled with beautiful sorrow. I used my tunnels to follow the sound and came upon Danielle. Why wasn't she in bed? But more importantly, what could ever make her so sad? I wanted to call to her, ask her what I could do, take her in my arms and ask her how I could make it better. But her song stilled me, I could not move, in fear of stopping its beauty.
As the last note faded and dawn broke Danielle sobbed quietly by the door, wrapping her arms around herself and covering her mouth with her hand, trying to muffle the sobs. I hesitated to call to her, and in that hesitation I heard a noise from somewhere in the kitchen. Danielle seemed to have heard it too. She stood and wiped the tears from her face, took a deep breath and walked back to the dormitories.
DANIELLE
I slunk past Raoul and closed the door quietly behind me, trying not to wake him or the other girls in the room. I turned to go back to bed but the sight of Christine sitting at the window stopped me. What was she doing up? I could have sworn she'd been asleep when I left.
"Christine?" I asked, not really having a question, just needing to make sure my eyes weren't playing a trick on me. She turned to me and didn't seem at all surprised to see me.
"I heard you leave the room, I was only pretending to sleep. I've just been so on edge lately, I've had a few restless nights." She rubbed her eyes; they were red, she'd been crying.
"Christine." I put my hand on her arm, trying to give her some comfort.
"I was going to visit my father's grave, would you like to come? It might help the both of us to speak to the dead." She stood and walked to the door, pausing for my answer.
"Alright." I couldn't see any harm in it so Christine went to prep the driver. I pulled on my clothes and laced my shoes, soon ready. Christine had come back and dressed with me, in dark clothes. I had on my blue dress. We walked down to the open topped carriage and prepared to leave.
"I forgot the flowers. I'll be right back." Christine rushed inside for the flowers so I made myself comfortable under the blanket. The cool air felt so nice of my face and the blanket was warm and soft. I closed my eyes and let myself drift off, happy to finally get some sleep.
Chapter long overdue! Sorry it took so long (again). I really hope you like this chapter; review!