Kenpachi's tattoo: Still keeping secrets.
By Kracken l.w.
Disclaimer: The only thing here I own are the designs for the tattoos. Do I really need to go over this again? No? Good.
Shunsui, Toushiro, Nanoa, and Rangiku had the privilege of being present the next week when Zaraki's yearly physical rolled around. The first any of them knew of it was when Kyoraku nearly tripped on a very gnawed looking rope just inside the relief station door. Only then did their ears register the remarkable string of profanity issuing from the hall to their right. Parallel gouges in the wood led directly back to the eleventh division captain-- whose nails had left the floor and were now firmly embedded in the door frame. "Come now, Zaraki-Taicho, you know this is necessary. It's the law and the Captain General gave you a direct order." There followed a short dissertation on what Central 46 and the old man could do to one another. "Really, Zaraki-san, you should how more respect for your elders." Unohana sounded incredibly patient, as if she'd heard it all before. (Come to think of it, they knew she had.) She tugged gently on the back of his uniform. "If you'd just come along now…" No such luck. He had his large frame wedged firmly in the door and he wasn't budging.
Just when the others were starting to think he might actually win this round, a pair of slim white hands appeared on either side of him and began to dance their way along his rib cage. The visible eye widened as he tensed against the assault and actually began to shake with the effort it took not to cave. "Fuckin' cheater." He rasped. Her hands were moving upwards and strangled laughter burst into breathless giggles. This was all too disturbing for words. Zaraki Kenpachi, giggling? Right about then she reached his armpits; and it was all over. He let out a piercing yelp and dropped his hands to defend himself… Just as Unohana kicked the back of one knee and dragged him in, slamming the door shut behind them. For a short while the battle raged on, clearly audible through the walls. "No! Your hands are cold!" A gentle murmur with a hint of menace followed. "Don't care! I'm not gonna….Ahh! No!" Followed by gales of helpless laughter as the healer subdued her patient.
"Well." Kyoraku blinked. "That was, very odd." He shook his head and pulled his hat down over his eyes. "Nanao-chan," "Taicho?" "I'm going to get a drink." His usually strict vice-captain shot a wary glance at the door and grimaced. "I'll join you sir." Hitsugaya and Matsumoto were left sitting on the bench in an increasingly uncomfortable silence. "Matsumoto." "Sir?" "We will never speak of this again." "Yes sir!" While Matsumoto loved gossip just as much as the next shinigami, she didn't plan on dying again for five or six decades at least, if she could possibly help it. Telling the world the Kenpachi was ticklish was suicide. Kind of like mentioning Taicho's blankie…
Meanwhile, having declared him healthy and able to work for another year, Unohana watched while Zaraki got dressed, noting in passing a few minor scars that hadn't been there last year. She inwardly rolled her eyes at his infuriating habit of avoiding healing. She couldn't help but smile as the thought of last weeks assembly, where he'd probably gotten those, crossed her mind. She knew very well he hadn't been entirely honest with their commander. She was only surprised he hadn't taken the opportunity presented to offend just about everyone in Seireitei in one fell swoop! Her eyes dropped downward as she chuckled to herself. Starting at the small of his back and blazoned across his rear end were the words:
Bow down
& BITE MY ASS!
End.
Author: Quick question Zaraki, why did you waste such a golden opportunity? You technically had Yamamoto's orders to moon the entire Gotei Thirteen!
Z.: Yeah, I know. But Yachiru has this habit of doing whatever I do, so….
Author: Damn. That bites.
Z.: Ya can say that again.
Review please. Or I'll give them all enough alcohol to sink a ship and send them to your house.