The last time she saw him, he was holding another woman.
She was a beautiful thing. Wavy, black hair flowing to her waist. A body of an athlete. A laugh that sounded so much like James.
Lily had never hated a stranger before.
Many days since, she knows it's her fault he has moved on. At school, she used to pretend to be someone after he walked away. She used to pretend to be strong.
She really just is a coward.
That's the reason she never wrote. That's the reason she didn't chase after him when she watched his fingers inside another girl's hand two, three months ago. She's afraid of what may be the new truth.
And maybe that's the reason she can't move right now.
Hair mused up like always. Golden eyes not glowing like they used to. A small smile that no longer lights up his face.
James. His name rolls of her tongue. Her body tingles. Her cheeks redden. Suddenly it's like she saw him yesterday.
Silence. It chokes her. Consumes her. She fights back a smile.
You work here? She tries to find words but she has suddenly forgotten the English language. Articulate Lily cannot think of one thing to say.
Lily, his eyes bore into hers. It hurts her that they no longer laugh. You never answered my letters. She looks away. Down at the book she is holding.
I…I know. She manages to get out the words I've been so busy. It's a lie. A small one he'll see through any way.
I've been busy, but I still seemed to find time to write you. Anger releases itself at the oddest of times.
I know. I… Speechless again. Because really, what is there to say? What is there to do when you realize, for the first time, you broke someone you love?
A shake of his head. An awkward glance around. The shift of his feet as his eyes once again meets hers.
Remus is waiting, he says and walks away. She opens her mouth to call him back. Tries to move her feet, but finds herself paralyzed. The bell on the door rings, and she knows he's gone.
She would never admit this, but she knows where he lives.
She found out by accident when she spoke to Remus earlier that day. Always at their apartment, he laughed, on the corner of 9th and Long. She looked perplexed when he told her, but she knew where it was. Hestia, her best friend, lives in that exact complex. She was there almost every other day.
She would never admit this, but when she went over to Hestia's that night, it was only for another glimpse at James. Just to see him. Just to see his eyes laugh like they used to. Just to know that he isn't like her, broken.
She stood still for ten minutes. Her legs barely supported her weight. A long breath and she lifts a shaky hand to the door and rings the bell. She's amazed by how normal it sounds.
Hi, she hears as a perky head pokes out the slightly open door. Lily sucks in a breath. She really is beautiful, more beautiful close up then Lily could have imagined. Are you looking for someone? Her eyes laugh. Her smile glows. She seems so much like James.
I'm looking for James Potter, she manages to get out.
Bev, who is it? It was his voice. Naming her. Naming the person he replaced her with. Bev, Lily thinks, it really is an ugly name.
It's… I'm sorry I didn't get your name. Apologetic eyes. A nice smile. 'Bev' is all but perfect.
It's Lily. Lily Evans. Eyes darken with recognition. Suddenly, she feels less welcome as James' figure comes to the door. Hi James, she says as Beverly's icy blue eyes bore into her.
And James, James doesn't know what to say. So, they stand there. Three people, fresh out of school, looking as awkward as they did at the age of eleven.
Some things, Lily realizes, never change.
Suddenly, she smiles out of her trance. A turn of her head that could make any man swoon. James stares at her. Beverly stares at James. She keeps are eyes on the sky.
I didn't mean to intrude. I was on my way to Hestia's. You remember her from school right. Short, blond, completely ridiculous. She lives on the floor above you. Funny how these things happen, right? She was rambling. She couldn't help it. It's what she does when she's nervous.
Lily, she hears his voice for the first time, but goes on.
Remus, he told me you lived here. Today, well that was a fiasco by any definition so I thought… I thought… You know, she says looking into his eyes for the first time, I don't really know what I thought.
And he does the oddest thing, he laughs. And she smiles, smiles like she did almost a year before when James was still her boy.
Do you want to come in? Beverly's voice intrudes on their intimate moment. Unconscious payback for all the times Beverly looked into James' eyes and knew he was thinking about Lily.
No, no I really don't want to interrupt. Her eyes darken at the sound of Beverly's voice and the remembrance that James now belonged to someone else. I just came to say, I'm sorry.
She looks into James' eyes in earnest just trying to resurrect something she believes had died long ago in him.
Lily, come inside, he says. Just to see her standing there. To look at her. To smell her and not be able to touch her. He has never known such torture before.
She shakes her head and glances at Beverly. Lily, he says, but her walls are firmly back in place as she remembers, he is someone else's now. The fear is back, as if it never left for that fleeting moment when her smile bared her soul.
I'll see you around. She backs away slowly. Walks each step with great care feeling his stare forever on her. She half hopes he will chase after her. Half hopes he runs to her, kisses her, and tells her that he loves her. That he has loved her all along.
He doesn't.