A/N: OK, here it is finally. Had real trouble writing this one. Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed, please keep them coming. Enjoy!
"Colonel Sheppard, are you ok? Would you like me to get Dr Beckett?"
John jumped and turned around too quickly for his still healing ribs, to find Teyla's tired and concerned face looking back at him. Stealing himself against the pain that had flared in his side, he replied, none too convincingly, "No, I'm fine. Just a bad dream."
Teyla raised one eyebrow, as if to say, why-don't-I-believe-you, before replying, "Were you remembering something from your capture?"
"No" John replied, disappointment clear in his voice, he was becoming increasingly annoyed with his lack of memory. "The Wraith, were culling a village, I couldn't stop it." He wasn't about to tell her that his dream had been a hell of a lot worse than that, that he had been the Wraith. Everyone was already looking at him as if he were so fragile he may break any minute, he didn't want them thinking he was losing it as well.
Aware that Teyla would press him for details of the dream, John tactfully changed the subject, "I heard about what you did back on the planet, thanks. He smiled at Teyla before becoming stern, "Never do anything so stupid again."
Teyla was unable to hide her surprise, which quickly turned to hurt, and then anger. "What was I supposed to do, just stand by and let them take you?"
"Yes" Sheppard sighed heavily, "You could have been killed." Silently he thought to himself, It's bad enough getting through every day knowing people have died because of me. I'm not sure that I could handle another death on my conscience. Teyla was shouting now. Great, you've really done it now John, Teyla never shouts.
"You could have died too. You are too eager to sacrifice yourself Colonel. You can not protect everyone all of the time."
"I should be able too, that's my job. To make sure that my team is safe. I'll do anything and everything I have to make sure that they are."
"My job as a friend is to protect you."
"Yeah" Sheppard snapped " Well, maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore, then you wont feel obligated to protect me."
"You do not mean that."
"Yes I do. I'm tired, will you please leave." He rolled over onto his side facing away from Teyla, listening to her light footsteps as she left.
That had been one of the hardest things he had ever done. Teyla was one of the best friends John had ever had, that's why he had done what he had done, to protect her.
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"Morning Colonel. How are ya feeling today?"
"Better," he lied. In truth he still felt terrible, but he wanted to have a shower, and he knew there would be no way Beckett would let him go anywhere if he knew how he was truly feeling. "Can I have a shower?"
"Colonel, I doubt you could even make it out of that bed."
"Oh, come on Doc. Please?" He knew he was whining, but he really didn't care, he just wanted to get back a tiny bit of normality.
"Colonel…" Sheppard was giving him his patented puppy dog eyes "Oh for pete sake. Ok, fine, but as long as you let someone go with you."
Just then Rodney McKay entered the infirmary, struggling under the weight of a tray laden with food.
"Rodney!" John exclaimed joyfully. The tray McKay was holding wobbled precariously as he stood frozen, giving him the look of a rabbit caught in the headlights.
"What? I didn't do anything. Whatever you heard it wasn't me."
"Rodney, relax," Sheppard snapped, stopping the rant before it could continue. "I just want your help, that's all."
Rodney eyed him cautiously, "With what?"
"I want to have a shower, and old mother hen here," he indicated to Beckett, "wont let me unless someone's with me."
"What you think I don't have anything better to do than baby-sit you. I am the resident genius and there's always something that needs fixing, that only I can fix."
"Ok, so what do you have planned this morning."
Mckay opened and closed his mouth several times, giving him the appearance of a fish out of water. "Well, actually, I, er, cleared my schedule so I could come and see you."
This time it was Johns turn to be shocked. Rodney had never taken time off unless absolutely necessary. He always said that his team were incompetent and that there was no way he could take time off, even when he was desperately ill. Yet here he was, taking time off to see John.
Carson could see John was surprised about Rodney's revelation, although he himself wasn't. He had seen how Rodney had been while John was missing, he had nearly worked himself into the ground trying to work out a way to rescue him. "Right then, I see you brought breakfast Rodney, so I'll leave you to eat, then we'll see about that shower. Carson added, before walking away towards his office.
They ate in relative silence, Rodney stopping occasionally to chastise John about how little he was eating, sending the occasional glare his way when necessary.
It wasn't long before Carson was back. "Glad to see you're eating more today, Colonel.
"Mmmm" John mumbled through a mouth full of pancakes. "Can I have a shower now? He looked up hopefully
"Ok, Colonel, but take it slowly, you're still very weak.
"Great! Come on McKay. Move!" he turned to McKay who was still eating.
"What? I haven't finished eating yet," he moaned.
"McKay" Sheppard replied exasperatedly, "you never stop eating. You can finish that later."
"Rodney glared, but ultimately conceded. Sheppard swung his legs over the edge of the bed, the coldness of the infirmary floor reminding him of his weeks in the cold cell back on Branalia. He felt himself waver slightly as he took his first few tentative steps, Rodney hovering close behind him as he shuffled across the infirmary to the showers.
The short walk across the infirmary had left him exhausted and he was beginning to feel drowsy again as he stepped under the warm water of the shower, leaving Rodney outside to wait for him.
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Rodney was beginning to feel slightly panicked. John had been in the shower a long time. What if he's fallen? What if he was unconscious? Was it possible to drown in the shower? Rodney's fear were slightly abated as he heard Sheppard's muffled shouts of, "No, I wont. Rodney! No!"
Rodney ran into the shower to find John huddled in the corner of the shower, with his eyes closed. Rodney quickly realised that he was asleep and was instantly at his side trying to wake him.
"Colonel! Colonel, wake up!" He called, while gently shaking him.
Sheppard jerked awake, and seeing Rodney pushed himself further into the corner. "No, no, go away, leave me alone."
"John, it's me, Rodney. It's okay, you're safe." Rodney saw John visibly relax before,
"Rodney?" John asked tentatively, as if only seeing the scientist for the first time.
"Yeah, I'm here, you're home, on Atlantis."
"I dreamed I was back on Branalia, and you were there, only it wasn't you, it was Alcon." John decided against telling Rodney that for the second time he had dreamed he was a wraith, and that Rodney/Alcon had been goading him into killing innocent villagers. Maybe he really was losing it.
The silence that had filled the room was broken by the angry voice of Carson Beckett. "What the bloody hell are ya up too in here?"
Sheppard looked at McKay imploringly, with big hazel eyes. He knew that if Carson found out about his nightmares he would send him straight to Kate Heightmeyer.
Rodney catching Sheppard's piercing gaze replied, "Sorry, my fault. Got distracted."
"Yah blithering idiot, do you want him to catch pneumonia on top of everything else."
"Look, I said I was sorry, what more do you want?"
"Help me get him dressed and back to bed."
"Hey, I'm still here you know, Sheppard snapped. He was so cold, but he couldn't seem to muster the energy to move. All his body wanted to do was curl up and go back to sleep. He hated how weak he had become. He would have to move though if he was going to get back to bed. There was no way Rodney was going to dress him. "I don't need any help, thanks. I can manage."
"Oh really" Rodney sneered disbelievingly, "here you go Colonel, catch." Rodney threw him a towel. Sheppard tried to catch it but his arm felt like a lead weight, his whole body felt like a lead weight. "Yes of course Colonel. Now let us help."
"Fine", he really didn't even have the energy to argue, so he felt it was best to just do as he was told.
Before he knew it he was practically being dragged across the infirmary back to his bed, his legs having decided to go on strike.
His head had barely hit the pillow before he felt the tug of sleep once more, fighting it all the way he drifted into an uneasy sleep.
A/N: What did you think? Please let me know. All reviews are welcome and greatly appreciated.