A/N: Thank you to everyone that reviewed.

John had been released from the infirmary two days ago under strict instructions from Dr Beckett to rest. Normally John and Beckett would argue profusely over what constituted rest, this time however there had been no argument. John had agreed to rest in his quarters, and not to do any work, even activating ancient devices was off the list. John knew that his willingness to obey doctors orders had made Carson more concerned about him then he had before, but the truth was that John was just too tired to argue.

For three weeks, sleep had been something he longed for, something he had craved. Since being back on Atlantis it had been something he had tried, and failed to avoid. The nightmares had become more vivid and more frequent. It seemed that every time he closed his eyes Rodney was there, but he would quickly morph into a sneering Alcon, or he would see himself as a wraith, back at the village, killing petrified women and children.

Upon his release from the infirmary Beckett had banished him to his quarters, and that was how he now found himself lying on his bed, the most comfortable bed he'd had in weeks, his still weakened body betraying him once more, as he could no longer force his eyelids to remain open.

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He was back on Branalia, stood in the corner of a dimly lit room, with an ancient chair, just like the one back on Atlantis in the centre. He was puzzled to find that sitting in the chair, was him. Standing next to the chair, was a man he recognised instantly, as minister Alcon. He watched as Alcon talked to the figure in the chair, only the figure was talking to Alcon as though he were Rodney. He watched in alarm as he realised he remembered having the exact same conversation with Rodney, only he now realised that it hadn't been Rodney, he hadn't been on Atlantis, the Wraith hadn't been attacking. Alcon had tricked him. He froze in horror as he watched himself in the chair activate the drones, and saw the blips on the radar as the drones hurtled towards Nacarus. What had he done.

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John woke with a start, the knowledge of what he had done pounding in his brain, his heart pounding in his chest, as he struggled for breath.

He didn't hear the frantic pounding on his door, or see Rodney McKay enter. He didn't even feel the hand on his back until Rodney spoke, "John?"

He looked into Rodney's deep blue eyes, only to have them morph once more into the cold, callous brown eyes of Alcon, "No, no, no, not again, please not again!" John jumped from his bed and stuffed himself into the corner furthest from Rodney, still struggling for every breath, as his eyes frantically searched for a way to escape from this nightmare.

Rodney stood stunned, looking at the pale, shaking form of the man he considered to be the best friend he had ever had. Instinct told him to go to John, to calm him down, but another part of him was scared about how John would react. He clearly wasn't in his right mind right now. He decided to go with his first instinct and slowly, cautiously approached.

"John, it's ok. It's me Rodney. Whatever happened was just a nightmare. You're ok."

John had to stifle a maniacal laugh that he could feel bubbling up in his throat. What did he know, it hadn't been a dream but a terrible reality. Carson had said his memory would return and it had, now he wished he could just forget it all again. Forget the fact that he was a mass murderer, forget the fact that he had committed genocide, forget the fact that he had killed thousands of innocent men, women and children he had never even met, all because his best friend had told him too, he knew that he would never be okay again.

A hand gently squeezing his shoulder grounded him back to reality, to the here and now. The thing was that his reality had totally changed, forever.

"John?" He couldn't look, if he looked Rodney would be gone, Alcon would be back. "John, look at me", he felt a firm hand on his chin, pulling his hazel eyes up to meet the warm depths of Rodney's blue, only this time they remained a calming blue, it really was Rodney.

"Rodney?" he asked tentatively, expecting to see Alcon sneering at him for being so weak. That's what he was, weak and pathetic.

"Yeah, it's me. You're safe now. Just a nightmare." He wrapped his arm tightly around John and waited as the shaking subsided, and his breathing began to even out. "Want to tell me what happened?"

"Not really", how was he supposed to tell him what he'd done. They'd hate him, despise him for being so weak. He would lose the people he had come to consider family.

"Yes, well, why don't you tell me anyway, I don't have anything better to do

"Rodney, you always have something better to do." Rodney didn't react, letting John know that he couldn't change the subject. "I, er, I've been having nightmares about the wraith."

"Ok, and?" Rodney prompted gently.

"And what? Isn't that enough?" John snapped.

"No, not for you to react like that it isn't. I know you, you have frequent nightmares about the Wraith and they do not make you react like that, now why don't you try again. Besides why the hell were you screaming no, not again when you say me?"

"Fine. I dreamed I was a Wraith and I killed you and everyone else on Atlantis. Happy now," he retorted. He knew that Rodney was just concerned and wanted to help but he wanted to be alone, alone to think about what he had done and how to deal with it.

Rodney was slightly taken aback by Johns aggressive manner, but he knew John well enough to know he hadn't gotten the whole truth. Something had gotten Sheppard seriously rattled, and he was determined to find out what. "You're lying," he decided it was best to be blunt.

"What?" John questioned, feeling more and more uncomfortable with the conversation.

"You're lying, I know you well enough to know when you're not telling the truth."

"Rodney," he ran a still shaking through his unruly hair, "I just want to be left alone, okay"

"No, not okay. I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on with you."

Something inside of John snapped. He was on his feet before Rodney had a chance to react. He grabbed Rodney's jacket, and manhandled him to the door. He thought the door open just in time to shove the startled scientist through it before snapping it shut and locking it. Rodney stood gaping at the now locked door, not quite sure how to react, as he heard a dull thud, as Sheppard sunk to the floor, no longer to hold the overwhelming emotions at bay, and cried.

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"I'm telling you Elizabeth there is something seriously wrong with Sheppard. That was not normal Sheppard behaviour, hell it wasn't even normal Sheppard behaviour."

"Look Rodney," Elizabeth was getting a headache and really didn't want to have to deal with McKay's over reaction to a situation that probably had a simple explanation. She had seen John only hours before, and he had seemed fine, no hint that that there was anything wrong. "Maybe you just startled him."

"Oh no, no, no, no, he was fine, well, okay he wasn't fine. He looked like he was having a panic attack, until he saw me and he just completely freaked out. I know he was lying about something, there's something he's not telling us. You need to drag his scrawny butt down to Heightmeyer. He needs help!"

"Rodney, he's been through a lot these past few weeks" She noted that Rodney seemed genuinely concerned though, she thought she detected a hint of panic in his voice. "He's scheduled for a check-up with Dr Beckett this afternoon, I'll talk to him about seeing Kate then, ok."

"Thank you," Rodney replied smugly, although he took no pleasure in telling Weir that he thought Sheppard had fallen off the deep end.

A/N: Thanks for reading, now please review. Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated.