A/N: Ok, so the next chapter is finally finished, sorry it took so long, this one was so hard to write. Thanks to everyone that reviewed, and I hope that you continue to enjoy.

"Carson, do you have a minute?" Elizabeth had entered the infirmary to find the doctor at his desk, hunched over his laptop.

Carson, not having heard her come in jumped slightly, before turning to face her. "Aye lass, of course. What's wrong? Are you ill?" He eyed Elizabeth with concern, noting the tension lines across her forehead.

"No, no Carson. I'm fine. I wanted to talk to you about John."

"Oh right", Carson relaxed slightly back into the chair, before asking "What about John?"

"Well", Elizabeth sighed heavily before sitting into the spare chair next to Carson's desk. "I just had Rodney in my office, he's really worried about him. He said he woke John from a nightmare and he freaked out when he saw him. I know that John's been through a lot the last couple of weeks, but Rodney seemed genuinely concerned, even a little scared. I just wanted to get your opinion on whether or not we should be worried."

Carson shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying to avoid Elizabeth's intense gaze. He hated keeping things from her, especially after seeing the worry in her eyes, but he couldn't break patient-doctor confidentiality. The truth was that John had come to Carson long before his capture, exhausted and on the point of collapse. When Carson had questioned him about it John had admitted to having some pretty intense nightmares, Carson, for the most part wasn't surprised, John held the weight of many deaths squarely on his shoulders, and had always stubbornly refused to accept that they were anybody's fault but his own. From their very first day in the Pegasus galaxy the list had continued to grow, and Carson was honestly amazed that he had managed not to crack under the pressure of the command, that he had had so unceremoniously thrust upon him. He had to say something to the clearly worried woman in from of him though, the best he could come up with was, "He's coming in for a check-up later on today. I'll talk to him, maybe try to get him to talk to Kate" He smiled slightly before adding "Although you know how stubborn he is, when it comes to talking to the base psychiatrist."

"Yeah" Elizabeth gave a half hearted smile in return. The look on his face when she had told him about her conversation with Rodney had only served to intensify her concern for her second-in-command. She could tell that Carson was keeping something from her, but would have to trust that he would tell her if there was anything to be seriously concerned about.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

John found himself waking up stiff, cold and uncomfortable. His mind began to race, panic flooding in as he realised he wasn't in his soft, comfortable bed, instead he lay sprawled out on a hard, cold floor. He felt momentary relief as he entertained the idea that he was still on Branalia, that he hadn't given in, that he had simply been dreaming of hid return to Atlantis.

Reality came crashing down around him the moment that he opened his eyes, to find he was indeed on Atlantis, and had somehow managed to fall asleep on the floor, which made him feel even more guilty. He had just remembered killing thousands of people, and here he was sleeping, as though nothing had happened.

But it had, Rodney had seen him breakdown, it wasn't supposed to be this way. In public he was always Colonel Sheppard, strong, confident leader. It was only in private that he allowed himself to be John Sheppard, coward, failure, monumental screw up. No one here on Atlantis had ever seen John Sheppard, he had decided long ago that he couldn't afford to let people in, reveal his weaknesses, they needed him to be strong, to protect them. But he had failed more times then he cared to admit.

Now he had failed once again, he had let Rodney see John Sheppard, see just how screwed up he really was. He'd seen the look in Rodney's eyes, a look he was unfamiliar with coming from the Astrophysicist, a look of pity, unease. How could he expect him to trust him ever again. How could he expect anyone to trust him ever again once they found out that he was a fraud.

Hell, there'd been a reason he'd been banished to Antarctica to become a glorified taxi driver, and he liked it for the same reason, because there had been no one to protect, no one to get hurt when he failed. And then, BAAM, he sat in that damn chair and everything changed.

He hadn't signed on for this though, had only agreed to come to Atlantis as a glorified guinea pig, he'd only been in Atlantis for one day, and he'd already had to kill his CO. He had no idea how to command, was unprepared for it, but he'd had no say in the matter. After Sumner's death, he had been left as the highest ranking military officer, and everyone had looked to him to protect them, instead he had lead so many to their deaths, too many had died and he felt responsible for them all.

He had been careful to conceal his true self from everyone, had always kept people at arms length, never letting them get to close. Only Beckett had any inkling as to who he really was, and that was only because he had been to weak and pathetic to even be able to sleep without help.

It was all Beckett's fault he found himself in this situation anyway. If Beckett hadn't fired the damn drone, he would never even have seen inside the base in Antarctica, let alone sat in the chair. He would never have come to Atlantis, and all those people would still be alive.

John began to pace his room furiously, before letting out a sharp, "Ha!" He ran a hand shakily through his hair before he found himself looking in the mirror. Pointing a finger angrily at his reflection, he yelled, "What sort of man are you? So pathetic, that you have to blame someone else for the fact you're a failure." Staring at his pale, shivering form in the mirror he realised what he had to do. He ran to his drawers, pulled out some clothes, hurriedly shoved them on and left his room, heading towards the uninhabited parts of the city.

A/N: Please review, I really appreciate all your thoughts and comments.