A/N: Thank you once again for all the great reviews, you guys are great. Hope you enjoy the next chapter.

Rodney's lungs were burning, his legs felt like jelly, and his heart was pounding, through a combination of the sheer effort it was taking to keep up with Sheppard, and the fact that seeing his friend in such a state back in the chair room had terrified him.

Since arriving in the Pegasus galaxy John had been forced to make a lot of hard decisions, do a lot of horrible things, but he had always been strong, taken it in his stride, accepted it as part of his job, or so it had seemed, but something had finally pushed him over the edge, broken him, and Rodney had been to self absorbed to notice.

So many times before, Rodney had stood on the edge, after Arcturus, Gaul's death, the enzyme incident, and John had always been there to pull him back, stop him from falling. Rodney, and apparently everyone else around him had failed to notice just how close to the edge John had been, and he had now taken that final step over the edge. Rodney knew one thing, he may have been unable to stop him falling, but he would be there to catch him.

That was how he now found himself traversing the empty corridors of the uninhabited parts of the city, desperately trying to keep up with the clearly confused, but determined Sheppard, while Beckett and Elizabeth bombarded him with questions. He had tried to fill them in as much as possible, but running flat out, barely pulling enough oxygen into his lungs, didn't really facilitate talking. He could hear Zelenka's voice occasionally joining the others, desperately trying to direct Beckett to John and Rodney's position.

To Rodney's relief he noticed that John was slowing. Finally. Rodney's relief was short lived though as he realised that John was approaching the door to one of the many balconies on Atlantis. Before Rodney could reach him John had stepped out on to the balcony and closed the door.

Running to the door, Rodney steeled himself for what he would find beyond the door. He palmed the door release mechanism, John being the only one with the gene strong enough to activate the ancient technology with his mind, as the door slid open, he let out the breath he had been unaware he was holding with a gasp, as the scene before him registered. John was standing on the wrong side of the balcony, leaning over the clear, blue water of the ocean below

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He hadn't planned it this way, well technically he hadn't planned any of it. As he stood, leaning over the bright blue, sparkling ocean, watching the gentle waves rolling under him, slapping lightly into the side of Atlantis far below, he heard the whoosh as the door opened behind him, and somebody, Rodney, gasped.

No doubt he would try to stop him, convince him not to do this, but he had made his mind up on his run over here, somewhere between the chair room, and the balcony he was now leaning over. He had realised that removing the crystals on the chair wouldn't be enough. The ancients probably had spares, hell, Rodney could probably make new ones of his own. When had taken over the job as CMO, he had sworn that he would lay down his life to protect Atlantis, and the people within her, and that was what he was going to do.

What if Atlantis was attacked, invaded again, or what if he was captured again, he couldn't trust himself not to crack under the pressure. What if he was forced to use the ancient technology on his own people, he had already screwed up too many times, and hundreds of people had died because of him. He couldn't live with himself, with the guilt, and the fear that it would be Teyla, Ford, Elizabeth, Rodney who would die the next time he screwed up, because there would be a next time, there always was.

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"John?", Rodney asked tentatively taking a step closer to the shaking man. No answer, John just stood looking out over the ocean, seemingly in a world of his own. Rodney's heart was thumping, too loudly in his chest as he eyed John's tenuous grip on the railing. "John, please come back over", Rodney pleaded, "whatever's wrong we'll fix it."

"There is nothing wrong Rodney, I'm just doing my job", John replied, never taking his eyes off the ocean.

"Er, John, last time I checked, committing suicide wasn't in your job description, unless I missed that briefing", the retort slipped out before Rodney even had a chance to think.

John laughed a humourless, pained laugh, "No, but protecting Atlantis is."

"What the hell, how is throwing yourself off a balcony going to protect Atlantis? We need you."

"No Rodney, you need protecting from me", this time he turned his head slightly to look Rodney in the eyes, before turning back, and adding a, "goodbye Rodney", before his fingers released their weak grip on the railing, and he felt himself falling

Rodney found his body moving automatically towards the railing, closing the relatively short distance between himself and Sheppard, faster then he would have thought possible. He reached over the railing just in time to grab the scruff of Sheppard's collar, "No you don't, not again, you do not get to run out on me with just a, goodbye Rodney."

It was taking all of Rodney's strength to maintain his hold on the flimsy jacket, whilst keeping himself from joining Sheppard over the balcony, his task was not made any easier by the struggling Air Force Colonel wearing the jacket. Rodney just prayed that Carson would get there soon because he could feel the material slipping through his fingers.

Suddenly Sheppard's struggling stopped, and he looked up, locking his hazel eyes with Rodney's blue, before asking seriously, "Rodney, please, just let go, please." He was stunned, so much so that he almost let go. What the hell was wrong with him? He was actually pleading with Rodney to let him die.

When he finally came to his senses, he realised he was no longer alone on the balcony. Carson was at his side, silently taking his own hold on the newly struggling Sheppard's jacket, who was now swearing profusely at the two men trying desperately to save his life.

Together, Carson and Rodney, using all their available strength, pulled as hard as they could, gradually pulling John up enough that they could each grab an arm. John clearly exhausted after his excursion through Atlantis had ceased struggling, and now hung limply in their arms.

"Please, please, just let go, it's not safe, too dangerous, can't protect you, please."

Carson was shaken, when he had walked onto the balcony to find Rodney desperately trying to hold on to the Colonel, he had hoped that it had just been an accident, Sheppard had slipped somehow, but here he was begging them to let go. Judging by the look on Rodney's face, he was not so surprised by Sheppard's plea, just resigned.

"Son, yah know we can't do that, let us help yah."

"Ha, it's your damn fault I'm in this situation."

What the hell….this time both Carson and Rodney were left reeling by Sheppard's accusation. Acutely aware, however, that Sheppard was still dangling precariously over the edge of the balcony, they both pulled simultaneously. It seemed like an eternity before they were finally able to get the shaking man back over the railing.

They lay, breathlessly in a heap on the cold balcony floor, Beckett pulled a needle from his pocket, and injected the contents into Sheppard's arm before he had a chance to react. He waited as Sheppard's breathing slowed, as he drifted into a medicated sleep.

"What the hell was that?" Rodney snapped, fear for his friends life quickly turning to anger. How could he have missed this, how could they all have missed this.

"I honestly don't know", was Beckett's reply. John was right, this was all his fault, he should have kept a closer eye one him, none of this should have been allowed to happen.

A/N: As always, reviews are appreciated, and gratefully received.